Chunking information Appropriately

Apart from the desirability of "sounding good," the issue of sentence length has a great deal to do with communicating clearly. In nonfic­tion writing, the decision as to how much information should go into one sentence comes down more to content than to style concerns. If two discrete items of information are closely related, putting them into a single sentence makes their connection clearer to the reader; separating them might make this connection harder to grasp. Con­versely, merging distinct topics into one sentence may send a confus­ing signal the other way. (Of course, it is often a matter of interpreta­tion as to what constitutes "closely related" and "distinct.")

The following examples illustrate this reasoning. Note that there is nothing really wrong with them; they are not presenting the material in any way that is actively misleading. The motive behind altering them can be described as follows: During the act of taking in information, readers form instantaneous, almost subcon­scious impressions and expectations, and if anything comes along that seems less than completely congruous with these expectations, they may find it necessary to pause momentarily and make some mental readjustments. If a writer can anticipate these expectations and ensure that they are met, readers will always be on top of the intended meaning.

EXAMPLE 1

It would be expensive and time-consuming to survey the entire population. What you want to do is to select a smaller, representative group (a sample). You use the data derived from this group to make generalizations about the whole.

Sentence 3 names the purpose of the advice given in sentence 2. This connection would come through more strongly if the two were combined.

BETTER: It would be expensive and time-consuming to survey the entire population. What you want to do is to select a smaller, representative group (a sample), and use the data derived from this group to make generalizations about the whole.

EXAMPLE 2

There are several steps you should follow when preparing a publication proposal. Basically, a proposal should contain a few paragraphs describing your goals for the book. A table of contents is helpful. Attach some completed chapters as a sample of your writing. The proposal should include a brief description of yourself, stating your experience and why you are qualified to write this particular book. The publisher may send copies of the proposal to experts in the field for peer review. Thus, it often takes a few months before you can expect to hear whether your proposal has been accepted.

This paragraph contains two subtopics: what a proposal should contain and what happens after you submit it. The bulk of the information is on the first subtopic. However, since each point begins a new sentence, it's a bit difficult to recognize where this subtopic ends and the next one begins. Combining similar information into one sentence would make the subtopics easier to distinguish.

BETTER: There are several steps you should follow when preparing a publication proposal. Basically, a proposal should contain a few paragraphs describing your goals for the book; a table of contents; some completed chapters as a sample of your writing; and a brief description of yourself, stating your experience and why you are qualified to write this particular book. The publisher may send copies of the proposal to experts in the field for peer review. Thus, it often takes a few months before you can expect to hear whether your proposal has been accepted.

Note how this merging also makes the passage more concise, since each component does not now have to be separately introduced.

EXAMPLE 3

The following section describes a method that physicians and other health practitioners can use to measure patients' physical, emotional and social functioning, which has been tested in dozens of practices, both in North America and elsewhere, to evaluate its reliability and validity, and has valuable applications in both hospital- and office-based clinical settings, as well as in research studies.

This passage packs a series of related but nonetheless discrete points into a single run-on sentence and, while not impossible to follow, is a bit of a strain. It contains three distinct items of informa­tion, and should be broken up accordingly.

BETTER: The following section describes a method that physicians and other health practitioners can use to measure patients' physical, emotional and social functioning. This method has been tested in dozens of practices, both in North America and elsewhere, to evaluate its reliability and validity. It has valuable applications in both hospital- and office-based clinical settings, as well as in research studies.

EXAMPLE 4

Our study compared the usefulness of hard copy versus soft copy help information, looking at how subjects employed one or the other of these types of help while performing tasks that included browsing, locating and reading data, and locating and using data to perform calculations.

Again, this run-on sentence can be broken into more easily digest­ible units.

BETTER: Our study compared the usefulness of hard copy versus soft copy help information. Subjects were asked to employ one or the other of these types of help while performing various tasks. These tasks included browsing, locating and reading data, and locating and using data to perform calculations.

ORGANIZING INFORMATION APPROPRIATELY

Organization is critical. Sentences may be crafted perfectly on an individual level, but if they are ordered in a way that is confusing or inconsistent, they will not convey their messages clearly.

