Chapter Twenty-One

Alyssa

Everyone says that getting a manicure and pedicure always helps them feel better when things are going wrong. Either they are a bunch of liars or they have never had their hearts ripped from their chests, torn to shreds, then thrown on the streets of New York City for the world to trample on. Yes, I get that perhaps that might sound a little dramatic, but seriously? Getting someone to paint my nails does not help me feel better about not being Rocco Matthews’ girlfriend anymore in the slightest. Not only am I not his girlfriend anymore, but some of our friends have been making him feel guilty about the two of us not being together. He’s trying to be nice to me in order to get them off of his back. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I honestly wish they would leave him the hell alone about it. This way, he’ll forget about me and move on to his next victim.

As I’m sitting here half listening to the manicurist talk about the weather of all things with the woman sitting in the chair next to me, I can barely hold back the tears while everything that has been happening over the last few weeks is racing through my mind. First of all, who the hell did he think he was showing up at the Halloween party? I’m very well aware it was open to the whole school, but he knew I had no choice except to be there. Just because he is The Great Rocco Matthews who can apparently do whatever, whoever he feels like, he asked me to dance and had the balls to get pissed off because I declined. Who does that? Then there was the time he was sitting at my lab table when I walked in one morning. If he wasn’t so incredibly handsome, I would have probably slapped him across the face when he suggested we still work together on the labs. The thought of him being that close to me and not being able to touch him was downright dreadful. The worst part of all of this was his constant texting. I stopped reading them the night of the stupid party. Every damn time his name would appear on the screen of my phone, the amount of willpower it took to not read what it said was immense. They finally stopped last week, which sucked just as much as getting them.

All of the pain and sadness I felt over Rocco was really starting to get to me. Last Friday, I got into an argument with Leah. She was only trying to help me and watch out for me, but when she attempted to keep me from going to the mall by myself, I lost it.

“Where are you going?” Leah asked when I was getting my wallet and keys out of my backpack. She was just getting back from running errands with Tyler. Had I left a few minutes earlier, this whole mess would have all been avoided.

“The mall,” I told her as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my jeans.

“With?” she questioned me. My irritation was growing at this point because of the way she was speaking to me.

“Me,” I answered a little too sharply.

“Hold on,” she said looking at Tyler. He nodded to her. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll come with you.”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll see you later.” I started walking out of our room.

“Alyssa, you aren’t going to the mall by yourself,” she snapped. “You know it’s not safe. Besides, it’s going to get dark soon.” That was it. I was done being treated like a child.

“Leah, you aren’t my mother. I’ve never had one of those, remember? I think I’ve managed pretty well so far. If I want to go to the mall by myself, I don’t need your permission!” I yelled at her even though I would definitely regret it later. Her face let me know she was pissed. I had to get out of there before anything else came flying out of my mouth. I stormed out of the apartment and let the door slam behind me.

“Lyss, wait up,” Tyler called from behind me as I rounded the corner of the hallway. “Leah didn’t mean for it to sound that way. She’s just worried about you.”

“I’m so sick of everybody worrying about me and thinking they know what’s best for me,” I said. “They’re suffocating me. That’s why I went home those few weekends. I needed to get away from all of them. If Thanksgiving wasn’t next week, I would have gone home today, too. At least no one bothers me there.”

His compassionate look had me starting to settle down. He came over and gave me a hug. “I’ll talk to her,” I nodded. “How about if you text her every half hour or something? Or me? Just so she knows you weren’t kidnapped by some lunatic. More importantly, so I don’t have to listen to her bitch and complain for the next few hours,” he added quickly so I wouldn’t lash out at him, too. I sighed, but agreed. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you later.” I went to walk away, but Tyler stopped me again.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight? We are only getting something to eat and then catching a movie. No one will even be able to talk to you once the movie starts. We miss you. Logan even promised not to tease you.”

I didn’t think Rocco’s roommates were going when Paige asked me about going out yesterday in class. Why wouldn’t they be going? Is Rocco going too? Somehow, my heart seemed to tear a little more at hearing the news. “It’s better if I don’t. Thank you, though.” I left without saying another word. Since I knew Tyler was right about Leah torturing him, I made sure to text her a few times while I was shopping. There was even an apology for yelling at her mixed in somewhere.

