Chapter Thirteen. Last night when I left Alyssa’s apartment, there was finally a sense of calm settling over me

Rocco

Last night when I left Alyssa’s apartment, there was finally a sense of calm settling over me. Not only did she tell me she wasn’t in love with her ex anymore, she also fell asleep with me again. The best part was when I slid out of her bed, she muttered my name in her sleep and her hand reached out searching for me. At first, I thought she had woken up or maybe wasn’t asleep after all, but then she relaxed and her breathing was at a calm, steady pace. After placing one last kiss on her cheek, I unwillingly left her room. Once I finally made it back to my apartment, it didn’t take long to fall asleep myself.

I made sure to get up early this morning to hit the gym before class. It had been a few days since being there last and I didn’t want to make a habit out of skipping it. Good thing that was where most of my time was spent last weekend. Now I’m waiting outside of the classroom for Alyssa. A note is hanging on the door saying lab is canceled today because the professor had a family emergency. It pisses me off how every other student in my class is either irritated about not being notified before they walked over here or they are just excited they don’t have to do a lab today. These people are so rude. Earlier Carrie came up to me with some bullshit about me wasting my time with Alyssa. Needless to say, I set her straight real quick and sent her away sulking.

“I was hoping to catch you alone today,” one of the most obnoxious voices I’ve ever heard said.

“Go away,” I responded not even looking at her.

“Why so cruel, Rocco? Because you know what I’m about to tell you is the truth?” she whined as her groupie stood by her side being equally as obnoxious.

“And what would that be?” I dared her to say.

“This girl isn’t worthy of your time. She isn’t anything special and deep down, you know it.”

I shook my head wondering who the hell she thought she was. “Let me make myself perfectly clear, Carrie,” I started. “There is no one in this world who is more special than Alyssa Adler. No one. And for future reference, even if she comes to her senses and realizes I’m not good enough for her, I still would not give you the time of day. I’ve never liked anything about you and I never will.”

About ten minutes after the last group of students left, Alyssa comes into the hallway through the stairwell door behind me. I turn around to see her beautiful face smiling at me. Seeing her smile is just as contagious as when someone yawns and you cannot help but yawn right along with them.

“Hey,” she says as I bend down to kiss her cheek.

“Good Morning, Sunshine,” I greet her.

“What are you doing out here? Don’t you usually have half the lab done by now?” she teases.

“Lab is canceled. Family emergency,” I tell her pointing to the note on the door behind me.

Her smile fades away being replaced by a frown when she reads the note. “I hope everything is okay.” Of course my girl is the only one to say the right thing.

“Come on. Let’s go. I already turned in our lab,” I say turning her to walk down the hallway.

The weather could not be any more perfect for what I have planned today. It’s a crisp fall day with barely any clouds in the bright, blue sky. Thankfully, there is only a little breeze. I was hoping it wouldn’t be too windy. The leaves have finally started to change color. In about two months, I’ll be ready for spring. Right now is the best time of year. Cooler weather after a long hot summer is refreshing, but once the trees are bare, I’ve had enough.

“So, care to share this secret of yours?” She remembered. I was afraid she was too tired when I asked her last night.

“Nope,” I answer. She nudges my arm making me chuckle. “I can’t tell you now. It would ruin it. At least we can go now instead of later.”

“Want me to drive?” She might be trying to trick me into telling her what’s going on.

“No way. Then I’d have to tell you where we are going and what we are doing. Nice try.” She giggles at me. When she looks at me like that, she could probably get me to tell her anything she wants to hear.

“That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just feel bad that you are always the one driving,” she responds. We’ve reached the bottom of the steps outside of the apartment building. “Can we run our stuff in? I don’t want to drag this backpack around if I don’t have to.”

“Sure. I want to grab something to eat real quick anyway.”

“Did you oversleep this morning?” She looks worried.

“No, actually I got up early and went to the gym. I never eat before working out.”

“Oh okay. I thought maybe you haven’t been getting enough sleep because you’ve stayed late with me the last two nights.” Something tells me she isn’t convinced.

“Sunshine, even if I was losing sleep over being with you, it would totally be worth it. How did you sleep last night?” I’ve been curious to know.

“Not as well as the night before.” She smiles up at me. “Thanks for staying with me until I fell asleep. I haven’t slept as well as I have the last two nights in a while.”

“Guess I’ll have to start sleeping with you every night,” I say coaxing a bigger smile from her.

She pulls out her card to get us into the building. Motioning to the mailroom, she says, “Remind me to check my mailbox later. Lori was supposed to send the wedding invitation out on Monday morning, so we should get it today. Sure you still want to go with me?”

