Chapter 3 5 страница

He put his arm around her, and she leaned against his chest. "I'm worried about you," he said. “It drives me crazy to think of your lying here alone, crying your eyes out. Isn't there anything I can do?"

"Change the way you think, David. It's the only way." She yawned, then rubbed her eyes.

He looked at his watch. "It's still early."

"Not to me. I'm tired. I've never been this tired." She slumped down, collapsing onto the bed. "I feel like all of the energy's been drained out of me."

David sat on the edge of the bed, watching as his wife's eyes fluttered closed. She tried to open them, but they didn't heed her command. In just a few moments, she was breathing slowly and steadily, and he saw the lines of tension leave her face.

He reached out and stroked her face, marveling at how beautiful she was. Her face was a little rounder than normal, but the extra weight had filled her features out, making her look a little like she had when he'd first met her. "So pretty," he whispered. "Such a pretty woman." She purred a little under his gentle touch, then rolled onto her side, her usual sleep position.

Should I stay? She's been so sad. I miss her so much — I think she might like to be cuddled. He stood up and took off his pants and shirt, then gingerly lay down next to her. She reached behind herself and took his hand, tucking it between her breasts, just like always. He buried his face in her hair, feeling tears stinging his eyes once again. It felt so good, so familiar, so right, that he wouldn't let himself sleep. He lay awake for hours with his hand resting on her belly, trying to feel something — anything — for the child that grew inside of her.

„G

Blair woke to the pressure in her bladder. She was thoroughly disoriented, not sure why she was lying on the wrong side of David. Stealthily taking his hand from her waist, she sighed and sat up. She stood and waited for her balance to settle, when it hit her like a body blow. She felt desperately sad, wishing there were some way to get her life back. Did I ask him to stay? I was so tired, I might have. She went into the bathroom and sat down, letting her head drop into her hands. How did we get here? How did it all go so wrong?

She went back into the bedroom and stood next to the bed for a moment, gazing at David. Still torn between the feelings she'd had for him for ten years and her desire to strangle him for screwing things up so badly, she let her instincts take over. Doing her very best to sink into denial, she climbed back into bed and sighed heavily when David immediately sought out her warm body. I wish this were enough, David. Dear God, I wish this were enough.

„G

On Wednesday, Blair called Kylie early in the day. "I have to go to work today, so I'll be in your neighborhood. Wanna have dinner?"

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking your house. All I want is some pasta with a little Parmesan on it. Can you handle that, Doc?"

"Yeah, I think I can manage. Will it bother you if I put some vegetables on mine?"

"Not if you cook 'em before I get there," Blair said.

"I'll try to time things properly, but if I don't, you can always sit on my deck. We can eat out there, too. What time should I expect you?"

"I'm free after 7:00. Is that okay?"

"Perfect. See you then."

Kylie hung up and looked at her cell phone for a moment. You're a handful, Blair Spencer. A real handful.

„G

Dinner passed without complaint or much conversation. Kylie was afraid of pushing her friend, and Blair was still very closed-mouth. All they managed was polite "How was your day?" talk that sounded very lame given the circumstances.

Kylie insisted on cleaning the kitchen, and she gently suggested that Blair sit outside while she worked. The doctor finished neatening up, then went outside, surprised and pained to see her friend crying hard. "Oh, Blair, please tell me what's going on," Kylie said. She squatted down in front of her, looking into her red-rimmed eyes.

"I told you," she said, her voice shaking. "David doesn't want the baby. Now the question is … do I?" She collapsed against the table, giving her head a fairly good whack.

Kylie was at a complete loss. She'd learned that Blair didn't like to be smothered, or even prodded, when she was upset, but she couldn't stop herself from pulling the shaking woman into her arms. "Tell me," was all she said.

"Would you hate me if I didn't keep the baby?"

Blair looked so fragile that Kylie felt her head begin to shake. "Of course not! You're my friend, Blair. I'd never judge you." She waited a second, then said, "If you want to abort, you don't have much time left."

"Abort! " Kylie was sure the neighbors heard the shout, but she didn't care much at that moment. "How could you even say that?" Blair asked.

Shaken, Kylie said, "I thought that's what you meant."

"Then you don't know me very well, Kylie Mackenzie. You don't know me very well at all!" She stood up, looking like she was going to leave. Instead, she touched her belly and said, "It's not this baby's fault that his parents are a couple of idiots! He's not going to suffer because I had my head up my ass when I got pregnant!"

