Chapter Eight. The feeling in my chest is like nothing that I have ever felt before

Alyssa

The feeling in my chest is like nothing that I have ever felt before. My brain is telling me to calm down because this is Rocco Matthews we are talking about. Wasn’t someone just telling me how much of a heartbreaker he is? No way can I allow myself to fall for this guy, but it won’t hurt to let him take me on a couple dates. They aren’t even real dates, are they? There’s no denying how good it felt to be in his arms, though. No wonder girls are always throwing themselves at him. This is the exact thing I need to avoid.

Leah gets off the phone with Tyler. “Ty is going to run out and grab his car. He said he’ll pick us up by our door in 10 minutes.” Her smile cannot get any bigger then it is right now. “Well, I have to say, Lyss, I’m impressed. Rocco may actually be good for you.”

Here we go. I grab my new jeans and blue sweater my dad bought me yesterday and change quickly. “Friends, Leah. We’re just friends.”

“That’s funny because just a couple days ago, you were saying you were just lab partners.” Suddenly, a huge smile breaks out on my face. “You like him, don’t you?” She’s serious, now.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” This isn’t easy to explain. “Here’s the thing. Just ignore for one second how my last relationship just went down in flames a little over a month ago.” She nods to let me know she’s listening and keeps quiet, so I can continue. “Yes, I get that Rocco Matthews is gorgeous and he’s been nothing but sweet to me. Maybe the reason I think I like him is because of all the things he’s done. How many times has he helped me out in less than a week? Rocco doesn’t do the whole boyfriend thing. Even if he did decide to start dating, he can definitely have anyone he wanted. Why would he pick me? He doesn’t really even know me.”

“Okay, so let’s start by ignoring the lying, cheating bastard for forever. ” She gives me one of her glares. “Maybe Rocco’s doing all those things for you because he may actually like you. Julia called me at home this morning.” My shoulders sink. “Just listen before you throw one of your tantrums,” she warns. “She said that Rocco came to her asking about you while they were at a party last night. He was asking if she thought you were over Jeff, about why you went home, and when you’d be coming back. She also said he ignored a whole shitload of slutty girls and went back to his apartment alone and early. Look, I cannot tell you what to do. I’m not even sure what I’d do if it was me in your position, but maybe you should just be open to it. Don’t shut him out, but keep your distance at the same time. You deserve to be happy, Lyss. What if being with Rocco is what makes you happy?”

A car horn beeps outside of our window. “I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes. Come on. Tyler’s waiting.” She checks herself in the mirror one more time before looping her arm through mine and we head outside.

Within fifteen minutes, we are walking through the door of the restaurant. I’ve never been in here before. The older, dark wooden bar is off to the left and stretches from the front of the place to the back. Neon signs advertising the various brands of beer they serve are hung on the wall behind it in between the shelves holding the bottles of liquor. Almost all of the stools lined up along the counter are full, as well as the high tables in front of it. Directly in front of us are newer booths to the edge of the room, also in dark wood to match the bar, and round tables in the middle for larger parties. There is memorabilia hanging around the room from professional teams, our college, and the local high schools. Televisions hang all around, so no matter where you sit you can watch them. It’s a typical small town bar.

“Hello,” the petite hostess says. “How many in your party?”

Tyler tells her we are meeting friends and she directs us to a table in the back by the huge TVs, all of which have a different football game broadcasting. The four of them aren’t hard to spot, even in the crowd that has gathered here. All of them already have half a beer downed and there are appetizers just being placed on the table as I drop into the seat next to Rocco.

“Perfect timing,” he says as I reach over and take a nacho off of the plate in front of him.

“Couldn’t have planned that better if I tried.” The butterflies that have been released in my stomach are driving me crazy. We are interrupted by the waitress who has noticed our arrival. We all give our orders and she rushes off.

“So, Alyssa, Rocco was just telling us how he’s going to take you to your friend’s wedding,” Shane says. Looking at Shane from across the table, I notice how he is almost as attractive as Rocco, but in a completely different way. His sandy brown hair is buzzed on the sides and slightly longer on the top. He is thinner than Rocco, but still muscular. My favorite physical feature of Shane is his gray eyes under the longest, blackest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. On top of all of this, he is such a sweetheart. He could definitely have any girl he wanted.

“Yup. Hopefully, he doesn’t wise up and change his mind,” I tease leaning into him.

“You let me know if he bails. I’ll be more than happy to take you.” The two of them exchange a glance.

“I’m not bailing,” Rocco says and takes a long drink of his beer.

“Where is this wedding, anyway?” Shane wants to know.

“It’s about half an hour from my house. I’m about two hours south from here. She’s having it at a hotel which is cool because no one has to drive home. I’m not sure staying at the hotel with Jeff and his family will be a good idea for me, but we’ll see. I made my friend book me a room just in case. You don’t mind staying overnight in South Jersey, do you?” My attention goes back to Rocco.

“I’m sure I’ll manage.” He winks at me and gives me the smile my heart is growing so fond of seeing.

