Secrets For Motivating a Man

There are five secrets of how to correctly ask a Martian for support. If they are not observed, he may be easily turned off. They are: appropriate timing, non demanding attitude, be brief, be direct, and use correct wording. Let's look at each more closely:

1. Appropriate Timing: Be careful not to ask him to do something that he is obviously just planning to do. For example, if he is about to empty the trash, don't say "Could you empty the trash?" He will feel you are telling him what to do. Timing is crucial. Also if he is fully focused on something don't expect him immediately to respond to your request.

2. Non demanding Attitude: Remember, a request is not a demand. If you have a resentful or demanding attitude, no matter how carefully you choose your words, he will feel unappreciated for what he has already given and probably say no.

3. Be Brief: Avoid giving him a list of reasons why he should help you. Assume that he doesn't have to be convinced. The longer you explain yourself the more he will resist, Long explanations validating your request make him feel as though you don't trust him to support you. He will start to feel manipulated instead of free to offer his support. Just as a woman who is upset doesn't want to hear a list of reasons and explanations about why she shouldn't be upset, a man doesn't want to hear a list of reasons and explanations about why he should fulfill her request. Women mistakenly give a list of reasons to justify their needs. They think it will help him see that her request is valid and therefore motivate him. What a man hears is "This is why you have to do it." The longer the list, the more he may resist supporting you. If he asks you "why?" then you can give your reasons, but then again, be cautiously brief. Practice trusting that he will do it, if he can. Be as brief as possible.

4. Be Direct: Women often think they are asking for support when they are not. When she needs support, a woman may present the problem but not directly ask for his support. She expects him to offer his support and neglects directly to ask for it. An indirect request implies the request but does not directly say it. These indirect requests make a man feel taken for granted and unappreciated. Occasionally using indirect statements is certainly OK, but when they are repeatedly used, a man becomes resistant to giving his support. He may not even know why he is so resistant. The following statements are all examples of indirect requests and how a man might respond to them:

What She should what she Should not -m What he how$

Who

(brief;Q direct) (indirect) she Is indirect

	What She Should	What She Should Not	What he hears
	"Would you pick up the kids?"	"The kids need to be picked up and I can't do it."	"If you can pick them up. You should, other wise I will feel very unsupported and resent you" (demand).
	"Would you bring in the groceries?"	"The groceries are in the car."	"It's your job to bring them in, I went shopping" (expectation).
	"Would you empty the trash?"	"I can't fit anything else in the trash can you empty it?'	"You haven't empty the trash. You shouldn't wait so long" (criticism).
	"Would you clean up the backyard?"	"The backyard is really a mess."	"You didn't clean up the yard again. You should be more responsible, I shouldn't have to remind you" (rejection).
	"Would you bring in the mail?"	"The mail hasn't been brought in."	"You forgot to bring in the mail. You should remember"(disapproval).
	"Would you take us out to eat tonight?"	"I have no time to make dinner tonight."	"I have done so much, the least you could do is take us out tonight" (dissatisfaction).
	"Would you take me out this week?"	"We haven't gone out in weeks."	"You are neglecting me. I'm not getting what I need. You should take me out more often" (resentment).
	"Would you schedule some time to talk with me?"	"We need to talk."	"It is your fault we don't talk enough. You should talk with me more" (blame).

5. Use Correct Wording: One of the most common mistakes in asking for support is the use of could and canin place of would and will. "Could you empty the trash?" is merely a question gathering information. "Would you empty the trash?" is a request. Women often use "could you?" indirectly to imply "would you?" As I mentioned before, indirect requests are a turn off. When used occasionally they certainly may go unnoticed, but persistently using canand could begins to irritate men. When I suggest to women that they begin asking for support, sometimes they panic because their partners have already made comments many times such as:

"Don't nag me."

"Don't ask me to do things all the time."

"Stop telling me what to do."

" I already know what to do."

"You don't have to tell me that."

In spite of how it sounds to a woman, when a man makes this kind of comment, what he really means is: "I don't like the way You ask!" If a woman doesn't understand how certain language can affect men, she will get even more snarled. She becomes afraid to ask and starts saying "Could you..." because she thinks she is being more polite. Though this works well on Venus, it doesn't work at all on Mars. On Mars it would be an Insult to ask a man "Can you empty the trash?" Of course he can empty the trash! The question is not can he empty the trash but will he empty the trash. After he has been insulted, he may say no just because you have irritated him.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19