"Blair!" Kylie approached tentatively, afraid that her friend might swat her away. "Why are you saying things like that? You got pregnant very, very deliberately."

"Yeah," she said, her words venomous. "I got pregnant because I thought my husband knew what love meant! Did he become heartless, or was he always that way?" She sank into her chair, sobbing so hard that her body shook violently.

Kylie didn't have anything to say, partly because she didn't know what had happened between Blair and David. So she knelt and tentatively put her arms around her friend, rocking her gently. "Shh," she soothed, "Shh now."

It took a long time, but Blair finally calmed down enough to speak. "Can I tell you what happened?"

"If you don’t, I’m gonna explode." Kylie took her arm and helped her to get up. "It's getting chilly out here. Let's go inside. I'll make you some decaf tea."

They walked inside together, and a few minutes later, Blair told the whole tale, the events so burned into her memory that she didn't omit a thing.

„G

Kylie was curled up on one corner of the sofa, her head dropped back against the upholstery. She had an empty glass in her hand, the Scotch now stinging her stomach. She sat up, wiped at her eyes and said, "I don't know how you've managed to keep this inside since Saturday. Have you told anyone?"

"No."

"Not even your mom? I know how close you are. I thought —"

Blair's response was immediate and sharp. "No. I don't want her to know. If I decide to give the baby up for adoption, I'll tell her, but on the off chance that David and I get back together, I don't what her to know about this whole fucking mess."

Kylie looked at her friend, then her eyes shifted, and she focused somewhere in the middle distance. She seemed uncomfortable, and Blair stuck her foot out and tapped her friend's thigh. "Sorry I'm being so bitchy. I just feel like my head's gonna burst open. I talked with a client today, and when he was complaining about some minor thing, I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands and say, 'I might have to give my baby up for adoption! How can you carry on about a pool not having a big enough filter system?'"

"Do you wanna talk about that?" Kylie asked.

"No. I told you I wanted to kill the last guy who wanted to discuss filter systems." She didn't smile, but Kylie saw that her friend was just on the verge of one. The doctor didn't say another word. She just left her question on the table. Blair stretched and moved around on the couch, trying to get comfortable. "Can I put my feet up? I had to wear heels today, and they felt like tourniquets."

"Toss 'em over here," Kylie said, patting the cushion that separated the women. “I give a good foot rub."

Blair did as she was told, and a moment later, she began to purr. "Oh, God, why aren't

you married? Do the women you date know you can do this?"

"Maybe not," Kylie said. "Maybe I should change my approach."

"Damn!" Blair shook her head and said, "I could fall asleep. Of course, it helps that I've been getting about an hour of sleep at a time. I wake up in a cold sweat, seeing a nurse take my baby from me, while I'm lying in a bed, covered with blood."

"Tell me about it," Kylie said. "Tell me why you're considering putting the baby up for adoption."

"All right." Blair looked at her friend and said, "I can't decide if I'm thinking of the baby's best interests, or I'm trying to punish myself and David. Of course, I guess all three things could be accomplished at the same time."

"Why do you need to be punished, Blair? What have you done wrong?"

"I created a life with a man who wasn't ready to have a child, Kylie. I knew … I knew we were making a mistake, but I talked myself into it. I gambled with a human life. And I lost."

"You did not!" Kylie said, her voice rising. "Things aren't working out like you'd planned, but you didn't act rashly. Shit happens!"

"I should have been certain that David could handle this, Kylie. I had doubts!"

"Okay, so you had doubts. That makes you want to give your baby away?"

Blair looked at her for so long that Kylie feared she was trying to figure out if her hands would fit around the doctor's neck for an efficient strangulation. But to Kylie's relief, she wasn't angry.

"No," she said with an extraordinary amount of determination in her voice. "I don't want to give my baby away. I love this child with every bit of my heart. I would only give him up if I thought he'd be better off with parents who both loved and wanted him."

"Oh, Blair," Kylie said, starting to cry. "That's such a loving act."

"He's my baby," Blair said, crying along with her friend. "I'd do anything in the world to make sure he had the best life possible — including giving him up."

"That's the best example of a mother's love I've ever heard," the doctor said. She squeezed Blair's feet and said, "You don't have to give the baby up to make sure he has a wonderful life. You can provide that. With or without David."