Our food comes out pretty quickly. The guys talk about the games on TV while Leah talks about what I should wear to the dinner with Rocco. We make plans to go shopping on Saturday. She says that will give her enough time to prepare my hair and makeup. Even though we aren’t engaged in the same conversation, Rocco is constantly reminding me that he’s next to me. He is nudging my leg under the table, offering me one of his fries, or asking if I need anything. I cannot help but notice how attentive he is. If he keeps this up, I’ll tumble into the Rocco Matthews trap for sure.

When everyone has finished, we all leave together. Rocco stops walking when we get to a black sports car which looks brand new. He presses a button on the remote in his hand and the lights flash causing me to stop.

“ That is your car?” I ask turning around to look at him.

“Please tell me you did not just refer to this fine piece of machinery that way.” You would think by the look on his face, I slapped him.

“Uh oh.” Shane and Logan came up behind the two of us. “I think she did, Rocco,” Shane provokes.

For a split second, I look at them, but my attention is drawn back to Rocco when he starts talking again. “ That just happens to be a 2014 Mustang Shelby GT500. This car was built especially for me.”

“Here we go,” Troy groans throwing his head back.

“I don’t care what it is,” I playfully reply continuing down the sidewalk toward Tyler’s car.

“Really?” he questions mockingly from behind me, but I don’t turn around. That is my mistake because the next thing I know, Rocco flings me up over his shoulder. “Guess I’ll just have to show you how awesome she is.”

My screams start right away and I’m smacking him on the back. “Rocco Matthews, put me down right now!” Leah is laughing and keeps walking with Tyler. “Leah, you traitor!”

He doesn’t put me down until we reach his car. Shane opens the passenger side door and Rocco places me in the front seat. “Buckle up,” he advises shutting me in.

I try to get out but Shane is blocking the door. “Shane, let me out.”

“Sorry. You got him started. Now I’ll never hear the end of it unless he shows you his most prized possession. Enjoy your ride, Alyssa.” Shane runs to catch up with his friends who are piling into Tyler’s car. Rocco slips in the driver’s side and starts the engine.

“You’re really going to just leave your friends?” I ask shooting him a look.

He beams at me. “I’d leave them anywhere if it meant going for a ride with you.”

How can I be mad at him when he says stuff like that? “It’s not very nice of you.” I pretend to sulk.

“Oh come on. Any one of them would leave me in a heartbeat if they had the chance to be sitting here right now.” His bantering makes me laugh. He pulls out of the parking lot behind Tyler. When Tyler makes the left to turn into the campus, Rocco speeds around the side of him going straight.

“Um, where are we going?”

“You in a rush to get back? You don’t turn into a pumpkin at a certain time do you?” He switches on the stereo and one of my favorite songs happens to be on. When he goes to change it, my hand reaches over grabbing his.

“You’re not seriously going to change that song, are you?”

“Oh no! You don’t actually like these guys, do you?” His smile cannot get any bigger right now. “What is this song even about, anyway? I haven’t seen one of those things in years. Can’t they afford cell phones with all of the money they make?”

“I just happen to be madly in love with the lead singer and he can sing about anything he wants to,” I defend my favorite band. “He’s right, you know. Not everyone gets a happily-ever-after.”

“Hmm. Guess I have my work cut out for me then,” he says almost to himself turning up the stereo. Of course, he leaves the song on. I’d ask him what he meant by that, but I’m afraid of what he’d say. When the song ends, he turns the volume back down so whatever comes on is background noise. It’s quiet as he drives around for a while. “You know you don’t have to come to the dinner with me, right? I’ll still take you to the wedding.” That makes me upset for a second because I think he’s regretting asking me. “You seemed uneasy when Leah was talking about it with you at the restaurant. I don’t want you to be nervous,” he clarifies.

Feeling relieved I say, “Wouldn’t you be nervous if Leah was threatening to do your hair and makeup?” For some reason, we both find this amusing.

“You sure you don’t mind coming?”

“If you want me to go, I’m going. What is it for anyway?” It was rude of me not to ask earlier.

“There’s no one else I’d rather take.” He pauses just long enough to glance over at me then back to the road in front of him. “It’s to benefit families of fallen police officers. My mom works hard all year putting it together. She told me once that this is her way of honoring my dad for saving my life. They were only married for a couple of years, but they were still good friends. I don’t think it’s only about him saving me, though. He would have done that even if he wasn’t a cop. Sometimes I think she never stopped loving him.”

“You’re really lucky to have great parents,” I tell him.

“Why do you say that?”

“My dad is great. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for him.” Talking about my mom makes me uncomfortable. He seems curious, though. “My mom took off when I was about three years old. Being a parent wasn’t her thing. Wish she would have figured that out before she had me. Anyway, I haven’t seen her since.”

“Wow. I’m not even sure how to respond to that,” he replies reaching over to stop my hands from fidgeting with the sleeves of my sweater.

“Nothing to say.” I don’t want him to feel bad for me about anything else. “My dad recently married and things have been great for him. That’s all I really want.”

The gates at the front of the campus have come into full view. He turns in and slowly drives all the way around to the parking lot. When he pulls in the space and shuts the car off, he doesn’t immediately get out. “So, do you now have a new found appreciation for her?” he wonders rubbing his hand along the steering wheel.

