“Did you just kiss me?”
“Yes?”
“Blaine.”
“I’m sorry okay? Don’t give me that look. And it’s not like Sebastian cares, he’s sitting right next to you.”
“Yeah Kurt, I don’t care - oh fucking HELL you did not just do that!” he yells at the screen, smashing the
buttons on his controller.
Kurt smiles and turns away from Sebastian back to Blaine. Blaine’s grinning but there’s a nervousness
underlying it all. “You did say you wanted to make me feel better,” he jokes feebly.
Kurt had said that but he stills feels uncomfortable. Why, he can’t really put his finger on it. It’s not the fact
that Blaine had kissed him that’s making him feel awkward, it’s the way he had - needy and desperate and
all too familiar.
“Fuck,” Sebastian mutters, falling back against the couch as his character’s life bar empties. “I could use
one of those feel better kisses too.”
“Because you got your ass beaten by a computer?” Kurt asks, arching an eyebrow when Sebastian leans
over his shoulder.
“By someone named freakshow249 actually.”
“God that’s even worse.”
Blaine averts his eyes when Sebastian kisses Kurt, cupping his face and smiling against his lips. Kurt’s eyes
slip shut but in the second before they do, he thinks he sees Blaine press his lips together and frown, like
he’s trying to keep from crying.
_
“It’s okay,” Kurt said, cutting off Blaine’s continuous rambling. “It’s okay, just. Relax.”
Blaine shook his head. “I’m still a little drunk.”
“More than a little,” Kurt said with a gentle smile. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
He didn’t know why he followed Blaine into the bedroom and watched him flop onto the mattress. But
when he had needed Blaine to be there for him when he was confused and not thinking straight on that
roof, Blaine had been there. Kurt wanted to return that favor right now. He blamed the ache in his chest
that had been making him feel things stronger than he should on the memories he’d been practically re-
living the past few weeks.
Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to brush a few messy curls away from Blaine’s
forehead. “You okay?”
Blaine shrugged. “I guess.”
Kurt scratched his scalp lightly, smiling when Blaine sighed and pressed his cheek into his pillow and gave
him a soft smile in return. Later, when he slipped back into his bed with Sebastian, he couldn’t get the
picture of Blaine’s smile out of his head.
“Hey,” Sebastian mumbled, cracking his eye open when he saw Kurt. “Blaine okay?”
Kurt was surprised Sebastian had noticed his absence; he’d been out cold a second ago. “Yeah,” he said,
reaching out and tracing his fingers over Sebastian’s jaw. “He’s okay.”
_
“Okay! Okay! Kurt - truth or dare?”
“Truth,” Kurt says, glaring when the group boos and shouts ‘BORING!’
Stella has a grin on her face though and she waves her hand to calm everyone down before she says.
“Okay. Then Kurt - if this house catches fire and you can only save Blaine or Sebastian, who would you
save?”
“That’s a stupid question,” Kurt says.
“No, no no.” Stella says, shaking her head. “Come on Kurt. You can only save one of them. Who’d you
save?”
Kurt laughs and takes a swing of his drink, savoring the sweet taste on his lips as he turns to grin at
Sebastian but he finds his husband staring back at him with a serious expression. Kurt frowns, looking past
him to where Blaine’s sitting with an equally serious expression, staring pointedly at the bottle in the middle
of their little circle. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Kurt turns away and back to Stella.
“That’s not how the questions work,” he says.
“Fuck it. It’s my birthday. I can change the rules if I want.”
Kurt sets his cup down and shifts uncomfortably, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. “This isn’t funny Stella,” he
says in a low voice. The game has suddenly gone from a fun to something that is putting him under bright
lights with a question he can’t answer without hurting one of the two people he loves most.
“Clock’s ticking Kurt!”
Sebastian and Blaine are unnaturally still and silent and Kurt wants to slap both of them. He wants them to
be grinning and joking and nudging each other, not waiting silently for his answer like it actually matters.
Don’t they know he’d give his life for both of them? How is he supposed to choose who he’d let die in a fire?
