Education

"And who can tell me the name of the Speaker of the house?" asks the fourth-form teacher. Billy's hand shoots up, "Mummy."

A class has been photographed and teacher is trying to persuade them to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say "There's Jennifer – she's a lawyer" or "That's Michael – he's a doctor". A small voice calls out, "And there's teacher – she's dead!"

Farther, to son, "Let me see your report card." Son, "You can't. My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

A small boy is walking slowly to school. "Hurry up! You'll be late!" shouts out his mother. "There's no rush, he replies. They're open till three-thirty.

Make little things count. Teach arithmetic to dwarves.

An English teacher says to her pupils, "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice calls out, "so, what are the words?”

An English teacher spots a boy staring out of the window and calls a question, "You, boy! Give me two pronouns." The boy looks round and says, "Who? Me?"

Mother, to son: "What did you learn in school today, dear? " Son: "How to write." Mother: "And what did you write? " Son: "I don't know, they haven't taught us to read yet."

Professor, to medical student: "What happens when the human body is immersed in water? " Student: "The telephone rings."

Teacher: "Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" Pupil: "Twelve. The second of January, the second of February...!"

Teacher to pupil: "When you yawn, you're supposed to put your hand to your mouth!" Pupil: "What? And get bitten!"

Teacher, to pupil: "Where's the English Channel?" Pupil: "I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up."

Why did the cross-eyed teacher get sacked? He couldn't control his pupils.

"Just look at this report card!" yells the angry father. "Your friend John doesn't come home with C's and D's on his report cards!" "No," comes the reply. "But he's different. He's got smart parents!"

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19