Chapter Twenty. Following my breakdown over watching as Alyssa let the balloon go in the park and the first time back to my apartment

Rocco

Following my breakdown over watching as Alyssa let the balloon go in the park and the first time back to my apartment, I decided it would be better if I just steered clear of the Halloween party. There was absolutely no reason for me to be chasing her around like a love sick puppy when it was obvious she didn’t want me. Not only that, but I also wanted Sunshine to have a good time with her friends and not worry about me. Shane told me earlier when I talked to him that he was going with Logan and Troy, so I knew she’d be safe. They wouldn’t let anything happen to her. All of that went out the window when I was included in a group text, which I can only assume was accidental. It was a picture of Alyssa, Leah, Julia, Erin, and Paige in their costumes. No fucking way was I going to sit at home while she was walking around a bunch of horny bastards wearing that costume. It didn’t matter how much I already had to drink. I needed to get to her. If a cop pulled me over, I could only hope it was someone I knew and would help me out.

It took me less than thirty minutes to get back to school from my house. I parked my car at the Student Center, since it would be a waste of time parking it by the apartment only to have to run across campus. When I walked in the door, I happened to catch a glimpse of Alyssa walking through the crowd on the dance floor. Guys were parting the way for her and watching as she passed. Someone was seriously going to piss me off tonight. She was headed to the tables set up on the side, so I followed her. By the time I caught up to her, the only thing I could hear was her telling Carrie how little she thought of me. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me hearing her say that, but the look on her face when she realized I heard her was far worse. She didn’t even care that she was tearing me apart.

Alyssa wouldn’t even come talk to me. There wasn’t anything specific I wanted to say to her, but the need to get her out of there was overwhelming. She just walked away from me. I sat there watching her dance. Seeing everyone watch her move the way she did was so much worse than when we were at the dinner last week. The guys at school were just trying to get laid by the hottest girl in the room. It was only a game to them. Unfortunately, I knew how it worked all too well. I’ve played many times myself.

When a slower song came on, I was hoping there would be a possibility she would soften up and dance with me. She didn’t go for it. Inadvertently, I said out loud how I needed to hold her and she looked at me as if she had no idea why. How could she think that just because she let me go, I’d stop loving her? She knew about Vicki and knew I was only trying to protect her by staying away. Shane just about met his death when he interfered prior to walking away with my girl in his arms. My anger immediately subsided when I saw she was crying in spite of Shane trying to hide it from me. Alyssa had to still feel something for me if she was crying. That something would be what I would hold on to for right now until I could figure this mess out.

The girls disappeared with Alyssa for a while. Eventually, they came back without her. Paige said she just needed some time to herself. Then Shane and Logan disappeared. Logan came back shortly after. He secretly talked to Troy. I asked him what was going on. Logan told me they were taking Alyssa back to her apartment because she wanted to go and Leah couldn’t leave since she was in charge of the party. I wasn’t sure if I was just being paranoid or if something was wrong. After a bit, I took off. If she was leaving, there was no reason for me to be there. The guys looked as if they had things under control without me and I only seemed to upset her.

A little later as I’m lying in my bed wondering how things had gotten so screwed up, the guys come strolling in the apartment calling my name. Troy barges through my bedroom door and flips on the light.

“Damn it,” I yell covering my eyes with my arm.

“We need to talk to you,” he says not turning it off.

“I don’t need another lecture, Troy. I get it. I screwed up. I don’t deserve her. Blah, blah,” I mumble.

“No. Well, that’s all true, but it isn’t what we have to talk to you about,” Shane says when he comes in our room. He hands me a shot of something in a glass. “Here you might need this.” I just sit up and look at each of them.

“What happened?” I ask suddenly very anxious to know what they had to say. I cannot help but wonder if Alyssa found someone tonight. I’ve been afraid that might happen. If she took someone back to her room or if she went to someone else’s room…

“Calm down. We took care of it, but we want you to hear about it from us,” Logan says sitting on my desk chair. They took care of what?

“Did something happen to Alyssa?” The looks on their faces are starting to get me wound up.

“She’s okay. We just left her with Paige safely locked in her room,” Troy tells me. “Paige is staying with her tonight since Leah will still be awhile at the party.”