“Absolutely.” I know I’m grinning like an idiot. She is crazy to think I’d willingly be anywhere other than with her. “Run your stuff back to your room and then come over whenever you are ready. The door will be propped open so just come in. The guys will be asleep for a least another hour, so you won’t have to worry about running into any of them.” I watch her as she walks away from me until she rounds the corner. I know I promised myself not to sleep with her just yet, but she is making it extremely difficult. For some reason, she has this feeling that she is just like any other girl to me. I want to prove to her how wrong she is, but it’s so damn hard to keep my hands off of her when she looks so good all the time. She has this false impression that if she doesn’t get all dressed up, she’s invisible. There are always guys checking her out and she never even notices them. Unfortunately, I do and it tests my patience every time. At least no one is stupid enough to try talking to her.

I’m washing out my cereal bowl when Alyssa finally comes through the door. “Hey. I thought you might have changed your mind about coming with me.”

“Never. Leah was up. She was talking to me about going shopping on Saturday and she’s excited about Paige tagging along. She may not sleep for the next few nights,” she says. “You’ve seen how she gets when she’s excited.”

“Girls are weird,” I say to her grabbing my jacket off of the chair. “Ready?”

She smiles up at me nervously. “Not sure since I have no idea where we are going.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be such a baby,” I tease pushing her toward the door.

When I pull up to the small card store a mile down the road from campus, she looks over to me puzzled. “It’s just a stop along the way. I’ll be right back,” I say leaving the car running for her.

A few minutes later, I come out of the store carrying a dozen navy blue helium filled balloons. As I’m trying to shove them in my back seat, she is shaking her head at me. “We totally should have taken my car.” I glance over at her asking why she thinks that would have been a better idea. “I have a Rav4. They would have gone right in the back with no problem.” She’s right. I should have thought this out a little better.

Eventually they are shoved into the backseat and she hounds me to tell her what they are for the entire twenty minute drive to the park that I have been to many times before. The parking lot is not very big, but it doesn’t matter since no one else is here at this time of day while the kids are in school. During the summer, this small place is full of families, especially on Saturday afternoons. A fairly new playground for the kids to play on sits just inside a fenced-in area. Behind that, there are about a dozen or so picnic tables and a bunch of grills are off to the side. A small sized lake is the perfect backdrop for this quiet little park. The colorful trees along the back of the lake are a reminder of why this is one of my favorite places to escape to. The open field to the right of all of this is where the guys and I sometimes come to play football when we want to get away from campus. Sometimes, I come here alone. The peacefulness of this place is just what you need to clear your head.

Alyssa waits for me to come around to her side of the car before she gets out. She’s learning. When I open her door and reach for her hand, she looks at me probably thinking I have lost my mind. “Trust me,” I tell her after getting the balloons from the backseat. We walk around the playground and I sit on top of one of the picnic tables closer to the lake still holding the balloons. I tap the spot next to me and tell her to climb up. She does, but she still looks apprehensive.

“It’s beautiful here,” Alyssa says quietly. She is looking around taking it all in.

“It is,” I agree watching her appreciate the beautiful park.

“How did you find this place?” she wonders.

“It was purely accidental. I turned around in the parking lot one time,” I tell her.

“Alright. Enough small talk, Matthews. Spill it. What are we doing here? I’m about to get really impatient,” she says trying to sound tough.

“ About to get impatient? What do you call the last twenty minutes?” This makes her laugh.

“Warm up,” she winks at me. Once again, I’m sitting here appreciating how truly beautiful she really is. The way the morning sun is glistening off of her long, curly hair and the sparkle in her eyes has me wondering if she ever looks in the mirror. How can she think for one second she could pull off being invisible? How can I get mad when other guys stare at her? If she wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t think twice about staring either.

“Okay,” I start to say untying the knot the silver ribbons are loosely tied into, so the balloons can be separated. “I think, in order for us to have a chance at making this work, we should start from the beginning. We both carry around baggage daily we need to let go of. These balloons are going to be the baggage we are going to unload. Today.”

“Rocco,” she’s shaking her head. “Some stuff cannot just go away by releasing a balloon into the air.”

I pull one of the balloons away from the bunch and hold it out to her. “Your first one needs to be your trust issues. I’ve done nothing to hurt you. Give me a chance.” After considering what I’ve said, she takes the string from me and is looking up at the balloon she is holding just above eye level. “I get that other people have hurt you, Alyssa. I’m not asking you to trust them. I’m asking you to trust me.”

