Spoonerisms

(Спонтанные метатезы, основанные на антиципации, или авторские метатезы, созданные по случаю с целью создания комического эффекта)

Perhaps you know somebody – and that somebody may be you who occasionally says revelant for relevant, aminal for animal,emeny for enemy, renumeration for remuneration, and pascetti for spaghett i. Each of these mispronunciations illustrates a tendency to anticipate and, hence, to switch sounds within a word or between words.

When the effect of such a transposition becomes comic, we call the result a spoonerism, named after the Rev. William Archibald Spooner (1844-1930). Spooner was a kindly man with hair and a cherubic face who taught at New College, Oxford, for a half century. He became so renowned for his hilarious tips of the slung - no, make that slips of the tongue – that he entered the immortal company of the Earl of Sandwich, Etienne de Silhouette, Amelia Jenks Bloomer, and others whose names have become enshrined in our vocabulary.

Spoonerism - по имени учителя из Оксфорда W. Spooner - умышленная или неумышленная перестановка (обычно начального) звука (или звуков) двух или больше слов, вызывающая часто комический эффект (напр., "перепонные барабанки" вм. "барабанные перепонки", "не внимать обращения" вм. "не обращать внимания", "посетителей не будят" вм. "победителей не судят", вагоноуважаемый глубокоуважатый, половая ротость вм. ротовая полость, перетурие с мирками вм. перемирие с турками и т.д.)

William Archibald Spooner admitted to «occasional infelicities in verbal diction» (частые неудачи в устной речи). In church one day he is said to have said, «Mardon me padam (pardon me madam), you are occupewing my pie (occupying my pew). May I sew you to another sheet? (show you to another seat)» On another occasion, he is supposed to have reprimanded a student with, «You have hissed all my mystery lectures. You have tasted a whole worm. Please leave Oxford on the next town drain!»(you have missed all my history lectures….please leave Oxford on the next down train).

Lost in the mists of history is the fact that the Rev. Spooner had a younger brother, the Irrev. Peter Dick Pooner. Like Spooner, Pooner was afflicted with a bizarre penchant for reversing syllables, but, unlike his more famous brother, his always turned out to be dirty. In the field of inadvertently filthy reversals he was a clitiful putz (pitiful cutz) who always wed the lay (led the way). The Shaming of the True (Taming of the Shrew) and Lacenic and Old Arse (the Arsenic and old Larce) were his favorite shit hose, and he revealed in the stories contained in The Screwing of the Tern (Turning of the Screw), The Hell-Tail Tart (The Tell-Tale Heart), French the Lieutenant’s Woman (French Lieutenant’s Woman), A Hard Man Is Good to Find (A Good Man is Hard to Find), Even Blowgirls Get the Cues (Even Cow girls Get the Blues), Body’s Brown John (John Brown’s Body), Bigger Knocker Tales, The Strumpet of the Wan (The Trumpet of the Swan), Tales of Rabbit Peter, and A Sale of Two Titties (A tale of two cities) (the story of two breast implantants, as told by Darles Chickens).

Dr. Pooner shamefully moved his vowels and had a lot of wrubble with histurds (trouble with his words) which constantly deperped his fetus (defeated his purpose) and caused his ships to be slowing (slips to be showing). On one occasion, he began a story with the sentence, «Once upon a girl there was atime» (once upon a time there was a girl).

On another he complimented his students on being «pretty fart smellers»,(pretty smart fellas), which elicited rumorous nipplets (numerous ripplets) of laughter.

That was astutecunt and a cold ball (a cute stunt and a bold call) if there ever was one, and he was tit to be fried (yet to be tried). No matter how much the stoolformed (fool stormed), it was like trying to get stud from a blown (blood from a stone). With Pooner’s line fuck (fine luck), it was enough to goose his cook (to cook his goose) and bare two tits (tear to bits) his reputation. People started telling stories about his whiz and witdom (wit and wisdom), and ever since it’s been the case of the tale dogging the wag (tail wagging the dog).

At a dinner party, Pooner, with much thud and blunder, lifted a toast to «ourqueer old dean, Rictoria Vagina» (dear old queen Victoria Regina). On another occasion he raised his tankard to «the Deck and Dootchess of Kunt» (Duke and Duchess of Kent).

Pooner was not vorely sexed (sorely vexed) about his verbal disability and strove to be the faster of his mate (master of his fate). He always more in bind (bore in mind) that «the best planned lays of mess and mine oft go astray» and «a turd in the hand is worth boo in the blush» (a bird in hand is worth two in the bush) - or should that be «a herd in the band is worth boo in the tush», or «a hand on the bush is worth two on the bird»?(bush – лобковые волосы, tush – задница).

Dr. Pooner was a farty hello (hearty fellow) who became webitched by a wordy stench (bewitched by a sturdy wench) from Fellows Balls, Vermont. She was a bare and fucksome gritty pearl (a fair buxom pretty girl), and soon, after the happiness of pursuit, he asked for her hole in handymatrimony (hand in holy matrimony). After he was titted for a fucks (fitted for a task), they were jawfully loined (lawfully joined) amidst the peal ofbedding wells (wedding bells). That night found that, as a couple, they were a fight tit (tight fit).

In 1902 Dr. Pooner, not being an any panty husband(penny-ante), purchased two tickets to Tittsburgh (Pittsburgh), Sense’ll Pain Ya (Pennsylvania). At dinner one night with the captain, he exclaimed, «It’s my ducky lay (lucky day) when they serve chancy fuck (fancy chuck), a late groin of pork (loin of pork), and a whore’s bed (boar’s head) at the same meal!» After the repast he is said to have had a ballgladder (gall bladder) attack, run to the soil it teat (toilet seat), and shakenan enormous tit(taken an enormous shit).