“One of you better tell me what the fuck happened,” I am raising my voice starting to freak out. They all look at Shane.

“Damn it. Why is it always me?” Shane whines. “Alright. The girls came back from the bathroom without Alyssa. She told them that she needed a minute to herself, like Paige said. They went back out dancing. When you saw us get up, Logan and I decided to go check on her. When we headed down the hallway, Ryan had her cornered by the girls’ bathroom.”

“I’m going to kill him,” I stand up, but Troy blocks me from leaving.

“Sit down and listen.” I drop back on my bed looking to Shane for the rest of the story.

“I heard him say something about getting her back to his room and her telling him it wasn’t happening. We stepped in and he, well,” Shane pauses running his hand through his hair.

“Shane,” I glower at him.

“He mistakenly thought because we were there and not you that she was somehow involved with us. He called her a whore,” he stops for a second as I held my breath. “He never put a hand on her from what we saw.”

“We roughed him up a little and maybe scared him. He apologized to Alyssa. We let him go. End of story,” Logan finishes for Shane.

“Son of a bitch,” I shout and jump off of the bed.

“We handled it Rocco. Relax for a second and think before you act. The most important thing is that Alyssa is safe and Ryan won’t bother her anymore,” Shane says trying to talk me out of what he knows I am about to do. “Text her, at least. Let her know you just want to see how she is.” He is trying to distract me, but I do it anyway. She says she’s fine. That’s all I get. I try to text again asking her to see me just for a second, but I didn’t get any response. I’m crushed.

I push by all three of them and take off out of the apartment. They are following me trying to get me to calm down, but none of them will let me go there alone. If it was one of their girls, they would be doing the same thing and I would be right behind them. It doesn’t take long to cross the parking lot to get to The Village. Ryan lives in one of the frat houses and I know he’ll be there. We barge through the door right into his suite. As soon as he sees me coming through the door, he jumps off the beer stained couch practically knocking over the bitch sitting next to him. His frat brothers all jump up.

“What the hell, Rocco?” Ryan starts to say as he’s backing up the closer I get to him. “I apologized to her. Why do you care? I heard she wasn’t even your girl anymore.”

“SHE WILL ALWAYS BE MY GIRL!” I scream right before punching him in the face. He falls over the pile of shit on the floor behind him. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pick up his scrawny ass holding him midair. For so long, I’ve wanted to beat the shit out of this guy, but this is enough. Sunshine would not want me to do any more than this. A few of his frat brothers are trying to get to me, but the guys hold them back. “She will always be my girl, no matter what. If I ever hear you so much as glance in her direction, a black eye will be the least of your problems. Do you understand me?” I let him fall to the floor and turn around. “That goes for all of you,” I shout before walking out of the suite.

By the time we make it back to our building, I start to settle down. The guys want me to go grab something to eat with them at the diner. We aren’t really able to drive, so someone calls and has pizza delivered. Once it’s in the apartment, I realize I haven’t actually had much to eat lately and end up eating more pizza than usual. It’s getting late and the guys are starting to go to bed. While Shane is in the shower, I leave the apartment. It isn’t a good idea to go see her, but I have to see her to know she’s really okay. I knock on the door lightly in case she’s asleep. Leah opens the door still in her costume.

“What are you doing here?” she whispers.

“I just need to know she’s okay after what happened with Ryan,” I tell her.

“I don’t even know what happened,” Leah says. “She was already asleep when I got back.”
“Please, Leah. Just let me see her. I won’t wake her up,” I beg.

“What happened?” she asks not moving to let me in.

“Basically, he called her a whore. Shane and Logan took care of it then brought her back here. After I heard what happened, I went over, punched the son of a bitch in the face, and threatened him to never look at her again,” I explain and lean against the door frame.

“Well, I guess that buys you one minute. If you wake her up, she will kill me then I will kill you. Got it?” she threatens.

“Loud and clear,” I tell her.

“Be careful. Paige is on the floor in between our beds on the air mattress,” she warned.

Walking in their apartment brings back so many good memories of me and Sunshine. Tyler is at the kitchen table eating leftovers from the party. Erin and Mark are right inside of her room staring at me when I walk in. “What the hell is he doing in here?” Erin wants to know looking over to Leah who comes in and sits across from Tyler.