Biting my lip is the only thing that stops me from laughing. What is it with guys and their cars? “Would you be mad if I told you that I wasn’t paying attention to the car?”

“Nope. It just means you’ll have to take another ride with me sometime.” He exits the car. I follow and meet him around the back of the car. He puts his arm around my shoulders and leads me to the main entrance of the building.

“You know we could have just knocked on my window and someone would have let us in, right?”

“Yeah, I know, but this way takes longer,” Rocco admits as he swipes his card in the scanner on the wall. The audible click sounds and I open the door. We walk over to the stairwell and up to the second floor in silence.

When we reach our floor, he looks troubled. “Thanks for taking me for a ride,” I say trying to ease whatever is bothering him.

“Says someone not at all interested in cars,” Rocco teases raising his eyebrows.

“It wasn’t the car I was referring to. See you in class tomorrow, Rocco.” I say walking away.

“Have a good night, Alyssa,” he chuckles. When I glance back, he’s standing there smiling watching me walk away.

Once back in my apartment, Leah, Julia, and Erin are sitting in the living room waiting for me. There’s no way we are going to do this right now. “No. Don’t even start.” They start laughing hysterically. It’s going to be a long night.

Awakening to a cold, rainy, dreary Monday morning has me seriously regretting my decision to attend a college in northern New Jersey instead of Florida. Everyone seems to be having the same thoughts hidden underneath umbrellas trudging to class. If it wasn’t for the fact that today was a lecture day for both of my science classes, I may still be in under my warm, toasty blankets.

After my first class is finished, I proceed downstairs to the lecture hall on the first floor of the Science Building. As usual, most of the class is already seated, ready and waiting for the professor to begin. The only seats ever left are in the very back of the large room. I slide into my seat and get situated to be thoroughly confused even further. When someone unexpectedly sits in the seat next to me, I turn to see my favorite set of blue eyes watching me.

“Good morning!” Rocco says.

“What’s so good about it?” I sigh even though my mood has drastically improved in the last twenty seconds. “This rain seriously sucks. The bottom of my pants are still wet and I’ve been in this building for over two hours already.”

“What rain? From where I’m sitting, the sun is shining brighter than I’ve ever seen.” He’s really too cute for his own good. Deciding to keep that secret to myself, I just roll my eyes at him and try really hard not to smile. Thankfully, Dr. Willis clears his throat and begins his speech for the day.

It is so much easier to concentrate when Rocco isn’t sitting next to me. Occasionally, I’d find myself looking in his direction only to see him turning to me at the same time. At one point, he throws a small piece of paper on my binder. The note says for me to turn down the brightness because he is having trouble concentrating. Shaking my head, I crumple it up and throw it at him. Of course, he finds my reaction funny and it only encourages him to try to make me laugh even more. I am so relieved when class is finally dismissed.

“You’re a pain in my ass,” I blurt out when we get into the hallway.

“Oh, come on. I’m not all that bad, am I?” I don’t believe for one second that his ego is even slightly bruised the way he’s pretending it is.

“I didn’t say you were bad. I said you’re a pain in my ass. There’s a difference,” I clarify.

“Hey, Rocco. Wait up,” some girl calls from behind us. She is very pretty. Long, bright blond hair with pretty blue eyes and a body any guy would fall for. He stops, but I keep walking. Witnessing the tireless flirting of Rocco Matthews with one of his girls is not something I need to stick around to see.

“What do you need, Carrie?” I notice he’s short with her.

“You’re coming to hang out tomorrow night, right? You left so early Saturday, we didn’t have the chance to talk much.” Just before heading back out into the rain, I happen to glance back only to see her playing with a lock of her hair, looking up at him like she wants to jump him right there. That’s enough for me.

I’m not even through the small courtyard in front of the science building before Rocco comes running out of the door calling my name. “Alyssa. Hold on.” He jogs over to me. “Where are you running off to?” he asks when he catches up to me.

It’s obvious he wants to know why I didn’t wait for him while he talked to one of his admirers, but I won’t acknowledge it. He takes my umbrella from me and holds it over the both of us. “I’m going to get a sandwich from the Hamilton Building before heading back to my room. My next class isn’t until tonight.”

“That’s where my next class is. I’ll walk with you.” We walk a few steps in silence before he breaks it. “You know there isn’t anything going on with me and Carrie, right?”

“That’s none of my business, Rocco.” It’s too hard to look at him.

“I just want you to know,” he tells me with the same troubled look I saw on his face last night after we got back from the ride in his car. “You doing anything tomorrow night?”

“I don’t really do anything on Tuesday nights because I have to get up early on Wednesday mornings.”

“I’m in the same class as you and I still manage to squeeze in a little fun.” He is back to teasing me again.

“I have Physics lab at seven.”

“You’re taking Physics, too? Are you crazy?”

“If I want to graduate any time soon, I don’t have a choice,” I explain.

“That sucks.” We’ve reached the Hamilton Building, so he folds up my umbrella and hands it back to me. “Enjoy your lunch. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Have fun in class.”

“I can guarantee it won’t be nearly as fun as my last one.” There’s that friggin smile again. Damn it!

