against Kurt’s shoulder and thumb drawing circles on the inside of his wrist. Kurt could hear the hum of the
refrigerator in the kitchen, the distant buzz of New York City outside the window and the slow, steady
sounds of both their breaths. He rested his cheek on top of Sebastian’s head and closed his eyes, feeling at
peace with everything – like nothing, not even a decade worth of memory loss could ruin the moment.
Chapter 27
There was a lot to be said about waking up next to someone. Kurt had always found the concept romantic;
blinking your eyes open in the morning to see the peaceful, sleeping face of your lover before anything else
– the perfect start to the day.
Just like most of his romantic fantasies though, this idea had been more appealing in theory than actuality.
Waking up to Finn’s face for the first time had been a sore disappointment – his mouth had been hanging
open, a spot of drool dripping from the corner and Kurt had found himself questioning what it was that he
saw in this boy. Waking up next to Blaine in his bed after Rachel’s party had only brought a wave of
sadness and he’d decided that waking up alone was the only option for him. Private, peaceful and with no
one to break any expectations he had of them.
It wasn’t until Kurt had started dating Blaine that he regained faith in the romance of it all. He remembered
waking up the night after they’d had sex for the first time to find Blaine’s face inches from his, eyelashes
fanned out across his skin and lips parted just the slightest bit as he slept. Kurt had felt warm all over at the
sight, found himself thinking so this is what it’s like.
Kurt knew that Blaine was far from the only boy he’d woken up with. He’d heard Sebastian and Rachel talk
about some of the boy’s he’d fooled around with when he’d moved to New York and Kurt was willing to
bet he’d had at least a handful of awkward morning after encounters even if a small part of his brain told
him he was probably overestimating. It didn’t matter though because none of those encounters had a
place in Kurt’s memory.
So when Kurt opened his eyes to see Sebastian next to him, his first thought was this is kind of romantic.
Except that it wasn’t – not really.
For one thing, Sebastian wasn’t even directly next to Kurt. He was on the floor, sprawled across the
blankets while Kurt laid stomach first on the couch above him. The sight was a lot less romantic and a lot
more hilarious from this point of view. Kurt had to stifle a laugh at the way Sebastian had a cushion
covering his face to block out the light streaming in from the windows.
After a few seconds of staring at him, Kurt started to feel creepy. So he kicked the blanket free of his feet
and stood up, moving to let down the blinds before he walked back to Sebastian and plucked the cushion
from his face. “You’ll suffocate yourself in your sleep,” he said, rolling his eyes. Sebastian snuffled, turned
on his side and proceeded to bury his face further into his pillow, looking just the slightest bit annoyed.
He didn’t stir while Kurt made breakfast which Kurt found somewhat wounding to his pride. On more than
one occasion he’d been assured that his French toast smelled good enough to wake the dead but
apparently, Sebastian didn’t share the sentiment.
Breakfast in bed was a luxury Kurt loved though the only times he was afforded it was when he was
sleeping over at Blaine’s or when his dad brought some toast and coffee on the days he slept in – not
exactly the most fashionable breakfast, but it was the thought that counted. When Kurt was the one
serving, he went all out. His mother had been the one to teach him that the quality of food wasn’t just in
the taste, presentation could make the world of a difference. The difference between regular, boring
pancakes or pancakes with syrupy smiley faces.
Kurt liked waking people up with a carefully decorated tray, liked seeing their faces light up whether it was
his dad or Blaine or Rachel and Mercedes when they had one of their sleepovers. It was a simple gesture of
appreciation for his friends and family so he didn’t think too much when he set up a similar tray for
Sebastian; Orange spice French toast with powdered sugar on top, scrambled eggs, whole wheat bread,
butter, jam a bowl of mixed fruit and two cups of steaming hot coffee.
He set the tray on the coffee table not far from where Sebastian was sleeping before he knelt down next to
him and rapped him lightly on the forehead with his knuckles. “Sebastian, hey – Sebastian. Wake up.”
