“It’s worth a shot,” Sebastian said with a shrug.
Kurt was too preoccupied with finishing his breakfast and planning what he was going to wear that he
didn’t notice how Sebastian was still standing next to him, staring quietly. “That’s – kind of creepy,” Kurt
said when he finally caught him in the act.
Sebastian grinned, stepping forward so he was inches away from where Kurt was sitting on his stool.
“We’ve done creepier stuff in the past.”
“I’m not sure I want to know what you mean by that.”
“We’ll save it for when you’re ready then,” Sebastian said, cupping Kurt’s face. A crease appeared between
his eyebrows as he stroked his thumb along Kurt’s cheek. “Promise you’ll come home to me?”
The fear in his voice was so heavy it surprised Kurt. It was as if Sebastian was afraid Kurt would go and get
himself into another accident. Which, Kurt realized, was exactly what Sebastian was worried about.
“What did I tell you about being able to take care of myself?” Kurt said, trying to prompt a grin but
Sebastian didn’t take the bait.
“I’m not worried about you. I’m more concerned about those jackasses who don’t think twice before
smashing into someone else’s car.”
“I don’t think they do that on purpose.”
“Still,” Sebastian said, thumb rubbing insistently at a spot on Kurt’s cheek. “I’m allowed to be scared. You
think you’re the only one having flashbacks?”
Kurt hadn’t thought about of that. They’d been sleeping in separate rooms after their first movie night.
Kurt was out like a light the second his head hit the pillows thanks to the relaxants so the thought that
Sebastian was waking up worrying about him in the next room never crossed his mind.
Actually, now that he thought of it – there had been a moment a couple of nights ago when he’d heard the
creak of a door opening and the ghost of fingertips against his skin but he’d been too heavy with sleep and
drugs to think anything of it and chalked it up to some sort of dream.
Now that Sebastian had admitted to flashing back to Kurt’s accident – or probably getting the news of
Kurt’s accident, in his case – he was certain that it had been Sebastian checking to make sure Kurt was still
with him.
He wasn’t sure of how to respond to this piece of information so he continued to try and turn the
conversation on to a lighter note. “Maybe I should start sharing those relaxants with you,” he said with a
grin.
Sebastian finally smiled and dropped his hand. “Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep through all the noise you
make in the mornings.”
“Hey, it was one time.” Kurt said, the corners of his mouth turning down as Sebastian laughed.
“Just come back, okay?” Sebastian said in a softer tone.
Kurt nodded. “I will.”
There was so much to do in New York but Kurt found the little things more thrilling than anything else. He
withdrew cash from the ATM, bought himself a cup of coffee and went from store to store doing nothing
but scanning the racks of coats and jeans with the knowledge that if he wanted, he could buy any of them.
It was different from the last time he’d been in New York during his Nationals trip. Then, he’d been careful
about every penny he spent, knowing that he couldn’t afford to splurge on unnecessary accessories with
college looming over his head.
Even now, he wasn’t stupid enough to spend money just for the sake of spending it but when he came
across a cute vintage Bakelite collar pin, he couldn’t resist buying it. He’d only just made this decision when
someone calling his name caught his attention.
The store he was in – what was the name, again? Palladium - was mostly empty so he found the source
easily. A tall man, in about his mid thirties with cropped hair and a silver earring shining in his left ear was
making his way towards Kurt. He was an employee at the store, going by his uniform and when he was
close enough, Kurt made out the name Paulo on his badge.
“Ah, Kurt,” he said in a slightly accented voice. “Good to see you again.”
“Hi, Paulo” Kurt said, proud of how casual he sounded when in reality, he was wracking his brain hard for
the slightest hint of who this man was.
“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to contact you for weeks!” Paulo said with a shake of his head.
“Oh, my uh – my phone broke.” Kurt lied.
“Well, I’ll be damned. Your order’s been here since the Thursday before last. I thought you’d forgotten
about it.”
I have, Kurt thought but he said, “I’m sorry. Things have been a bit busy.”
