| | The hidden reason he is arguing
| What he needs not to argue
|
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| "I don't like it when she gets upset over the smallest things I do or don't do. I feel criticized, rejected and unaccepted."
| He needs to feel accepted just the way he is. Instead he feels she is
trying to improve him.
|
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| "I don't like it when she starts telling me how I should do things. I don't feel admired. Instead I feel like I am being treated like a child."
| He needs to feel admired. Instead he feels put down.
|
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| "I don't like it when she blames me for her unhappiness. I do not feel encouraged to be her knight in shining armor."
| He needs to feel encouraged. Instead he feels like giving up.
|
| | The hidden reason she is arguing
| What she needs not to argue
|
|
| "I don't like it when he doesn't respond to my questions or comments. It makes me feel like I don't exist. "
| She needs to feel reassured that he is listening and that he care. Instead she feels ignored or judged.
|
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| "I don't like it when he explains why I should not be hurt, worried, angry, or anything else. I feel invalidated and unsupported. "
| She needs to feel validated and understood. Instead she feels unsupported, unloved and resentful.
|
|
| "I don't like it when he expects me to be more detached. It makes me feel like it is wrong or weak to have feelings."
| She needs to feel respected and cherished, especially when she is sharing her feelings. Instead she feels unsafe and unprotected.
|