One way or another, I’ve got to get myself over him. My emotions were constantly all over the place. Just a simple thought of Rocco could make my eyes tear up or bring me crashing to my knees. Then there were the times my mind starts to wonder why he would do this to me. The first night Rocco was in my apartment and Jeff showed up, he witnessed how upset I was. Did that make me an easy target for him? Why would he bother with me when other girls were constantly throwing themselves at him?

My thoughts were cut short when my phone started ringing. No one besides my dad ever called. My friends usually just texted. The number on my phone was not one I recognized, especially with a North Jersey area code. Normally, I would have let the call go directly to voicemail, but for some reason I didn’t.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, Alyssa. It’s Carla,” the caller announced. I remembered giving her my number at the charity dinner last month and telling her to call if she ever needed any help with the kids.

“Hey. How are you?” It was nice to hear her voice, despite the memories thinking of the night we met would no doubt trigger.

“I’m good. Thank you. I’m sorry to bother you, but by any chance, is Rocco with you? I tried to call his phone, but there was no answer. I thought maybe he would be with you.” The mention of his name froze me right in the middle of the mall. Good thing there wasn’t anyone walking too closely behind me. I couldn’t help but wonder where he was. He always had his phone on him. Was he with a girl?

“Um, no he’s not,” I told her. “I don’t know where he is.”

“Oh. I just thought I’d give it a shot,” she said sounding a little disappointed. “Thank you, anyway.”

“Is everything okay?” I pulled myself together to get the words out.

“Everything’s fine. I was just getting ready to go out with a friend when my babysitter called and canceled on me. When I told the kids I wouldn’t be going out after all, they asked if Rocco could watch them. It’s really not a big deal. I will just reschedule for another time,” she replied.

“I could watch them for you,” I volunteered. “I’m not doing anything tonight.”

She was quiet for a few moments. “Are you sure? I feel terrible taking away your Friday night.”

“I would love to,” I told her honestly. Even though they would probably mention Rocco’s name all night, I would love to see Callie and Collin again. “As long as the kids don’t mind it’s me coming instead of...” I couldn’t even get his name to come out of my mouth.

“Hey guys,” I heard her talking to the kids in the background. “Would you like if Alyssa came over to sit with you for a few hours?” The eruption of cheers and screams made me smile. “I think you were given approval,” she chuckled into the phone.

“How far are you from the mall? I am walking out right now,” I told her looking around for the exit.

“About five minutes,” she said. “Call me back when you are in your car and I’ll get you here. Thank you so much, Alyssa.”

“No problem,” I said feeling a little excited.

Less than ten minutes later, I was pulling into their driveway. The house was a normal two story home with a two car garage in a quiet neighborhood. I was reminded how Carla and her husband probably bought this place thinking they’d spend a lifetime here together. It was definitely the right house because there were these absolutely adorable twins bouncing up and down on the front porch. They had me shaking the sad thoughts away and giggling before I could even get out of my car.

“Alyssa!” They were both calling my name as I walked up the steps toward them. Once I hit the top step, Callie jumped into my arms. I had to almost catch her.

Carla was standing behind her smiling. “Sorry about her. There wasn’t enough time between our phone call and you getting here for her to calm down,” she explained looking over at my car. “Were you at the mall by yourself?”

“I was,” I answered knowing what was coming next.

“Alyssa, are you crazy? I don’t even go there alone, especially on a Friday night. The people who show up there are nuts.” She was ushering us inside.

“It’s not that late, yet. I just needed to get out,” I explained. Carla took my coat and hung it in the hall closet.

“Is everything okay?” she asked concerned after she closed the closet door.

“Everything’s fine,” I lied.

“I may not be your mother, but I’m still a mom and a mother always knows when something is wrong. Spill it. What’s up?” she insisted. I followed her into the kitchen. “Something to drink?” Carla asked opening the refrigerator.

“Sure. Whatever you have is fine,” I said. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

Collin came running up behind me. “Alyssa, you have to come see our room and our playroom downstairs,” he said excitedly.

“I want you both to run down and pick up those blocks you left on the floor. Alyssa will be there in a second. Mommy needs to talk to her for a minute,” Carla instructed them.

“Okay, Mommy. Hurry up and talk, Alyssa,” Callie told me as they ran over to the basement stairs. I couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them.

“Alyssa,” Carla glared at me.

I took a deep breath before telling her. “Rocco broke up with me a few weeks ago,” I admitted.

