Science Friction

1. A student in science class wrote: "The universe is a giant orgasm. " (organism). At the end of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory. " (т еория большого взрыва, но, учитывая, что ученик вместо слова organism использовал слово orgasm, учитель сделал очень остроумный комментарий, так как слово bang в англ. языке означает еще и половой акт).

2. All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels, and condoms (condom – презерватив. Конечно, ученик имел в виду condo – condominium).

3. Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity (law of gravity).

4. Galileo showed that the earth was round and not vice versa. He dropped his balls to prove gravity. (Во-первых, что такое «наоборот» от слова «круглый»? С многозначным словом balls вы уже, конечно, знакомы. И вообще, предметы разные бросал, по-моему, не он, а Ньютон).

5. Marie and Perrier Curie shared the Noble Prize ( конечно же, the Nobel Prize).

6. Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Insti­tute in France (Sorbonne – Сорбонна). (Sore buns – воспаленные, больные ягодицы).

7. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

8. Dinosaurs became extinct after the flood because they were too big to get into the ark.

9. Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.

10. Algebra was the wife of Euclid.

11. A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side.

12. A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight (в Фаренгейтах измеряется температура, а не градусная мера).

13. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin (Oxygen) and Hydrogin (Hydrogen). Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

14. As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.

15. The union of the egg and sperm is called deception (conception - зачатие).

16. Human beings share a need for food, shelter, and sex with lower animals.

17. The safest sex is absence (Самый безопасный секс – это его отсутствие).

18. On a date, a boy tries to show how masculine he is. On this point, a girl can help greatly.

19. Teenage suicide is a problem because approximately 400,000 teenagers attempt to commit suicide and only 7,000 succeed.

Finally, here are some science daffynitions concocted by our students, who are well on their way to becoming the scientists of tomorrow:

- Aorta: a man who makes long speeches (orator).

- Equator: a menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

(эти слова похожи при быстром неряшливом произношении).

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19