“He punched a guy for her. The least I can do is let him see her,” Leah explains to her.

“You punched Ryan?” she asked raising her eyebrows. I nod. “It’s about time,” she says closing her door.

“Good for you, man. That guy is a douche bag,” Tyler says with a mouth full of food.

I open Alyssa’s door as quietly as possible. The light from their bathroom is left on with the door slightly cracked like the girls usually do when one of them goes to bed before the other. I can see the air mattress on the floor, so I tiptoe around it and carefully sit on the edge of Alyssa’s bed. The light is just enough that I can see the details of her face. In the last few weeks, watching her sleep has become one of my favorite things to do. Her beauty is something that amazes me every time I look at her. Her light, freckled skin is so smooth I could run my fingers over it for hours. Her hair looks pretty when it’s straight, but there is something about her curls that suit her. She normally looks so peaceful when she sleeps. That isn’t the case this time. I can see she has been crying. She wasn’t sleeping for very long because her cheeks are still damp from the tears. I wipe her face with a tissue that she has next to her head and kiss her cheek where it’s wet. Before leaving, I whisper, “I’ll find a way to make this better. I promise. You’ll always be my girl, Sunshine.” Then I slip out as quietly as I came in.

I thank Leah on my way out of their apartment. She didn’t have to let me in. She could have slammed the door in my face. I would have.

“Hey, Rocco,” Leah calls from behind me as I am walking away. She is standing in their doorway looking at me.

“Yeah?” I ask trying not to get upset out here in the hallway.

“Alyssa’s hurting just as much as you are even though she’s trying to pretend like she’s not,” she tries to reassure me.

Shaking my head I say, “I doubt it. Knowing I’m the reason she’s hurting is pretty fucking painful.”

“Why did you do this if you are hurting so badly?” She is curious to know.

“I don’t have a choice. Vicki is certifiably crazy. She has nothing to fear. Her dad has a lot of power and money. He bails her ass out of every messed up thing she does. There is a restraining order against her to stay away from me here at school, but who knows if that is enough. I have no idea what she is capable of and if she hurt Alyssa in any way,” I say shaking my head. “I couldn’t live with myself. I know some people. I’m going to see if there is anything they can do. It’s not an option for me to live without her, but I’ve got to deal with this before trying to fix things with Alyssa.”

“Hurry up before there’s nothing left to fix,” is the last thing she says before going back in her apartment and closing the door.

Over the next few weeks, life was pretty boring. I tried to work with Alyssa in lab a few times, but she just sent me crawling to the back of the room. She would disappear after class, so I couldn’t even walk with her. My texts were never returned. One day I saw her coming out of the laundry room. Offering to carry the basket of clothes for her didn’t even get me a response. It was obvious she was in pain, but she didn’t seem to care that I was suffering, too.

Leah would never tell me anything more after the night of the Halloween party. Sometimes Paige would throw me a bone. She told me Alyssa pretty much stayed in her apartment, mostly her room, only leaving to go to class. She wouldn’t say anything to her friends about me and if someone mentioned my name she’d leave the room. Paige stayed with her and Leah a few nights to watch movies or whatever else girls do, but Alyssa refused to go out. The first two weekends of November, Alyssa went home. Paige thought at least one of the weekends she had stuff to do for the wedding that was coming up very quickly, but she wasn’t sure why she went home the other one. The third weekend Leah took both Alyssa and Paige home to her house since she had to babysit her brother again. At least I knew she wasn’t out with other guys while she was here at school. Someone would have told me. Knowing she went home to do anything connected with her ex-boyfriend worried me. Alyssa didn’t want him anywhere near her and no one would be there to help keep him away. Unless of course, she changed her mind.

Tony was working on trying to find out where Vicki was for me, but to no avail. Her parents had her hidden pretty well. He even went as far as trying to prove she violated her restraining order by calling me. Nothing could be done because she called from an untraceable phone. I’m sure no one really put much effort into this since she didn’t actually hurt anyone. My mom recently hired a private investigator to see what he could find out, but that could take a while. It was devastating to my mom knowing that she encouraged me to date this girl who is now ruining my life. She wouldn’t believe me when I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

Now there is only one week left until the wedding and I know nothing more than I did a month ago. My drinking has been getting worse over the last few days and my roommates are getting sick of it. The guys are just walking in the apartment and I’m sitting on the couch flipping my phone over and over on the table next to me. Shane grabs it away from me and puts it in his pocket.

