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They can all stick their bills up their arses.

Partial jury chosen for tyson case | The bits about masturbation are especially well handled. | Use our medicine and you can kiss your hemorrhoids goodbye! | Two weeks. | VIVE LA DIFFERENCE | Art and literature: batty books | Chat-up Lines: extra cheesy | Education | Шутливый медицинский словарь | Etymological conundra |


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***

What’s the definition of a happy transvestite?

A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

***

Hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He’s sticking it out for a while longer.

***

Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condom?

It hangs around after the man leaves and gives the woman a hug.

***

What’s black and white and red all over?

A cow that’s just been murdered.

***

What do you call a bear without a paw?

A bastard.

***

What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.

***

What should you do if you’re attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler. (jugular)

***

What’s the big deal about sex?

It’s not a big deal unless you’re not getting any.

***

Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

***

What does a redneck always say just before he dies?

“Hey! Watch this.”

***

How do you keep a kid from wetting the bed?

Give him an electric blanket.

***

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Control freak. Now this is where you say, Control freak who?”

***

What did Cinderella say when she left Boots?

“Some day my prints will come.”

***

What’s the difference between dogs and foxes?

About four pints.

***

 

What do you get when you mix a laxative with holy water?

A religious movement.

***

What goes “Ooooooooooo”?

A cow with no lips.

***

What is a man’s view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

***

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?


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