Paulo motioned for him to follow as he led the way to the long counters next to the display of collar pins
Kurt had been looking at. “How’s that husband of yours?” he asked as he shuffled through some boxes on
the other side of the counter.
“He’s great,” Kurt said, not sure why he was playing along instead of coming out straight and telling Paulo
the real reason he hadn’t been around for weeks and how he had no clue what order they were talking
about. It was too easy to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary.
Paulo turned around with a small, square box in his hands and Kurt leaned forward, watching expectantly
as Paulo raised the lid. The inside was lined with grey silk, rising and falling in soft folds like waves around a
thin, black bracelet.
Kurt lifted it out of box, marvelling at how light it felt in his hands. The leather was woven together to meet
in a steel metal clasp. Opposite the clasp were two small silver links framing a strip of smoother leather.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Paulo asked with a smile, watching Kurt run his fingers over the rope like pattern.
“Yeah,” Kurt breathed, unclasping it to try it on. It didn’t fit though, the band was on the side of
uncomfortably loose. “Um, I think there’s a problem with the size.” Kurt said with a frown but when he
looked up at Paulo, he found the other man giving him an amused smile.
“That’s because it’s not tailored to your hand,” he said as if he found the whole thing hilarious.
“Why not?” Kurt asked, feeling like he was missing out on something.
“Because it’s for Sebastian...?” Paulo looked suspicious now and Kurt felt like giving himself a mental slap
for not realizing it sooner.
“Right, of course.” he said quickly, slipping the band off and fixing the clasp again. “I ordered this for
Sebastian because -”
“You wanted to surprise him with something special for you anniversary,” Paulo finished with a nod. “I
wish my girlfriend was as romantic. I doubt she even remembers when our anniversary is.”
Kurt thought of telling him that he didn’t remember his anniversary either but all he did was ask, “So I’m
guessing Sebastian doesn’t know about this?”
Paulo seemed to think he was questioning whether or not he had been responsible for giving anything
away because he shook his head. “Oh absolutely not. My lips have been sealed. He came in a few days
after you had placed your order to -” he stopped, his smile turning guilty.
“To -?” Kurt prompted.
Paulo shook his head, still smiling. “Nothing.”
Kurt didn’t believe for a second it was nothing but he let it go and dropped his gaze to the bracelet in his
hand. He was about to put it back in its case when a flash of silver caught his eye. Curious, Kurt lifted it up
to examine the embossed words behind the strap of plain leather.
Discord and Rhythm
He didn’t get a chance to dwell on what it meant or decide whether it would be too suspicious to ask Paulo
if he knew because Paulo had started talking again. “I trust I don’t have to explain how to take care of
leather?”
Kurt replaced the bracelet in the box and let Paulo adjust the silk around it. “Don’t wear it in the shower?”
he said.
Paulo laughed, “Basically, yes. Should I wrap this up for you?”
“No, it’s okay.” Kurt said.
“It’s a gift, isn’t it?” Paulo said. “No extra charge.”
“Okay, I guess.”
Paulo disappeared with a curt nod and a, “Be right back.”
Kurt remained standing at the counter, staring at a point far off in the distance, repeating the words over
and over in his mind.
Discord and Rhythm, Discord and Rhythm - he knew of Discord and rhyme from a Duran Duran song but it
still made no sense.
Fifteen minutes later he walked out of the shop with the small box safely in his coat pocket next to the
bowtie pin collar he’d chosen for himself.
The first thing he did was text Sebastian to let him know he wasn’t going to be home from lunch, no point
in having him worry. Sebastian replied in a split second with a simple sad emoticon.
Next, Kurt called his dad and asked him if he would be able to delay their meeting until evening and cover
for him if Sebastian asked where he was. It took a certain amount of convincing and promising that he
would explain everything to get Burt to agree.
Finally, Kurt scrolled through his contacts, his thumb stopping to hover over the name of the one person he
was certain would have answers to what he wanted to know.
Blaine Anderson
Chapter 30
Blaine's nervousness was so palpable, he had barely taken a seat at the diner opposite Kurt when Kurt
snapped, "Stop it.
“Stop what?” Blaine asked, looking half alarmed.
