What She Can Do Instead of Arguing

In hearing this suggestion, Cathy said, "If he gets to be in his cave then what about me? I give him space, but what do I get?" What Cathy gets is the best her partner can give at the time. By not demanding that he listen to her when she wants to talk, she can avoid making the problem much worse by having a huge argument. Second, she gets his support when he comes back, when he is truly capable of supporting her. Remember, if a man needs to pull away like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation. Accepting a man's need to go into the cave does not mean giving up the need to talk. It means giving up the demand that he listen whenever she wants to talk. Cathy learned to accept that sometimes a man can't listen or talk and learned that at other times he could. Timing was very important. She was encouraged not to give up initiating conversation but to find those other times when he could listen. When a man pulls away is the time to get more support from friends. If Cathy feels the need to talk but Harris can't listen, then Cathy could talk more with her friends. It puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only source of love and support. When a woman's wave crashes and her partner is in his cave, it is essential that she have other sources of support. Otherwise she can't help but feel powerless and resent her partner.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19