“What the hell?” The surprised expression on her face told me she was not expecting to hear that. “Why would he do that?” she asked annoyed. The tears were forming in my eyes again, so I could only shrug my shoulders. Carla walked around the counter to put her arm around me. “Alyssa, I am so sorry. It was obvious at the dinner how in love he was with you. His mom even told me how he was so excited to introduce you to her. I shouldn’t have called you. I am probably making things worse for you. Wait until I get my hands on him. What did he say to you?” She rambled on and on.

Carla handed me a box of tissues from under the counter. I took a few. “Something about an ex-girlfriend,” I started to explain shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. He isn’t the type to date anyway. I knew that and still put myself out there to be hurt. It was my own fault,” I paused long enough to sniff and wipe my face. “I just wish he would leave me alone and let me get over him the way he’s over me,” I added.

“Sweetheart, I know for a fact Rocco became the dating type as soon as he met you. I’m not sure what happened, but I sincerely doubt he is over you the way you think he is. I’m going to talk to him.” She was trying to be reassuring.

“Carla, it’s very sweet of you to try and make me feel better, but it’s been a month. There really is nothing left to say. All I really want is to be able to move on.” Thankfully someone walked in the front door ending our conversation.

“Hey, anyone home?” a voice called from the front of the house. The kids were already running up the stairs, then headed down the hallway in the direction of the newcomer.

“Tony!” they screamed. Tony? Rocco’s dad’s old partner? I vaguely remembered Rose talking about Tony and Carla.

I glanced over at her and smiled. “Just a friend, huh?” I asked raising my eyebrows.

She smiled back at me. “Be quiet, you,” she said swatting me with the towel she was holding.

The sound of the kids laughing uncontrollably coming into the kitchen distracted the both of us. “Can someone call off the guard dogs, please?” Tony teased carrying the twins. He stopped when he saw me standing next to Carla. “Hey, Alyssa. Good to see you again.”

“Hi, Tony,” I responded.

“Why didn’t you tell me what Rocco did?” Carla drilled him before she even greeted him.

“What did Rocco do, Mommy?” Collin asked.

“Yeah, what did Rocco do, Mommy?” Tony also asked after putting the kids down.

“Come on, Collin and Callie. How about you guys show me your playroom now?” I said wanting to get away before I had to hear his name again.

“Yay!” they shouted running down the stairs again. I started to follow.

“Alyssa, hang on a second,” Carla said. Tony looked confused. “Did you know Rocco broke up with her because of that phone call from Vicki?” I hated the sound of that girl’s name. Everyone knew who she was and it really pissed me off.

“What? Why would he do that?” he asked. I cannot listen to any more of this without falling apart.

“I’m going to go downstairs with the kids. Have a good time and don’t rush home. We’ll be fine,” I said.

“We are getting a quick bite to eat and going to see a movie.” Is everyone doing the same thing tonight? “I won’t be back too late. You have my cell number if you need me for anything. The kids already ate, but please help yourself to anything you want.” Carla had given me the details of her night, but she didn’t have to.

Over the next few hours, the twins kept me very busy and my mind diverted from the issues that have been troubling me. We played with dolls. We played with all different kinds of action figures from super heroes to turtles. We had a tea party that Collin refused to come to. We used their blocks to build a small town to drive the small cars through. They even suckered me into playing a video game, which I’ve never had the smallest interest in trying. Of course, they beat me and enjoyed every minute of it. Eventually, we made our way back upstairs when I could tell they were starting to get sleepy. They both wanted to watch a movie, so they got into their pajamas and we made popcorn. The three of us curled up on the couch. I’m not sure who recited the most lines, them or me. Before long they were both asleep on me. My heart melted watching them sleep like little angels.

All of a sudden, I woke up to find Rocco sitting in front of me. It took me a few minutes to remember where I was and grasp that I wasn’t dreaming. The feel of his hand on my leg brought back all of the memories that were suppressed over the last few hours. What the hell was he doing here? The kids were still sound asleep right where they were when I dozed off. Panic set in when I saw Tony coming into the living room to get Collin. How could I have fallen asleep when I was supposed to be babysitting?

Once we came back downstairs from tucking the kids in, I was so upset. I apologized to Carla for falling asleep. She tried to assure me everything was fine, but I felt terrible. The only thing that cheered me up was when she told me how the twins haven’t fallen asleep without her in years. I was honored they felt comfortable enough with me.