“Give me my phone, Shane,” I mutter holding my hand out.

“No. We’re going out. Come on,” he says.

“You don’t want my miserable ass going anywhere with you, so just give me my phone and go ahead without me.”

“If she hasn’t called or texted you in the last month, she’s not going to call or text you in the next few hours.” That hurt. “You have five minutes to clean yourself up or you are going like that,” he declares.

“Where are we going?” I ask not moving.

“Grabbing something to eat, then we are going to the movies. Leah is going, so you know what will happen to you if you aren’t ready on time,” he tells me cleaning up the beer bottles I left all over the table.

“Leah’s going?” I jump up.

“Alyssa is not going, so don’t get excited. Leah, Tyler, Erin, Mark, Julia, and Tommy are all going with us. Paige said she tried to get Alyssa to come out, too, but she said no without any other explanation,” he clarifies. I don’t like that she will be in the building without any of us around. That is even more of a reason for me to be here, even if it’s just in case she needs anything. “Whatever you are thinking, forget it. Let’s go. You can come into the land of the living for a few hours.”

The girls did not seem thrilled that I am going out with them tonight. It is clearly because of me that their friend is not herself, so I’m not their favorite person at the moment. Paige is always sociable with me. That is most likely because of Troy and nothing really to do with me. “Don’t let Julia get to you,” Paige whispers after about the fifth remark from her about Alyssa being home alone. I just shake it off. Julia’s right. Most of the time the girls didn’t even acknowledge me being there which is fine.

Shane won’t hand over my phone and it is getting really irritating. He keeps saying he’ll give it back to me after the movie. Throughout the whole damn thing, I could only wonder if Alyssa’s okay. Wonder what she is doing. Wonder if she is thinking about me the way I am thinking of her. Wonder if Tony or the private investigator is trying to get ahold of me because they found out anything new. Just as I am about to jump over the seat and rip my phone out of Shane’s pocket, the movie ends. We all walk outside and I hold my hand out for it. He’s shaking his head at me.

“It’s snowing!” one of the girls screams from ahead of me as we are walking outside.

“Hey, Rocco,” I hear someone call from behind me. When I turn around Carla and Tony are also walking out of the theater. Guess my mom was right about them.

“Hey. What’s up?” I greet them.

“How are you holding up?” Tony asks me.

“Not so great. Have you heard anything?” I question him.

“Sorry, man. Nothing.” I can tell he feels bad. “I really wish there was something else I could do.”

“I know. It’s cool,” I say defeated.

“Rocco, I’m really sorry I didn’t know about you and Alyssa before I called her today,” Carla says. I knew that Alyssa had given Carla her number in case she ever needed help with the kids. Why would she call Alyssa, though? She must notice that I’m unsure what she is talking about. “My babysitter canceled on me at the last minute tonight. The kids wanted me to call you to see if you were free, but I didn’t get an answer.”

I glare at Shane who pulls my phone out of his pocket and hands it back to me. “That was my fault. I’m sorry,” Shane says. When I look at my phone, I see the missed call.

“It’s fine. I was just going to cancel, but then gave Alyssa’s phone a try to see if maybe you guys were together. She was at the mall a few minutes from my house and said she didn’t mind watching them. I tried to tell her it was no big deal for me to reschedule, but she insisted,” Carla tells me.

“Alyssa went to the mall by herself?” I looked at Leah and the girls.

Leah says, “I don’t control everything she does, Rocco. If the girl says she wants to go out by herself, I can’t physically stop her.”

“Since when?” I almost yell. “You always tell her what to do and what not to do.”

“She’s been a little unreasonable lately. I’m sure you can figure out why,” she remarks. I sigh. Of course, this would be my fault one way or another. I run my hand through my hair. Leah leaves with the rest of them. It’s just my roommates and Paige left standing there with Carla and Tony.

“I’m sorry, Rocco. I didn’t mean to cause a problem.” Carla looks upset.

“Alyssa babysitting for you is not a problem at all, Carla. She’s actually more capable of taking care of your twins than I am. I’m just upset she went to the mall by herself. There are a lot of crazy people over there,” I explain.