Something tells him the answer should be simple, that the ring on his finger should signify who he’d always
pick in these situations that but he knows and he’s pretty sure all his friends in this room know it’s not that
simple. Blaine and Sebastian both mean so much to him in so many different ways. His love for them
stretches and threads together into something inseparable built on years of needing them and having them
need him. If they were burning, Kurt would probably just choose to burn with them.
“I’m not answering.”
“That’s cheating!” Stella says. “If you don’t answer, you have to cut holes into the sleeve of that jacket you
wore here.”
“That’s Marc Jacobs and it cost 500 dollars!” Kurt exclaims.
“All you have to do is pick a name.” Stella says with a shrug. Kurt wonders how a perfectly sweet girl can
turn into the devil with a couple of drinks in her.
Kurt huffs and looks at Sebastian for some help but all Sebastian does is say, “Pick a name Kurt,” in a
dangerously calm voice - like he’s trying not to let on how much the answer means to him. It only makes
Kurt more furious.
“Ten seconds,” Stella says, “ And then you can say goodbye to your baby!” She holds up Kurt’s jacket and a
pair of sharp scissors.
Kurt stares at her as the group starts to count down. Eight - seven - six.
“Kurt.”
He looks at Sebastian, panicked and desperate.
Five - four - three
Kurt holds out his hand to Stella and says, “Give me those.”
When the first strip of fabric falls to the ground and the group cackles with laughter, Kurt looks up and
glares at both the boys sitting next to him. He’s relived to find them both grinning at him. He has a feeling
they’re as relieved as he is that he hasn’t answered the question.
Chapter 39
The first time Sebastian woke up during the night, it was too dark to see anything but he could still feel -
the light touch of Kurt’s thumb tracing back and forth over his eyebrow, circling his temple and gliding
down the side of his face in a smooth curve. He smiled. Kurt must have felt the way his lips turned up
because he shifted closer, hooking his ankle over Sebastian’s and sliding his fingers through his hair to cup
the back of his head. Sebastian couldn’t really form words, his brain too foggy with sleep and tongue too
heavy in his mouth but he managed to lift his arm and reach out to Kurt’s waist, letting it thump down and
rest heavily against the warm skin. He slipped back into the realms of sleep just as Kurt tilted his head up to
brush a dry kiss across his cheek.
The second time Sebastian woke up, it was because of a sharp pain in his back. A knee digging in painfully
followed by a kick to his shin and an elbow to the side of his face. Sebastian groaned, still lacking enough
energy to form proper words, in the hope that Kurt would get the hint and stop moving. He didn’t usually
toss and turn this much. As Kurt liked to remind him, Sebastian was the one who made sharing a bed a test
on his patience. Kurt was a relatively peaceful sleeper in comparison. He’d been more restless than usual in
the past month because of his recurring nightmares but that thought didn’t occur to Sebastian in his
current sleep heavy state. All he felt was incredibly frustrated every time Kurt shifted and the sheets
slipped a few inches lower on Sebastian’s body.
He kept hoping Kurt would find a comfortable position and stop moving but eventually, after a particularly
hard kick, Sebastian had no choice but to turn over on his side so he could face Kurt and force his eyes
open in a glare. It disappeared quickly once Sebastian took in the sight of Kurt’s face. The room was lighter
now, just enough for him to be able to make out Kurt’s creased brows, his lips parted as he mumbled
nonsensical things every so often. His body jerked, a low whine escaping his throat when Sebastian lay a
hand on his sweaty cheek to try and calm him.
“Kurt,” he said, his voice croaky from sleep.
Kurt shifted, turning his face to trap Sebastian’s hand between the pillow and his cheek. “No,” he
mumbled. “Don’t leave me.”
“Kurt. You’re just dreaming baby.”
Kurt was shaking his head slightly, mumbling something that sounded like Sebastian’s name. Sebastian
wondered what he was dreaming about, whether it was another nightmare or some disturbing flashback.
Whatever it was, he wanted it to stop, was overcome by the need to wake Kurt up and assure him that he
was okay. Cupping Kurt’s other cheek with his free hand, Sebastian tried to gently shake him awake.
“No, please.” Kurt said and the wet feeling beneath Sebastian’s fingers told him he was crying. Confused
and now very worried, Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt and drew him against his chest. Kurt was
still asleep but he clung to Sebastian, fingers digging into his side and wet cheek pressing against his chest.