Sebastian grumbled, no longer springing to attention at the slightest touch like he had when Kurt reached
for him scared and shaking from his dreams the night before last.
“Go away,” he mumbled.
“Sebastian -”
“It’s Sunday, let me sleep.”
“It’s Tuesday.” Kurt corrected with a frown. “And I’m the one with amnesia here,” he added under his
breath as he pushed at Sebastian’s shoulder again. “Come on, wake up.”
Sebastian turned on to his back, looking severely pissed. The irritation faded a little when he opened his
eyes and saw Kurt, his face softening into a smile. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Of course it’s me,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. He liked how easy the conversation felt, like it was one
they had all the time. Maybe it was.
“Mm,” Sebastian hummed, reaching up to touch Kurt’s face before he could move away. “Good morning.”
Kurt gently pulled Sebastian’s hand away and said, “Good morning to you too. I’ve got breakfast.”
“Not yet,” Sebastian said, grabbing Kurt’s wrist when he started to lean back towards the coffee table.
“C’mere.”
Sebastian's eyes were still sleep heavy, not quite open yet and his smile was lazy enough for Kurt to
conclude that he was still in the process of waking up. That would explain why he didn’t think twice before
pulling Kurt down on to his chest and trapping him there with an arm around his back. Kurt’s protest was
muffled in the cotton of Sebastian’s shirt partly because the move had taken him by surprise and partly
because he was hit by the strong, familiar scent of body wash and clean sweat that made his body go lax.
It was like smelling the lingering hints of his mother’s perfume on her old dresser. There was a certain
rightness about it that made him press in closer, search out the scent to where it was stronger, just in the
dip of Sebastian’s collarbone. He was tempted to stay there, after all it wasn’t like he hadn’t let Sebastian
hold him close to his chest last night while they watched some Oscar nominated thriller.
But Kurt had felt in control last night, at least more in control than he felt right now. If he didn’t pull away,
he was certain he’d end up doing something stupid. Not stupid exactly, that wasn’t the right word.
Impulsive.
“Naw, baby come back...” Sebastian protested when Kurt pulled free of his grip but he trailed off when he
opened his eyes again and saw the expression on Kurt’s face. He seemed to wake up properly then,
realization hitting him all of a sudden. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Kurt said with a wave of his hand.
“I forgot -” Sebastian broke off and closed his eyes, all hints of relaxation slipping from his face replaced by
a painful kind of sadness. “It’s just that we do that a lot.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Sebastian kept his eyes closed as if looking at Kurt was too painful. “We bring breakfast to each other in
bed on weekends and laze around until it gets cold.” His voice was dripping with nostalgia. “I’m sorry,” he
finally looked at Kurt again, his eyes genuinely apologetic. “It was easy to forget that things aren’t the
same.”
Kurt felt the overwhelming urge to punch something. For the look on Sebastian’s face, for the longing in his
own heart. Instead, he forced a smile and leaned back to grab the tray. “Well they’re not much different if
we’ve still got the breakfast in bed part down, right?”
Sebastian sat up, smiling slowly when he saw the food spread out on the tray. “Fancy.”
“And it’s still warm,” Kurt said with a grin.
Chapter 28
Kurt spent most of his Tuesday gathering information on his bank accounts and ATM codes, configuring his
phone settings and retrieving as many passwords as he could based on Sebastian’s knowledge and his own
guesswork. By evening, he was sick of looking at papers and computer screens all day but Sebastian
refused to change out of his pajamas to go out. He was hell bent on turning his Tuesday into the perfect
lazy Sunday so instead, they ended up taking mugs of coffee onto the roof to watch the sunset. Kurt kept
thinking about the last time he had been there, about Blaine, about the kiss. Sebastian was apparently
thinking along the same lines because he was silent, staring out over the buildings at the sinking sun with a
thoughtful expression on his face.
For a long time, neither of them spoke but when the sun finally dipped below the horizon and the city
started to glow to life in the darkness, Kurt let out a long sigh and said, “New York City.”
“How observant of you,” Sebastian said with a grin.
