Seventy-eight

Natalie walked into Charles’s office. She immediately noticed that the shutters were less open than usual; it felt like an attempt to plunge the morning into darkness.“It’s true that it’s been a long time since I’ve been here,” she said as she walked in …“Yes, a long time …”“You must have read some dictionary definitions in the meantime …”“Oh, that … no. I stopped. I’m sick of definitions. Frankly, can you tell me what use there is in knowing the meaning of words?”“You wanted to see me to ask that?”“No … no … we spend our time walking past each other … and I just wanted to know how you’re doing … how it’s going these days …”He’d practically stammered these last words. Face to face with such a woman, he was a train derailed. He didn’t understand why she had such an effect on him. She was beautiful, of course, had a way of dovetailing with his idea of the sublime, but still: was that enough? He was a powerful man, and sometimes redheaded secretaries tittered as he went by. He could have had women, he could have spent every day from five to seven in five-star hotels. Then why hadn’t he? He had no answer. He was a slave to his first impression. It had to be that. The moment he’d seen her face on her résumé, when he’d said, let me do the interview with her. Then she’d appeared, young and married, pale and indecisive, and a few seconds after, he’d offered her some Krisprolls. Could he have fallen in love with a photo? Because nothing wears you out more than living under the sensual dictates of beauty set in stone. He kept studying her. She didn’t want to sit down. She walked around the office, touching things, smiling at some trifle: an intense incarnation of femininity. Finally, she walked around his desk and stood behind him.“What … are you doing?”“I’m looking at your head.”“But why?”“I’m looking behind your head. Because I think you have an idea at the back of your mind.”That’s all he needed: some humor on her part. Charles was no longer at all in control of the situation. She was behind him, amused. For the first time, the past seemed really past. He’d been in the dress circle during the dark days. He’d spent nights thinking that she might commit suicide, and there she was now, behind him, extremely alive.“Come and sit down, please,” he said calmly.“All right.”“You seem happy. And it makes you look beautiful.”Natalie didn’t answer. She was hoping that he hadn’t asked her to come so he could make some new admission. He went on, “You have nothing to tell me?”“No, you’re the one who wanted to see me.”“Everything is going well with your team?”“Yes, I think so. Actually, you know better than I do. You have the figures.”“And with … Markus?”So that was the idea in the back of his mind. He wanted to talk about Markus. How could she not have thought of it before?”“I’ve heard you go out to dinner with him a lot.”“Who told you that?”“Everything gets out in this place.”“So what? That’s my private life. What’s it have to do with you?” Suddenly Natalie stopped. Her face changed color. She looked at Charles, at how shabby he seemed, hanging on her words, lying in wait for an explanation, hoping more than anything for a denial. She kept watching him for a long time, without knowing what to do. Finally she decided to leave the office, without adding another word. She left her boss in his uncertainty, in his fine frustration. She hadn’t been able to stand the gossip, people talking behind her back. She detested the entire routine: notions in the backs of their minds, words behind her back, shooting below the belt. It was the phrase “everything gets out” in particular that had bothered her. Now that she thought about it again, she could see it was true: yes, she’d sensed something in the eyes of others. Somebody having seen them at the restaurant, or simply leaving together, was enough to make the entire company go into action. Why was she getting excited? She’d answered curtly that it was her life. She could have easily said to Charles, “Yes, I can see us becoming a man and a woman.” With conviction. But no, she didn’t want to label the situation, and it was out of the question for anyone at all to push her into doing so. As she headed back to her office, she passed some coworkers and noticed the change. The looks of compassion and sympathy were being eaten away by something else. But she still couldn’t imagine what was going to happen. Seventy-nine

Дата добавления: 2015-10-26