Sebastian smoothed a hand down Kurt’s back, giving in to the urge to close his eyes because keeping them
open required too much strength.
“Ssshhh, it’s okay,” he whispered, curling his fingers at the small of Kurt’s back and sliding a leg between
Kurt’s own. “I’ve got you.”
Kurt stilled after another few minutes, his breathing slowing down and grip on Sebastian’s side loosening.
Sebastian carefully adjusted their positions so the weight of Kurt wouldn’t make his arm fall asleep and let
himself slip back into unconsciousness.
The third time Sebastian woke up, the room was bathed in the glow of morning sunlight and Kurt’s mouth
was sucking lightly at a spot on his collarbone. Sebastian’s eyes fluttered shut as quickly as they had
opened at the sudden awareness of his senses, the rush of heat that spiraled downwards at the swirl of
Kurt’s tongue on his skin. Kurt sensed he was awake and pressed one last wet kiss to the mark that was
now blooming on his collarbone before pulling back and smiling at Sebastian.
“Good morning,” he said, lifting his head up to peck Sebastian on the lips.
“What the hell was up with you last night?” was how Sebastian responded to that.
Kurt frowned, moved to settle more comfortably on top of him. “What?” he asked, tilting his head to the
side and regarding Sebastian curiously.
“You don’t remember?”
“I don’t remember a lot of things, you’re going to have to be more specific.”
Sebastian was about to tell him about the tossing and turning and crying but Kurt looked so happy, sleep
muzzled and carefree that he didn’t want to ruin the moment with the reminder of some stupid nightmare
Kurt had probably already forgotten about. So he shook his head, lay a hand on the small of Kurt’s back
and said, “Nothing.”
For a second, he thought a flash of relief on Kurt’s face but it quickly gave way to a blinding smile as he
leaned down to capture Sebastian’s bottom lip between his own. The kisses were slow and lazy, their feet
tangling together and hands skimming over warm skin. Sebastian’s cock was starting to take interest, trying
to persuade him to pin Kurt to the bed and give him that orgasm he owed him.
“You really need a shower,” Kurt said suddenly, forcing all of the fantastic images in Sebastian’s mind to
come crashing down. Sebastian raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to try and look at Kurt as he ran the tip
of his nose along the column of Sebastian’s throat, face scrunched up.
“You weren’t complaining a second ago.”
“You were stinking quite as much a second ago.” Kurt said coolly, sliding off the bed and getting to his feet.
Sebastian watched him head to the closet and lay back against his pillow as the sound of hangers being
shoved aside filled the room. A second later, Kurt emerged with his clothes draped over his arm and gave
Sebastian a critical look when he saw him still sprawled out across the bed.
“Are you going to stay there all day?”
“What time is it?”
“Almost 11,” Kurt replied as he started towards the bedroom door.
“Wait, seriously?” Sebastian tilted his head and caught sight of the time in the digital clock next to his bed.
Sighing, he shoved the sheets off himself and followed Kurt into the hall. Blaine wasn’t awake yet and the
apartment was silent as they made their way to the bathroom. Kurt didn’t say anything when Sebastian
entered the bathroom with him, not that Sebastian had expected him to - but he did make a face when he
saw Sebastian lifting the toilet seat and positioning himself in front of it.
“What?” Sebastian asked.
Kurt shook his head. “I feel like we haven’t been together long enough for me to see this.”
“Seriously Kurt?”
Kurt shrugged, hung his clothes on the hook at the back of the door and grabbed his toothbrush. “At least I
don’t remember enough for it to feel like that long.”
His words didn’t hurt like they did when Kurt reminded Sebastian how he didn’t remember all their time
together. If anything, Sebastian was amused. “So let me get this straight,” he said after he’d pulled the
flush and started towards the shower stall. “We’ve been together long enough for you to come in my ass
and for me to clean up your vomit but watching me pee grosses you out?”