Chapter Nine

Rocco

It’s becoming harder and harder to go to my classes when I’d rather be with Alyssa. Keeping her company seems to be the only thing that interests me anymore. Between yesterday and today, she doesn’t seem to be bothered about her ex-boyfriend anymore. Yesterday while she was talking to his sister, the sadness still never showed like it had the week before. Her eyes have been bright, even when she is trying to pretend like she’s mad. When she laughs, my heart melts. She has absolutely no idea how friggin adorable she is. That’s the part I like most about her.

By the time my classes are over, Alyssa’s class has already begun. Since there is nothing I can do until she gets out in a few hours, homework helps me pass some time. Once it is finished, I decide to take a few minutes to check in with my mom. Excited is an understatement when describing her reaction to hearing how I’m bringing a date to the charity dinner this year. We are on the phone for another half hour while she questions me relentlessly about Alyssa. Since she will be busy that night, she wants me to bring Alyssa by the house this Sunday, so she can meet her. I promise to ask and tell her I’ll get back to her before the weekend.

Just as I’m hanging up the phone, Shane is walking through our bedroom door announcing how he just walked Alyssa to her apartment. “What do you mean you walked her back?” A quick glance at the clock shows me the three hours have come and gone.

“I told you. She’s in my Accounting class.” I didn’t realize that was the class they had tonight. “So, what’s up with you two?” He dropped his backpack on his desk and then sat on his bed.

“Not much.”

He laughs. “You two really should talk.”

“What do you mean by that?” Was he talking to her about me?

“I asked her the same thing and she didn’t have an answer either. She lit up as soon as I mentioned your name.” Why does hearing that make me feel like this? “The smile on your face right now is sickening.” He can make fun of me all he wants. Leaving all of my homework right where it is, I grab my keys and head out. There is no need to tell Shane where I’m going. He already knows.

Leah opens the door. “Hey, Rocco. What’s up?” She stands to the side giving me room to walk through the door.

“Shane told me he walked Alyssa back from class. Thought I’d swing by and see what she was up to.” She smiles at me. “What?”

“Nothing.” She’s shaking her head as she answers my question. “Have a seat. She was just going to jump in the shower. I’ll try to catch her.”

Leah disappears into her room and I hear her knocking on the bathroom door telling Alyssa I’m here. Alyssa comes out of her room a few minutes later pulling her hair up. She’s wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. This isn’t something any other girl would ever do and it thrills me at how comfortable she seems to be around me. “Hi,” she says coming over to sit on the other end of the sofa.

“Hey, Sunshine.” That gets a smile out of her.

“You’re still sticking with that, huh?”

“I am. I like it,” I say winking. “You going to bed or something? I thought you went to bed early on Tuesday nights?”

“She goes to bed early every night,” Leah calls from their room. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one Alyssa rolls her eyes at.

“No. Well, not yet anyway. Leah is going to the movies with Tyler. Erin and Julia are already out. Figured I would get comfy and watch some TV before calling it a night.”

“She won’t come with us, Rocco.” Leah comes out of their room. “Tell her to stop being such an old lady,” she says sticking her tongue out at Alyssa. “She doesn’t even have class until the afternoon tomorrow.”

“I think you’re old enough to go on a date with your boyfriend all by yourself, Leah. You don’t need a chaperone. Now, get the hell out of here before I change my mind and make you stay home.” There’s a knock on the window and Leah waves goodbye. “Make sure you are back by midnight,” Alyssa tells her. Leah sticks her tongue out at her again.

I’m left shaking my head at the two of them. “You girls are like an old married couple.” They both laugh and tell me I’m not the first one to tell them that. Leah heads out leaving the two of us alone.

“You going to stay for a little bit?” she asks me.

“Sure you don’t mind?” I’m instantly relieved at not being kicked out.

“Why would I mind? Want some ice cream? We have cookies-n-cream.” She stands up and goes to the refrigerator. After pulling out the ice cream container from the freezer and dropping the lid on the counter, she walks over grabbing two spoons from the top drawer and a bag of pretzels from the cabinet.

“I love ice cream,” I say when she hands me a spoon and the bag of pretzels.

She sits down so close to me that her leg is right against mine. The way she looks at me causes a wave of nervousness, excitement, and something else I cannot quite put my finger on to pulse through me. A girl has never made me feel this way before. In a short amount of time, she’s done exactly what I thought she’d be able to do. Alyssa has found her way into my guarded heart. Part of me is scared to death because if she doesn’t feel the same way about me, I’m going to be crushed beyond repair. The other part knows damn well that being friends with her will never be enough for me. I’m about to cross a line I had no choice but to draw a few years ago when Vicki threatened me and those around me. Without a doubt, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her. Well, all except staying away from her. This girl is the only one who has been able to make me feel alive since I lost my dad and I’ll do anything to make her mine.

“Luckily for you, I like you. I don’t normally share.” She winks at me interrupting my thoughts. I watch as she takes a pretzel out of the bag now laying on my lap and dips it in the ice cream before eating it.

“What did you just do?” I ask giving her a disgusted look.