Kurt ignored him and closed his eyes against a cool breeze that had undoubtedly messed his hair up as it
passed. He couldn’t bring himself to care. “I still have a hard time believing I’m actually here,” he said. “In
this city, in this apartment -”
“- stuck with me.” When Kurt turned to look at him, Sebastian’s grin was teasing.
“Stuck with you, yes.” he said with a small smile of his own.
“Could be much worse, you know.”
“Could be,” Kurt agreed quietly as Sebastian reached out to take his hand.
They stayed on the roof until their stomachs started to protest but once they got back to the apartment,
neither of them was in the mood to cook anything. “I’m not going out,” Sebastian said, flopping onto the
couch. “Order something.”
While they waited for their food to arrive, Kurt played around with their entertainment system. He hadn’t
really paid it any attention since he’d moved in, occasionally catching snippets of football and CNN
headlines while Burt or Sebastian watched, never feeling inclined to look at it himself. They didn’t have any
DVDs, he knew that much. Their library was all digitalized, the home page divided into folders – Live TV,
Recorded Shows, Movies and Music. Kurt was about to open the movies folder when a thought struck him
all of a sudden and he almost dropped the remote in excitement.
“Oh my god,” he said, a grin slowly spreading across his face.
“What?”
“I just realized that we probably have all of the unaired Grey’s Anatomy episodes. Except, they’re not
unaired anymore because I’m in the future and shit.” He didn’t even care how crazy he sounded or that
Sebastian had burst out laughing next to him because finally, something good about skipping forward ten
years in his life. At least he’d know if Meredith and Derek had their happy ending or not.
Ignoring how Sebastian’s shoulders were still shaking with laughter, he opened the recorded shows folder
and held himself back from squealing when he saw a file labelled ‘Grey’s Anatomy – The Complete
Seasons’. Before Kurt could open it, Sebastian had pried the remote away from his hand and navigated
back to the home screen.
“Hey!” Kurt protested.
“We are watching a movie,” he said firmly. “You have all the time in the world to catch up on that stupid
show. I’m not sitting through another marathon. God knows I’ve had enough in the past.” He opened up
the movies main page filled with further sub folders; Sebastian’s picks, Kurt’s picks, Mutually Agreed
Upon’s, Genre Divisions, To-Watch, Private and turned to Kurt again. “So. It’s your turn to choose tonight.
You want to base your choice on genre or trust the taste of your past self?”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re enjoying this way more than you should?” Kurt asked, taking the remote
from Sebastian’s hand again. His taste in movies was impeccable so Kurt was certain that picking
something at random from his folder would be a safe enough option but before he did that, his curiosity
had him scrolling past everything on to the very last folder labelled as ‘Private’.
Two icons appeared up when he opened it, one a sub folder titled ‘Wedding’ and the other a small
padlock. When Kurt tried to open it, a request to enter a password popped up in large, bold letters.
“Why is this locked?” Kurt asked, turning to Sebastian for answers but he only found the other boy
grinning.
“Let’s leave that one for now shall we?”
“Why?” Kurt pressed, his interest piqued.
“Trust me.”
“No.”
“Kurt.”
“What’s in the file?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I do.”
“No, you really don’t,” Sebastian insisted. “Not right now.”
Something in his eyes convinced Kurt that he was right. His curiosity was far from extinguished but there
was an underlying feeling of hesitancy that came from the warning in Sebastian’s tone. Up until now, he
hadn’t really held back on answering any of Kurt’s questions, had gone as far as talking openly about their
sex life. If Sebastian thought that file was something Kurt wasn’t ready for yet, Kurt was going to go ahead
and trust him.
“Fine,” he said, jaw tightening as he clicked back to the movies page. “But I’m going to come back to that.”
The first movie they watched was a mindless comedy, the kind that had no plot, no purpose but kept your
stomach in stitches from laughing too hard. The second was the 2014 movie adaptation of Wicked which,
as Sebastian had predicted, Kurt ended up disliking. It was fun pointing out everything that was wrong with
it though, especially since Sebastian seemed well rehearsed in the complaints and said exactly what Kurt
was thinking (probably reciting from past experiences).