Alyssa turns to look at me. She takes in a deep breath. When letting it out, she lets go of the balloon leaving a half smile on her face. We both turn to watch the balloon float into the air until we cannot see it anymore. I hold out another ribbon to her and she takes it right away this time watching me. “Jeff and any other ex-boyfriends that have hurt you. They didn’t deserve to have you in the first place.” The string is gone from her fingers and she doesn’t even watch this one drift away.

When I go to give her another one, she shakes her head and pushes my hand away. “Your turn,” she says staring me right in the eye with sheer determination. “What happened to your dad was not your fault. Let go of the guilt you’ve been walking around with for fourteen years.” All of the shrinks my mom has taken me to since my dad died weren’t able to touch the responsibility I’ve felt over this. The look in her eyes makes me believe, even if momentarily, it really wasn’t my doing.

“How did you know?” I ask her.

“It was all over your face when I asked about your tattoo the other day. Your dad loved you, Rocco. Yes, he died protecting you, but it wasn’t your fault. Any parent who loves their child would have done the same thing. You should feel honored your dad cared about you. Remember what my mom did. Anyone can have a kid, but it takes a special person to actually be a parent and do the job well.” I feel tears building that I’ve repressed for many years. This wasn’t supposed to be about me. This was supposed to be about Alyssa letting go of her shit. “He would be so proud of you,” she whispers putting her hand on my arm that is holding the balloon. When I look at her, she tilts her head to the direction the last two balloons went. I let it slip through my fingers and she wraps her arms around my waist as far as her small arms allow her and lays her head on my shoulder as we watch it float away.

Now that I’ve regained control of myself, I hand her another string. “I think it’s only appropriate you let go of thinking you aren’t good enough. My guess is it’s because of your mother leaving you. It was her loss, Sunshine. She missed out on the life of the most beautiful woman in the entire world.” This gets me a small chuckle as she lets go. I see her glancing at the balloon for a few seconds then she looks back to me. We both turn at the sound of a minivan pulling into the parking lot behind us. A young mother and her two small children have come to enjoy the beautiful day. Alyssa smiles watching the kids run away from their mother to jump onto the swings.

“Your turn, again, Mr. Know-It-All,” she says punching me in the leg. I pull out another string and hold my breath for what she has planned next. She better not make me cry in front of her, I’d never be able to show my face again. “Let go of your need to control things and people outside of your power.” I start to speak, but she doesn’t let me. “You cannot control the world, Rocco. No one can. Let it go.” There is no arguing with her. I let it go thinking how no matter what, I will still try to protect her from anything she needs protection from for as long as she’ll let me. I know I’ll do it for the rest of my life.

“I only have one more request from you,” I don’t look at her. I’m looking out over the lake. “I want you to let go of feeling like you’re just another girl to me. The way you make me feel is completely different. That part of my life has been over since I saw you standing in the laundry room and I didn’t even know it.”

She reaches over pulling a string from the few that are remaining. She immediately lets go of it. “Done,” she tells me confidently and kisses me on the cheek. “Can I have two of them, please?” I hand her two balloons and she ties the strings together in a tight bow. “These aren’t for letting go of anything. These are for my aunt and uncle who I miss terribly every single day. I know they are happy because they are together. That’s all they ever wanted out of life, but I still miss them.” She whispers how she loves them and lets the balloons go. I watch her as she watches them disappear into the sky. She sheds a few tears before taking a deep breath and wiping her face.

“There are four left. Anything else you need to let go of?” I ask her draping my arm around her shoulders.

“No. I’m good. You?” I shake my head. “Do you mind if I take them?” I hand her the last couple strings that are wrapped around my hand. She gives me a quick peck on my cheek and says she’ll be right back. She jogs over to the playground and after asking their mother, hands both of the boys a balloon. They each hug her and Alyssa gives the last of the balloons to the mom. I see her talking to the family for a few minutes before she walks back to me.

“I see you made some new friends,” I say.

“Friends? Not really. Anyone shorter than me scares the hell out of me. That was just to ensure I’m able to walk by them later, unharmed.” She looks like she might actually be telling me the truth, so I laugh at her.

“You’re kidding me, right? You were over there with them for about two minutes and they fell in love with you.”

She turns around to glance at them again and they wave to her. She laughs. “Seriously. I’m petrified of little kids. As soon as I turned about fifteen, they started haunting me in my dreams.” She shudders. “Thank you for bringing me here today. It was very enlightening.”

