She apologizes and wonders what happened, or she becomes more upset and the argument escalates into a battle.

With a clearer awareness of the anatomy of an argument, I was able to solve this problem in a fairer way. Remembering that women are from Venus, I Practiced not blaming her for being upset. Instead I would seek to understand how I had upset her and show her that I cared. Even if she was misunderstanding me, if she felt hurt by me I needed to let her know that I cared and was sorry. When she would become upset I learned first to listen, then genuinely to try to understand what she was upset about, and then to say. "I'm sorry that I upset you when I said.....". The result was immediate. We argued much less.

Sometimes, however, apologizing is very difficult. At those times I take a deep breath and say nothing. Inside I try to imagine how she feels and discover the reasons from her point of view. Then I say, "I'm sorry you feel so upset." Although this is not an apology it does say "I care" and that seems to help a lot. Men rarely say "I'm sorry" because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing. Women, however. say I'm sorry" as a way to say "I care about what you are feeling. It doesn't mean they are apologizing for doing something wrong. The men reading this who rarely say "I am sorry" can create wonders by learning to use this aspect of the Venusian language. The easiest way to derail an argument is to say "I'm sorry." Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman's feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly. Being a man, I've had to learn to practice validating. My wife practiced expressing her feelings more directly without disapproving of me. The result was fewer fights and more love and trust. Without having this new awareness we probably would still be having the same arguments.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19