Mouth foaming with toothpaste, Kurt didn’t reply. He narrowed his eyes at Sebastian through the mirror
but remained silent as Sebastian smirked and turned on the shower spray. Kurt kept shooting him looks
the whole time he went through his morning routine. Quiet, intense looks that made Sebastian think of the
previous night, the fingers tracing his face, the quiet sobs wetting his chest and the smile he’d woken up to
this morning.
“You okay?” he asked Kurt the next time he caught him looking.
“Yeah,” Kurt said quickly.
Sebastian gave a nod, not entirely convinced but still managed a grin. “You want to join me?”
Kurt looked like he was contemplating it but he shook his head. “We don’t have time. Blaine might wake
up soon.”
“So?”
“So I don’t want to start something I can’t finish.” Kurt said with a sigh.
“Your loss,” Sebastian mumbled, turning his face back to the spray. He heard the stall door slide open a
while later and grinned, eyes still closed when he felt Kurt’s arms wrap around his middle and curve
upwards. “I’m irresistible, aren’t I?”
“Not you. The idea of a shower. I’m just here to get clean.” He smirked and pulled his arms away, reaching
for his bottle of body wash but Sebastian snatched it out of his hand.
“Let me help.”
“Nothing we can’t finish,” Kurt warned.
“Nothing we can’t finish,” Sebastian repeated and promptly darted in to cover Kurt’s mouth with his own.
Kurt groaned, tried to say something which was swallowed by Sebastian’s tongue but eventually gave in
and wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders, scraping nails along his shoulder blades.
The bottle of body wash slipped from Sebastian’s hand and the thud of it as it fell echoed in the bathroom.
At the same time there was a knock on the door and Blaine’s voice called out, weak and tired. “Kurt?”
Kurt broke the kiss, turning his head to stare at the door, fingers curled against Sebastian’s chest. “Yeah,
Blaine,” he called out in an unusually high voice. “Just uh - give me a minute.”
“Can you like - hurry? I think I might throw up.”
“Shit,” Kurt muttered and gave Sebastian an apologetic look as he stepped out of the shower stall. “Why
does this apartment only have one bathroom?” he hissed.
“Didn’t seem like a problem when we got it,” Sebastian said with a shrug.
“Is Seb in there too?” Blaine asked, voice muffled as if he had his face smushed to the door. “Are you guys
having sex? Please tell me you are not putting orgasms before me.”
Sebastian laughed and turned the water off, grabbing the towel Kurt tossed at him. “Don’t worry killer.
Your presence literally killed our boners.”
Blaine groaned and there was a dull thump on the door as if he’d just dropped his head against the wood.
Kurt pulled his clothes on hurriedly, ran his fingers through his hair to get it to look semi decent and threw
a quick look over his shoulder to make sure Sebastian had a towel around his waist before he opened the
bathroom door. Blaine stumbled in, heading straight for the toilet and doubled over, the sound of him
retching echoing disgustingly around them. Sebastian wanted to help him - Blaine looked like crap from his
wild, gel clumped hair to his stubble dotted face - but he didn’t really feel like approaching him when he
was puking his guts out.
“Oh Blaine,” Kurt said in a small voice from behind him. He walked over to him and knelt down beside him,
brushing the messy curls out of his face as Blaine’s head drooped. Sebastian silently backed out of the
bathroom, trusting Kurt to deal with Blaine better than Sebastian would ever be able to and went to get
changed. When he came back out, the bathroom door was shut and Kurt was humming in the kitchen, the
smell of fresh coffee and scrambled eggs making Sebastian’s stomach grumble.
“Hey,” Kurt said when he saw Sebastian. “Blaine’s in the shower.”
“I figured.” He poured himself some coffee while Kurt transferred the eggs on to a plate.
“Want some?” he asked.
“Thanks,” Sebastian said with a nod, taking the offered plate from Kurt’s hands. Kurt stopped him from
turning away with a hand to his forearm and without warning, leaned up to kiss him. It was a short kiss and
Kurt pulled away quickly but before he did, he pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s cheek, breathing out
slowly against his jaw and tightening his fingers before he let go. Sebastian sat down on a kitchen stool
with the distinct feeling that something was wrong and that it had to do with the apparently forgotten
nightmare of the previous night. He didn’t want to force Kurt to recall something that might make him
uncomfortable or cause him any sort of pain but he was desperate to know what he had seen.
