Sebastian’s waist.
Years of slowly falling in love, months of crazy preparation and here they finally are. Sharing their first
dance as a married couple.
“So are we KurtandSebastian or SebastianandKurt?” Kurt asks with a teasing smile.
“Let’s stick to Kurt and Sebastian.” Sebastian replies, tugging Kurt closer and daring enough to slip his
hands lower on his waist so they’re resting just above the swell of his ass. “Don’t go all coupley on me. I’m
freaked out enough as it is.” Kurt laughs and leans up to kiss Sebastian with just the barest brush of his lips.
“Tease.” Sebastian grumbles when he pulls away.
“You’re mine forever now.” Kurt says, his eyes shining.
Sebastian drops his forehead to rest against Kurt, his heart aching with the sheer amount of love he feels
for this man in this moment. He kisses the corner of Kurt’s mouth, brushes their noses together and
breathes in deeply. “I’ve only ever been yours. Difference is, now it’s official.”
Chapter 14
For the first time since the accident, Kurt woke up the next day feeling light and happy. Not happy, exactly.
Just – calm. He didn’t need a moment to take in his surroundings, his eyes were already expecting to see
the blinds he’d let down over the windows before he went to bed last night. It had been in anticipation of
blocking the sunlight so he could sleep in longer but it had been of no use – judging by the time on his
bedside alarm clock, it was just past dawn.
Kurt stretched before turning on his side to face the empty side of the bed. He wondered what it felt like to
wake up in the mornings with Sebastian sleeping next to him, whether Sebastian had any annoying
sleeping habits like hogging the blankets or snoring or talking in his sleep. Did he still find them endearing
or were they already at the point where snoring would result in a smack to the face with a pillow
accompanied by ‘shut up, I’m trying to sleep’.
Marriage had always been something Kurt thought about even when it was never a possibility for him
growing up in Ohio. It had been a glamorous, idealized version of events more than anything. The rings, the
suits, the cake. He’d dreamed of what song he would dance to with his husband for the first time and
where they would go on their honeymoon.
This part of married life, the realistic part, was something he hadn’t given much thought to. He hadn’t had
the chance to digest the idea of being married and all that it would entail. Instead, he’d found himself
thrust headfirst into all of it.
Sebastian was – he was not the husband Kurt had dreamed of - but last night had changed the way Kurt
looked at things. He wasn’t ready to jump into their relationship with everything he had yet, but he was
willing to make a conscious effort to recognize, if not remember, the reasons he had fallen in love with
him. It wasn’t going to be a situation he resigned himself to anymore, he was going to make it a choice –
something he wanted - because the truth was, after last night, he did want this.
Things weren’t any less confusing for him, but there had been a moment, several moments in fact when he
had felt at peace with everything and it had been because of Sebastian. He made things feel less like a
burden. Burt, Blaine, Rachel, Finn - everyone he had talked to since waking up had promised to be there for
him whenever he needed them. Kurt was grateful and he knew their concern came from a place of caring
but there was something different about Sebastian.
Even with all the crap Kurt had given him, with all the complications of their situation, there was an
underlying promise of we’re in this together. Something deeper than what he had with everyone else, even
his dad. Sebastian was his - as crazy, as scary, as absurd as that was – Sebastian was his. They were in this
together and it wasn’t just because they were married. It was because they loved each other, a love strong
enough that Kurt could recognize the strength of it without any memory of how they reached that point.
Sebastian had been right, Kurt hadn’t been trying. He hadn’t felt comfortable enough to try and think
about their relationship, he’d been too fixated on everything else. Now that he was beginning to
understand bits and pieces, he wanted to try. Letting go of the past had been the first step, it was time to
step into the present and take control of his life as it was instead of hanging onto the fragments he
remembered.
Sleep feeling like a lost cause, Kurt rolled out of bed straight into the bathroom. He would need to shave
soon and their tub was begging for him to try it out but Kurt felt too lazy to do anything other than brush
his teeth at the moment.