“Stop being so nervous,” Kurt said, linking his fingers together and resting them on the table in front of
him. “There’s nothing to be nervous about, you’re only making me uncomfortable.”
“Sorry,” Blaine said sheepishly. “We haven’t spoken in a while and given how things ended between us last
time, it’s just a little weird.”
Kurt had known the kiss would come up sooner or later. Better sooner than later, then. “Look,” he started,
staring at his hands. “That kiss was something I needed more than anything at that moment and you gave
it to me." “I shouldn’t have.”
“But you did.” Kurt said, eyes flickering up to see Blaine staring out the window.
“It was a mistake.”
“No it wasn’t,” Kurt said with more force this time. “It was wrong, but it wasn’t a mistake. If you hadn’t
kissed me, I wouldn’t have been able to move on.”
“So you’ve moved on?” The question was quiet, but Blaine’s eyes were intent on his face now as he waited
for an answer.
Kurt took a moment to consider the question, raking his eyes over the familiar lines of Blaine’s face. The
urge to yes and leave everything at that was strong but he couldn’t lie, not if he wanted his relationship
with Blaine to continue being as open and honest as it had been before. So he settled for, “I’m trying.”
Blaine’s mouth twisted a little. Kurt could see the disappointment in the lines of his face and that made
him angry.
“You know, if you wanted to act like this you shouldn’t have come at all, Blaine.”
“It’s just, Sebastian already hates me as it is, I don’t want to risk -”
“You’re not risking anything but spending some time with me in a completely public place with a greasy
table in between us.” Kurt snapped. “I think you can trust me enough to not jump at you throughout
lunch.”
Blaine look startled, as if he hadn’t been aware his reaction had been offensive. “I’m sorry, Kurt.” He said
quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Kurt exhaled through his nose and gave a small nod of acknowledgment. “Like I said, I’m trying. These
things don’t fix themselves in a day. I loved you Blaine,” Blaine shifted uncomfortably just as Kurt added,
“But when I said that kiss was for closure, I meant it.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said again.
Kurt stared at him for a second. “I need my best friend right now,” he said. “But I can’t act naturally around
him if he’s going to read into every little sign of affection.”
Blaine nodded and then shook his head, an odd sort of bobble which gave him an overall comical effect.
“No, no. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” Blaine snapped his mouth shut immediately and looked at Kurt with a rapt expression
for a second before his shoulders relaxed and his lips quirked into a grin.
“Hey, Kurt.” He said in a pointedly cheerful voice. “Haven’t seen you in forever.”
Kurt gave him a grateful smile and said, “Thank you.”
They ordered their food while Kurt caught Blaine up on everything that had happened since they’d last
seen each other. Blaine had got updates from Rachel but he didn’t know about Kurt’s flashback or his
appointment with Doctor Hendricks or the nightmares. Blaine didn’t interrupt him much and when Kurt
was finished talking, he asked, “What about you and Sebastian?”
“Things are definitely a lot better than they were before,” Kurt said, stirring the straw around in his glass of
lemonade. “I mean, I guess part of it is because of everything the flashbacks make me feel but other than
that, it got a lot easier to be around him once I stopped looking at him as Sebastian Smythe, the devil’s
spawn sent to ruin my life and started looking at him as the guy I had for some strong unknown reason,
decided to marry.”
Blaine smiled, “I wouldn’t let go of the devil’s spawn theory just yet. You should see him on his bad days.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow as Blaine popped his last French fry into his mouth and reached for a napkin, “I’m
messing with you. I’m glad you guys are working things out. So – what’s this about? You said you needed
my help with something but you sound okay to me.”
“Oh, right.” Kurt said, remembering the reason he’d called Blaine in the first place. “I have something to
show you.”
He regarded the greasy tabletop for a second before laying a napkin down on it and reaching for box in his
pocket. He placed it on top of the napkin and carefully took the bracelet out for Blaine to see. Recognition
sparked in Blaine’s eyes, quickly turning into excitement and he automatically reached a hand of for the
bracelet but Kurt pulled it away.
“Not after that burger, no.” he said. “You have wash your hands first.”
