Kurt stepped forward in an obvious yes to his question, hand coming up to rest against the side of
Sebastian’s neck. His lips were cool and slippery from the water he’d been sipping a moment ago but they
meshed perfectly with Sebastian’s, pliant under his moving mouth. The warm, solid press of him against
Sebastian’s body grounded him, reminded him of how at one point he’d thought he would have lost the
chance to ever do this again. The wave of gratitude that washed through him at that made him push
closer, wrap arm hand around Kurt’s back and bring the other hand to cradle his cheek. Kurt pressed into
the touch, tilting his head and releasing his breath in a small exhale against Sebastian’s lips when they
parted to allow his tongue to slip in. There was a lingering taste of tomato sauce in his mouth but beneath
it all was a flavor that was completely and uniquely Kurt.
He hadn’t realized how he’d pushed Kurt back against the table until a sudden thud broke through the
silence around them followed by a yelp from Kurt who jerked forward against Sebastian’s chest. “What?”
Sebastian asked, confused at the way Kurt’s face was twisting uncomfortably. Kurt stepped aside to reveal
the glass he’d knocked over. The water was dripping off the edge of the table and had soaked through a
deep patch at the back of Kurt’s shirt.
“It’s freezing,” Kurt said, pinching the material and pulling it away from his skin.
“Go change,” Sebastian said, setting the glass upright again. “I’ll clean this up.”
When Kurt came back out, Sebastian had cleared away the table and was starting the dishes. “Need some
help?” he asked, leaning against the counter beside the sink.
“Actually,” Sebastian said. “Since I cooked dinner, you can do the honors.”
Kurt stared at the soapy sponge Sebastian offered him looking mildly surprised but he shook himself out of
it quickly. “Sure,” he said, stepping into place when Sebastian moved away.
Sebastian grabbed a beer for himself from the fridge and watched Kurt work in silence for a few minutes,
the music filling the background until Kurt asked, “So did we manage to find alternate arrangements for
the fifteen extra people?”
“What?” Sebastian asked with a frown.
“In Blaine’s video there’s a part with someone called Cameron -”
“Oh! Oh, yeah. It wasn’t as big of a deal as you made it.”
“I’m pretty sure it was,” Kurt said looking skeptical.
“Naah. Cost a bit of extra money but we managed.” Sebastian said with a shrug, taking another swing from
his bottle.
“Who were they?”
“The extras? Uninvited cousins.” Sebastian said with a roll of his eyes. “You were pissed until they went
and made you fall in love with them.”
“You have a lot of cousins.” Kurt commented.
“Big family,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “My parents were the only one with a single child.”
“Did you want a sibling?” Kurt asked, glancing at him as if attempting to read the answer on his face.
“Not really,” Sebastian said. “I wasn’t exactly jealous of the snobby elder sisters and whiny younger
brothers everyone else seemed to have.”
“You wouldn’t have liked to have a little kid to boss around?”
“She would have worshipped me, okay?” Sebastian said a little defensively. “Anyone would be lucky to
have me looking out for them.”
A weird expression flashed on Kurt’s face; a look of amusement morphing into something softer,
something unreadable. “So it would have been a she,” he said, smile tugging at his lips. “You wanted a
younger sister?”
“If it had happened, I would have preferred it to be a girl.”
“No one to compete with for daddy’s perfect son status?” Kurt said with a knowing look.
It both threw him off and made Sebastian inexplicably happy how Kurt was picking up on these small
details about him. There was no way he was working on pure guesses. Sebastian chose to believe that
these observations were proof of how Kurt was getting his memories back in quiet, unnoticeable ways. He
may not have remembered the exact conversations where Sebastian had revealed these parts of himself,
but he still remembered - and it was enough.
“Yes,” Sebastian said with a smile. “I guess I wouldn’t have minded giving up being an only child as long as I
got to hold on to being the only son. But obviously, I didn’t have to give up either of those since Maman
could never get pregnant again.”