Being in the same room as Rocco was starting to suffocate me. It was getting late and I needed to head back to campus anyway. When I announced that it was time for me to get going, he said he was driving me back. No way could I be stuck in a car with him no matter how close we were to school. Then he told me it was snowing and he purposely came to get me. There would be no chance at getting out of this unless I made a scene in front of Carla. Leah called and I briefly considered taking her up on her offer of sending Tyler and Tommy over to get me. It was ridiculous for them to come out when Rocco was right here. I was just going to have to suck it up.

When Rocco went out to start my car, Carla explained how they ran into him at the movie theater. She said he looked very worried that I would be driving back alone. Tony started to tell me the two of them had a talk with Rocco on the way home and he understood why he acted the way he did about the phone call. I politely thanked him, but asked him not to say anything else about it. Carla told me I was welcomed anytime and we agreed to set up a time I’d come over after Thanksgiving for dinner.

I said nothing to Rocco as I walked by him to get in my car. After he started driving, he asked me about the radio. I didn’t answer him, so for about the millionth time he tried to apologize to me. Who did he think he was with this bullshit? Walking back to campus in the snow and the dark would have been a better idea than getting in the car with him. I defended my decision of letting him drive by explaining how I didn’t want to start a fight in front of Carla and then asked him not to say anything else the rest of the way. What I really wanted him to do was to tell me to shut up and to tell me how much he loved me. I wanted him to tell me he made a horrible mistake and he couldn’t live unless I was in his life. He said none of it. He just drove the rest of the way in silence.

The worst part wasn’t until we got back to school. Rocco followed me through the side door Leah came out to open for us. He stopped in front of our apartment door as I pushed it open. Leah thanked him for bringing me home and came inside behind me. I didn’t even make it into our bedroom before the tears I had been trying desperately to hold in escaped down my face. Feeling myself start to crumble, I ran to my bed, shedding my coat and my wet shoes before I collapsed into it. Leah was by my side before my pillow was wet.

After thinking about Rocco for the rest of the afternoon, I’m sitting in my car trying to talk myself into going into the church for the rehearsal. Jeff is already inside because his pick-up truck is parked a few spots down. A knock on my driver’s side window startles me.

“You’re going to have to come in at some point,” Lori says through the window.

“I was considering turning around and going home,” I admit.

“You wouldn’t do that to me,” she pouts. She’s right. Unwillingly, I gather my purse from the passenger’s seat and get out of the car. Lori wraps her arms around me. “So, where is this new boyfriend of yours? I assumed you’d bring him with you tonight.”

“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, Lori. He’s going to spend it with his family. He’ll be here Friday for the wedding.” I’m hoping she cannot tell I’m lying. She will be so busy and excited on Friday, I doubt she will notice I don’t have a date.

“I cannot wait to meet him,” she says pulling me towards the church doors. “Before we go in, I do have to mention one small thing.”

I stop walking forward and turn to look at her. “What?”

“Well, I sort of need you to do me a favor.” Something tells me I know what she is going to ask and I don’t like it one bit. “Everyone else in the wedding party is a couple.”

“Damn it, Lori!” I interrupt her. How did I guess? “I told you I would only be in your wedding if you didn’t make me walk with him.”

“I know and I really am sorry. I thought one of them would split up and help me out, but they don’t want to. I promise you though, Dan and I already talked to Jeff and he isn’t going to give you any trouble. My parents already threatened him, too. He will be on his best behavior. Please, please, please do this for me,” she begs.

“If he says one thing to piss me off, I am done. I don’t care when it is or how screwed up it makes your pictures look. Do you understand me?” Why am I agreeing to this? I should be walking away not continuing this conversation with her. How could she do this to me? I start up the steps to the church not waiting for Lori to walk next to me.

“Thank you, Alyssa. This really means a lot to me,” she says.

I stop just before getting to the top and turn to look at her. “Lori, I am so pissed at you right now. How the hell would you feel if you walked in on Dan screwing some stranger and then your friend did this to you?” She has nothing to say. “Exactly, so please let’s get this over with.” I stomp into the church knowing I’ve just upset the bride on what’s supposed to be a fun night for her. When she enters behind me, I go over to hug her even though, pregnant or not, I’d really like to slap her. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, but this is really going to suck.”

“I’m sorry, Lyss. I assumed since you had a new boyfriend, this really wouldn’t be a big deal. I should have talked to you before tonight about it,” she explains.

“Let’s go,” I say before I end up telling her the truth. “Everyone is waiting.”