"I can?" Blair asked, looking hopeful.

"Yes. I'm sure of it."

"But it's better to have two parents," Blair said. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she looked like a small, frightened child.

"What if David wanted the baby, but died right before you gave birth?"

"That might happen," Blair said. "Don't give me any more ideas."

"No, really. Would you give up the baby then?"

"N … no, I guess I wouldn’t."

Kylie patted her friend's feet, stood up and walked to the other end of the couch. Squatting down, she said, "You don't know what's going to happen. You can't guarantee an adoptive couple would do better than you could alone, or than you and David could do together. It's a crap shoot, Blair. But millions of single people have babies and do very, very well by them. You have enough money to work fewer hours and spend time with the baby, and I'm sure David will want some role, even if he doesn't think he does now."

"I swing back and forth between the depths of despair and knowing that everything will be all right. Sometimes I dream of how it will be when David holds the baby for the first time. In my fantasies, he's in love with him as soon as he lays eyes on him."

"Yeah," Kylie said, seeing a glimmer of hope in her friend's eyes. "That could definitely happen. It probably will." She touched her friend's chin, moving her head up until their eyes met. "But if it doesn't work out, you won't be alone. I know I can't take David's role, but if you divorce him, I promise you that I'll help you in any way I can. You can depend on me. Hell, I'd gladly watch the baby every weekend so you could have some time to yourself. We can work this out."

"You'd do that … for me?" The pale green eyes were filled with tears once again.

"Of course I would. Just promise me one thing, Blair. Don't give up someone who means so much to you! He's your baby," she soothed, putting her hand on her friend's tummy. "Don't give him away unless you're sure you can't give him a good home."

"But what if someone could do a better job?" the blonde asked, still looking terrified.

"I've got news for you. Someone can always do a better job." She patted her friend's thigh. "Your baby doesn't need to be raised by a perfect parent. He just needs for you to always try to do your best -- as you see fit. Seriously considering giving him up for adoption shows that you're already doing that."

"It does?" she asked, her jaw quivering again.

"It does," Kylie said emphatically. She wrapped her arms around Blair, holding her tight. "You're gonna be a great Mom. I'm sure of it."

„G

A little while later, Blair gathered her things and prepared to return to the hotel. “I’d really like it if you’d stay here,” Kylie said. “I’d like to keep an eye on you.”

“You don’t have a guest room,” Blair reminded her.

“I have a sleeper sofa in my office. It’s a good one — really. I don’t mind sleeping there.”

“No way,” Blair decided. “Your job is too physically demanding to have you tossing and turning all night long. Besides, you’re moving this weekend. You must have a million things to do.”

“Oh, God, don’t remind me! I haven’t done a thing!”

“Kylie, what are you waiting for? The movers will be here on Saturday morning!”

“I know, I know. I just hate to pack. And even worse than that is unpacking. I hate to be a prima donna, but my hands are too critical to my livelihood to risk hurting them.”

“Let me take care of it for you,” Blair offered. “You won’t have to do a thing.”

“Oh, sure, I’m gonna to let my pregnant friend do the work I’m too much of a baby to do. That’s gonna happen!”

“I’m the last person who would pack or unpack a box. I’ve got a crew that works with me to move my wealthy clients. They’re going to be at Mr. Action Hero’s house tomorrow. I think I can have them squeeze you in on Friday, and then unpack you on Saturday.”

“Will it cost a lot?”

“Of course! But how much are your hands worth? Remember, I know how much you earn, Doc. You can afford it.” She waited a beat, then added, “Besides, you don’t have any other options, you big dope.”

“I guess you’re right,” Kylie admitted sheepishly. “But we still have to figure out what to do about you.”

“I’m not going to sleep on your couch, I’m not going to let you sleep on it and I’m not going to sleep with you. We’re not in grade school anymore, Kylie. We're too old for sleepovers.”

“Fine," Kylie said, "but I have two guest rooms in my new house. You'll move in with me on Saturday and stay until you decide what to do."

“You still won’t have a spare bed,” Blair reminded her.

“Sure I will. I'll buy one tomorrow. You can come with me to make sure you like it."

Blair sighed and gave her friend a wry smile. "If I had another choice, I wouldn’t impose. But I can't afford that hotel for much longer, and I won't consider going back to David until he decides he can't live without this baby."