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, turning off the tap and wiping his hands on the small towel next the sink.
“No big deal,” Sebastian said with another shrug. “All that extra attention was focused on me. Besides, I
had plenty of other kids to look after and boss around.”
“You’re close with your cousins?” Kurt asked.
“The fact that they crashed my wedding wasn’t enough of an indication?” Sebastian asked, following Kurt
back to the couch.
“Doesn’t have to mean you’re on good terms. Maybe they were just there to make fun of Sebastian
Smythe finally getting married.”
Sebastian’s eyes actually widened at the accuracy of his statement. Kurt was chuckling to himself but when
Sebastian didn’t reply, he turned to look at him and frowned at the expression on his face. “What?”
“Kurt, you have - you have no idea do you?” Sebastian asked in a low voice.
Kurt looked confused. “About what?”
“You’re saying all of this incredibly accurate stuff without even realizing it,” Sebastian said with a small
laugh.
“I am?”
“How did you know some of the idiots were there to make fun of me?” Sebastian asked.
“I don’t know. I just assumed -”
“You can’t have just assumed -”
“Yes I could,” Kurt said sharply, all traces of a smile disappearing from his face. “You told me your first
committed relationship was with me and that some of your family found the fact that you were getting
married despite never considering it before hilarious.”
“Why are you being so harsh about this?” Sebastian asked, eyebrows creasing.
“I don’t want you to see progress where there’s none,” Kurt said in an exasperated voice.
“But that’s not true -”
“Look, I appreciate your help and yes I am thrilled that my memories have started coming back but don’t
go around confusing information I’ve pieced together with stuff I’ve got second hand for actual memories.”
There was a tense pause after his words wherein Kurt stared at the opposite wall and Sebastian stared at
Kurt. He took a deep breath before he shifted closer and laid a hand over Kurt’s on his knee. “Hey,” he said
softly but Kurt didn’t meet his eyes. “Okay so maybe some of the stuff is brilliant guesswork but it still
doesn’t change the fact that you know things about me that most others don’t know and I definitely
haven’t told you after the accident.”
Kurt finally met his eyes. “Like what?”
“Seemingly little things,” he said. “Like me not wanting a brother to compete for the best son of the year
award.”
“That’s not really -”
“Yes it is,” Sebastian said forcefully, cutting him off. “You don’t get it, Kurt. I’m a crazy private person when
I want to be. I’ve had sex with people in dirty bathrooms without blinking an eye but I didn’t tell you my
favorite color three months into us dating because it felt too personal.”
“That’s crazy.” Kurt said, face breaking into a small smile.
“Isn’t it?” Sebastian said with a grin. “The point is - you could have guessed a million reasons as to why I
wanted a sister instead of a brother but you got the answer spot on. I don’t care if you got lucky, you
picked up that little detail about me without blinking an eye.” Kurt sighed and leaned back against the
couch, closing his eyes. “I know you want to be practical and not get too optimistic,” Sebastian said, “but
give yourself credit where it’s due.”
Kurt didn’t say anything for a few seconds until he finally opened his eyes and turned his head to look at
Sebastian. “That was a pretty mean thing to do,” he said. “Crash your wedding just to make fun of you.
Didn’t it ruin all our preparations?”
Sebastian laughed, glad the tension had dissolved. “They weren’t mean, and they were willing to be cut out
of any lists where they couldn’t be accommodated last minute. You ended up liking them.”
“Mm,” Kurt hummed, turning his eyes to the ceiling. “There’s so much I want to ask you,”
“The centerpieces not giving you satisfactory answers?” Sebastian teased.
“Sadly, no.”
“I thought so.”
Kurt smiled, lifting his head to let Sebastian slide an arm around his shoulders before settling back against
him. “What did you do with the cake that made me mad at you?” he asked after a moment.
“You let it go!” Sebastian said.
“I’m pretty sure I said I haven’t forgiven or forgotten except that I have forgotten so - what did you do? You
were well behaved in the official cake cutting so it must have happened off screen.”