“Kurt, come on. At least let me see.” Blaine protested.
Kurt held the bracelet out for Blaine to inspect, “I’m guessing you know what this is, then?”
Blaine looked at Kurt and nodded, “Yeah of course. You went on about it for ages before placing an order. I
went through a million different designs with you before you settled on that. Wait, how’d you get it?” he
looked up inquiringly at Kurt.
Kurt told him about his chance encounter with Paulo and how he’d played along even though he had no
clue what the man was going on about. “When is our anniversary, anyway?” he asked. “Mine and
Sebastian’s, I mean.”
He couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed that he didn’t even know the date they’d gotten married but
Blaine didn’t ask him why he wasn’t aware of this piece of information, simply answered, “22nd August.”
Kurt frowned. “It’s late June right now, isn’t it?” he looked around as if expecting a calendar to pop out at
him. “It’s kind of early to be buying presents.”
Blaine laughed, “That’s what I said to you but you told me to shut up.”
Kurt looked at the bracelet in his hand. “What about this?” he asked, holding it out so Blaine could read the
engraving. “Does that mean anything to you?”
“Discord and Rhythm,” Blaine read. “Yeah it’s -” he sat back and paused, looking like he was trying to think
of how to explain it. “It’s kind of your theme.”
“Theme?” Kurt repeated, leaning in slightly. “As in theme song?”
“No, no just the general theme of your relationship with Sebastian.”
When Kurt continued to look confused, Blaine laid his palms flat on the tabletop and said, “You two had a
bit of a rocky relationship. Wait, no. That’s an understatement. You had a very rocky relationship. There
was a lot of fighting, a lot of misunderstanding, basically – a lot of discord between you two. But at the
same time, your relationship had a steady rhythm to it like, a push and pull, give and take – whatever you
want to call it. Most relationships do, but with you and Sebastian it was like the discord was what gave you
that rhythm. You didn’t grow closer to each other by spilling out your secrets in candlelight or making
really showy declarations of love and – well, there were one time,” he said with a grin, staring at Kurt like
he knew a really juicy piece of gossip but wouldn’t share. “As far as I remember, the times you and
Sebastian seemed to be the closest were when you had those fights. Obviously I don’t know details but
from what you told me and what Sebastian told me – you’d end up shouting out things that made you
most vulnerable and it all came together in bits and pieces until you realized that you two were far too
gone to back out. Am I making any sense?”
Kurt nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the bracelet. There were so many things running through his mind, not
least of which was how intimately Blaine was acquainted with the two of them. What struck him most
though, was how even now, after the accident – the moments he had first felt connected to Sebastian had
been the night right after the kiss when they had ended up fighting and consequently talking things out.
“My best man speech actually ended with here’s to more years of discord and rhythm," Blaine said with a
small laugh, recapturing Kurt’s attention. “Not exactly the wisest thing to say among people who actually
thought I was cursing you or something but there you have it.”
__
When Kurt got home, Sebastian was sitting on the kitchen stool, tapping his pen against the side of jaw as
he read through a piece of paper in his hand. He looked up when the front door closed behind Kurt, his
face lighting up with a smile.
“Look who made it back in one piece,” he said, setting his pen down.
“Worried I wouldn’t?” Kurt said as he made his way towards him.
“Naah,” Sebastian said even though the morning’s conversation had clearly said otherwise.
“How’s Burt?”
“He’s good,” Kurt said walking placing the small paper bag of toiletries he’d picked up for himself on the
counter among the plethora of files and papers. “When did Jon leave?”
“About an hour ago,” Sebastian said. Kurt nodded silently, looking around the kitchen at the evidence of
their take away Thai lunch. “What’s wrong?” Sebastian asked.
“Nothing.” Kurt said quickly. “Why would you ask that?”
“You look like you have something on your mind.” Sebastian reached out as if to wrap an arm around
Kurt’s waist but he pulled his hand back, settling for looking up at Kurt with a questioning expression. Kurt
stepped forward of his own accord, Sebastian’s thighs parting to make room for him to stand between
them. “What’s up?” Sebastian asked softly even though the surprise of Kurt’s sudden closeness was
evident on his face.