When we meet up with the rest of the wedding party, they all stop talking and turn their attention to me. Maybe I should have been early to avoid this. Lori breaks the silence by announcing to everyone that it’s time to get started. Dan is the first one to come over to me and say hello. The rest of them follow behind him. I haven’t seen this group of friends since the housewarming party Lori and Dan had back at the end of July and I suddenly realize how much I’ve missed them.

Lori’s mom reaches me before I notice she is coming and I can already see she is starting to cry. “I miss you so much, Sweetheart,” she whispers in my ear as she holds me so tight I can barely breathe. “I am so sorry about what he did to you.”

“I miss you, too,” I tell her honestly. She was always very sweet to me.

“Mom, you promised you wouldn’t do this,” Lori reminds her.

“I know, I know,” she says pulling away. “Please don’t be a stranger. Let’s have lunch or something the next time you are home,”

“That sounds nice.” I smile for the first time all night. It doesn’t last long because Jeff is standing behind his mother.

She notices the change on my face and turns to see what I’m looking at. “Not one word, Jeffrey. Not one word,” she warns. He only nods, but the sadness he feels is all over his face. “Come on, Alyssa,” she says bringing me with her.

The rest of rehearsal went fairly well. No one else mentioned Rocco or what happened between me and Jeff. He kept his distance, just like Lori promised, and only walked silently the two times we practiced walking out of church. Originally, I planned on skipping out on dinner, but since things went so well and I was actually having fun with my friends, I changed my mind and went. It was the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and enjoyed myself. Some of them were going out afterwards and asked me to go. I decided not to go knowing my luck wasn’t that great.

It wasn’t until I went to leave that Jeff spoke to me. “Alyssa,” he called as I walked to my car. I ignored him, but he caught up to me as I was opening my door. He grabbed it before I could get in. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going to make Friday as easy as possible for you.” He stopped talking, but I knew there was something else he was going to say. “I’m glad you found someone to make you happy because you deserve nothing less. I’m still pissed it’s not me, but it’s my own fault. I have to spend the rest of my life regretting what happened and hoping someday I’ll get the opportunity to make it up to you. I still love you. I will always love you.”

“Jeff,” I cut him off shaking my head.

“I know. That’s all I have to say. Have a good night,” he backs away without another word and I get into my car as quickly as I could.

Thanksgiving at my house was quiet for the first time in years. For as long as I could remember, my aunt and uncle would come over early and watch the parade with me. This was the first year of my entire life I watched it without them. It wasn’t until Santa Claus made his way up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art that I cried. That was my aunt’s favorite part. My dad and Jill came over to watch and they ended up crying right along with me. The three of us spent the rest of the day cooking and watching the football games. I couldn’t stop myself from peeking at my phone in hopes of getting a text from Rocco. It never came.

The next morning, I met Lori and the rest of the girls in the wedding party at the hair salon. Lori being pregnant was a bonus for all of us. She made sure we had plenty of food and drinks while we sat around getting our hair and makeup done. We laughed. We reminisced. We cried. We had a great time. By the time we made it back to her parents’ house, I was relaxed and ready to face the day where I would have to be around Jeff.

The dresses Lori picked out for us to wear were very simple and pretty. They were a clover green color and came to just below the knees. The dresses were strapless and the flowing chiffon material fit all four of us very comfortably. Naturally, they matched Lori’s full length, beautiful, cream gown. How she was able to pull all of this together in such a short amount of time was unbelievable. The ceremony at the church was short and sweet. We had pictures taken at the photographer’s studio rather than outside because of the time of year it was. She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

The moment I’ve been dreading for days now is here. The wedding party dance. Part of me wants to run and hide somewhere, but they will only wait for me. It’s best just to get it over with now. The DJ is making the announcement for us to come to the middle of the dance floor. My dad says he would gladly kidnap me and make me disappear if I ask him to. While the offer is almost too tempting to pass up, the idea of Lori hunting me down and suffering her wrath forces me to decline. There really is no grounds for me to be overly concerned since Jeff has done absolutely nothing to upset me today. I can get through this as if I was paired with a stranger.

Taking my time, I make my way through the tables of guests and onto the dance floor. Everyone else is already gathered around the bride and groom as the familiar song begins to play. Jeff is coming towards me with his outstretched hand and a stupid grin on his face. The second I place my hand in his, he tugs on me until I’m pressed up against his chest. The smell of alcohol is overbearing. How the hell did he drink so much so fast? We haven’t been here that long. A cold, distant feeling settles over me being in his grasp. It’s hard to remember how at one time, I felt comfortable being here.