“Don’t knock it until you try it, Matthews!” She dips another pretzel into the ice cream and holds it out for me to eat it. My eyes lock with hers and neither one of us breaks the gaze. Grabbing her wrist and bringing it to me, I open my mouth and take the pretzel from her.

“Not bad,” I barely manage to get out still staring at her.

Just as I’m about to reach my hand up to her cheek, the loud fucking buzzing of the fire alarm rings throughout the apartment making us both jump. Alyssa closes her eyes and sighs. I’m ready to hunt down and kill the son of a bitch who thought tonight would be a good night for a fire drill. She gets up to put the ice cream in the freezer, then goes into her room to grab her sweatshirt and shoes. If the Resident Assistants didn’t check every room, we wouldn’t be leaving this apartment right now.

“Do you want to sneak over to your apartment to grab your jacket before they kick us outside?” she asks coming out of her bedroom hopping on one foot and pulling her shoe on.

“Nah. Who needs a coat when I have you to keep me warm? Let’s go.” Placing my hand on the small of her back, I lead her outside before the RAs come in here. Once we are far enough away from the building, she stops walking and turns to face me. The air has cooled off from all of the rain earlier in the day. When the wind blows, she shudders, so I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me to keep her warm. Right away, she relaxes next to me just like she did the last time I held her.

Shane, Logan, and Troy somehow manage to find me even out here in the dimly lit parking lot. They come over to us and I think to myself how they better hope Alyssa doesn’t let go of me. All three of them have smirks on their faces, so I shake my head giving fair warning. If they fuck this up for me right now, there will be hell to pay.

“Hey Rocco. You want to keep me warm, too?” Fucking Logan and his big mouth.

Alyssa picks her head up looking in his direction. “Back off, Logan. He’s mine right now. Go find someone else.” The way she says that only confirms my feelings for her. She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my back. Shane and Troy laugh at him making me even happier. They start telling me about the football game that I couldn’t care less about right now.

Once they say we are allowed to go back in, Alyssa lets go of me, but she stays next to me. My hand reaches for hers. She takes it, however, she seems tense all of a sudden. When we get back inside the building, she reaches for her keycard in her pocket. After opening the door, we both head in and the door closes behind us. The look on her face is still there when she comes out of her room from putting her shoes away.

“What’s wrong?” I’m too anxious to try to figure it out. She just needs to tell me.

“I feel bad,” she confesses quietly.

“About?”

“I’m keeping you from the game with your friends. Did you want to go back to watch it with them?”

I walk over to where she is standing right outside her bedroom door. Putting my hands on both sides of her face, I tell her the truth. “There’s no way in hell, I want to be anywhere but right here with you.”

A look of confusion washes over her face. How has she not figured out that I’ve been falling for her since the first time I saw her? I’m done playing games. I lower my head and touch my lips to hers. She kisses me back, so I deepen the kiss. It doesn’t last long before she pulls away, her hand on her lips and tears in her eyes. What the fuck did I do?

“I can’t,” she says taking a step back.

“You can’t what?” She’s shaking her head. If this girl cries right now, I’m going to fall apart right along with her.

“I cannot be another one of your girls. I just can’t do it.” She turns around and starts to go back into her room. I grab her arm to keep her facing in my direction. There is now a tear running down her right cheek. My finger wipes it away causing another one to spill over.

“Don’t cry. Man, I fucking hate it when you cry.” Now I’ve pulled her to me and I’m holding her tight against my chest again. How do I convince her this is where she belongs? I kiss the top of her head and lean her back just enough so I can see her face. “Alyssa, listen to me.” She doesn’t look at me until I put my finger under chin and tilt her head back slightly. “I don’t know what I did to make you feel that way, but I’m so sorry. Please believe me.”

Her tears seem to stop at hearing that. “You didn’t do anything. It’s just that I’ve heard how you can be. Things that you’ve done. Girls you’ve…” She doesn’t finish what she was going to say and I’m thankful especially since she’s right.

I shake my head. “This is going to sound pretty damn cliché, but I have to say it anyway. I’ve never had a girl mean anything to me before you came along. I don’t know what it is about you.” I’m not sure if she believes me or not. She’s been hurt too severely, too recently and someone has told her all about my past. “I had absolutely no idea it was even possible for me to feel this way about someone, but I’m so glad my heart waited for you. I want to be the one who makes you forget all the heartbreak you’ve had to deal with and I want to be the one who makes you happy the way you make me happy.” There are more tears trailing down her face now and it makes me feel like she’s telling me no. She doesn’t want me to be the one who gets to take away her pain.

Alyssa wipes her tears on the sleeve of her shirt. “I don’t want to feel that pain ever again. I don’t think I’d survive if my heart ever had to deal with it again.”

What the hell she is trying to say? “Please, Alyssa. Let me in. Give me the chance to prove that I deserve you. I get you’re concerned about the shit I’ve done. I can apologize for it a thousand times, but there’s nothing that can be done to change it. I honestly wish there was a way I could. I can only promise that you will never regret giving me a shot. I’ll never be the same person I was before finding you.”