“Nothing,” Kurt said again. “I’m just thinking.”
“Well share with the class,” Sebastian said and didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around Kurt’s waist this
time.
“Do you ever get frustrated?” Kurt asked.
“All the time,” Sebastian said with a small grin. “But depends on what kind of frustration we’re talking
about here.”
“With me,” Kurt said. “With how I don’t remember you or us or any of this,” he gestured around their
apartment, Sebastian’s eyes following the movement of his hand.
“What brought this on?” Sebastian asked when his gaze returned to Kurt’s face. “Last I saw you, you were
determined to take the big bad city by storm all on your own.”
“Just answer my question,” Kurt said.
Sebastian sighed, looking like he would rather do anything other than answer truthfully but Kurt was
staring at him pointedly so he didn’t exactly have a choice. “Yes,” he said with another sigh. “Yes I do get
incredibly frustrated when I say something and you don’t remember your queues to tease back. It throws
me off every time. I get frustrated when I reach for you in my sleep and you’re not there and when I want
to kiss you but I can’t because you’re not ready and I’m not saying you should be, it’s just – I miss my Kurt
sometimes.”
Kurt’s face must have reflected the way his heart had sunk because Sebastian next words came out in a
sudden rush. “No, no, no – Kurt, I didn’t mean – oh god, you’re my Kurt, of course you’re my Kurt! You’re
just different, that’s all and that’s frustrating at times. I didn't mean it in any other way.”
“I know,” Kurt said, reaching up to run a hand through Sebastian’s ruffled hair. “It’s okay.” Sebastian’s eyes
slid shut and the tension drained from his shoulders as he relaxed.
“Your turn,” Sebastian said when he opened his eyes again. “What the fuck brought this on?”
“I ran into Blaine today,” Kurt said slowly, not meeting Sebastian’s eyes but following his fingers as they
continued to thread through Sebastian’s hair. He didn’t want to lie but telling Sebastian why he had called
Blaine would mean talking about the bracelet and he wanted to keep that a secret for now. “It was a
chance encounter but we talked a bit and he said some things about us.”
“What things?” Sebastian asked with an air of forced causality.
Kurt dropped his gaze to Sebastian’s eyes, hand pausing in his hair. “Just – stuff I wish I remembered,” Kurt
said quietly. “I mean, I’ve been trying to recall anything, even if it’s just fragments but for the first time I
actually really, really want to remember all of it. It sounds – I don’t know to explain it but after everything
Blaine said and these past two weeks with you I -” Sebastian’s expression softened, his smile turning
sympathetic and arm tightening around Kurt’s waist. “I’m starting to get a little impatient,” Kurt continued.
“This relationship is obviously a huge part of who I am and it’s really frustrating only having second hand
information. I feel like I’m missing a really crucial part of myself and that everyone except me knows about
it.”
“That’s not completely true,” Sebastian teased, trying to coax a smile out of Kurt. “We still have moments
no one knows about.”
Kurt gave in and let his lips turn up into a smile. “I guess.”
“And we’ll keep having those moments,” Sebastian stood up, Kurt’s hand falling away from his hair at the
movement. For a second, he looked like he might bend down and kiss Kurt; his eyes flickered to Kurt’s lips
and lingered there for longer than was casual but when he met Kurt’s gaze again, all he did was say, “Don’t
let it get to you, Kurt.”
“I’m not,” Kurt said.
“No baby, you are.” Sebastian said, touching his fingers to Kurt's cheek. “Don’t.”
He left to shower and shave after that leaving Kurt to slip into his bedroom and seek out a hiding place for
his present. He ended up in the closet, flipping through jackets until he found one with plenty of pockets
both inside and out. He placed the box carefully in one of the inner pockets before pushing the hanger
further towards the back of the rack, effectively hiding it from view. He wasn’t worried that Sebastian
would actively prowl around for presents, but he didn’t want to risk him finding it even by accident.