“You’re very welcome. I hope it helps you. You deserve to live a life without anything holding you down,” I say wrapping my arms around her and pulling her up against the side of me. It doesn’t matter that we may have an audience. I want to hold my girlfriend. “You know when my dad died, I thought my heart was broken forever. It turns out, it just needed a reason to start beating again. You’ve given my heart a reason to live.” Alyssa apparently doesn’t care about there being little kids behind us. The kiss she gives me will linger in my head for a really long time. She pulls away leaving the both of us breathless and I’m ready to lay her on this table, taking her right here and now.

“Do you need me to throw you in the lake?” she asks smirking. Guess she does know she is tormenting the shit out of me. I jump off of the table and lift her up putting her over my shoulder the way I did in the parking lot of the restaurant the other day. She is laughing uncontrollably. When she realizes I’m walking toward the water, she starts to panic. “Don’t you dare, Rocco!” Her shouting gets louder the closer we get. “Don’t forget I have to get in your car!”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. I pull her off of my shoulder to hold her in my arms across the front of me. She wraps her arms around my neck as tight as she can. “You don’t really think I’d put you in the lake, do you?” I ask.

“I don’t doubt it for one second,” she states without question. One of her hands go into my hair and she pulls my lips to hers again.

“We need to get out of here before these little kids get a lesson in life their mother probably doesn’t want them to have for many years,” I whisper softly putting her down. She hugs me tightly before we start to walk back to the car.

We are passing the playground when the two kids slide down the slide and run over to the fence. “Are you and your friend coming to play with us, Alyssa?” The smaller boy asks. Even little kids are not immune to her beauty. I cannot catch a break.

“Guys, this is Rocco,” she says walking over to the fence.

“Is he your boyfriend?” This time it’s the older one who cannot be more than four years old asking.

“Yes, he is,” she says grinning.

“I don’t think he should be your boyfriend,” he says crossing his arms over his chest and a scowl on his face.

“Oh, why not?” Alyssa asks him bending down, so she’s the same height he is.

“Cause I should be your boyfriend,” he tells her.

“What?” I say to him teasingly. “No way. I saw her first! There’s no way I’m going to let you get away with that.” Not waiting for a reply, I leap over the lower part of the fence and start to chase him. He runs away screaming and laughing. His younger brother is following behind the both of us. I see the boys’ mom walking over to Alyssa who has let herself in the gate. The two of them are laughing at the three of us running around and climbing up the ladders and slides of the jungle gym. After about twenty minutes of chasing them and being chased, I scoop up the two boys, throw each one over a shoulder before walking over to Alyssa and their mom. “I think these belong to you,” I say not putting down the squirmy kids.

“No, I don’t think they do,” their mom says chuckling.

“Mommy, you know us!” Jake says while Joey says, “We are Joey and Jake!” They are laughing so hard they can barely get the words out.

“Oh, right. That does sound a little familiar," she says. I put them down and they scurry over to her. Watching as she holds her arms out to them reminds me of when I was little. The smile on my mom’s face all the time is something I will never forget. “Thank you for playing with them. They may actually take a nap today which means I might have a minute to relax.” She smiles at me.

“My pleasure. They are good kids, as long as they stay away from my girlfriend,” I tease Jake again.

He’s hiding behind his mom. “No way!” We are all amused by his comeback.

“It was really nice meeting all of you,” Alyssa says to them.

“Thank you for the balloons and for playing with us,” the kids shout. There are a few more goodbyes between the five of us.

We wave leaving the playground and return to my car. “You were really good with the boys. I would have never guessed.” I try to look insulted until she adds, “You will make a really great dad someday.”

I’m sure the surprise at what she just said is all over my face. I’ve never even considered having kids before. “That will only happen if I find the perfect someone willing to make me a dad someday.” I reach for her hand and bring her fingers to my lips. “There’s somewhere else I want to take you today, but we have a couple hours to kill. We don’t have to be there until one o’clock. What do you want to do now?”

“Do you think two secrets in one day is a good idea?” She looks even more worried than she did earlier.

“This one wasn’t so bad, was it?” I start the car ready to take her wherever she wants to go.

“No it wasn’t. I appreciate what you did for me today. You are proving to be a pretty classy guy, Rocco Matthews.”

“You had doubts?” I ask raising an eyebrow at her.

She rolls her eyes at me. “Did you forget I have class at five tonight?”

“Oh shit. I did. You might be late. I’m not sure how long this thing will take.” How did I forget her class?

“Classy guy to bad influence in a matter of seconds. Interesting,” she taunts making me feel guilty.

“We’ll work it out,” I decide. I don’t want to cancel this appointment. It was pure luck to be able to get something so soon. “So where to now?”

“Let’s get something to eat and then if there’s time we should go back to my room to grab my stuff for class in case we run late.”

“Your wish is my command, Sunshine.”

Дата добавления: 2015-10-30