There’s a long pause and my heart is ready to explode from the anxiety. “Don’t you see? I’ve already let you in, Rocco.” She’s blinking away her tears and a small smile replaces the torture that was there before. “You just showed up out of nowhere and barged your way in while I was trying to block everyone else out. When you leave, I’ll never recover.”

Is she saying what I think she’s saying? “You’re letting me in?” She nods her head once. “You’re giving me a chance?” She nods again. The overwhelming happiness that fills my chest is too deep to describe. Alyssa wraps her arms around my neck and this time when I kiss her, she doesn’t pull away. Kissing her is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, nor could I ever feel again if she left me. Pulling away from her and looking in her eyes, I say what she needs to hear, but she’ll only believe when she sees it. “Just so you know, I’m not going anywhere.” She starts to look away, but I don’t let her. “You’ll see.”

“I guess we will.”

“This totally beats watching a football game with a bunch of guys.” I cannot help the smile on my face. She goes into her room to wipe her face and I can see she’s laughing at me.

“We’ll see if you are still saying that after dealing with me for a couple days.”

I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, so her back is against my chest. My chin rests on the top of her head. “Alyssa, I’m going to be dealing with you for a whole lot longer than a couple days.” She puts her arms on top of mine. Eventually, we go out to the living room and sit on the couch. A new sense of calmness has come over me and there is nothing I want more than to have a normal night alone with her. “What do you watch on Monday night?”

Alyssa yawns as she curls up next to me. “Nothing really. Put on whatever you want.” She hands me the remote, then grabs one of the pillows that are piled on the opposite end of the couch. She puts it on my lap and lays down. There is a blanket on the table next to me, so I tuck it around her.

“You want me to head out so you can go to sleep?”

She rolls her head slightly, so she can look up at me. “No. I want you to stay right here with me.”

My arm automatically goes around her. “Good. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”

Chapter Ten

Alyssa

The morning brings a new, beautiful day. The sun is shining so bright it’s filtering through the navy blue curtains Leah hung in our room. Neither one of us is a morning person. All of a sudden, I remember I didn’t fall asleep in my bed last night. How the hell did I get here? My mood darkens because the thought of what happened with Rocco only being a dream is completely devastating. When I glance over to my phone, there is a piece of white notebook paper underneath it. My mood instantly changes back. Across the front of it is “ Sunshine” written in messy boy handwriting. It causes me to chuckle a little and even roll my eyes.

Good Morning!

I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, but I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful and I heard you haven’t been sleeping very well lately. It took everything I had to go to class this morning. If I didn’t have a test today, I’d still be there with you. Have a good morning. I’ll check in with you later. Thank you for letting me in. I promise you won’t regret it!

OXOX

R

Did he stay with me all night? There’s no way he would have slept on the couch sitting up like he was. How the hell did I not hear all three of my roommates come in last night? The sound of Erin and Julia talking in the living room startles me. They never got up early. My phone says it’s almost eleven. Shit! How did I sleep so late? Even though there is still plenty of time before my class starts, I hate sleeping in. After sending a quick text to Rocco apologizing for falling asleep on him, I quickly make my bed then jump in the shower. When I get out, Leah is back from class and my friends are waiting for me in the living room. Leah even brought us lunch from our favorite salad place.

“Please, come join us for lunch, Lyss,” Julia says patting the empty chair beside her. They are all impatiently waiting to hear what happened with Rocco last night. Why did I have to fall asleep before they got home? The smile on my face tells them all they need to know, but they want to hear me say it anyway.

“Tell me right now. You can eat later. What did we miss last night?” Leah is the worst of all of them.

“You missed a fire drill,” I say looking at the text Rocco sent while I was in the shower. Did you just wake up??? I text back telling him that I did and he should be paying attention in class, not texting me.

“Get the hell off your phone and answer me. I know we didn’t only miss a fire drill.” Did I mention how impatient Leah was? Erin finds this comical.

Looking over at the three of them, I shrug my shoulder and plop into the seat between Julia and Leah. “We decided to give it a try. We’ll see what happens. I’m not going to think too much about it. Just see how it goes. Another broken heart really isn’t something I need right now.”

Erin passes over my salad. “And?”

“And what?” I repeat taking it from her.

“You were passed out on his lap when we all got back. He didn’t want to move because he was afraid he’d wake you up. Poor guy,” Erin says shoving food in her mouth.

My phone chimes with another text from Rocco. Class isn’t nearly as important as talking to my girl! Leah takes the phone out of my hand. “He’s ridiculous.” She’s smiling and shows the other two before handing it back to me. Both of them declaring how adorable they think he is. I text him how I like the sound of that. “And ‘poor guy’ my ass. He couldn’t have been happier. Tyler and I woke him up when we came home around midnight. I told him I’d tell you where he went if he wanted to head out. He flat out refused. He didn’t even carry you to bed until this morning before he went back to his room to get ready for class. I told him to leave you there because you’d be up soon and how you’ve fallen asleep there plenty of times.” Another text comes through. He wants to stop by after his class. Can’t wait is what I send back. Leah shakes her head smiling. “I am so happy for you, Lyss. I really hope this works out for you. He really seems to care about you.”

“Me too,” I say too excitedly. I really need to be careful about Rocco.