The following examples present passages that are muddled and out of sequence. The fact that they are not impossible to follow is due mostly to the fact that they are short. On a larger scale, poor organization can cause a piece of writing to be unintelligible.

EXAMPLE 1

When you prepare a research article for publication, set it aside and read it again after a day or two. Does it say what you intended? Try to get a peer review. A fresher or sharper eye may spot areas of weakness, omissions and other problems in the manuscript that were hidden to you. Does the title accurately describe what the article is about? The discussion should stick to the topic and not ramble. Ensure that you have followed the authors' guidelines provided by the journal. Finally, be sure to run a spell-check before you print out the copy that will go to the publisher.

This information comes through as somewhat scattered, for sev­eral reasons. First, the two opening sentences tell the writer what he or she should do personally; the next two deal with getting someone else to give some feedback; then the passage goes back to things that the writer should do. The first category should be completed before the second is begun.

Second, sentence 4 is closely related to sentence 3, in that it expounds on why it is important to get a peer review. This relation­ship will be made more obvious if the two sentences are run together. Third, two of the aspects that the writer is advised to check for are presented as questions, and two are presented as statements. Apart from the faulty parallelism (information on equivalent matters should be presented in an equivalent way, to make the relationship more obvious), this structure almost makes it look as though the text following each question is providing an answer to that question.

BETTER: When you prepare a research article for publication, set it aside and read it again after a day or two. Does it say what you intended? Does its title accurately describe what it is about? Does the discussion stick to the topic and not ramble? Have you followed the authors' guidelines provided by the journal? Try to get a peer review – a fresher or sharper eye may spot areas of weakness, omissions and other problems in the manuscript that were hidden to you. Finally, be sure to run a spell-check before you print out the copy that will go to the publisher.

Note that the final sentence has been left where it was, even though it is in the category of things to do oneself. This is because it is stated to be the last step in the process.

EXAMPLE 2

The important thing to remember about an oral presentation is that you have only about ten minutes to tell the world about your work; hence, preparation is crucial. Design your slides so that you don't find yourself apologizing for tiny details that aren't showing up clearly. There are no absolutes about how much information should go on a single slide, but use judgment. Don't include anything that you are not planning to talk about.

Begin your talk by explaining the objectives of your study, and then move on to the methods and findings. Leave enough time for a mention of what future directions you hope to take. In your slides, avoid dark colors, which often do not project well. Don't put too much text in a slide, as it's often better to give details orally. If possible, familiarize yourself beforehand with the slide equipment; for example, ensure that there is a pointer available and that you know how to handle the projector and the room lighting. Keep each slide in mind as you talk so that there is no mismatch between your oral and visual messages. And finally, try to end on a strong note: don't trail off on some feeble line like, "Well, that's all I've got to say."

This text is scattered both timewise and contentwise, alternating between how to prepare for a presentation and what to do during it. An improved organization would be as follows:

First paragraph: Introductory sentence; what a slide should look like; what a slide should contain; what to do just before you start. Second paragraph: What to do during the presentation (in chrono­logical order); concluding sentence.

BETTER: The important thing to remember about an oral presentation is that you have only about ten minutes to tell the world about your work; hence, preparation is crucial. Design your slides so that you don't find yourself apologizing for tiny details that aren't showing up clearly, and avoid dark colors, which often do not project well. There are no absolutes about how much information should go on a single slide, but use judgment. Don't put in too much text, as it's often better to give details orally, and don't include anything that you are not planning to talk about. If possible, familiarize yourself beforehand with the slide equipment; for example, ensure that there is a pointer available and that you know how to handle the projector and the room lighting.

Begin your talk by explaining the objectives of your study, and then move on to the methods and findings. Keep each slide in mind as you talk, so that there is no mismatch between your oral and visual messages. Leave enough time for a mention of what future directions you hope to take. And finally, try to end on a strong note: Don't trail off on some feeble line like "Well, that's all I've got to say."

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