Sebastian was fast asleep when Kurt walked into the lounge. Kurt noted with a certain level of relief that
he wasn’t snoring. He was, however, falling off the sofa.
So, he took up a lot of space while sleeping. Great.
Kurt poured himself some juice and searched around in the cupboards for some cereal. Once again, he felt
the urge to cook something but he didn’t want to wake Sebastian by the clatter of pots and pans so he
stuck to a simple breakfast.
He had brought his planner outside with him and he flipped through the pages as he ate. The dates prior to
his accident were filled with notes and appointments. Kurt read through them with interest – the name
Van came up more than once; Tell Van to return samples, Have Van call in Mrs. Trevor, Ask Van if she’ll
cover with app. with David K. at 2. From the looks of it, Kurt guessed she was his assistant.
I have an assistant. Wow
Most of the recent pages were not as inked down. The upcoming Saturday had been crossed out
completely; the words GO ON A DATE WITH MY FUCKING HUSBAND written in large, block letters across it.
Kurt stared at them for a long time before he shut his planner and pushed it away.
Yeah, not ready to throw himself into the relationship yet.
“Hey,” Kurt looked up to find his dad smiling at him. “Watchya doing?”
“Nothing, just going through stuff.” Kurt said. “Do you want breakfast?”
“I just want coffee,” Burt said, wandering over to the coffee maker. His gaze fell on Sebastian and he
sighed. “I feel so bad about him sleeping out here.”
Kurt looked over his shoulder at the sofa at Sebastian’s sleeping form. “I’m not ready to sleep with him
yet,” he said, cringing when he realized the implications of the statement.
Burt didn’t seem to catch any underlying meaning because all he said was, “I’m not saying you should. I’m
saying I feel bad for taking up what could have been his bedroom in this situation.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t mind, dad.” Kurt said.
“Yeah but, do I really need to be here?”
“Of course you do,” Kurt said immediately.
“Look kid, if you need me, I’ll stay. But I think what you need is some time alone with him.” he looked at
Sebastian pointedly before looking back at Kurt who had now started worrying his bottom lip between his
teeth. “I feel like I’m in your way.”
“You’re not,” Kurt said.
Sebastian stirred awake behind them and the conversation came to a halt as both Kurt and Burt turned to
watch him roll off the sofa onto the floor with a muffled, “Oooph,”
“Yup.” Burt said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “I think I’ll check into a hotel tonight.”
“What are you doing?” Sebastian asked when he came out of the shower a while later and saw Kurt going
through the kitchen cupboards again.
“Looking for ingredients,” Kurt said. “I’m making lunch today.”
“Why?”
“Because I have this urge to cook,” Kurt said, pulling out a packet of egg noodles. “Get some semblance of
normalcy back in my life.” Sebastian shrugged and reached for the cereal box Kurt had left on the counter.
Kurt caught a whiff of his body wash and he couldn’t stop himself from inhaling deeply. He was glad
Sebastian got distracted by the sight of Kurt’s planner to notice. “Yeah, I was going through that earlier.”
Kurt said when he saw the frown on his face.
“Did it jog your memory on anything?” Sebastian asked but his voice wasn’t hopeful.
“Nope.”
“Big surprise.”
Kurt shrugged and turned back to the ingredients he had taken out. There was a sudden tension in his
shoulders that hadn’t been present before Sebastian came out. He couldn’t concentrate on the task at
hand when he was constantly reminded of last night and how he had let himself be more vulnerable in
front of Sebastian than he ever had before.
“You know what,” he said, putting the packet of noodles back inside the cupboard. “Let’s just order
something.”
Sebastian continued to chew his cereal, frowning. “What happened to gaining some semblance of
normalcy?” he asked.
“I have questions,” Kurt said, leaning over the counter. “And you’re going to answer them.”
Chapter 15
A friend of Burt’s in the city had called him for a day of catching up; Kurt had a suspicion that Burt was lying
but he didn’t stop his dad when he tried to leave. He just hugged him and asked him to have dinner with
them before he went to his hotel that night.
