April 2010 Shopping 101

Dr. Bantam feels that I need to get out and spend more time with friends, to help with the whole ennui diagnosis. I think that’s easier for her – she seems to have so many interests and friends, but I guess that’s the whole point.

She asked me to think about what I like to do – what made me happy. I had to think about that for awhile, but twenty minutes and two cups of tea later I had the answer: shopping! And since Prudence loves to shop, too, it seemed like the perfect thing to do together. When I started to mention that I kind of like shopping alone, Dr. Bantam just looked at me and said, “Ellowyne, you like doing everything alone, which is why I think this will be good for you.”

San Francisco has some of the most amazing thrift shops around – they’re where I always seem to find new and unique outfits and accessories. People are always complementing me on my look – but for me it’s just natural. The shops themselves are so interesting and filled with so many wonderful and strange items – it’s almost like a treasure hunt to shop in them, because once you find something you love, it feels very special – like my own personal treasure. Some of the shops even remind me of Grandmother Emily’s house.

Anyway, I called Pru and we made plans to go shopping the next day, and then go to lunch at her favorite garlic restaurant. Believe it or not, I was actually excited…really.

The next day Pru arrived promptly at noon – so we could get an early start. The sky was overcast, and it was a little chilly. I told Prudence how cute she looked in her dress, boots and hat – she’s definitely a hat person - but she wasn’t so complimentary to me.

“Why are you wearing beige? It’s so boring!” I hadn’t realized it, but I was dressed in, well, no color at all. “I’m having a color ennui day,” I said. She just looked at me and told me she would fix that during our shopping trip, ‘Besides,’ she said, ‘you need some colorful footwear.’ I thought about asking what she meant, but I’ve learned never to question Pru’s ability.

I packed a light snack for us – it can get intense shopping and I always build up an appetite – and we were off. The first stop was at Just an Afterthought, a little shop in the theatre district. To me it’s an almost magical place with all of the vintage lamps and hatboxes and jewelry. Everything looks like it was placed perfectly in its own special spot. The shop is lit by a lonely skylight, which makes it a little hard to see while sifting through the racks of clothes, especially on a dreary day. But somehow, I was managing just fine.

After just a few minutes, Pru ran over to me, ‘Ellowyne – I found the perfect footwear! Here, try them on.’ She was holding a pair of orange wedges and blue boots. I told Prudence they were nice, but they really didn’t go with any of the things I have, so there’s nothing to match them to. Of course, Pru just smiled and said she had a strong feeling about them and bought them anyway. I just sighed....whatever will I wear them with? Just more energy expended on a lost cause…

We shopped for a few hours in that store…and I have to admit, it was so much more fun shopping with Pru. I found a great pair of green suede-like boots, a few skirts, and some fun jewelry. One thing about thrift shops – there’s a reason why someone gave away the item, so you have to check them out really well.

Prudence found some pants and kept going for the hats. She must have tried on ten hats! I think she was really getting into this whole shopping thing. We made a few fun purchases and as we were leaving and waving goodbye to the shop owner, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror – could it be? Was I smiling?

We left Just an Afterthought and headed to another favorite shop near the Embarcadero called A Moment in Time. Prudence was amazed – ‘this definitely has a very different feel than the last shop. I think this is the place, Ell.’ I was going to ask ‘the place for what’ but decided against it. She had that look in her eye.

Then Prudence made an observation: ‘You know, it’s amazing, but you don’t have to spend lots of money on great clothes at thrift shops.’ I thought everyone knew that. I told Prudence that every time I come here to shop, I pretend I’m on an adventure – it gives me something to look forward to and hope for, plus it makes me feel like I’m living in another time and place.

We looked through all of the racks of clothes and boxes of accessories for what seemed like hours. I found the perfect black and pink dress, but Prudence just shook her – ‘Not today, Ellowyne. You need some color in your life, remember?” I just sighed and put it back on the rack.

Finally, Pru made a very loud announcement – ‘I knew it!’ As I turned to look, I couldn’t believe my eyes! She had found the perfect outfits to match the orange wedges and blue boots! I told you – I never doubt her ability.

We tried them on and admired ourselves in the vintage mirror, made our purchases, and left the shop arm in arm. Heading to the garlic restaurant, Prudence told me that she had had the most wonderful day. “It’s nice having a girlfriend like you, Ell.” And I have to admit, at that moment, I felt the very same way.

We arrived at the restaurant, and I decided to have dessert and tea, so I ordered the garlic ice cream and some Earl Grey. Pru ordered a plate of the garlic mashed potatoes and a garlic vanilla milkshake (did I mention it’s a garlic restaurant?). We ate and chatted for a long time, then said our good-byes as we each headed home.

‘I hope Sybil is here, so I can show her my new things,’ I thought as I stepped into Grandmother’s house. But then I sat down on the couch and realized – ‘I’m just too tired…shopping can be so exhausting…” And I don’t think Sybil minded one bit.

