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***
What’s the definition of a happy transvestite?
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
***
Hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He’s sticking it out for a while longer.
***
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condom?
It hangs around after the man leaves and gives the woman a hug.
***
What’s black and white and red all over?
A cow that’s just been murdered.
***
What do you call a bear without a paw?
A bastard.
***
What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
***
What should you do if you’re attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler. (jugular)
***
What’s the big deal about sex?
It’s not a big deal unless you’re not getting any.
***
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
***
What does a redneck always say just before he dies?
“Hey! Watch this.”
***
How do you keep a kid from wetting the bed?
Give him an electric blanket.
***
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Control freak. Now this is where you say, Control freak who?”
***
What did Cinderella say when she left Boots?
“Some day my prints will come.”
***
What’s the difference between dogs and foxes?
About four pints.
***
What do you get when you mix a laxative with holy water?
A religious movement.
***
What goes “Ooooooooooo”?
A cow with no lips.
***
What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
***
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
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