“He doesn’t have to go to a hotel when we have a guest room.” Sebastian said, folding the blanket he’d
been using for the night and draping it over the back of the sofa. “That’s why they’re called guest rooms.
They’re for guests.”
Kurt didn’t say anything, just leaned against the front door and watched Sebastian rearrange the cushions
on the couch. He still looked tired and the fact that he’d changed right back into his sweatpants and the t-
shirt that he’d slept in after his shower didn’t make him look any fresher. Kurt almost pushed him into the
bedroom and told him to sleep but Sebastian turned around and asked, “So how are we doing this?”
“Uh -” Kurt hadn’t actually thought about this part. He had questions, but just like immediately after his
accident, there was no cohesion to them. Sebastian raised his eyebrows, waiting. “How about we go
through pictures and I ask questions as they come up? Maybe the visuals will help.”
Sebastian shrugged. “We don’t have albums so you’re going to have to get your laptop.”
His laptop, it turned out, was locked. Kurt looked to Sebastian expectantly where he was sitting next to him
on one of the kitchen stools. Sebastian grinned, his eyes glinting with something playful and wicked. Kurt
knew that look well, it was the same look Sebastian had got when he’d first said I don’t like you at the Lima
Bean years ago.
“What?” Kurt asked.
Sebastian’s grin widened. “Wouldn’t it be fun if I didn’t tell you your password?”
“No it wouldn’t.”
“I think it would.”
“I think you need to stop smirking and tell me my damn password.” Kurt said, narrowing his eyes in
warning.
Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest and grinned. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Sebastian,” Kurt said in a warning tone.
“Kurt,” he replied calmly.
Kurt’s jaw tightened. “Fine,” he said, turning back to his laptop. “I don’t need your help.”
He was determined to retrieve his password from the depths of his memory if he had to but it was as if
someone had wiped his mind completely because he couldn’t even try and think of possible passwords.
Knowing it would never work, he typed in the password he remembered for his old laptop. Predictably, it
was wrong. Kurt exhaled through his nose and clicked the ‘hint’ button that had popped up at the incorrect
guess.
I don’t need a hint for my own password and if you’re not me, why would I give you one?
He could feel Sebastian shaking with silent laughter next to him but Kurt didn’t turn his head to look at
him, just clenched his hand into a fist next to his laptop and said, “Shut up.”
Sebastian burst out laughing at that, the sound echoing around the apartment. Kurt felt his irritation flare;
Sebastian must have sensed it because he choked on a laugh and said, “Okay. Okay. Sorry.”
“Are you done being a jerk now?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.
“For the time being,” Sebastian said, tilting the laptop towards himself and typing in the password too fast
for Kurt to read the keys. He forgot to ask him what it was for future reference when his desktop came up
and he caught sight of his wallpaper. It was a photograph of the two of them. The dim lights and several
empty cups next to Kurt’s elbow made him think they were at a party of some sort. Sebastian had his head
on Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt’s cheek was pressed to the top of his hair. Their eyes were slightly bloodshot
but their grins were loose and genuine.
Kurt didn’t move for a second, just stared at how happy picture Kurt looked and wondered if there was a
possibility he could ever feel like that with Sebastian again.
“I don’t know if you remember, but you have to press that little icon over there to access the internet.”
Sebastian said from beside him. He looked unfazed by the picture, still intent on teasing Kurt. With how
grateful he was that this hadn’t become awkward, Kurt forgot to retort and clicked the browser icon in
silence.
His heart was thumping as he opened up Facebook, knowing that there were probably hundreds of
pictures just like his wallpaper waiting for him. Kurt had so far avoided spending too much time dwelling
on the photographs of him and Sebastian that were scattered all over the apartment. It was hard enough
to come to terms with the living, breathing version of Sebastian right in front of him, he hadn’t felt the
need to weigh himself down with picture Sebastian too.