By the time Sebastian came out of his shower, Kurt was finishing up with dinner. “Grilled cheese and
tomato sandwiches,” he said when Sebastian stopped in his tracks and sniffed with interest. “There’s some
leftover chicken parmigiana in the fridge if you want something else.”
“No, this is completely fine,” Sebastian said, picking up a sandwich from the plate beside the stove. He took
a large bite and proceeded to make a very inappropriate noise deep in his throat. His expression turned
defensive when he caught Kurt staring at him with an arched eyebrow. “Stop judging me, asshole.” he said.
“Jon eats like an animal, he hogged all the fucking food and work makes me hungry.”
Kurt grinned, “Help yourself, but try and hold back on the pornographic moans. Any more and I might start
to think you have some sort of weird food fetish.”
“But I do,” Sebastian said taking a step forward. “Whipped cream, ice cream, chocolate syrup and
strawberries...”
Kurt refused to blush or look away from Sebastian’s teasing grin. He stared back, expression pointedly
unamused until he couldn’t hold back his grin any longer and turned away, laughing. “You are not as funny
as you think you are.”
“Your face says otherwise,” Sebastian says taking another bite of his sandwich before giving him a wink
and moving back to the island. “Fuck, man. I’ve still got to read up on this shit before Monday.”
“You have all of tomorrow,” Kurt said, moving to get a soda from the fridge. “Give it a rest.”
“Grab a beer for me, please.” Sebastian said, picking up the pen he’d been using previously and capping it.
“And no, I can’t leave it for tomorrow because tomorrow I have plans.”
“What plans?” Kurt asked, passing the bottle over to Sebastian and popping open his own can of Coke.
“I want to take you on another date,” Sebastian said. “Once I start work again, things are going to be way
too crazy and I want to spend one last day with you.”
“You make it sound like you’re leaving forever,” Kurt said as he took a sip of his drink. “Is this date going to
be a day long event?”
“No,” Sebastian said. “My mom wants to meet up for brunch before and I thought I could take you –
wherever I wanted to take you after that.”
“Your mom,” Kurt said, straightening up. Sebastian nodded, stuffing the last bite of his sandwich into his
mouth and stacking his files one on top of the other. “Your mom,” Kurt repeated. “You know, I was
wondering when you’d mention your parents. Not that I’ve taken it to heart or anything but don’t they
want to talk to their son in law after his near fatal accident?”
“She did,” Sebastian said. “But I didn’t let her. I figured dealing with me was enough, you didn’t need your
mother in law bugging you on top of that. Besides, Maman was in Paris sorting out some bumps in
property investments when your accident happened and she only got back this Thursday.”
“And your dad?”
Sebastian paused, the file in his hand inches from the top of the pile. Kurt sensed he had hit a sore spot
and immediately moved to backtrack but Sebastian seemed to pull himself together and said, “He uh – he
died last year.”
“I’m – I’m so sorry,” Kurt said. “Were you two close?”
The way Sebastian looked at him, with a mixture of disappointment and sadness made Kurt feel like he’d
said something wrong but he couldn’t figure out what it was. He’d only asked a simple question.
“Yes,” Sebastian said after a moment. “Very close. He was my idol. You liked him too.”
So that was what he’d done – not remembered the man who had meant so much to his husband. This was
probably the kind of moment Sebastian had been referring to when he’d said he missed his Kurt. There
wasn’t much Kurt could do to soothe the hurt though, so he reached out and laid his hand over
Sebastian’s, giving it a squeeze in a silent gesture of condolence which Sebastian accepted with a small
smile before he looked up, all traces of sadness gone.
“I’m taking that as a yes, then?”
“Yeah sure,” Kurt said with a smile. “I’d like to meet your mom.”
Kurt was in the bathroom going through his newly adapted night time skincare routine later that night
when Sebastian appeared in the doorway looking distressed.
“Have you seen my RIP file?” he asked, ignoring how Kurt’s face was plastered with thick white paste.
“It’s probably resting in peace.”
“Kurt, I’m serious.”
“What’s your RIP file?"
“Really Important Papers file,” Sebastian said. Kurt’s mouth quirked up into a grin. “I don’t remember
where I put it and I really, really need it right now.”
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