The criticism continued long after the movie was over – Kurt kept thinking of new things to add as they
threw away the empty noodle containers, as they brushed their teeth, as they stripped away the extra
comforter and settled into bed. It was only after he finished saying, “It doesn’t do the original production
any justice,” with a huff of breath that he realized how silent Sebastian had gone next to him.
Kurt turned his head to ask him what was wrong but he lost his train of thought halfway through. Sebastian
was staring at him with a strange look in his eyes, a cross between hopeful and amused and the realization
of where they were and how they’d got there without Kurt realizing hit him all too suddenly.
“You’re in my bed,” he blurted out.
“Yeah, I was wondering when you’d notice that.” Sebastian said with a tentative grin.
“How did I not notice you crawling into my bed?”
“Our bed,” Sebastian corrected. “And probably because you seemed a little preoccupied with Wicked to
notice.”
“And you decided to take advantage of that?” Kurt asked, arching an eyebrow.
Sebastian offered him a grin in reply before adding, “I’d say I’m sorry but I couldn’t help myself - especially
after how you didn’t bat an eye when I started brushing my teeth next to you in the bathroom. I figured
you were going to stop rambling and say goodnight at the door but it was like you were in some kind of
trance. You just kept on talking and talking and then you were climbing into bed and nodding towards me
to switch off the lights and I wanted to see how far you were going to go before it hit you.”
“Well its hit me now,” Kurt said, not quite believing how he’d ignored it in the first place.
“And it’s time for me to leave.” It wasn’t a question so Kurt didn’t give an answer. Sebastian shifted closer
to Kurt, the light peeking in through the blinds casting shadows on his face. “Can I say goodnight before I
leave?” he asked, cupping Kurt’s cheek and brushing his thumb along the short hairs near his temple.
“Goodnight,” Kurt said, his voice trembling just the slightest but Sebastian didn’t pull away.
“You know it could be another sign,” he said in a soft voice.
“Hmm?” Kurt hummed, his eyes starting to feel heavy as Sebastian’s thumb circled Kurt’s temple in
another soothing motion.
“The fact that you didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary when I moved to lie down next to you,”
Sebastian said with a smile. “Maybe it wasn’t just because you were busy thinking about a stupid movie,
maybe it was because your mind didn’t see anything weird about us going to bed together.”
Kurt had been thinking the same thing but all he said was, “Yeah. Maybe.”
Sensing that Kurt wasn’t in the mood to press the subject, Sebastian ducked down to kiss his forehead
quickly before he slipped out of bed, leaving with only a quiet, “Goodnight, baby.”
Kurt had barely closed his eyes when he felt the bed dip again. The room was much darker than it had
been a moment ago but Kurt didn’t need light to make out the familiar shape of Sebastian’s body moving
towards him. He was about to say, oh, you’re back but Sebastian was reaching out to pull him closer to his
chest, his breath warm against Kurt’s face and Kurt thought, of course he is.
Warm lips touched his just as a pair of arms encircled his waist and Kurt melted into the touch, moving
closer until he could feel the heat of Sebastian’s body pressed along the length of his. Seconds turned into
minutes which could have turned into hours, Kurt’s jaw never tired of moving in slow sync with
Sebastian’s. The brush of a soft, wet tongue against his own never became too much, the hand rubbing up
and down his spine in long, even strokes never stopped every nerve in his body from tingling. He stayed
there, his hands in Sebastian’s hair, leg thrown over his hip as they kissed in the darkness of the room
feeling lazy and content.
“I love you, Kurt.” Sebastian whispered, moving his lips to kiss along Kurt’s jaw, the column of his throat,
the base of his collarbone.
Kurt opened his mouth to reply but he couldn’t bring himself to form words. He tried and failed to make a
sound, any sound but nothing came out except a broken gasp.
“You’re not going to say it back?” Sebastian asked, moving to hover over Kurt’s body with a frown.
I can’t.
“Why not?” Sebastian asked, tilting his head and regarding Kurt with a frustrated expression.
