Now Men Are Confused

After learning how women are like waves, Bill was still confused. The next time his wife seemed to be in her well, he practiced listening to her. As she talked about some of the things that were bothering her, he practiced not offering suggestions to "fix her" or make her feel better. After about twenty minutes he became very upset, because she wasn't feeling any better. He told me, "At first I listened, and she seemed to open up and share more. But then she started getting even more upset. It seemed the more I listened the more upset she got. I told her she shouldn't be getting more upset and then we got into a big argument." Although Bill was listening to Mary, he was still trying to fix her. He expected her to feel better right away. What Bill didn't know is that when a woman goes into her well, if she feels supported she doesn't necessarily feel better right away. She may feel worse. But that is a sign that his support may be helping. His support may actually help her to hit bottom sooner, and then she can and will feel better. To genuinely come up she first needs to hit bottom. That is the cycle. Bill was confused, because as he listened to her she appeared to get no benefit from his support. To him she just seemed to be going deeper. To avoid this confusion a man needs to remember that sometimes when he is succeeding in supporting a woman she may become even more upset. Through understanding that a wave must hit bottom before it can rise again he can release his expectations that she immediately feel better in response to his assistance. With this new insight, Bill was able to be more understanding and patient with Mary. After becoming much more successful in supporting Mary in her well, he also learned that there was no way to predict how long she would be upset; sometimes her well was deeper than at other times.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19