“I made sure of it,” Sebastian said.
“What did you do?” Kurt pressed, sounding impatient.
Sebastian raised two fingers of his free hand in front of them and swiped them through the air over an
invisible cake. Kurt’s lips parted, his eyes widening in horror. “Please tell me you didn’t - oh god,” he said
when Sebastian slid the fingers down the side of Kurt’s face. “Oh my god, you didn’t just smear my with
icing on my wedding day.”
“That wasn’t the end of it,” Sebastian said before he leaned in and licked back up the path his fingers had
made.
“Gross!” Kurt said, trying to squirm away but Sebastian had him trapped in place with the hand around his
shoulder. He sucked kisses along the skin of Kurt’s cheek, nipping at the flesh only to soothe the sting with
a sweep of his tongue. Kurt had stopped trying to squirm away but he was still making disgusted sounds
except they came off as more breathless noises than anything disapproving. Once Sebastian was satisfied
that the invisible icing had disappeared, he pulled away.
Kurt’s cheek was wet and shining, flushed a bright shade of red. The funny part was that the rest of his face
was the exact some color. Sebastian grinned but Kurt ignored him, wiping his cheek with his hand before
cleaning the spit off on Sebastian’s pants. “You are disgusting,” he said. “And I can’t believe you would do
that in front of guests!”
“No one was looking except for our friends,” Sebastian said with a fond roll of his eyes. “Well them and
your dad but hey, at least I helped you clean up.”
“It was our wedding Sebastian, not a birthday party!”
Sebastian grinned widely, “That’s exactly what you said to me then.”
“And I’ll also say that I’m going to get revenge.” Kurt said. “And it’s going to be ten times worse.”
“I wouldn’t mind you sucking my face,” Sebastian said.
Kurt pulled out of his arms and scooted towards the edge of the sofa, looking irritated but not angry.
“Okay, no. I feel disgusting,” he said a second later and got to his feet. “I’m going to go wash my face. Don’t
follow me.”
“You’re acting like I gave you the cooties,” Sebastian teased.
“You licked my face.”
“It wasn’t the first time.”
His laughter was still echoing around the apartment when Kurt slammed the bathroom door shut.
Chapter 35
The next couple of weeks were - weird. Some days, Kurt would be warm, affectionate and optimistic about
everything from his memories returning to getting back on track with his job. Those days were Sebastian’s
favorite. He would take advantage of every second Kurt let him press up close to him and kiss him, hold
him and whisper in to his ear. But then there were days when Kurt was cranky, distant and refused to so
much as meet Sebastian’s eye.
Burt had gone back to Ohio the Sunday after Kurt started going back to work. He wasn't working as much
as he was shadowing others and trying to understand the flow of things but Sebastian knew Kurt was
having a rough time. He wasn't understanding half the things going on, panicking every time people
expected him to know the answer to something. Nicole wasn’t at the office personally so Kurt was under
the guidance of his supervisor and fellow co-workers. Not being able to keep up frustrated him and even
though he refused to talk to Sebastian about it most of the time, Sebastian knew how it was getting him
down. He had enough proof of that from the snippets of conversation he'd heard of Kurt and Burt's phone
calls.
“Maybe you jumped back in too soon,” he said over dinner one night. Kurt had been quiet all evening and
his eyes were constantly damp which couldn’t just have been because he was slicing onions. It broke
Sebastian’s heart. “You could have taken a small fashion course or something instead. You’re pressuring
yourself too much like this.”
“I’m not,” Kurt said. “I’m not pressuring myself enough.”
“Do you seriously think what you’re doing is insufficient?” Sebastian asked. “Baby, you’re working your ass
off day and night. There’s no way you can catch up with years of education and training in just a month.
You have to -”
“Are you done rubbing it all in my face?” Kurt asked sharply.
“I’m not rubbing it in your -”
“Well it definitely seems like it.” Kurt said. “I know exactly how much of my brain I’m lacking and I don’t
need to have you of all people reminding me.”