There was a reason. Kurt couldn’t remember the reason. Something about an accident but how was he
supposed to explain it to Sebastian?
“Why not, Kurt?” Sebastian asked again, his voice lower and more dangerous than before. His face twisted
with rage, eyes blazing even in the darkness. Kurt didn’t realize Sebastian was pressing down on his
stomach with his elbow until the sharp pain hit him like a bullet and his eyes flew open.
He was out of his bed and rushing towards the bathroom before the scene had faded from the back of his
eyelids. His dinner came up in long, burning heaves that left his eyes watering and his whole body shaking.
When he was finished, Kurt slumped against the shower stall, accepting the glass of water that appeared in
front of him. It took a few moments for him to register he was no longer leaning against frosted glass of
the stall but in Sebastian’s arms. The second he became aware of this, he ripped himself away from
Sebastian, getting to his feet and backing up.
“Are you okay?” Sebastian asked, looking hurt by Kurt’s reaction.
“I -” Kurt cleared his throat, taking deep gulps of air.
“It must have been the shrimp,” Sebastian said. “I thought it tasted a little funny. You shouldn’t have had
so much.”
“Yeah,” Kurt said, splashing water on his face. He could feel the panic lingering from his dream seep out
through him with every cold droplet against his skin. Once he felt calm enough, he reopened his eyes and
looked at Sebastian’s reflection in the mirror. He was staring at Kurt with a worried expression.
“Do you want me to get you anything?” he asked.
“My prescription pills are on the kitchen counter, can you grab those?” Kurt asked in a steady voice.
Sebastian nodded and disappeared, leaving Kurt to turn his gaze towards his own pale reflection. “Just a
dream,” he whispered. “Just a stupid dream.”
The shrimp had tasted a little funny, now that Kurt thought about it. That was a perfectly logical
explanation as to why his dream had become so distorted towards the end. It had happened a few times
over the years whenever he’d had a bad dinner or contracted a nasty case of food poisoning. In his dreams,
he’d be doing something completely unrelated but the sickening feeling in his stomach would distract him
and all of a sudden the Broadway stage he’d be on would start to shake or the car he would be in would
pick up speed until his stomach churned and he woke up rushing to the bathroom to puke.
The realization made him feel stronger on his feet, feel like he was more firmly rooted in reality.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Sebastian asked later when Kurt headed back to bed.
“I’m fine,” Kurt said.
“You sure?”
“Whatever it was probably came up back there, I’m okay.” Kurt said with a nod.
“Why’d you need the relaxants then?” Sebastian asked, looking doubtful.
Kurt didn’t know whether to be annoyed or touched by the careful observation. “Headache,” he said.
“You want another massage?”
Kurt smiled at that, “I’m good, thanks.”
“Don’t be modest, I’ve been told I can work magic with my hands.” Sebastian said with a grin, though Kurt
could see he still looked worried.
“I’m the one who needs to be modest?”
“Come on, you can pay me back later with breakfast in bed again.” His voice was laced with a note of
pleading despite how he hid it well behind his cocky grin and easy posture.
“The second I’m asleep, you’re out.” Kurt said with a sigh as he pushed through the door into the bedroom.
“And don’t get your hopes up for breakfast, it was your laziness that prompted the Chinese tonight and
consequently why I’m sick. If anyone is making breakfast, it’s you.”
Sebastian scoffed, “My fault? It wasn’t like you were insisting on cooking anything. The most we would
have done was go out and eat Chinese instead of ordering it. Don’t put this on me.”
“It’s still on you.” Kurt said stubbornly, moving under the covers again. Sebastian lowered himself down
next to him, smiling but he didn’t say anything as he reached for Kurt’s face. His fingers were warm against
Kurt’s cool skin and it took only a few seconds for Kurt to feel the ache in his head recede.
His stomach was growling with hunger when he woke in the morning but before he could even consider
what he wanted for breakfast, Sebastian appeared in the doorway bearing a fully laden tray. Kurt sat up as
Sebastian set the tray on his lap and surveyed the contents with an amused gaze.
