Eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

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46. Angie and Jessica were discussing their busy schedules. Angie said, "Jessica, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a

rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six

o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it

is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."

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47. Doug's wife is mad at him, because he forgot her birthday. Quick-witted, Doug says, "Sweetheart, how do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

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48. ''I’m getting a divorce,'' said Jack to his mate, Bill. ‘The wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months.'' Bill thought for a moment and then replied,’ Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find''

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49. Don was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement, and start decorating

the house and tree. During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped and luckily

only fell about two steps before landing square on his behind. His wife heard the noise, and yelled,

"What was that thump?" "I just fell down the stairs," he explained. She rushed into the room, "Anything broken?!" "No, no, I'm fine." There was just a slight pause before his loving wife said, "No, I meant my decorations. Are any of them broken?"

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50. I was shopping with my husband at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn't find him. "I've lost my husband!" I muttered slightly louder than was necessary. Then I heard a woman's voice from the next aisle: "Some people have all the luck."

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51. "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my great athletic ability, or my quick intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded his wife, "is your enormous sense of humour."

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52. Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

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53. On my first day of college, I took a front row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we

would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from

which we could choose. He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began: "Baker,

Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on

my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "He's taking attendance!"

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54. Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

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55. Young parents accompany their 7 years old son to his first day at school. New uniform, flowers… The boy comes after school, throws his bag on the couch and says:
'Why didn't you tell me that this lasts for 10 years.'

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56. The interviewer examined the job application, then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put 'AMAP' down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?" The applicant replied, "As much as possible!"

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57. Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."

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58. A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; and it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

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59. A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

Дата добавления: 2015-10-31