Irish Wife

At the 1998 World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England (to stand up), "At last year's conference we (to speak) about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I (to go) home and (to tell) my husband that I no longer (to cook) for him and that he (to have) to do it himself. After the first day I (to see) nothing. After the second day I (to see) nothing. But after the third day I (to see) that he (to cook) a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd (to cheer).

The second speaker from America (to stand) up, "After last year's conference I (to go) home and (to tell) my husband that I no longer (to do) his laundry and that he (to have) to do it himself. After the first day I (to see) nothing. After the second day I (to see) nothing. But after the third day I (to see) that he (to do) not only his own washing but my washing as well."

The crowd (to cheer).

The third speaker from Ireland (to stand) up, "After last year's conference I (to go) home and (to tell) my husband that I no longer (to do) his shopping and that he (to have) to do it himself. After the first day I (to see) nothing. After the second day I (to see) nothing. But after the third day I (can) (to see) a little bit out of my left eye."

Genie In The Lamp

A man (to walk) along a California beach and (to stumble) upon an old lamp. He (to pick) it up and (to rub) it and a genie (to pop) out.

The genie (to say), "OK, OK! You (to release) me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This (to be) the 4th time this month and I (to get) a little sick of these wishes so you (can) (to forget) about three. You only (to get) one wish!»

The man (to sit) and (to think) about it for a while and (to say), "I always (to want) to go to Hawaii, but I (to be) scared to fly and I (to get) very seasick. You (can) (to build) me a bridge to Hawaii? So I (can) (to drive) over there to visit it."

The genie (to laugh) and (to say), "That (to be) impossible! (To think) of the logistics of that! How the supports ever (to reach) the bottom of the Pacific? (To think) of how much concrete, how much steel! No, (to think) of another wish!"

The man (to say), "OK" and (to try) to think of a really good wish. Finally, he (to say): "I (to be) married and divorced four times. My wives always (to say) that I (not to care) and that I (to be) insensitive. So, I (to like) to understand women, know how they feel inside and what they (to think) when they (to give) me the silent treatment, know why they (to cry), know what they really (to want) when they (to say) «nothing», know how to make them truly happy."

The genie (to think) about it for a while and (to say): "You (to want) that bridge with two lanes or four?"

Дата добавления: 2015-08-13