“I’ve missed holding you,” Jeff says. “I miss everything about you. The way you would smile at me. How we could talk on the phone for hours even after we spent a whole weekend together. I miss my best friend from when we were kids.” He pauses long enough for me to say something, but I don’t. There is nothing to say. “So here’s the thing,” he continues. “I happen to notice this boyfriend of yours that my sister keeps telling me about isn’t here.” Every part of me tenses up. “My guess is one of you, maybe it was the two of you together, decided to tell me you were dating someone to keep me in line tonight. I don’t give a shit anymore, Alyssa. You and I belong together. You need to put on the damn ring I bought you and move passed this. I fucked up and I apologized. Get over it.”

I immediately broke from his clutch and backed away. “Are you kidding me?” Anger is rolling through me. I can feel the entire room turn to watch me. Unexpectedly, another set of arms fall around me and directs my attention away from the asshole I want to murder.

“Hey, Short Stuff. Long time, no see,” Mike, Jeff’s roommate says. I turn to glance back at Jeff and see Mike’s girlfriend is dancing with him. She looks just as pissed as I am. “Don’t worry, Jen will take care of him.” He smiles down at me and as relief falls over me, I smile back.

“Thanks, Mike,” I tell him gratefully.

“When he told me Lori wanted the two of you to walk together, I knew he’d do something insane,” he says squeezing me tight for a second. “Jen and I miss you, Alyssa. Weekends just aren’t the same without you around.” Briefly I think he is going to continue what Jeff was saying to me, but he doesn’t. “I’m so glad you didn’t take him back. What he did was unforgiveable.” He looks around the room before continuing. “I’m so sorry about that night. I feel like I am mostly to blame for what happened.”

“How the hell is Jeff cheating on me your fault?” I ask him. “Did you force him to sleep with that girl?”

“No. I’m sorry it happened and I’m sorry I didn’t do anything to stop it. Mostly I’m sorry for sending you into our room that night. Had I known what he was in there doing, I would have never told you where he was when you showed up. Oh and I really should not have let you leave that upset. I spent the rest of the night trying to call you to make sure you were safe,” he tries to get out without getting choked up.

“Mike, none of what happened was your fault,” I try to set his mind at ease. “And I didn’t drive back. I pulled over once I got away from your apartment and called Leah. She came with Tyler to get me.” The song has ended and everyone finds a spot along the edge of the dance floor as the DJ directs. It’s time for them to dance with their parents and Dan is dancing with his mother first. Lori comes over to us.

“Are you okay? What did he say?” she asks.

“Go enjoy the rest of your night, Lori. She’s fine,” Mike says winking at me.

Jen has now joined us. She gives me a hug. “We’ll talk later,” she says.

“Thanks for saving me,” I tell her.

“Anytime, Lyss,” she says and takes Mike back to their table.

I stand there with Lori as she watches her new husband dance with her new mother-in-law. Dan keeps looking over at Lori to check on her. He’s been doing that all day.

“It’s adorable how he keeps checking on you,” I whisper to her. She chuckles.

“Yeah, it’s real adorable,” she says. “Ever since we found out I was pregnant, I cannot do anything without him asking me if everything is okay all the time.”

“That’s not a bad thing, Lori. Be thankful the man loves you as much as he does,” I tell her.

She sighs. “I am bummed you won’t be my sister-in-law.” I turn my glare to her. “I’m not saying I want you to take my brother back. Only you know what’s best for you, Alyssa. My baby would have been really lucky to have you as an aunt.” There is no time for me to respond because it’s her turn to dance with her dad. She smiles at me before walking out to meet him leaving me standing alone.

There always seems to be that moment in romance novels where the heroine says how she can feel the guy before she sees him. She talks about getting goose bumps and feeling a change in the air around her. Every time I read one of those lines, I think how crazy that sounds. It’s not possible for that to happen, right? Wrong. Out of nowhere, it feels as though I’m stuck in a wind tunnel. I find myself looking around the room thinking I’m going to see everyone’s hair flying all over the place. That’s not the case. No one even seems to notice anything is different. Then, I feel someone step right up behind me. My body is completely frozen. I couldn’t run if I wanted to. My breath is caught in my throat.