“You’re not lacking brains, Kurt.” But Kurt was already storming towards their bedroom, his half eaten
plate of food abandoned next to Sebastian. The door slammed behind him and Sebastian stayed frozen for
a few seconds before he pushed aside his own plate a little too roughly and dropped his head into his
hands.
He wasn’t exactly having the time of his life either. The firm he worked for was going through the process
of rebranding, a stressful enough time for the people in Sebastian’s department but Sebastian had it worse
because for some reason, his boss fucking hated him and nothing Sebastian did was good enough. There
were days when Sebastian wanted to throw all sensibility out the window and quit his job, find someplace
that didn’t make him want to break things.
Everything would have been so much easier to deal with if he’d had Kurt supporting him like he’d always
done before the accident. Not with empty promises of how he’d find someplace better, not with
reassurances of how good a lawyer he was but with the simple proof how much he loved him and would
stick with him no matter what he chose to do. Sebastian had always been a fan of speaking through touch
and Kurt knew this fact well enough to say everything Sebastian needed to hear in brushes of his lips and
the press of his hand against Sebastian’s body.
Sebastian missed him so much sometimes. Missed that closeness, missed being able to say so much with
so little. He missed him and then immediately felt guilty because Kurt was here, it wasn’t fair to separate
this Kurt and pre-accident Kurt. But no matter how many times Sebastian repeated that little fact in his
head, he still felt a crushing sense of loss in moments when Kurt didn’t pick up that there were things on
Sebastian’s mind weighing him down and damn it, he needed Kurt to be more than just a presence around
him, craved to be closer to him in ways stolen kisses or hugs wouldn’t let him be.
Moments like Tuesday night when Sebastian went up to the roof and spent half an hour smoking only to
come back down to Kurt’s disapproving expression.
“You smoke?” he asked, sniffing the air and wrinkling his nose.
Sebastian nodded, his face expressionless. “On occasion.”
There were only ever two occasions; Sebastian either smoked at parties - less so now than he had during
college - or when he was too stressed to work it off with a trip to the gym. And given the plethora of bad
days Kurt had been having lately coupled with Sebastian’s own workload, today’s cigarettes were definitely
because of stress. Kurt didn’t remember this bit of information because he crossed his arms and shook his
head. “Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is for you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Sebastian said. “You know the kind of stuff you’ve put into your system?” At Kurt’s
surprised expression, he said, “Well then until you remember, you don’t get to give me crap for it.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know looking out for you made you so unbearable.”
“Well, if you’re looking out for me, you’re doing it wrong.” Sebastian snapped.
“Am I missing something here?”
Sebastian looked at him and felt his anger waver. Kurt looked so lost, exasperated and confused and fuck,
it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t remember how he was supposed to react in these situations. Of course he
would nitpick the health hazards of smoking rather than recognize the emotional significance of the act for
Sebastian. Holding him close and fucking him in slow thrusts until Sebastian couldn’t breathe was probably
the last reaction on his mind.
“Yes,” Sebastian said with a huff of breath.”You’re missing something.”
“Well -” Kurt looked around the apartment, running a hand through his hair. “You’re going to have to tell
me what that is otherwise I’m just going to go on assuming things.”
“It’s nothing,” Sebastian said, making his way to the bathroom. “I’ll grab some air freshener for you to get
rid of the smell.”
Kurt followed him to the bathroom, looking unsatisfied with Sebastian’s reply. “Look, I’m honestly just
trying to figure out why you would do that to your own body.”
“I know you are,” Sebastian said, handing him the air freshener. “But don’t waste your time. There are
more than enough things that need figuring out as it is.” He reached out and cupped Kurt’s face, dragging
his thumb along Kurt’s temple and foolishly pleading that the touch would spark some sort of memory but
when Kurt continued to do nothing but stare at him. Sebastian dropped his hand. “I’m going to shower
now so unless you want a free show, I think you should leave.”