Love, Ellowyne

October 20, 2010 Patient #234

By Dr. E. Bantam

The exhaustive session was over and the diagnosis was clear: chronic ennui, with just a touch of melancholy. Dr. Elaine Bantam finished signing off on the official psychological diagnosis and slowly closed her patient's file, knowing that Ellowyne Wilde, the beautiful young woman who she'd been seeing for almost 10 years, was far from being cured. “How does one cure ennui?” she wondered aloud, but the question hung in the air of her dark, quiet office longer than she would have liked. Without waiting for the answer she somehow knew might never come, she sunk back into her comfortable leather chair, reached for her favorite porcelain tea cup and special bottle of 'tea' and proceeded to pour herself a drink.

* * * * *

Hello - Dr. Bantam here. Recently, I was asked to present a special case at the upcoming U.S. Psychiatric Association, and had chosen my most difficult case to date – a patient I'll call 'Patient #234.' It was quite an honor to be asked to present in front of my colleagues – it's the first time I had been contacted by the association in years. I worked on my paper for weeks prior to the annual convention, and was actually excited about the prospect of receiving professional insight and opinions from my colleagues in order to offer my patient the correct diagnosis, and ultimately, a cure. A new perspective may be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak, to help my young patient.

The convention was quite busy, and I was a little nervous while waiting to be introduced. However, I was so compelled to help Patient #234, that I focused entirely on her and tried to put my nerves to rest. Dr. H. Schmidt, the convention chair, introduced me...to say it was an honor is most certainly an understatement. I climbed to the podium, adjusted the microphone, and started out with a brief outline about my patient – my opening remarks to the association follows:

'Good afternoon, esteemed colleagues and fellow members. My name is Dr. Elaine Bantam and I'm here to present a particularly complex case, for which my only diagnosis to date has been chronic ennui, with a dash of melancholy. Patient #234 is eternally bored and ready to conquer the world...if only she had the energy. She's 19 years old and has suffered with this condition since childhood. Born at a funeral home into a family life filled with depression, turmoil, and murder, she now lives alone in San Francisco in her grandmother's Victorian home. She loves to frequent the city's many thrift shops, and has a knack for putting clothing pieces together that somehow always look stylish, fun, and unique. She's forever all dressed up, but never seems to want to go anywhere.'

At this point my colleagues just stared at me. I took it as an indication to continue, and so did, as follows:

'Although not very upbeat, Patient #234 does enjoy spending time with her best friend, Prudence, who has a special ability and seems to 'know' things; her brother Freddy, who has a small problem with pyromania, although Ellowyne suspects he was misdiagnosed, her cat Sybil – who has nine personalities, none of them nice – and the young man who takes care of her grandmother's house, Rufus, who is secretly in love with her. I have been seeing this patient for almost 10 years now and was the first to diagnose her chronic ennui. Patient #234 has been attending weekly sessions, when she finds the time, and likes to line dance, and shop, and dreams of a life that's not so, well, disappointing.'

At this point I paused for dramatic effect, but was met with blank stares. I kept going. I mentioned that as part of her therapy I've instructed her to keep a journal and write poetry – to help her through her days, and a recommendation of getting out more with her peers, but these tasks only seem to make her more dissatisfied. Again, there was nothing from the audience. Although I had hoped for professional guidance in curing the chronic ennui, it seemed as though Patient #234 truly was unique, and my requests for experienced and knowledgeable opinions were left hanging in the air.

Finally, I thanked the crowd, shuffled my paper quickly into my briefcase, and left the stage – feeling like once again, I had let my patient down. I was, however, left with a slightly worrisome thought...could ennui be contagious? I wonder if I even have the energy anymore...

Sincerely, Dr. E. Bantam

January 2011 – The List

After making excuses for far too long, I decided it was time to keep the final appointment of 2010 with Dr. Bantam. She tries to hide it, but I can tell she still gets upset with me when I miss our weekly sessions, but honestly, some weeks I just don’t see the point.

Dr. Bantam likes to ask about my past...she thinks it has something to do with my chronic ennui. But with Christmas just last week, and all of those past Christmas memories with Mother and Father…well, I just didn’t feel like talking about it at all as it usually ends up being just too dreadful.

But she had a slightly different idea for our final session of the year. After talking about the week’s events for a bit, she asked me to go home and write down a list of all of the accomplishments I had made in 2010. She said it would make me feel good about myself to see all of the achievements I had made, and in turn, I would see all of the positive things in my life - and give me something to focus on for the coming year, other than my ennui.

I told her I thought it sounded a little lame, but agreed to complete the task and trust her professional advice. So we hugged good-bye and I scheduled another appointment for next week, then put on my coat and headed home.

I decided to get right to the list and just get it over with. I wasn’t sure this would really help, but maybe it would, and I felt like I needed to give Dr Bantam the benefit of the doubt. Plus I didn’t think it would take that long. So I sat down at my desk, took out my favorite pen – the one Grandmother had given to me many Christmas’ ago – and nothing happened. I couldn’t think of one accomplishment I had made all year.