“If your friend wanted to be the center of attention on her wedding day, she probably shouldn’t have asked you to be a part of it,” he says at my ear. He had rested his hand on my shoulder but is now running the tips of his fingers slowly down my bare arm leaving the recognizable blazing hot trail I have missed desperately over the last month.

“What are you doing here, Rocco?” I ask nervously staring straight ahead.

“You’re here. I’m right where I should be,” he answers confidently.

“Go home,” I tell him.

“No,” he says.

The biggest mistake is turning around. How could I forget how absolutely mesmerizing this guy is? Just like for the charity dinner, he is dressed all in black making his blue eyes stand out even more. “Go. Home.” I have to focus on each word individually in order to tell him a second time.

“No,” he repeats.

“I get that by coming here, you get to go back to school looking like a hero to our friends. Don’t worry. I’ll tell them you were a knight in shining armor and they will leave you alone,” I snap trying to walk away.

Rocco grabs my arm. “Why would you think I give a shit about what our friends think of me?”

“Why else would you be here?” I fire back.

“I just told you. I’m here for you. Not for anyone else,” he says. He looks confused.

“Knock off the bullshit, Rocco. You’ve been torturing me for weeks because they are giving you a hard time for breaking my heart. Just leave me alone and go the hell home.”

“Alyssa, you need to come out in the hallway right now and talk to me,” he demands.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I tell him.

“So help me, if you don’t get your stubborn ass out in the hallway, I will make an even bigger scene right here. Everyone will hear everything I have to say to you. I’ll even get the microphone, so no one misses a word,” he threatens barely keeping his voice down.

“I cannot just leave. I have to be here in case Lori needs something,” I say afraid he will do exactly what he just suggested. “I’ll talk to you back at school Sunday night.”

“I’ve watched every guy in this place stare at you. I’ve watched you walk in on the arm of that son of a bitch. I had to witness whatever that was between the two of you on the dance floor without running out there to kill him. I think you can give me five minutes of your time before I explode,” he insists. When I don’t move, he raises his eyebrows and reminds me he will have no problem talking to me right where I am if I choose.

I brush by him, my shoulder hitting his upper arm, and hightail it out of the room. He is right behind me when the door slams shut. “So let me get this straight,” Rocco begins as he spins me around, so he can look into my eyes. Anger, confusion, and pain are registered all over his face at once. “You think I’m purposely torturing you because our friends are making me feel bad about breaking up with you?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” I lash out at him. “I hear them all the time talking like I’m not even there about how you are out drinking all the time, doing God only knows who. How you leave for days and don’t come back. Then once in a while you show up and try to be nice to me.” I stop and take a deep breath. “Look, Rocco,” I say more calmly. My eyes are everywhere except on him. He won’t see me cry. “I get it. We didn’t work out. I will tell them to back off, so you don’t have to hear them bitch at you. You don’t have to feel guilty or worry about anything. Now, can I go back to my friend’s reception?”

“No, you cannot,” Rocco snaps. His hand runs through his hair drawing my attention to how perfect it still looks. How does he do that? “Yes, I’ve been drinking a lot, but I haven’t been out. The only time I leave my apartment at school is for some of my classes or to go home to be alone. The night you babysat for Carla was the first time I went out with the guys. The only reason I went was because Shane stole my phone and he wouldn’t give it back unless I did.” His anger subsides. “I don’t feel guilty because they give me shit over what I did to you. I deserve every remark, insult, or whatever else they throw at me. I feel guilty because I shouldn’t have let my fear of not being able to protect you throw away the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Well, that was not what I was expecting him to say. “When I got the phone call that morning from Vicki, I panicked. In my head, the only way I could protect you was to get you to stay away from me. I knew if I explained the situation to you, you would never walk away. Sunshine, I thought my only choice was to make you hate me.” His use of my nickname starts to relax me, but I remind myself of the heartache he has caused over the last few weeks.

“Guess I never meant that much to you if you felt like throwing me away was your only choice,” I say. “Goodbye, Rocco.” He flinches.

He almost lets me get across the hallway to the door before he stops me again. “No. I’m done letting you walk away from me.” The door swings open and a waitress walks out of the room. She looks at both of us, tells us dinner is being served, then continues down the hallway into another set of doors. “Come here,” Rocco says lightly grabbing my wrist and walking us down the other end of the hallway. “You mean everything to me,” he whispers as we come to a stop. He reaches up to touch my face, but I step back. He frowns because I won’t let him touch me.

“Don’t do this,” I say fighting back tears.