“Oh god, don’t tell me you don’t have your passwords saved on this,” Sebastian said suddenly, pulling Kurt
from his thoughts.
“Hm?”
“You don’t keep yourself logged in?”
“Apparently not,” Kurt said.
“Well this is a problem.”
“Why?”
“Because genius,” Sebastian said with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t know your Facebook password.”
“I refuse to believe you never Facebook stalked me.” Kurt said with a raised eyebrow.
“Of course I did,” Sebastian scoffed. “But it kind of loses its appeal after you get married. I don’t even
remember the last time I was on your profile. I have no need of knowing your password.”
Kurt sighed and turned his eyes back to the blue and white of Facebook’s login page. “This sucks.”
“I’m pretty sure Blaine knows,” Sebastian said, his voice laced with air of forced causality. “He changes
your statuses to something ridiculous at least once a month.” Kurt fought back a smile; Blaine would. “I’ll
get the phone,” Sebastian said, pushing back his stool and standing up. The corners of his mouth were
turned down but he forced a smile when he came back with his cell phone, Blaine’s number already dialed
in.
“Hello?” Blaine’s voice sounded tentative but hopeful. He must have thought it was Sebastian, Kurt
realized with a pang. The details of Sebastian’s conversation with Blaine after the kiss were unknown to
him, but he knew enough to guess that they weren’t exactly on good terms at the moment.
“Um, hey. It’s me.”
“Kurt?” Blaine said in a surprised voice. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. What’s my Facebook password?” Might as well get straight to the point..
“Your Facebook password?”
“Yes, Blaine.” Kurt said with some impatience. “My password. Sebastian says you might know it.”
“Uh – yeah, I do. I think. You threatened to change it after last time but it’s worth a shot. Try pinap1”
Kurt typed it into the bar and pressed enter, holding his breath as the page refreshed. He sighed when it
directed him to his homepage. “It worked,” he said with a grin. “What does pinap1 mean?”
Blaine laughed, “Password is not a password. The 1 stands for an exclamation point.”
“Thanks, Blaine.”
“No problem.”
Kurt cut the call and scanned the homepage, ignoring the red bubble that told him he had over 100
notifications. “The layout is different from what I remember,” he said absently.
“Why would Facebook not keep the same layout they had ten years ago? What were they thinking?”
Kurt turned to glare at Sebastian. “Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
“I didn’t wake up in a bed,” Sebastian said with a grin.
Kurt huffed. “Just – shut up for a minute, okay?” He clicked through to his profile; it was just as confusing
as his home page but he skimmed through the basics, feeling only marginally uncomfortable when he saw
Married to Sebastian Smythe as his relationship status.
“Nicole S.?” he asked when he saw his work information.
“That’s the label you work for.”
“Never heard of it.”
Sebastian smiled. “Let’s leave that one for now. Too many resulting questions.”
“Isn’t that the point of all this?” Kurt asked. “Asking questions?”
“Do you really want to waste our time talking about work?”
“It’s a part of my life isn’t it?”
“If a picture related to work comes up, we’ll talk.” Sebastian said. “Okay?”
Kurt turned back to the screen. His wall was full of posts from friends and co workers giving him their best
wishes. More than half of the names were unfamiliar to him. There was too much to go through so he gave
up and clicked through to what he hoped were his photo archives. Sebastian laughed at the look on his
face when he saw the number of pictures he was tagged in.
“Oh my god,” he said in disbelief. “How am I supposed to go through all of these? It’s going to take
forever.”
“You do have ten years worth of catching up to do,” Sebastian said with a shrug.
Kurt glared at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Tell you what.” Sebastian said, setting down his mug. “How about we go through photos others have
tagged of you instead of going through every album individually. You can see more stuff that way. Unless -”
he paused, eyes flickering from the screen to Kurt’s face. “Is there someone in particular you want to
stalk?”
Blaine, you Kurt thought but all he said was, “No. Tagged pictures are fine.”