„G

On Friday afternoon, Blair was sitting in her office, staring out the window. She had work to do — plenty of it — but she couldn't summon the energy to make or take a phone call. The receptionist had buzzed her three times, but she ignored the always-annoying sound, knowing that it would stop eventually. She was vaguely aware of her door opening, but she thought it was one of her assistants, just dropping something off. She jumped when she heard her mother-in-law's voice. "Blair?"

"Oh! Sadie!" She turned her chair around to face the older woman, surprised when Sadie leaned over and hugged her.

"How are you, sweetheart?"

"Not good," Blair said, her words slightly muffled by Sadie's boucle knit suit.

Sadie released her and sat on the edge of a chair. She looked at her daughter-in-law with deep concern, and said, "I just heard that you've moved out. What in the world has happened, honey?"

"What … what do you know?" Blair asked.

"I know what David told me," she replied. "He said that you'd had an argument about the baby and that you were staying in a hotel." She leaned over the desk and said, "Tell me what happened, Blair. This isn't like you."

Stunned at her mother-in-law's calm tone and apparent empathy, Blair said, "I don't want to betray David, Sadie. This is between us. If he wanted you to know everything that'd happened, he would have told you."

The older woman sighed, then sank back into her chair. Blair looked at her, noting how defeated Sadie appeared. Normally, she was a regular cyclone, her large, boxy body always in motion. It seemed that even her features had softened. She had a large, nearly triangular-shaped face, with a very prominent nose and a sharp chin, but today, she didn't look as fierce as usual. Her dark eyes still flashed, though, and Blair was still a little wary of her. "He told me enough," Sadie said quietly. "He said he didn't think he could love this child as his own." She looked down at her hands, the fingers nervously linking and unlinking. "How could he say that?" She looked like she was going to cry, amazing Blair.

"I don't know, Sadie. I was astounded, then angry, then desperate. For the last two days, I’ve considered giving the baby up for adoption …" Sadie gasped so loudly that Blair jumped. She shook her head, saying, "A friend helped me to see that that wasn't a good idea," she added quickly.

Sadie reached across the desk and took Blair's hand, squeezing it firmly. "I'm so sorry, honey. You must be losing your mind."

"I am," she said, then started to cry. Sadie got up and came over to Blair's side of the desk, then helped her up and enfolded her in a hug. Amazingly, the hug felt wonderful, and Blair wanted to stay in the woman's arms all day.

"He'll come to his senses," Sadie said. "He's just frightened. Most men are frightened when their wives are pregnant."

"He's not frightened, Sadie. He's thought this through. He doesn't feel connected to the baby, and he doesn't think he can ever be."

"Good Lord!" Sadie sat back down and slapped her open hand on the desk. "How can he be so stupid! God knows I didn't think this was a good idea, but once you've made the commitment, you can't just change your mind!"

"Apparently you can, when you're not the one carrying it," Blair said wryly.

"Give him some time, Blair. He'll realize how much he loves this baby. Don't give up on him."

"Sadie, I love David so much …" She crossed her arms and laid her head upon them. "I miss him so much. But I can't be in the house with him. It's bad for the baby to have me so upset. I can't spend every minute of the day crying!"

"Come to my house," Sadie said. "You can stay with me until things are back to normal."

"No, no, I need to be close to Santa Monica. I'd be driving all day if I stayed with you in Glendale. I'm gonna stay with a friend who just bought a house in the Palisades. But thanks for your offer. I really do appreciate it."

"Blair, I know I can get on your nerves, but I think of you as family. That's my grandchild who's growing in you. Please take care of yourself and the baby."

"I will," Blair said, misting up again. "Thanks for caring, Sadie."

"I care very much. And no matter what happens, that won't change."

Blair gazed at her mother-in-law for a few moments, trying to get up the nerve to ask her a very loaded question. Figuring she had little to lose, she finally said, "I think part of the reason David's so screwed up about this is because of you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"He remembers being a little boy and having you and his dad talk about someone adopting a baby. He says that you thought it was a bad idea, and that it was like taking a stray dog from the pound."