Kurt stayed where he was, eyes trained on Sebastian’s face. His gaze was intense, searching desperately for
the answers he wanted. Sebastian shrugged when he didn’t move and peeled off his t-shirt, reaching into
the shower stall to turn on the hot water. Kurt stepped back when Sebastian moved to toss his shirt into
the hamper behind the door but his eyes never left Sebastian’s face.
“I’m going to take my pants off,” Sebastian said, popping the button on his jeans. “Now would probably be
the time to leave.”
“Wait,” Kurt said, looking distressed. “What’s going on?”
Sebastian didn’t want to have this conversation. He wasn’t feeling strong enough to stand by and explain
everything when he was so used to Kurt understanding him without explanation. It was selfish and childish,
not to mention unfair but if Kurt couldn’t realize what Sebastian wanted without being told, then Sebastian
wasn’t going to tell him. He gripped the doorframe next to Kurt’s shoulder and sighed. “Kurt, just leave
please.”
Kurt bit his lip, eyes still darting over every inch of Sebastian’s face. For a second, Sebastian thought that
Kurt understood, that he remembered what smoking was symbolic of and that he would do something -
kiss him, hug him - but Kurt nodded, his expression becoming stony and said, “Fine.”
As Sebastian watched him leave, he felt his heart sink and kicked the bathroom door shut so hard the
painting on the wall outside shook. He spent close to an hour under the spray, letting the hot water soothe
the ache in his muscles. It was a poor substitute for how Kurt knew to take care of him but it was the only
alternative he had.
_
Things continued to remain tense, waves of frustration and happiness that came and went so sporadically
that Sebastian had no fucking clue what to do with it all. He didn't know what was causing the drastic
mood swings in Kurt, what made him walk up to Sebastian and randomly wrap his arms around his back or
what made him look at Sebastian like he was the sole cause of all his problems.
Thursday morning, when he bent down to kiss Kurt’s cheek in standard goodbye, a hand came up to cup
his jaw and keep him in place. Sebastian frowned, pulling back just enough to see the way Kurt’s eyes
fluttered open, hazy with sleep and the color of the sea and sky locked in a twisting dance. Silently, Kurt
tilted his head up and pressed his lips against Sebastian’s in a dry, but impeccably soft kiss.
That little gesture left Sebastian buzzing with energy for the rest of day. But in the evening, when Kurt
came back from work, he locked himself in the guest room (which was acting as his makeshift study) and
refused to come out for hours. When their dinner arrived, he finally emerged from the room calmer and
with a smile but by then Sebastian was too frustrated to brush his previous attitude off and they both went
to bed without saying another word to each other.
_
“Have your memories been any more co-operative lately?” Sebastian asked as they were folding their
laundry Saturday morning.
Kurt ignored his question and picked up a pair of navy boxers from the basket. “Are these yours or mine?”
“I don’t know. They look like yours.” Sebastian said with a shrug.
“You have a pair exactly like these,” Kurt said, sounding more irritated than he should. “What if they’re
yours?”
“Then put them in my pile.” Sebastian said dryly.
“What if they’re mine?”
“Then put them in your fucking pile!” Sebastian snapped.”Jesus Kurt, they’re just a pair of stupid boxers.
The world isn’t going to end if they’re put in the wrong pile. It’s not like we haven’t shared clothing
before.”
“I doubt we share underwear,” Kurt said, looking only further irritated.
It was that dismissal of something that they were so used to doing on occasion that made Sebastian's
insides alight with irritation.
“What, you don’t remember borrowing a pair of my boxers because yours were dripping with come?” he
asked, taking a wild pleasure in the way Kurt’s face glazed over with horror that probably had more to do
with Sebastian’s harsh tone than his actual words. “What about that time we were fucking and the pizza
guy arrived? Remember how you grabbed my underwear off the floor so you could go answer the
intercom? Or when we were -”
“What the fuck is your problem?!” Kurt exclaimed, cutting him off. His face was flushed red and his eyes
dark from anger.