Dr. and Mrs. Pooner found their whack to the balls (backs to the walls) as they sailed through fog as thick as sea poop (pea soup). When the ship encountered a stormy ass of mare (mass of air) that made everybody feel like a dick suck (sick duck), they sent out an SOS in coarse mode (Morse code). The vessel shot holes trying to arrive before the short putz (port shuts) but finally the Pooners landed and shopped a whore (whopped ashore). Leaving no stern untoned (stone unturned), they rang the borders of all the shitty props (pretty shops) and with the help of a lank bone (bank loan) they purchased everything to seat theirnudes (suit their needs) - a banned hag (hand bag), a cool tit (tool kit), some b reast to crush with (crest to brush with), a Hell and Bowel (Bell and Howell) telephone with a ball cocks (call box), a gland hider (hand glider), a crotch that they both waved (watch they both craved), some delicious cockrandy (rock candy), an overhead whorefor their garage - all sorts of fartyacts (artifacts).

А теперь попробуйте перевести получившиеся у Спунера примеры намеренной (или ненамеренной) двусмысленности, а также то, что благовоспитанные «ценители» языка назвали бы пошлостью.

The Irrev. Punner is the best remembered for A Poonerized Dictionary, which he compiled throughout the years of his long life. Among the most infamous of his flip entries are:

1.	Alimony. Bounty on the mutiny.
	Обыгрывается название фильма «Mutiny on Bounty» («Мятеж на Баунти») Bounty – щедрый подарок, премия
2.	Bordello. A toll cookie-house.
	Cookie – груб. женский половой орган Обыгрывается tollhouse cookie — печенье с шоколадной стружкой
3.	Brassiere. A bustblocker.
	Лифчик. Bust + blocker (обыгрывается blockbuster)
4.	Call girls. The lays of our dives.
	Обыгр. the days of our lives.
5.	Congressional prostitute. A house whore.
	От: the House – палата (парламента или американская палата представителей); Обыгр. a whore house.
6.	Erotica for police. Cop porn.
	Cop porn = pop corn.
7.	Fartist. A breakwinder.
	От: windbreaker-ветровка, штормовка.
8.	Frustration. The first time that you find out you can’t do it the second time.
	Неудовлетворение. Первый раз, когда ты осознаешь, что не можешь сделать это во второй раз.
9.	Utter frustration. The second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.
	Верх неудовлетворенности. Второй раз, когда ты понимаешь, что не можешь это сделать и в первый раз.
10.	Hairy breasts. The hirsute of pappiness.
	The pursuit of happiness.
12.	Lousy embrace. Bum hug.
	Humbug - обман, надувательство
13.	Male chauvinist pigs. The misters of Circe.
	Обыгр. the sisters of mercy.
14.	Masturbate. Press the Meat.
	Meet the Press
15.	Masturbation. Working your bone to the fingers.
	Working the fingers to the bones.
16.	Masturbation manual. Fifty Ways to Love Your Lever.
	Fifty ways to leave your lover
17.	Mooning. An ass in the pane.
	Mooning – показывать голую задницу Обыгр. A pain in the ass.
18.	Necrophilia. An act offensive to any body-to lay the ceased.
	Body – здесь: мертвое тело To lay – здесь: совершить половой акт To lay the deceased (половой акт с покойником).
19.	Needlework for a bra. Tit for tat.
	Tit for tat – услуга за услугу Tit for tats – прост. женская грудь (tat также пустяк, чепуха).
20.	Nymphomaniac. A woman worn out of bedlock.
	Born out of wedlock.
21.	Nymphomaniacal rug-maker. A had matter.
	A mad hatter (rug – парик)
22.	Phallus-shaped ice-cream cup. A porn cone.
	No comment
23.	Sex organs. Meat to please you.
	Pleased to meet you.
24.	Porn actor. A man whose rise is starring.
	… whose star is rising.
25.	Pricing for a silicone treatment. A titbid.
	A bid for tits Обыгрывается tidbits – мелочи
26.	Prostitute. A walkahorrie. One for whom it’s a business doing pleasure with her customers.
	Обыгрывается слово workaholic и вопрос-клише «Business or pleasure?» (вы по делу или просто так (ради удовольствия)?
27.	Is it kisstomary to cuss a bride?
	Подразумевалось: Is it customary to kiss a bride? To cuss – ругать.
	The Lord is a shoving leopard.
	…a loving shepherd.
	A well- boiled icicle.
	A well-oiled bicycle.
	Is the bean dizzy?
	Конечно же, is the dean busy?
	One blackbird to another: Bred any good rooks lately?
	Подразумевалось: Read any good books lately?
	Sign on bar: Our customers enter optimistically and leave misty optically.
	(видимо, после выпитого).
	I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
	Здесь понятно.
	Time wounds all heels.
	На самом деле: Time heals all wounds.
	It’s not the men in your life that count – it’s life in your men.
	Считается не то, сколько в твоей жизни было мужчин, а то, сколько жизни было в твоих мужчинах.
	One frog to another: Time’s fun when you are having flies.
	Подразумевалась поговорка: Time flies when you are having fun.
	The Oakland football stadium is the Ark of the Lost Raiders.
	Raiders of the Lost Ark (Oakland Raiders).
	Snuff salesman: one who sticks his business in other people’s noses.
	Обыгрывается: one who sticks his nose into other’s business
	Whorehouse. A nymph lode.
	Обыгрывается: lymph node – лимфатический узел.

What’s the difference?

(веселые и хитрые загадки)

Many English-speaking children cut their punning eyeteeth (у них прорезаются юмористические зубки) by hearing and posing a special kind of riddle. Each question begins with the formula “What’s the difference between…?” and the answer is often in the form of spoonerism (перевертыш, непроизвольная перестановка букв в словах).

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19