II. Conflict in Relationships

1. Ellen S. Berscheid: Most conflicts arise between people who know each other and are in close relationships, less so among strangers.
   
   
2. Conflict arises after accumulation of disagreements over goals and resources; one of the reasons for recurrent conflict is the same pattern of conflict over and over;
   
   
3. Managing conflicts is wrought with difficulties: (a) kitchen-sinking (introducing new topics and old grudges); (b) emotional distress due to deteriorating common relationship; (c) conflict affects our future encounters.

DISCUSSION STARTER 1: Think of a relational partner with whom you repeatedly have the same conflict over and over again. What effect does this conflict have on your relationship? In what ways do you contribute to its continuance? How might you change your communication to end this repetitive cycle?

1. Recall from Chapter 1 (Michael’s Sound Bite 9-2) that Aubrey Fisher had said that people form a distinct relationship that is different from one or the other person, their common responsibility. The despair described by the author of the textbook stems from the fact that one person leaving the relationship creates a void.
   
   
2. Michael’s student Gleb Melnikov suggested a Dynamic Model to explain people’s behavior in relationships (Michael’s Sound Bite 9-3):
   
   

- Melnikovbelieved that people in the relationship tie knots of “meaningful events” on the time axis of their relationship bringing them together, where too many or too few of those over time would cause tension. Melnikov suggested that one person of the relationship can create friction by escalating the development, causing the other person to move by inertia.

- Natalya Drozdova incorporated the Social Penetration Theory into the picture saying that each person would do well to find a balance between how much they disclose and how much disclosure they want from the other person.

- Maria Sharova added that people can require varying frequencies of “meaningful events” to feel satisfied in the relationship.

All these factors complement McCornack’s discussion of conflict.

III. Power and Conflict

1. Power is an ability to influence or control other people and events (William Donohue & Robert Colt).
   
   
2. Characteristics of power: (a) power is always present in the form of either symmetrical or complementary relationships; (b) the balance of power is culturally specific;
   
   
3. Michael respectfully disagrees with Stephen (Michael’s Sound Bite 9-4): The authors of the concept (Edna Rogers and Frank Millar) describe symmetrical relationship as either competition for power or submission to the other, and complementary relationships as power-sharing.
   
   
4. Characteristics of power continued: (c) power can be used ethically or unethically; (d) power is granted by others; (e) power influences most conflicts.

DISCUSSION STARTER 2: Think of a complementary personal relationship of yours, in which you have more power than the other person. How does the imbalance affect how you communicate during conflicts? Is it ethical for you to wield power over the other person during a conflict to get what you want? Why or why not?

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