“Don’t do what?” he asks reaching for my face again. This time I don’t pull away.

“Don’t make things any harder for me than they already are.”

“I’m not trying to make anything hard on you. It’s just the truth,” Rocco sighs. “I came here tonight to tell you that. I want you to know how much I miss you.” I start shaking my head and divert my attention out of the window. Do I really need to listen to this from another person tonight? “Please, just hear me out. I know I fucked up. I should have come to you and told you what was going on. There were plenty of opportunities for me to discuss Vicki with you and I didn’t. In my screwed up head, I was only trying to protect you. You have to believe me. You’ve had so much bullshit to deal with, I thought if I took the burden of worrying about this, it would be one less thing bothering you. I am so sorry I hurt you.”

“What exactly do you want from me, Rocco?” I ask throwing my arms up in the air. Frustration has gotten the best of me at this point. I wish he would just tell me whatever it is he has to say and let me get back to the damn reception already.

“What I want is for you to understand that you altered me just like you said I did to you. I haven’t been the same person since the first time I saw you. I have no idea how you did it, but somehow you brought me back to life. I told you before, no one has been able to come close to doing that since the day my dad died. The way you make me feel when we are together is beyond words. Partying with the guys, hanging out in bars, and whatever other crazy shit we used to do no longer mean anything to me. Spending my nights with you, doing whatever it is you want is all I care about. It’s where I belong. I want you to tell me you forgive me or at least you’ll try to forgive me. I want you to tell me you’ll take me back and let me make it up to you. I want you to know how much I have thought about you every single second of every single day. Do you know how hard it has been to stay away from you when I want nothing more than to be with you all the time? I am constantly trying to figure out a way to make all of this better. What I want most of all is for you to know how much I love you. I have never stopped loving you for one second, Sunshine. I will never be able to stop loving you for as long as I live.” He pauses long enough to wipe the tears that have begun falling down my cheeks. “But, what I want doesn’t matter. You have to tell me what it is that you want. What you need. Whatever you need is what I’ll do. Even if you need me to walk away and never turn back.” He sheds a tear of his own and I ball my fists as tightly as possible, so I don’t reach up to wipe it away the way he did for me. “If what you really need is for me to walk out of your life, I’ll do it. For you, I’ll do anything.”

Words have escaped me as I’m left contemplating the things he just said. None of it makes any sense. Despite what everyone was telling me, I truly believed I meant nothing to him. That I was disposable just as every other girl in his life had been, even after the night we spent together at his house. Why is he telling me all of this now? What’s changed? Part of me doesn’t want to believe him, but the part of me that is head over heels in love with him is trying frantically to break down the cement wall which has been built around my heart. What happens the next time something upsets him and he decides to do this again? I cannot let that happen.

“Will you please say something?” he asks frantically.

I gather every ounce of courage in me to deliver my feelings to him. “Do you really want to know what it is that I need?” I ask trying to hold back the tears that have been flowing. I see him inhale deeply and slowly let it out as he tries to steady himself. He only nods once. “What I need,” I stop because I can feel myself starting to break down and cry. He looks down then back up at me. He is trying to hold back his own tears as he waits to hear what I have to say. “What I need, Rocco, is for you to understand that you have to trust me enough to come to me when something is going on. I need you to promise me that nothing, and I seriously mean nothing, will ever come between us again. I need you to take care of my heart because it belongs to you and only you. I need you to love me every day for the rest of my life because it’s entirely too hard to live without you. I need you to know I am so in love with you. But what I need from you the most right now is for you to kiss me like you meant everything you just told me.”

Despite how shocked he appears over the things I laid out for him, Rocco’s lips crash into mine before I can say another word. He kisses me like he has never kissed me before. It’s desperate, frantic, and at the same time amazing, romantic, and perfect. As he holds me, I can feel the splintered pieces of my broken heart mending. The pieces are not being put back the same way they were originally, but I’m fine with that. They are stronger, tougher than ever before. My heart has been forever altered, made just for him.

Rocco leans his head away only slightly, so he can look in my eyes. The intense kiss leaves the both of us a little breathless. He brings his hand up to my cheek to wipe away the last of my tears then runs his thumb along my lower lip as it trembles.

“I need you to be mine,” I whisper.

“Sunshine, I’ve been yours since the moment you walked into my life and I didn’t even know it,” he whispers back. “I’ll always be yours.”

Дата добавления: 2015-10-30