Carla chuckles. “That’s what I told her.”

It occurs to me that it’s snowing. “Shit. Are you guys heading back to your house now?” I ask Carla.

“Yeah, why?” Tony wants to know.

“Alyssa doesn’t like to drive in the snow or at night. Shane, can you take me over there? I’ll drive Alyssa back in her car,” I say.

“Do you think she will agree to that?” Logan asks.

“She won’t have a choice. I won’t have a ride back,” I smirk at him. “But seriously. She doesn’t like driving in this shit. I doubt she will give me too much of a hard time.”

“Ride with us,” Tony offers. “I want to talk to you anyway.”

“Is that alright with you?” I ask Carla.

“Of course. When Tony is done talking to you, I have some things to say to you myself. You might wish you walked by the time I’m finished, though,” she says putting her hands on her hips. It seems like something a mom would do to her kids. I almost laugh, but stop myself before she kicks my ass.

I follow Tony and Carla to his truck feeling bad my being there is essentially ending their date early. When I ask him about it, he says to shut up and get the hell in. Well, maybe not in such a nice way.

After going a few miles, Carla looks over at Tony saying, “If you don’t say whatever it is you need to tell him, you’re going to miss out. I have plenty to say.” He grins at her and reaches over for her hand. She hesitantly takes his and it makes me wonder if it’s because I’m here or she’s nervous around him.

Tony looks at me in the rearview mirror while he says, “Looks like you got yourself in some big trouble. I’m so glad I’m not you right now.” His attention is back on the road in front of us. “Rocco, why are you and Alyssa not together?” Sounds like a simple question, but he continues. “Does this truthfully only have to do with Vicki or are you using it as an excuse to go back to being the guy who screws around?”

“Tony!” Carla cries.

“I’m not beating around the bush here, Carla. The ride isn’t long enough. Besides, it’s the truth. He knows it.”

“I understand why you would ask that, but it really only has to do with Vicki. If something happened to Alyssa because of her, how could I live with myself?” I want him to know where I’m coming from.

“I get it, Rocco, but you cannot live like that,” he says.

“You sound like Shane,” I mumble putting my head against the headrest and watching the cars go by out the side window.

“Do you love her?” Tony asks checking my reaction in the mirror.

“More than anything,” I answer without thinking.

“Now tell me again, why are you two not together?”

“I told you, if something…” I start but he cuts me off.

“That’s a bullshit answer, Rocco,” he practically jumps down my throat and slams his hand on the steering wheel. He’s going to go with the bad cop routine. “You have to stop letting other people dictate your life. This girl actually loves you for who you are, damn it. She doesn’t give a shit about the ridiculous amount of money you have. She knows how you’ve been in the past and she still tolerates your ass. Do you think you are going to find someone else? Someone better? You cannot just let her walk away because of this. If you want my opinion, which you probably don’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. You breaking up with Alyssa was the worst thing you could have possibly done. Not only is she walking around without you, without the one person who could actually protect her if there ever was a problem, but you’ve given Vicki proof that she still controls you like a fucking puppet. If your dad was still here, he would be kicking your ass over this,” he says finishing his rant. Then he adds, “That’s it isn’t it?”

“What?” I ask trying to swallow. He’s figured out what I’ve been trying to keep from myself.

“This is about your dad.” Carla looks over at him, but he keeps glimpsing between me and the road. “You’re afraid that because you couldn’t save your dad, you won’t be able to save Alyssa.” Hearing someone say it out loud to me is agonizing. “Rocco, you were seven years old. It wasn’t your job to save him. It was his job as a father to save you and that is exactly what he did. If he had the chance to do it all over again, he’d do the same damn thing. You were the only thing he loved more than life itself.” It’s very rare I talk about my dad with anyone who knew him. Perhaps this is the reason why. Tony knew my dad better than anyone. They were partners for a long time, so they spent more time together than most people spend with their spouses. This guy spent more time with my dad than I ever had the chance to.

“How could I have screwed up so bad?” I say thinking about the huge mistake I made.

“You’re male. It can’t be helped,” Carla says looking over her seat at me winking. “What you do to fix it is what matters the most.”

