Why Men Resist Change

In a myriad of ways she tries to change him or improve him. She thinks her attempts to change him are loving, but he feels controlled, manipulated, rejected, and unloved. He will stubbornly reject her because he feels she is rejecting him. When a woman tries to change a man, he is not getting the loving trust and acceptance he actually needs to change and grow. When I ask a room filled with hundreds of women and men they all have had the same experience: the more a woman tries to change a man, the more he resists. The problem is that when a man resists her attempts to improve him, she misinterprets his response. She mistakenly thinks he is not willing to change, probably because he does not love her enough. The truth is, however, that he is resistant to changing because he believes he is not being loved enough. When a man feels loved, trusted, accepted, appreciated and so forth, automatically he begins to change, grow, and improve.

Two Kinds of Men/One Kind of Behavior

There are two kinds of men. One will become incredibly defensive and stubborn when a woman tries to change him, while the other will agree to change but later will forget and revert back to the old behavior. A man either actively resists or passively resists. When a man does not feel loved just the way he is, he will either consciously or unconsciously repeat the behavior that is not being accepted. He feels an inner compulsion to repeat the behavior until he feels loved and accepted. For a man to improve himself he needs to feel loved in an accepting way. Otherwise he defends himself and stays the same. He needs to feel accepted just the way he is, and then he, on his own, will look for ways to improve.

Men Don't Want to Be Improved

Just as men want to explain why women shouldn't be upset, women want to explain why men shouldn't behave the way they do. Just as men mistakenly want to "fix" women, women mistakenly try to "improve" men. Men see the world through Martian eyes. Their motto is "don't fix it if it isn't broken." When a woman attempts to change a man, he receives the message that she thinks he is broken. This hurts a man and makes him very defensive. He doesn't feel loved and accepted. A man needs to be accepted regardless of his imperfections. To accept a person's imperfections is not easy, especially when we see how he could become better. It does, however, become easier when we understand that the best way to help him grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way. The following chart lists ways a woman can support a man in growing and changing by giving up trying to change him in any way:

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19