Schedule of the Paris–Lisieux Train Taken by Natalie

Departure: 4:33 p.m. Paris/Saint-LazareArrival: 6:02 p.m. Lisieux Ninety-nine

Natalie’s disappearance immediately jammed the functioning of every floor. She was supposed to preside over the most important meeting of the quarter. She’d left without giving the slightest instruction, hadn’t notified anyone. In the hallways, some were rankled and criticized her lack of professionalism. In a few minutes, her reputation took a nosedive: the authority of the present over a reputation acquired in the course of years. Since everyone was aware of her connection to Markus, they continually went to see him. “Do you know where she could be?” He had to admit that he didn’t. And that amounted almost to saying, “No, I have no particular connection to her. She doesn’t share her wanderings with me.” It was hard to have to express his lack of responsibility for the situation like that. This new episode was going to strip him of the prestige he’d accumulated the day before. It was as if they were suddenly remembering that he wasn’t as important as all that. And people began to wonder how they could have thought—even only for an instant—that he was close to Natalie Portman.He’d tried to reach her several times. To no avail. Her telephone was turned off. He couldn’t work. He walked in circles. This was accomplished very quickly, given the size of his narrow office. What could he do? The confidence of the last few days was disintegrating rapidly. Their lunch together played in a loop in his head. “What counts is knowing what appetizer you’re going to have.” He remembered having said something like that. How was it possible to speak that way? It wasn’t necessary to look for an answer. He hadn’t been at his best. She’d said, hadn’t she, that she was lost; and perched on his cloud, he’d been capable of nothing more than offering her a few superficial phrases. Tom Thumb! In what world was he living? Certainly not a world where women left you their address before running away. It was so obvious that everything was his fault. He made women run away. She was probably even going to become a nun. Taking trains and planes to get out of the air he breathed. He felt sick. Sick for having acted so poorly. The emotion of love is the mea culpa of emotions. You may end up thinking that the other’s hurt all comes from you. You may think—mad as it always is—that some demiurgic movement has placed you right at the heart of the heart of the other. That life comes down to a bell jar of pulmonary valves. Markus’s world was Natalie’s. It was an entire, all-embracing world where he was simultaneously responsible for everything and for less than nothing.And the ordinary world was coming back to him. Slowly, he managed to regain control of his mind. To balance white and black. He thought again of all the affection of their moments together. That truly genuine affection that couldn’t die away like this. The fear of losing Natalie had clouded his mind. His anxiety was his vulnerability, that same vulnerability that could also be where his powers of attraction lay. By linking vulnerabilities, you reach a kind of strength. He didn’t know what to do, no longer wanted to work, no longer thought about his day in a rational way. He wanted to be crazy, to run away, too, to take a taxi and board the first train that came along. One Hundred

Then he was called to the director of human resources. Obviously, everybody wanted to see him. He went there without the slightest apprehension. He had gotten over any fear of authority. Everything had been nothing but a ploy for several days. Mr. Bonivent welcomed him with a big smile. Immediately Markus thought, This smile is really a murder. It’s essential for a director of human resources to look as though he’s as concerned about the career of an employee as he’d be if it were a question of his own life. Markus noticed that Bonivent was worthy of his post.“Oh, Mr. Lundell … what a pleasure to see you. I’ve been keeping my eye on you for some time, you know …”“Really?” he answered, certain (and rightly so) that this man had just discovered his existence.“Of course … everyone’s career counts for me … and I must even admit that I have a genuine affection for you. Your way of never making any waves, never asking for anything. It’s very unpretentious, and if I wasn’t somewhat conscientious, well, I wouldn’t have noticed your presence at the heart of our company …”“Oh …”“You’re the employee that every employer dreams of.”“That’s nice. Could you tell me why you wanted to see me?”“Oh, that’s so like you! Efficiency! Efficiency! We don’t lose any time! If only everybody was like you!”“So?”“Fine … I’m going to be frank with you about the situation: management is offering you a job as team leader. With a significant pay raise, as goes without saying. You’re an essential part of the strategic repositioning of our company … and I must say I’m not unhappy with this promotion … because there was a moment when I actively supported it.”“Thank you … I don’t know what to say.”“Well, of course, we’ll facilitate all the administrative steps necessary for the transfer.”“The transfer?”“Yes. The job is in Stockholm. Where you’re from!”“But my going back to Sweden is out of the question. I’d rather go to the unemployment office than to Sweden.”“But …“There is no but.”“But yes there is. I don’t think you have a choice.”Markus didn’t bother answering and left the office without another word. One Hundred One

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