“I think it might be too late. Alyssa hasn’t even looked at me, let alone spoken two words to me in over a month.” I can barely get the words out thinking about the day I watched her in the park. Since then, she has done things and acted certain ways that have made me believe she might still have feelings for me, but mostly she appears to hate me.

“If she came to you right now and said ‘take me back,’ what would you do?” Carla asks. “Would you take her back or would you continue on this quest to try and keep her hidden from Vicki?”

“She wouldn’t do that. I really think she’s over me.”

“Stupid, stupid boy,” Carla whispers. Tony chuckles. “I shouldn’t tell you anything. You should have to figure this out on your own, but she’s definitely not over you, Rocco. As a matter of fact, she is nowhere close to being over you.”

“She’s not?” How can she not be? I foolishly destroyed the greatest relationship of my life with a girl I didn’t even know I was dreaming about until she walked into my life. “Are you sure?”

“Rocco Matthews, did you just imply that I could possibly be wrong?” Carla asks whipping around in her seat undoubtedly insulted.

“Stupid ass,” Tony mumbles to himself.

“No ma’am,” I blurt out quickly. “How do I fix this?”

“I can’t tell you that,” she says when Tony pulls into the double driveway next to Alyssa’s snow covered car.

“Anything else you want to say to him before I let him out?” He’s looking to Carla.

“I think you said enough for the both of us.”

The three of us scurry into the house shaking the snow off all over the foyer. As Carla is punching her code into the alarm system, I notice the kids haven’t come to greet us at the door like they usually do whenever someone comes in.

“Where are the kids?” I ask concerned. We all stop moving to listen for them, but the house is completely silent.

“My kids are never this quiet,” Carla says hanging her coat over the banister and walking through the foyer. She glances in the living room and dining room as she passes them. We follow behind her into the kitchen. The television is on with the volume turned down pretty low in the family room off the side of the kitchen. It’s stuck on the menu screen of a DVD. Carla stops suddenly and smiles. When I reach the room myself, I can see why. Alyssa is curled up in the corner of the couch with one twin laying up against her side and the other one laying in her lap. She has an arm around each of them and they are all fast asleep. “Neither one of them has fallen asleep without me holding them since the day their dad died,” Carla announces. She is still smiling, but a tear is falling down her cheek. Tony comes over to put his arm around her. “She really is something special if my kids like her this much, Rocco.”

“I know she is,” I whisper staring at my Sunshine. Her hair is pulled back, but a curl has fallen in her face. I sit down on the coffee table in front of her and push the stray piece of hair back behind her ear. She doesn’t like her hair touching her face that way. She shifts slightly, but she doesn’t wake up. Her grip on both of the kids gets a little tighter. She knows they are next to her even in her sleep. “Will they wake up if we carry them upstairs?” I ask never looking away from Alyssa’s face.

“I’m not sure,” she confesses. “I’ve never had to do it. Let me get their beds ready before we move them.” Carla and Tony go upstairs.

I don’t want Alyssa to be startled when we move the kids, so I gently rub her leg to try and wake her up. Eventually she opens her eyes, but she’s disoriented. “Shhh,” I tell her holding my finger up to my lips. “Don’t wake them up.” She nods that she understands. Tony comes back downstairs to grab one of them. Before he takes Collin, Alyssa reaches down to kiss him on the head. Then she does the same to Callie when I take her. I knew she was full of shit when she said she was afraid of kids. Alyssa follows us up the steps, but stays in the hallway outside of the door. Collin never even stirs, but Callie does when I lower her to her pillow.

“Alyssa?” she asks sleepily. Alyssa comes into the room from behind us and sits down next to her on the bed.

“It’s okay, Callie. Your mom is home. Go back to sleep,” she tells her stroking her hair.

“Will you come back to play with us again?” Callie can barely keep her eyes open.

“I sure will. Sweet dreams, Munchkin,” Alyssa whispers tucking her in.

“Sweet dreams, Alyssa,” she says falling back to sleep.

We file out of the bedroom and head back down the stairs. A couple minutes later, Carla joins us in the kitchen.

“Carla, I am so sorry. You must think I’m the worst babysitter ever,” Alyssa says from out of nowhere.