"I never …!" Sadie began, but then softened. "He says I said that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Dear God." Sadie tilted her head back and blew out an audible breath. "The smartest thing a parent can do is have a sound-proof room in the house. That's where you can go to have a conversation that your kid won't hear and torture himself over for the rest of his life." She looked at Blair and said, "I'm sure he's talking about my sister, Alice." She closed her eyes and looked like she was on the verge of tears. "I didn't know he knew about Michael."

"He knows," Blair said. "So does Michael."

"God damn it!" Sadie bellowed, her voice booming against the walls. "I was twenty-five years old and talking nonsense! And David's gonna let one stupid remark ruin his marriage and his relationship with his child? What kind of idiot is he?"

Surprisingly, Blair felt her hackles rise. It was one thing for her to call David an idiot and quite another for Sadie to do so. "He was a little boy, Sadie. It frightened him, and he obviously didn't think he could tell you about it."

"Damn me," she said, her face red with anger. "How can I fix this?"

"I don't think you can, Sadie. David's got this belief that he's not related, so he's not connected."

"I don't understand that," Sadie groaned. "Of course he wants his own baby, but he can't have that! This is the only alternative for him, and it's almost the same!"

Blair stared at her mother-in-law, too stunned to speak.

"It's like my friend, Annette. Her son is a homosexual. Now, Annette doesn't want him to be one; who would? But he's her son, and she still loves him. Just because he's not normal is no reason to stop loving him."

"Right," Blair said, wishing Sadie would leave so she could start weaving a noose. She was fairly sure she could hang it over the door and kick her desk chair away …

"I'll go talk to David, Blair. I'm sure between the two of us we can knock some sense into him."

"You start," Blair said. "Let me know how it turns out."

Sadie got up and hugged Blair again. "We'll fix this, Blair. You just wait and see."

"Oh, I'll be waiting," she said, forcing a smile. "I'll hold my breath."

„G

On Saturday afternoon, Blair and Kylie sat on the veranda of the new house, drinking lemonade while they listened to the movers bang furniture around inside. “I haven’t moved often,” Kylie said, smiling at her friend, “but this is clearly the best moving experience I’ve ever had.” They'd been at the house for about two hours, occasionally going inside to supervise the moving crew. “Are you sure you have enough sun block on?” Kylie asked. “Your skin is more sensitive to the sun now.”

“I’d like to know what part of me isn’t more sensitive,” Blair complained. “There isn’t one part of me that feels like it used to. My hair’s even different! How can that be?”

“Extra protein,” Kylie said. “It looks great, by the way. Really thick and shiny.”

“Yeah, it’s so ironic. My hair looks great, my breasts are bigger, I’m horny as hell, and I chose this moment to leave my husband. Poor planning on my part.”

“You haven’t left him, Blair, you’re just taking some time out.”

“It’s our anniversary, Kylie. Our sixth anniversary, and I’m spending it staying at a friend’s house. That sounds like a pretty significant time out, doesn't it?"

"Damn, Blair, I didn’t realize it was your anniversary. That really sucks.”

“Well, pregnant women are well-known for their tendency to cry for no reason at all,” she said. “At least I’ve got a reason.”

Kylie got up from her chair and went over to offer a hug. “I’m so sorry, Blair,” she said as she held her. “I just hope that David comes to his senses soon.”

“I do, too,” she said. “I lay in bed half the night, wondering what I’ll do if he isn’t able to get past this. I mean, I told him that I’d divorce him before I’ll live with a man who doesn’t love our baby. But do I have the guts to do that? Jesus, Kylie, I love him! Up until now, we had a really good marriage! How in the hell did this happen?” Kylie increased the strength of her embrace and let Blair cry herself out. It took a while, since her hormones were really raging, but she was finally able to collect herself.

"It's not exactly the same, but I think I felt a little like you do when Stacey and I broke up. It was devastating for me, and I wasn't pregnant. I really can empathize, Blair."

The blonde looked at her friend for a second, then said, "I didn't know it was that hard for you. When you've talked about her before, you made it seem like just another relationship that didn't work out quite right."

"Oh, no," Kylie said soberly. "She was … I was … it was a major blow. I thought we'd be together until the end."

"Damn, Kylie, I didn't know." She looked at her friend, seeing the sadness in her expressive eyes. "Tell me how you felt."

"I felt like I’d lost a piece of myself," Kylie said, her eyes misting over. "My hopes, my dreams, my heart … all broken."

Дата добавления: 2015-09-04