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***
How do you know if a stoner crashed into your house?
He’s still there.
***
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in the liquidizer.
***
What do you call an artist with brown fingers?
Picasso (pick-ass-o).
***
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
***
Did you hear about the new French tank?
It has 14 gears. Thirteen go in reverse and one forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind.
***
What did the redneck say to his girlfriend after breaking up with her?
“Can we still be cousins?”
***
Did you hear about the guy in hospital for sniffing curry powder?
He’s in a korma.
***
What did the Mexican fireman name his twins?
Hose A and Hose B.
***
What do a farmer a pimp have in common?
Both need a hoe to stay in business.
***
What’s the last thing a drummer says before leaving a band?
“Why don’t we try one of my songs?”
***
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.
***
What do you call a guy born in Leeds, who grows up in Edinburgh and dies in Liverpool?
Dead.
***
What do you get when you cross LSD with a birth control pill?
A trip without the kids.
***
What’s grey, eats fish and lives in Washington DC?
The Presidential Seal.
***
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers. (just (h)is fingers
***
What’s the difference between a waitress who works in a strip and a stripper?
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