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A boy goes to the Jobcentre and says,
“I’d like to work in a bowling alley.”
Ten pin? Says the man behind the desk.” (temping).
“No, permanent,” says the boy.
***
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
***
Johnny was in class when the teacher farted.
Embarrassed, she said, “Johnny, stop that!”
To which Johnny replied,
“Which way did it go, Miss?”
***
What did the sign on the brothel door say?
We’re closed. Beat it!
***
What’s the difference between a mechanic
and a herd elephants?
The mechanic charges more.
***
Why is Tottenham Hotspur a bit like Kim Wilde?
Glamorous in the Eighties, but not so nice to
Watch now.
***
How did Tarzan end up dying?
Picking cherries.
***
Why do gorillas have red balls?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
***
What’s round and snarling?
A vicious circle.
***
Why don’t men fake orgasms?
Because no man would pull those faces on purpose.
***
How do you get 500 cows in a barn?
Put up a sign saying “Bingo”.
***
Why did Frosty the Snowman get excited?
He heard the snowblower coming.
***
What’s the difference between worry and panic?
About 28 days.
***
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nachocheese (not your cheese).
***
How are politicians like nappies?
You have to change them frequently, and for the same reason.
***
What do the lnland Revenue, an ostrich and a pelican all have in common?
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