“Why would I think that?” Carla looks between me and Tony curiously. I shrug my shoulders and look back to Alyssa waiting for her to explain.

“I fell asleep when I was supposed to be watching your kids. I feel terrible.” Alyssa is starting to panic. Tony pulls out the barstool in front of the counter and tells her to sit down. “They both fell asleep halfway through the movie and I was trying so hard not to move that I dozed off. What time is it, anyway?” She’s looking around for a clock.

“Eleven thirty,” I say. I can tell she’s wondering why I’m here.

“You do realize that parents sleep right?” Tony teases her.

“I’m not their parent. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. This is why I never babysit.” She’s upset and I feel bad.

“I thought the reason was because you were afraid of anyone shorter than you,” I remind her.

Tony laughs. “There are people shorter than you?”

“Knock it off, you two,” Carla scolds us. “Alyssa, you didn’t do anything wrong. Do you know how many times I’ve fallen asleep while they were still awake? That’s happened more times than I care to mention. You have no idea the trouble those monsters were able to get into in those few minutes.” She smiles and Alyssa lightens up a little bit. “They were perfectly safe.”

“Still, I guess you won’t be calling me to babysit again,” she states. I grab two Cokes out of the refrigerator and slide one over to her. “Thank you.” She finally speaks directly to me for the first time in way too long. She opens the can and takes a sip of it.

“On the contrary, my dear. They love you. I may never be allowed to have the old babysitter back again.” This makes her smile. “I just want to let you know, they haven’t fallen asleep with anyone other than me since their dad died.” Alyssa looks up at her speechless. “Every single night I’ve had to lay with both of them until they are sound asleep. That’s why they are still in the same room. Hell, I may invite you over just so I can take a shower before midnight once in a while,” Carla says.

“I’d actually like that,” Alyssa tells her. “How was dinner and the movie?” She changes the subject because she doesn’t like the attention on her.

“It was nice. Thank you so much again for coming on such short notice.”

“I’m glad I could help. Let me know if you ever need me again. I’m usually around and normally, I don’t have a problem staying awake,” Alyssa tells her. “I’m going to get going.”

“I’m driving you back,” I inform her.

“No. I’m fine,” Alyssa says walking to the closet to get her coat. I see Carla and Tony exchange a look before I follow her down the hallway.

“I ran into Tony and Carla at the movies and they told me you were here. I hitched a ride with them because I know you don’t like to drive at night,” I try to explain to her.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she sighs. “Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”

“It’s also snowing.”

“I didn’t know it was supposed to snow.” She runs over to the window. “Damn it.” I watch as she pulls her phone out of her coat pocket. She is scrolling through text messages when her phone rings. “Hey Leah,” she answers unenthusiastically. “No thanks. I’ll be okay.” She listens a little longer then closes her eyes. “Rocco is here. He’s going to drive me back.” If I could have done a victory dance right here, I totally would have. “Yeah, tell me about it. I’ll see you soon.”

I reach out for her keys and she grudgingly places them in my hand. “I’m going to start your car and clean the snow off. I’ll be right back.” While cleaning off the car, I’m trying to think of things to say to her on our drive back. Do I tell her what is going on with Tony doing his part and my mom hiring the PI? Do I tell her how much I still love her? Do I just keep it simple?

The sound of voices coming from the front porch disrupts my thoughts. Alyssa is saying goodbye to Carla and Tony, so I walk over to do the same. She walks right by me and gets in the passenger side of her car without waiting for me.

“Good luck, Rocco,” Carla calls going back inside.

“I’m going to need more than luck,” I say watching the car.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Tony says shaking my hand. “I’ll be in touch if I hear anything new.”

“I appreciate it.”

I climb in Alyssa’s car and adjust the seat and mirrors. She is already buckled up and staring out the window. I ask her if she wants the radio on, but she ignores me.

“Alyssa, I’m so…” I begin to apologize.

“Rocco,” she inhales and exhales forcefully. “I only agreed to let you drive because I didn’t want to start an argument with you in front of Carla and I would have felt bad if Tony had to leave to drive you home. Can we please just not speak the rest of the way?”

“Whatever you want,” I say dejected. For the rest of the ride, we are completely silent. How the hell am I supposed to get her back if she won’t even talk to me?

Дата добавления: 2015-10-30