Regional Distinctions and Oddities

Scottish Highlands. The Highlander wears a kilt, plays the bagpipe,lives on haggis, has the second sight, and either talks unintelligible Gaelic or says "she" instead of "he".

Aberdeen. The Aberdonian is exclusively interested in saving money.Every time he has to spend any, he says sorrowfully "Bang gaes sax-pence".

Scotland. General. The Scot is dour and canny and addicted to golf(called "goff' or "gowf'), whisky (called "whusky") and the singing of "Auld Lang Syne". He says "Hoots, mon", when you talk to him, is very gloomy on Sundays and emigrates at earliest possible moment to Eng-land, and elsewhere. He has red hair and freckles.

North Country. The North Countryman is only slightly less cannythan the Scot. He wears a cloth cap, says "cassle" and "grass" with a short "a" (like the Scot) instead of "castle" and "grass" and is either a mill-worker or a comedian.

Wigan. The inhabitants of Wigan are comic though nobody knowswhy. Wigan is miles inland but it always has a pier.

Manchester. The inhabitants of Manchester call themselves Mancuni-ans. They have a sayings believed only by themselves, "What Manchester thinks today, England will think tomorrow". It is always raining in Man-chester.

The Midlands. The Midlander is either solid, slow and red in the face,or small, quick and horsy.

London. Inhabited mainly by Cockneys who are all by profession cos-termongers, selling fruit, etc., from barrows in the street. They wear suits embroidered all over with pearl buttons, and spend hilarious Bank Holi-days on Hampstead Heath.

Southern England. Inhabited mainly by yokes who say nothing butchew straws.

Devon. The Devonian also says nothing, except when he sings youthe song called Widdecombe Fair.

Wales. The Welsh have Bards and Eisteddfords and coal-mines, andsing dolorous hymns in four-part harmony. They adorn all their sentences with either "look you" or "whateffer".

The above are part of the basic stuff of the popular English wit, and when you hear a story about them, you are expected to laugh. Joking apart, there are real differences between the Scottish character and the English, between the North Countryman, the Irish and the Welsh, and so on: differences which in some cases go back to the far distant days before the Romans conquered Britain. Here are some of the more conspicuous examples. Scots tend to be greater patriots of their country than their Eng-lish neighbours. There are many Scots who can recite Burns by the yard,

whereas very few English people can do as much for Shakespeare. The Scots claim that English jokes are too obvious, that Scottish humour is much tougher and quite above English heads. It is hard to generalize about the Scots, since there are two distinct national types and the carica-tures of both of them have become quite popular. Jock, the comedy Scotsman, hard, avaricious, materialistic, puritanical, undemonstrative, cold–the Lowlander; and the Highlander in his kilt, a bit touched in the head, draped proudly in romantic tartan and haunted by fairy music. Both pictures have a grain of truth.

Poverty and struggle against dangerous neighbours have hardened the Lowlanders and taught them the virtue of thrift. As the Lowlanders are used to a hard life, they can adapt themselves to all living conditions. They have provided England (and the world) with men of action out-standing for their energy and enterprise: scientists and sportsmen, cap-tains of industry and explorers like Livingstone. Many of them were of humble birth. The reputation for avarice is offset by hospitality, for which the whole of Scotland is famous. Many of the native-born Highlanders have been forced to emigrate.

The typical Welshman, called Taffy by the English, is on average shorter, darker, livelier and quicker to react than the latter.

The liveliness is mental as well as physical, emotional, poetic. The Welsh language is a singing, musical language; the language of the peo-ple devoted to singing. Among the best-known Welsh characteristics are a certain romanticism and love of poetry and music. The annual bardic fes-tival known as the National Eisteddford of Wales has a 1200-year-old history; choral singing, and particularly the singing of hymns, is a nation-al art. The art of oratory seems to flourish more among the Welsh than among any of the other British peoples.

(from Everyday England by M. Redlich)

"Advice to a Young Man Going to London"

You are going to live in a far country, far not in distance, but in cus-toms and ideas. You are going to live in a difficult and mysterious coun-try. For the first few days you will think: "This venture is hopeless, I shall never get to know them, the gulf is too wide." Be reassured. The gulf can be crossed.

Do not talk too much until you have found your depth. No one there will blame you for silence. When you haven't opened your mouth for three years, they will think: "This is a nice quiet fellow." Be modest. An Englishman will say: "I have a little house in the county"; when he invites you to stay with him, you will discover that the little house is a place with three hundred bedrooms.

If you are a world tennis champion, say: "Yes, I don't play too badly." If you have crossed the Atlantic alone in a small boat, say "I do a little sailing". If you have written books, say nothing at all. They will discover for themselves, in time, this regrettable but inoffensive weakness; they will laugh and say: "Now I know all about you", and they will be pleased with you.

Golden Rule: Never ask questions. For six months during the war Ilived in the same tent and shared a bath-tub with an Englishman: he never asked me if I was married, what I did in peace time, or what were the books I was reading under his nose.

If you insist on making confidences, they will be listened to with po-lite indifference. Avoid making confidences about other people: gossip exist here as elsewhere, but they are at the same time less common and more serious. There is no middle course between silence and scandal. Choose silence.

(from Three Letters on the English by A Maurois)

Дата добавления: 2015-08-13