Understanding neediness

During my relationship seminar Tom complained, saying, "In the beginning of our relationship, Susan seemed so strong, but then suddenly she became so needy. I remember reassuring her that I loved her and that she was important to me. After a lot of talking we got over that hurdle, but then again a month later she went through the same insecurity. It was as if she had never heard me the first time. I became so frustrated with her that we got in a big argument." Tom was surprised to see that many other men shared his experience in their relationships. When Tom met Susan she was on the upswing of her wave. As their relationship progressed Susan's love for Tom grew. After her wave peaked, suddenly she started feeling very needy and possessive. She became insecure and demanded more attention. This was the beginning of her descent into the well. Tom could not understand why she had changed, but after a rather intense discussion that went on for hours, Susan felt much better. Tom had reassured her of his love and support, and Susan was now swinging up again. Inside he felt relieved. After this interaction Tom thought he had successfully solved this problem in their relationship. But a month later Susan began to crash and began feeling the same way again. This time Tom was much less understanding and accepting of her. He became impatient. He was insulted that she would mistrust him again after he had reassured her of his love a month before. In his defensiveness he negatively judged her recurring need for reassurance. As a result they argued.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19