“So…?” Julia asks. I look at her confused. “So, how was he in bed?” Erin chokes on the water she is taking a sip of and smacks Julia’s arm. “What? Oh, come on. You want to know, too. Damn, we’ve wanted to know this for a long time.”

“I didn’t sleep with him. Not that it is any of your business!” I snap.

“We’ll know soon enough,” she whispers to Erin like I’m not even in the room.

Conversation now shifts from me to Leah’s upcoming Halloween party. It’s an annual event sponsored by the Education Department and Leah volunteered to take charge of it this year. I’m surprised she wasn’t demanding the position freshman year. She’s extraordinarily good at telling people how to do things her way. Of course now that she is running it, I don’t have a choice but to go. The last two years, for some reason, there was something going on at home that I had to get to. I despise dressing up for Halloween, but of course Leah is making me.

“So, you girls are going to help me paint The Rock, right?” The Rock is a huge boulder on the lawn in front of the Hamilton Building. Clubs and organizations paint it to advertise for events or meetings they are having.

“What? Don’t you have a committee to do that?” I loathe painting, too.

“Yup. You guys.” Leah smiles. Bitch. “We have The Rock for two weeks, so we are doing it this Sunday. Hope you girls have painting clothes with you.”

“Did you girls pick out your costumes yet? Julia and I are going as naughty school girls. You should join us,” Erin says winking at me.

“No way!” I glare at Leah. She offered to get our costumes. Since I was so miserable over breaking up with Jeff when she asked me, I agreed because it would be one less thing for me to think about. She knows me well enough to know what type of costume to buy.

“I know. I know.” Leah sighs holding her hands up in surrender. “We are going as butterflies. Purple for me and blue for Lyss, of course. I already ordered them and they should be coming in this week. I cannot wait to see them! Oh, remind me when we are out shopping on Saturday to look for shoes. I’m thinking we will need either white or silver.”

“Really? Butterflies? How boring!” Julia announces. I’m not sure, but Leah may have winked at her. I should probably be concerned, but since I’m in such a good mood I’ll ignore it for now. “You should just ditch her, Leah. Join us and make the prude over there do her own thing. Maybe she can go as a nun or something like that.”

“Watch it, bitch! I know where you sleep,” I warn her, but she just laughs. Leah and Erin are chuckling at our friendly bickering.

“Jules, do you remember who is currently calling himself her boyfriend? Not to mention, she was single for about a month. Alyssa, just ignore her. She’s clearly just jealous.” Erin is always the peacekeeper.

“Damn right I’m jealous.” I turn to look at her. “You know you are, too, Erin. You’ve seen that body she hides most of the time. If the male population here saw that, we’d have to put a revolving door in.”

“Oh my God!” My face is probably so red.

“Anyway, can we please get back to my party plans?” Leah interrupts laughing. “The food is being delivered around seven fifteen. There is no way I am using on-campus catering, so I hired a caterer on Main Street here in Madison.”

“That was a good idea. Did you make sure to include that on the fliers you had had printed?” Erin asks her.

“Of course.” Leah almost sounded insulted. “The Pub is providing and serving the alcohol. Don’t worry about not being twenty-one. I’ll take care of our drinks. The party is from eight to midnight. No one is using the room all day, so we can go in and decorate any time. I’m thinking maybe we should have everyone meet there around eleven. This way we have plenty of time to come back here to change into our costumes instead of over in the Student Center. Sound good? Am I forgetting anything?”

“You will have more than the four of us to decorate, right?” I need to clarify.

“Yes, smart-ass. The whole department will be there for that part. I even think some of the faculty will be stopping by to get it set up. I’m more concerned about the clean-up.”

There’s a knock at the door and I jump up to get it, ignoring the remarks my friends are making behind my back. Opening the door and seeing Rocco standing there feels even better than when I saw the note on my dresser this morning. I greet him with a warm smile.

“Hey,” he says giving me a kiss on the cheek as he walks by me.

“Hi. How was class?” I ask letting the door close behind him.

He sits in my seat at the table and holds his arm out for me to sit on his lap. “Boring as hell. It did brighten up a little once this girl started texting me.”

“Haven’t you had enough of her on your lap in the last twelve hours?” Julia asks sarcastically.

“Nope,” he replies as I sit on his lap and watch her roll her eyes.

“Good thing I have a class to get to. I wouldn’t want to lose the lunch I just ate.” She gets up and goes into her room to get ready.

“You have no room to talk, you slut,” Erin calls after her.

Julia laughs from her room before responding. “Don’t I know it?” She can be pretty funny sometimes.

“What’s up? What is all that crap?” Rocco is pointing to the pile of papers and folders Leah has for the party spread out in front of her.

“Stuff for the Halloween party. You guys are coming, right? It’s for my department and I just happen to be in charge of the event this year. It’s going to be awesome.” Leah is practically leaping out of the chair with delight.

“We went last year. It was a good time. I’m sure it will be even better this year.” He wraps his arm around my waist.

“What will be even more fun than the party is helping to paint The Rock on Sunday.” I wink at him and he chuckles.

“Let me guess. She volunteered you guys to paint it with her?”

