Classified Classics

A company ran an advertisement for a portable camp shower, emphasizing the ease with which it could be assembled. In a full-page ad, showing a bikini-clad woman screwing the shower to the wail, the big, black headline read: TWO screws and YOU'RE- ready for a shower (screw – синоним известных нам fuck и shag).

1. Use our medicine and you can kiss your hemorrhoids goodbye! (обыгрывается Kiss your ass goodbye! – Попрощайся с жизнью!)

2. Kinney shoe stores: We only sell the right shoe (только правый ботинок или только правильную обувь?).

3. Our goal is to have you drive away a satisfied customer (понять можно двояко: 1. чтобы вы (клиент) уехали довольным или 2. отвадить, послать к черту довольного клиента).

4. Turkey Carpet for Sale good condition the property of a lady too large for her rooms.

5. Narcolepsy Support Group, a new group for individuals who suffer from this sleep disorder and their families, will begin at 2 P.M.

6. Law-firm ad: If you have experienced accident injury, or even death, please call us.

7. In a brochure advertising a seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace: Experts will define issues, clarity laws, and conduct hands-on training (можно понять буквально «лапать, тискать» (очень в струю с темой семинара), но имелось в виду другое: hands-on training – практический семинар, на реальных примерах).

8. Bras—1/2 Off! (видимо, имелась в виду скидка в 50%, а получается, что половина бюста долой!)

9. Wanted. Help for parents of children with attention deficit and lysdexia (dyslexia).

10. Wanted. 100-year-old bridge repairers (рабочие для ремонта 100-летнего моста или рабочие, кому перевалило за вековой юбилей?).

11. Wanted. A steady young woman to wash, iron, and milk two cows.

12. Wanted. Boring Mill Operator (to bore – 1. бурить 2. надоедать, нудить).

13. Wanted. Waitresses. Male or female may apply.

14. Wanted. Emotionally Handicapped Teacher.

15. For sale. Stimulated pearls (опечатка: не stimulated, а simulated pearls – искусственный жемчуг).

16. XYZ Motors is the oldest Saab dealer in the Upper Valley since 1968.

17. Cupid's Restaurant. Beautiful ladies to serve you. We've Lifted Our Standards Up Yours (1. повысили свой уровень (планку) в обслуживании до вашего или 2. Up yours! – засунь себе в з…).

18. There will be plenty to eat: hot dogs, hamburgers, children under 12, only a dollar.

19. Widow, 73, would like to meet gent with a car of similar age.

20. At the Cleveland Clinic, some of our surgeons can add years to your life. Others are equally expert at reversing the process.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19