Sebastian nodded and tilted the laptop towards himself again so he could get to the right page. “There,” he
said, sliding the laptop back to Kurt. “Those are pictures of your Nationals trip. Just keep going forward.”
There was so much to cover. Kurt went through endless photographs, flicking through them so fast in his
haste, they became a blur. Sebastian told him to slow down once or twice but Kurt just said, “My life. Shut
up.”
He went through photos of graduation, his heart seizing up at the ones of him and Rachel clinging to each
other, crying. They had probably known their dreams of going to New York weren’t going to become reality
by that point. Sebastian didn’t have much to say about any of the photos but Kurt knew Rachel would have
more than enough to talk about when they met.
“What are you doing?” Sebastian asked when Kurt clicked back to his tagged photo page and started
scrolling forward through the years.
“Looking for pictures of us,” Kurt said. He missed the way Sebastian straightened in his chair in
anticipation. “There’s no point of going through pictures you have no clue about when you’re the one who
is supposed to be talking me through them.”
“Well in that case -”
“Hey!” Kurt said when Sebastian took the laptop from him. “What the hell?”
“Sh,” Sebastian hushed him, his eyes intent on the screen. He moved his stool closer to Kurt’s and their
arms brushed when he set the laptop between them. “Here we are,” he said, nodding towards the page he
had opened. “Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe over the years.”
Bless this stupid website Kurt thought when he saw something that looked like an updated version of
Facebook’s friendship page. There was a photograph of him and Sebastian at the top of the page with the
caption Marriedwritten just beneath it. Sebastian clicked through to photos of them and scrolled back to
open up the very first one.
It was a group shot; Kurt had his arms around another boy and there were three more people between him
and Sebastian. “You know,” he said. “You never did tell me much about how we became friends.”
“Okay, so.” Sebastian licked his lips, excitement practically radiating off him as he angled his body towards
Kurt. “You know we met at a coffee shop right?”
“You might have mentioned it.”
“Well. That was the beginning.”
“Are you talking about the Lima Bean or -”
“Roasters.”
“Roasters?”
Sebastian nodded, turning back to the laptop and furiously flicking through photographs. “We’ve got to
have a picture of it -” he kept going through photographs but didn’t stop talking. “Anyway – you were
working an internship at Vogue -”
“Really?”
“You hated it,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “It would stress you out so much by the end of the day that
when we ran into each other, you’d take every ounce of your frustration out on me. It was fun.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure.”
“You know it was,” Sebastian said with a confident grin. “Deny it all you want, but you’ve always found our
banter sexy.”
“I have not.” Kurt said firmly.
Sebastian’s grin was impossibly wide by this point. “Cute,” he said. “But you’re forgetting that we’re past
the point of secrets now. You told me.”
Kurt blushed, scowling. It wasn’t fair that Sebastian knew him this well while all Kurt had of him in his
memory was a cocky boy in a Dalton blazer intent on destroying the first relationship Kurt had ever had
with a boy.
“Getting back to this,” he said, pushing Sebastian’s hand away from the keyboard and taking control of
navigation.
They went through picture after picture, stopping at ones that piqued Kurt’s interest more than others. He
didn’t pay much attention to the shots of them kissing or posing for the camera with their arms around
each other. The pictures that captured his attention more were candid shots, things like him and Sebastian
bent over a piece of paper, both of their brows creased or photos where the two of them were just in the
background, completely unaware that a camera was on them, hugging, just talking...
Most of the time, Sebastian had the answers to his questions; Where were we? Who is that? Were we
dating by then? Is that my boyfriend? What was he like? Did you like him?
Sometimes, even Sebastian didn’t know what they had been talking about in a frozen moment in time or
why they had been laughing so hard. “I don’t know. Because someone said something funny? That, or we
were stoned.”
Stoned was something Kurt seemed to be a lot in the pictures. The parties were endless and a lot of the
earlier photographs of them were taken in dark rooms with hoards of people around them and drinks in
their hands. Kurt had a hard time believing he would enjoy being intoxicated as much as he appeared to
considering his history with alcohol. He voiced this thought to Sebastian who just laughed.