“Yup. Aren’t we the luckiest roommates in the whole entire building?” I tease and blow her a kiss.

“Damn right you are. I will drag your asses there by your hair if I need to.” I don’t doubt her for one minute.

“I’m just teasing you, Leah. You know damn well that I’ll do anything for you. Giving you a hard time is what I do.”

“If you offer my roommates food when they are done, they will gladly help you. They only sit around on Sundays watching football,” Rocco tells her as he’s rubbing my back.

“Done. Will you ask them for me?”

“Absolutely. I’ll let you know later.”

“Thank you so much!” He nods at her.

Leah, Erin, and I clean up lunch before Rocco and I go into my room. He lays on my bed on his back, tucking his arms behind his head. I sit next to him pulling my legs up next to me. Leaning on him like this, I can feel how sculpted his abdomen is. Julia’s question about how he was in bed pops into my head and I instantly think how much I’d love to find out right now. Damn it. I have to think about something else, fast.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep on you last night,” I tell him hoping my face isn’t turning color again.

“Don’t be. It was one of the best nights of my life.” He’s so adorable when he grins like that. I really hope he cannot read my mind.

“Seriously? Sleeping half sitting up on my couch was one of the best nights of your life?” I raise my eyebrows. There’s no way he can be telling me the truth.

“Definitely. A night where you tell me you are giving me a chance to be with you, you sleep on my lap, and I carry you to your bed is without a doubt the best night ever.” My face is starting to hurt with all this smiling I’ve been doing. “I’m planning on taking a nap when you go to class, though.”

“You sure this is what you want?” I’m serious now. “I hear that I tend to be a little high maintenance sometimes.”

“Bring it on,” he says. I lay down on the pillow next to him and Rocco turns up on to his side, so he can face me. His puts his arm around me.

Leah comes in and lays on her bed across from mine. “You two are so cute, I may actually throw up.”

“After you get back from class, how about we go out to dinner?” Rocco asks me and I immediately start to shake my head no. He speaks again before I have a chance. “Why not?”

“You were with me last night. Your friends are going to start hating me if I take you away from them. Don’t you always go out with them on Tuesday nights?”

“There’s no way they would hate you for that. Actually, they may love you for that.”

“Screw them,” Leah interjects. “Let your boyfriend take you out to dinner.”

“I like your roommate,” he says.

“Of course you do,” Leah has to add.

“Seriously, though. Leah tell him you understand my point, too.”

“I do, but if you guys are going to date, they will have to learn to share him, Alyssa.” She couldn’t just agree with me and shut the hell up?

“Who invited you in here, anyway?” I toss one of my pillows over at her.

“I don’t need an invitation, girlfriend. I live here, too!” She throws it back.

“Okay. Fair enough. How about I take you out to dinner and then afterwards, since you have to go to bed before dark, I’ll meet them at the bar?”

Leah’s laughs. “Bed before dark,” she repeats.

I ignore her. “How can I say no to that face?”

He leans over kissing me. “Perfect. I’m going to go take a nap then. Someone kept me up too late.” Jerk. “What time is your class over?” I tell him it’s over at five o’clock and he says he’ll pick me up a little after five. He says goodbye to Leah and heads back to his room.

I roll over into the space Rocco just left and feel myself sigh as I stretch out.

“What’s wrong?” Leah asks getting up and fixing her bed she just wrinkled.

“I’m waiting for someone to tell me this is all a really bad joke. That he really has no interest in me.”

She’s shaking her head at me. “Get up. You have to get to class.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say getting out of my bed and doing the same exact thing Leah just did to hers. We really should seek the help of a professional.

When I walk in to my Development of Theater class about twenty minutes later, the girl Rocco was talking to outside of Cell Bio yesterday comes up to me. I didn’t even know she was in this class. She has a look of disgust on her face. Did I do something to her? And what the heck was her name again?

“Alyssa, right?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I answer suspiciously and continue to walk by her to my seat on the far side of the room. She’s following me. Wonderful.

“So, Rocco tells me that you and him are together now. Is that true?” She is playing with her hair the same way she was in front of Rocco yesterday. Does she even realize she does it?

“Is there a reason you are asking me?” I’m snapping at her. Her attitude is very aggravating. I don’t even know this girl and she is standing here questioning me about my relationship.

“Well, I just wanted to let you know, whatever his fascination is with you, it won’t last long. Rocco isn’t the one girl kind of guy. Some of us don’t mind that kind of thing, you know,” she informs me and flips her hair over her shoulder.

“I’m not concerned,” I say ending the conversation and turn to get my binder and homework out of my bag. She walks over to her friend two rows over.

“Seriously, Carrie. What the hell is wrong with you?” Carrie. That’s her name. She’s not happy with her friend’s reaction.

“That girl needs to know her place. If Rocco is finally going to settle down with someone, you think it’s going to be with her?”

“It’s none of your business what he does with anyone. What makes you think he’d pick you? Don’t forget, he’s never picked you.” I have no idea who this girl is, but I like her. She gets up and goes to sit in a different seat leaving Carrie alone. That may be someone I don’t actually mind getting to know.

Дата добавления: 2015-10-30