Blaine came out a few moments later, shirtless and towelling his hair dry. “Look at you,” Sebastian said
with a teasing grin. “All bright eyed and bushy tailed.”
“Ha-ha,” Blaine said before asking, “Can I borrow a shirt? I think I got some puke on mine.”
“Help yourself,” Sebastian said, nodding towards their bedroom. “Right hand side of the closet is all Kurt -
left is mine. I’d recommend borrowing something from me since whatever Kurt has is going to be too
complicated for your itsy bitsy hung over brain to maneuver.”
Blaine glared at him without conviction before mumbling his thanks and shuffling back towards the hall.
Kurt, who had been silently watching him the whole time, tapped his fingers against the side of his coffee
mug and watched him go, looking like Blaine’s misery was solely his fault. Sebastian stayed silent, knowing
it would be of no use to ask him for an explanation of his thoughts when Blaine was still wandering around.
“Fuck you both and your tall bodies!” Blaine called out from the bedroom.
Even Kurt laughed at that but he still had the decency to school his face into a neutral expression when
Blaine walked out swimming in one of Sebastian’s t-shirts. Sebastian continued to laugh. “Real sexy Blaine.
I think you might even wear it better than I do. It’s a whole new look on you.”
“Fuck you,” Blaine mumbled again, sliding on to the stool next to him. “Seriously.”
Kurt passed him a tall glass of water and said, “Drink.” Blaine did as he was told but as soon as he was
done, asked for coffee. Kurt shook his head. “Not until you’ve hydrated yourself properly.”
Sebastian had dealt with Blaine’s hangovers before. The kind that were a result of some heavy partying
and the kind, like this one, that resulted from broken hearts and anger. But he’d never been quite as good
as dealing with him as Kurt was - is. It was a strange feeling, watching Kurt know intuitively what Blaine
would need. It shouldn’t have surprised him, Kurt was good at knowing what people would need. He knew
what his dad was thinking most of the time before he said it, he knew when Rachel wanted to cuddle and
cry or when she wanted to be left alone, hell - he knew Sebastian like the back of his hand.
“We don’t have the sugary cereals you love so much but we have one with real chocolate pieces,” Kurt
said, holding out a box of expensive cereal for Blaine’s inspection. “Will that do?”
“Yeah. Just - please can I get some coffee?”
“Decaf,”
“Extracaf. With a shot of Courvoisier.”
Sebastian grinned. “You’re funny.”
“You’re horrible,” Blaine groaned when Kurt handed him a mug of decaf coffee with a pointed look. He
took a sip, scrunched his nose up in disgust and then turned to glare at Sebastian again as if it was all his
fault. “How come you’re not hungover? You were pretty drunk last night.”
“Blaine. You could have just sniffed that bottle of beer and you’d still be as hungover as you are right now.”
Sebastian teased. “Trust me, I can hold my alcohol better than most. Especially you.”
Blaine tried to push him away when Sebastian reached out to ruffle his hair. Sebastian thought he heard
I’m not a dog mumbled somewhere in between and he grinned, only messing up Blaine’s hair further. Kurt
was the one who dealt with Blaine with affection and soft words. Sebastian could never keep that up for
long. He either joined Blaine in his anger and threw out random ideas for revenge or spiralled into teasing
him until Blaine’s amusement overshadowed his anger.
It usually worked. But this time, when Blaine pulled free of Sebastian’s grip, his grin faded away much
quicker than it should have, eyes dropping down to the V of his shirt. Sebastian followed his gaze to find
the hickey Kurt had given him that morning peeking out from beneath the material of his shirt. Blaine
stared at it quietly for a second before blinking and looking away, eyes searching out Kurt who was leaning
against the counter again. They shared a look, and maybe it was the way Blaine avoided Sebastian’s eye for
the rest of breakfast or the way Kurt kept biting the corner of his lip, but Sebastian was smart enough to
sense something was wrong. He waited until after Kurt had left to get some groceries and he and Blaine
were alone to ask him.
“What? Nothing,” Blaine said, staring intently at the dishes he had insisted on washing.
“Then why do you look like a kid caught stealing cookies from the jar?” Sebastian asked.
