Now you may be unknowingly turning off your partner

Without an awareness of what is important for the opposite sex, men and women don't realize how much they may be hurting their partners. We can see that both men and women unknowingly communicate in ways that are not only counterproductive but may even be a turn off. Men and women get their feelings hurt most easily when they do not get the kind of primary love they need. Women generally don't realize the ways they communicate are unsupportive and hurtful to the male ego. A woman may try to be sensitive to a man's feelings, but because his primary love needs are different from hers, she doesn't instinctively anticipate his needs. Through understanding a man's primary love needs, a woman can be more aware and sensitive to the sources of his discontent. The following is a list of common communication mistakes women make in relation to a man's primary love needs:

	Mistakes women make	Why he doesn't feel loved
	She tries to improve his behavior or help him by offering unsolicited advice.	He feels unloved because she doesn't trust him anymore.
	She tries to change or control his behavior by sharing her upset or negative feelings. (It is OK to share feelings but not when they attempt to manipulate or punish.)	He feels unloved because she doesn't accept him as he is.
	She doesn't acknowledge what he does for her but complains about what he has not done.	He feels unloved because she doesn't appreciate what he does.
	She corrects his behavior and tells him what to do, as if he were a child.	He feels unloved because he does not feel admired.
	She expresses her upset feelings indirectly with rhetorical questions like "How could you do that?"	He feels unloved because he feels she has taken away her approval of him. He no longer feels like the good guy.
	When he makes decisions or takes initiatives she corrects or criticizes him.	He feels unloved because she does not encourage him to do things on his own.

Just as women easily make mistakes when they don't understand what men primarily need, men also make mistakes. Men generally don't recognize the ways they communicate are disrespectful and unsupportive to women. A man may even know that she is unhappy with him, but unless he understands why she feels unloved and what she needs he cannot change his approach. Through understanding a woman's primary needs, a man can be more sensitive to and respectful of her needs. The following is a list of communication mistakes men make in relation to a woman's primary emotional needs:

	Mistakes men make	Why she doesn't feel loved
	He doesn't listen, gets easily distracted, doesn't ask interested or concerned questions	She feels unloved because he is not attentive or showing that he cares.
	He takes her feelings literally and corrects her. He thinks she is asking for solutions so he gives advice.	She feels unloved because he doesn't understand her.
	He listens but then gets angry and blames her for upsetting him or for bringing him down.	She feels unloved because he doesn't respect her feelings.
	He minimizes the importance of her feelings and needs. He makes children or work more important.	She feels unloved because he is not devoted to her and doesn't honor her as special.
	When she is upset, he explains why he is right and why she should not be upset.	She feels unloved because he doesn't validate her feelings but instead makes her feel wrong and unsupported.
	After listening he says nothing or just walks away.	She feels insecure because she doesn't get the reassurance she needs.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19