“Oh god, I forgot about how uptight you were before,” he said. “No. You loosened up a lot more in the
later years. I think your break up with Blaine kind of -” he stopped when he saw how Kurt had stiffened and
backpedalled. “You became more open to different ways of having fun,” he said.
Kurt chewed his bottom lip, eyes fixed on a picture of him half sprawled in Sebastian’s lap, laughing so hard
he was doubled over. He had seen Blaine in some of the pictures and he’d wanted to ask Sebastian about
the relationship between him and Blaine – if things had been awkward, if Blaine had been angry at first
that Kurt was friends with Sebastian, if their past had been a barrier or if they’d moved on easily.
“Kurt?”
“Hm.”
“You can ask about Blaine if you want, you know.”
Why do you have to know me so well?
“No,” Kurt said, lifting his eyes to look at Sebastian. “Not right now.”
Sebastian gave him a small smile. The mood had shifted around them; the playfulness seemed to have
dissolved into something more serious. Even the pictures that were coming up now had a different feeling
to them.
“What year is this -” Sebastian said, leaning closer to look at the date beneath the photograph. “Yeah. We
were getting serious by that point.”
Kurt could tell.
There was something about the way they were looking at each other, the way they were touching in these
pictures that was more...intimate than before.
It felt like he was intruding on something private and considering how some of the shots were of them
sleeping wrapped around each other, it was private.
“Are all of our friends creeps?” he asked, his voice slightly irritated. He was surprised of how protective he
felt of picture Kurt and picture Sebastian, how he felt the need to keep their relationship away from prying
eyes.
“Yes.” Sebastian replied with a laugh. “Everyone had a field day whenever they caught us acting like – well
like a couple. I got taunted endlessly because you know the whole ‘relationships aren’t for me thing’ kind
of fell apart after I went and fell in love with you.”
Kurt pressed his lips together, fighting the urge to shift away from Sebastian all of a sudden. He’d been fine
until now, but these pictures made him want to turn away from the screen, to change the topic and go
back to their bickering. The questions were still buzzing in his head though so he asked, “Why did we ever
give them a chance to photograph us sleeping?”
“Well, these particular pictures are from our long weekend in Florida,” Sebastian said, nodding towards the
current pictures Kurt was going through on the screen. “We were at Kate and John’s wedding.”
“Kate and John?” Kurt said with a frown.
“Kate’s my cousin,” Sebastian explained as Kurt continued to move through more pictures. “It was when I
first introduced you as The Boyfriend to my family. Well, technically, my parents knew but this was like an
official, non-official announcement. It was utter madness because Kate is exactly the kind of person that
comes to mind when you think of ‘crazy bride’ – she was jumping down our throats to get stuff done and
after a day of creating playlists and running around making sure orders were placed and invitations were
sent out, we didn’t give a fuck about falling asleep in front of people.”
“Is this from their wedding too?” Kurt asked, staring at a shot of them dancing with their foreheads
pressed together. “Yeah,” Sebastian said with a nod. “I think Kate was the one who took that one.”
Kurt stared at the photo for a long time, pushing himself to try and remember something, anything.
It was like looking at baby pictures. You can see how happy you are, you can see the adoration in the eyes
of the people looking at you and you know that you must have been loved, must have felt safe and
cherished but you can’t remember any of it. No matter how hard you try, your memory draws a blank and
all that happens is you try and come up with your own dialogue for the people talking to you, think of what
you might have been thinking in that moment and try to fill in the blanks yourself.
“Do you – do you want to see our wedding pictures?” Sebastian asked in a quiet voice.
Kurt didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes until his voice came out sounding croaky. “No,” he said, closing
the laptop and standing up. “I can’t. It’s – too much.”
Sebastian’s face fell, he looked crushed but he swallowed and stood up too. “That’s okay,” he said softly.
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