“I don’t -”
“Blaine.” His voice was firm enough and demanding enough for Blaine to lift his eyes to meet his. He
looked nervous.
“I kissed him,” he said in a low voice. For a moment, Sebastian thought he was going to add something
else, an explanation, a hear me out please like he had last time he’d kissed Kurt but after opening and
closing his mouth, Blaine remained silent, waiting.
“Okay,” Sebastian said with a slow nod. “Is that it?”
“You’re - you’re not mad?” Blaine asked, eyes widening comically and glass slipping from his fingers.
Sebastian managed to catch it before it hit the floor.
“No,” he said honestly.
“Why? Last time you -”
“Last time was different.”
“Was it?”
“Yes,” Sebastian said. “Last time, Kurt wasn’t - he wasn’t my Kurt.” It still hurt to dismiss him like that but
there was no simpler way to put it. “You kissed him on that roof knowing full well that it was more than
just a kiss, you knew how Kurt felt about you and you shouldn’t have abused the situation.”
“I know I’m sorry,” Blaine said, pressing a wet hand to his forehead. “But I swear last night was nothing like
that.”
“I know,” Sebastian said calmly, remembering the brush of Kurt’s fingers on his skin, the soft kiss against
his cheek - “Which is why I’m not mad.”
Blaine got needy when he was upset, Sebastian knew that. Sebastian himself fluctuated between being
needy and being a complete bastard to people when he was upset. Kurt remained cool and aloof until he
reached his breaking point and even then he only reached out to a select few. That was them individually.
Being in a long, committed relationship changed you sometimes, it made you less afraid of letting the
other person see you at your most vulnerable.
When Sebastian’s father had died, he had forced himself to act calm around his dad’s colleagues, around
his mom, he hadn’t let any of his own pain show because not only would it have hurt his mother to see him
upset, it would have made him appear weak in front of his father’s associates. But later, alone with Kurt,
he had let himself go. He’d cried his heart out on Kurt’s shoulder, hadn’t cried as much in his whole life like
the way he cried that night and the nights after. But there was a sense of calm relief after he’d run out of
tears, the knowledge that Kurt wasn’t going to think him weak like his dad’s associates, wasn’t going to
treat him like glass that would shatter the way his mother would have, it was okay to need Kurt to just be
there, it was okay to want him to do nothing but hold him until he was ready to let go.
And Kurt may not have remembered everything after the accident but in the nights that Sebastian felt
frustrated and helpless with Kurt’s coldness, he reminded himself of the first couple of days after Kurt had
woken up, how he had reached out to Sebastian and only Sebastian for comfort, told him that he was the
only one keeping him from losing his mind. Even when nothing around him made sense, Kurt hadn’t held
back from showing just how much he needed Sebastian whether it was curling up against his chest to push
away nightmares or shouting and screaming at him until the weight in his chest lifted.
Blaine was somehow needier than both of them combined and considering Kurt was the only person he
had ever fully opened up to in his life, he still gravitated towards him when he was upset. It was something
Sebastian had come to accept. It didn’t bother him - much. He had his own set of insecurities but he
trusted Kurt and he trusted Blaine. A kiss planted out of desperation and the need to be closer, to be held
and comforted until the problems shrunk to a manageable sizes wasn’t something Sebastian beat himself
over thinking about.
It was just - it was that damn accident. The amnesia and the stupid block in Kurt’s head that refused to go
away completely that made Sebastian weary of the look on Kurt’s face when he was watching Blaine. And
now with Blaine so emotionally breakable after Tyler and Kurt still struggling with the eighteen year old
inside of him -
“Blaine,” Sebastian said suddenly. “Do you still have feelings for Kurt?”
He could see how the abruptness of his question had affected Blaine but once he’d gathered himself,
Blaine shook his head and said, “No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“You’re...sure about that?”
Blaine nodded and met Sebastian’s gaze full on as if he was trying to prove how much he meant his words.
“I love him but - not in that way. Not anymore.”
“If it was just an innocent kiss, why were you apologizing?”
“Because I could be,” Blaine said weakly. His gaze turned guilty, apologetic. “Give me the chance and I
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