Among the bread and jam and juice was a plate of pancakes winking at him with a lopsided, syrupy smiley.
Chapter 29
The rest of the week passed in a sluggish blur; Kurt spent his time either catching up with movies, Grey’s
Anatomy episodes or piecing together more information about his past. He followed Dr. Hendricks advice
and stuck to specific timeframes, focusing as hard as he could on major events but no matter how many
pictures and video clips he watched or how detailed a description Sebastian gave him about where they
were or what they were doing, his memory remained stubbornly locked.
There were moments when Kurt was tempted to give up but as Sebastian kept pointing out, even if he
didn’t remember everything completely, at least he knew it had happened. That was better than being
completely clueless right?
“Think of everything as a huge party that you’re too drunk to remember,” he said. “And I’m you designated
driver who’s piecing everything together for you.”
“Funny,” Kurt said with a grin. “That you should be the designated driver. If I remember correctly, that’s
my job.”
“We like switching things up,” Sebastian countered with a wink, nudging Kurt’s shoulder when he rolled his
eyes.
Sebastian was right though. By the time Saturday rolled around, even though Kurt was no better off on the
road to magically remembering everything, the thick fog in his brain had started to clear a little. He still got
headaches when he pressured himself too much to remember things but the relaxants Dr. Hendricks had
given him helped; they had rid him of the nightmares at least.
They were having breakfast, a part of the day which was fast becoming Kurt’s favorite, when he said, “I’m
going to go out after this.”
“Hmm?” Sebastian hummed, still half asleep as he sipped his coffee.
“I’m going out,” Kurt repeated patiently. “There are a few things I want to do.” That wasn’t entirely true,
Kurt had no idea what he was going to do but he wanted to get out and explore the city on the own. The
times he’d wandered around aimlessly with Sebastian and Rachel had been fun, but he felt like a more
personal date with New York was due. She had been sorely neglected in the wake of his accident. “You can
tag along if you want,” he said, smiling at how it made Sebastian sound like some sort of faithful puppy.
Of course, the offer was only another formality because Kurt was well aware of how Sebastian had to get
started on reading case files so he would be up to date with everything when he went back to work on
Monday. Wasting a day frolicking in the city was the least of his priorities at the moment.
As predicted, Sebastian groaned and dropped his head to the kitchen counter, though that could also have
been because he wasn’t awake enough to be having a conversation that required him to do anything more
than grunt. They’d stayed up until three a.m. watching more movies last night – by now, Kurt had managed
to get through at least a quarter of their favorite picks – but an unfortunate incident with a mug slipping
from Kurt’s hand and shattering on the floor at eight thirty in the morning had wrecked Sebastian’s plans
to sleep in.
“Is that a yes, a no or a god, shut up?” Kurt asked with an amused smile as he sipped his apple juice.
“It’s a fuck why do we have to work,” Sebastian said, lifting his head. “I want to come with you but I can’t.
Jon is going to come over around noon to brief me on a couple of things and there’s probably no way I can
reschedule.”
“That’s fine,” Kurt said, trying to hide the relief he felt.
“You going to be okay on your own?” Sebastian asked and though his concern was genuine, Kurt couldn’t
stop his voice from sounding a haughty and defensive when he replied.
“I think I can handle the big, bad city without a babysitter, Sebastian.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Sebastian said with none of his usual playfulness. He sounded a rather lot like a
whining baby.
Kurt loosened up and managed a small smiled. “I know.”
“So where are you headed?” Sebastian asked, taking a long sip of his coffee.
“To meet my dad, mostly.” It wasn’t a complete lie, Kurt had been planning on visiting his father but he still
hoped Sebastian wouldn’t push for details. He didn’t. “I’ll be back by lunch,” he continued, turning back to
his half finished bowl of cereal. “If not, I’ll text you to let you know.”
Sebastian nodded, draining the remainder of his coffee and getting to his feet. “I’m going to go squeeze in
some more sleep before Jon gets here.”
“After having two cups of strongly caffeinated coffee?”
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