***
What does a redneck always say just before he dies?
“Hey! Watch this”
(redneck – жлоб, деревенщина. От безделья и длительного нахождения на воздухе они приобретают характерный загар, который в России называют «колхозным»)
***
How do you keep a kid from wetting the bed?
Give him an electric blanket
(черный юмор)
***
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Control freak. Now this is where you say, Control freak who?”
***
What did Cinderella say when she left Boots?
“Some day my prints will come.”
***
What’s the difference between dogs and foxes?
About four pints
(dog – уродливая женщина, fox – хорошенькая, сексуальная. Как говорят в России, не бывает некрасивых женщин… или…я столько не выпью).
***
What do you get when you mix a laxative with holy water?
A religious movement
(обыгрывается словосочетание bowels movement – акт дефекации)
***
What goes “Ooooooooooo”?
A cow with no lips.
***
What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the sound.
***
How do you know if a stoner crashed into your house?
He’s still there.
***
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in the liquidizer (соковыжималка)
***
What do you call an artist with brown fingers?
Picasso (pick-ass-o)
***
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef
***
Did you hear about the new French tank?
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