Sebastian threw the jeans he was supposed to be folding, sending a pile of neatly stacked shirts sliding to
the ground. “You finish folding these, I’m done.” he said.
“So you’re just going to walk out? Because I asked you whose boxers these were?”
“I’m going to walk out because you have been doing nothing but pissing me off for the past couple of
weeks and if I stay around any longer, I’ll end up saying things I’ll regret.”
“You should say them,” Kurt said. “Because really, I want to hear what the hell has been making you so
weird.”
Sebastian laughed bitterly, “I’m being weird, Kurt?”
Kurt’s face shifted, something like guilt flashing across his features but it was gone a second later and he
just tipped his chin up in a defiant gesture. “You know what?” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “Fine. I’ll
tell you what the fuck I have to say. I am tired of you, okay? I am tired of your mood swings, I am tired of
you closing off on me, I am tired of you not understanding me when I talk to you.”
“You’ve barely said three words to me since last night!”
“I just asked you if your memories were being cooperative!” Sebastian said, throwing his hand up. “And
instead of actually having a conversation with me, you went and started worrying about some stupid pair
of boxers!” Sebastian picked up the item of clothing in question and threw it at Kurt’s chest. It bounced off
him and on to the floor, joining the tangle of shirts.
“Okay, so I was a little preoccupied with our underwear,” Kurt said stiffly. “Doesn’t explain why you’re
acting like this.”
“Kurt,” Sebastian said, pressing a hand to his forehead. “I -” he didn’t know how to say it. “Why are you
shutting me out?” he ended up asking. “After all the times you promised me you wouldn’t, why have you
stopped treating me like your husband?”
“I feel like we’re both wearing blinding masks, why the hell would you think I’m not treating you like my
husband?!”
“Because you’re still not wearing your ring, for one.”
Kurt’s hand automatically curled into a fist as if to hide his bare fingers but it only served to highlight the
strip of skin where his wedding band would have otherwise been. “I’m not ready for that,” he said
“You know a month ago, I would have believed you but right now, all that sounds like is bullshit,” Sebastian
said, shaking his head. “Listen to yourself - one second you claim you’re treating me like a husband and the
next you say you’re not ready to wear your ring I mean, what am I supposed to make of that?”
Kurt licked his lips and tore his gaze away from Sebastian’s face. “It feels like too heavy a commitment.”
“It is a heavy commitment Kurt,” Sebastian said. “And I’m sorry but if you still haven’t accepted that, then I
don’t know if you ever will.”
“You’re being really fucking selfish right now, you know.” Kurt said, looking back at him. “You have no idea
the havoc going on inside my head. Rings are honestly the last things on my mind.”
“You’re the selfish one here,” Sebastian shot back. “You’re so fucking lost in your own head that you can’t
see how I’m losing my mind!”
“Do you have disconnected memories jumping out at you?” Kurt asked. “Are you getting hit by flashbacks
while walking down the road?”
“Don’t act like I’m being insensitive about your struggle,” Sebastian said. “I’ve asked you to talk to me
about your problems a million times.”
“How am I supposed to talk about them?!” Kurt exclaimed, his voice cracking.
“There’s this wonderful thing called a mouth which lets you communicate with others,” Sebastian snapped.
“All you have to do is open it.”
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his face flushing an even deeper shade of red. “How am I
supposed to tell you that I lost a project I’d apparently been working towards since before my accident just
because I was unconscious when the deadline came around? And that I only realized how much this
project meant to me when I saw the guy who’d got it instead - the guy who, just by the way, misses no
opportunity to tell me how I’m too defected to work anymore.”
“Is this Troy?” Sebastian asked, a different kind of anger licking his insides. Troy was one of Kurt’s bitterest
Дата добавления: 2015-09-29; просмотров: 30 | Нарушение авторских прав
| <== предыдущая лекция | | | следующая лекция ==> |