I think I froze – I mean, what happens if I can’t come up with any accomplishments and realize I had wasted an entire year? How will that help my ennui? I kept looking at the paper and tried to think of something, anything…but after an hour of really trying to come up with something, the paper remained blank.

The ringing of the doorbell finally broke the spell. I got up from my desk and went to the door, feeling worse than I had before I sat down. It was Prudence. Her big smile and cheery attitude really didn’t make me feel any better though. I told her about Dr. Bantam’s assignment and how I didn’t think I had achieved anything in 2010. She just looked at me and almost sighed. Then she sat down at the desk with me and helped me write the following list:

1. Traveled to Paris all by myself and even brought back a photo of myself smiling

2. Kept most of my appointments with Dr. Bantam

3. Took Prudence shopping at my favorite thrift stores and helped her find some fabulous things

4. Came in first at the local line dancing competition

Okay, it wasn’t much, but you know what? I did do some new things in 2010 that I could be proud of, and it does inspire me to do even more in 2011. I guess Dr. Bantam was right, and thanks to her and Prudence, I do feel better about myself and the coming year. It may be a happy new year after all...

Love, Ellowyne

January 2012 - The Gifts

Well, another year has come and gone - why do they go by so slowly? I have a standing appointment with Dr. Bantam every month, but sometimes I just don't feel like going. However, Dr. Bantam made me promise to keep my first appointment of the year. She said a promise made should be a promise kept, and well, she does have a point. I promised to be better at keeping my appointments this year - we'll see how it all goes.

I arrived at the office on time, promptly at 1:00 p.m., which is a bit unusual as I'm always late. I told her I tend to lose track of time, but really I always seem to take as many detours as possible getting to Dr. Bantam's office. I guess she would call is avoidance - but I'm not sure.

We talked about how things had been going over the past couple of months, and about the Christmas holiday. Dr. Bantam knows that it's a particularly stressful time for me, with everything that has happened in the past. But actually, this year seemed okay.

Father was in a good mood, Freddy seemed to have his pyromania urges under control - only one pair of Father's slippers went up in smoke - and Grandmother came by for the day and cooked a wonderful Christmas dinner. She even made me her famous strawberry whipped cream side dish. She knows it's my favorite - she says she adds a secret ingredient that is supposed to make me smile - and guess what? It always works.

Dr. Bantam smiled at that - she's known my Grandmother Emily for many years and has very fond memories of her. It's a shame she travels so much and doesn't spend much time in San Francisco. Anyway, Dr. Bantam thought it all sounded wonderful, and wondered if I had spent any time with my friends.

This actually made me smile. I told her that Prudence had invited everyone over to her house on Christmas Eve for a party and gift exchange. Everyone came - Prudence, of course, me, Rufus, Amber, and I even brought Sybil.

Dr. Bantam smiled in approval and wanted to know more about the party, but I suspect she really wanted to know how Amber and I got along. We've been frienemy's for so long - you just never know with Amber. One day she's your best friend, and the next, well, that's for another therapy session.

I squirmed on the couch a bit, and pushed the hair away from my face before answering. Obviously I was a bit uncomfortable, although I don't know why. Dr. Bantam asked again, so I told her the party was fun, as it always is with Prudence running the show. And actually everyone was nice, even Amber. "What about your gifts, Ellowyne? Were you happy with them?" And I had to think for a minute.

Well, Prudence gave me a gift certificate for a fitness class - something called Zumba. She said it was fun and I'd love it - but really? She told me she would go with me - and honestly, everything is more fun with Prudence around. I gave her a hug and thanked her and I'm actually looking forward to it. Dr. Bantam said that was progress right there.

Rufus gave me a snow globe with a beautiful dancer inside, and when you shake the globe, she seems to be dancing under snow and twinkling stars. He said he found it in a thrift shop on the other side of town, one I've never heard of, and it reminded him of me. I'm not sure why, but I thanked him for the gift and gave him a hug. I noticed his face was a little red afterwards. Dr. Bantam thought it was a lovely gift and had a strange smile on her face when I told her about it.

And Amber - well she gave me a book about self-improvement. She said it was on the Best Seller list, which didn't mean anything to me, although it did have a lovely cover. I thanked her and even managed to give her a little hug, but secretly I had some doubts on her intentions. Dr. Bantam thought I should be appreciative of the gesture.

Then Dr. B wanted to know what I had given to my friends. I was a little embarrassed to tell her. I guess I felt it was a little, well, lame. Again I shifted on the chair. I had given each of my friends a special poem I wrote especially for them, and placed each in tiny frames found in Grandmother's attic. Dr. Bantam thought that was one of the most precious gifts I could have given to my friends - something I had done on my own. And then I shyly reached in my purse and handed her one as well - and she gave me the biggest hug I've ever received.

Overall, it was actually a pretty good session. It made me think about my family, and how things are hopefully getting better, and it also made me realize that I do have some good friends - and that I can be a good friend as well. And I know I made Dr. Bantam happy, which is always a good thing.

Just before leaving she asked me if I had made any new friends this past year. It was one of the goals she had given me for 2010, and seriously, I was hoping Dr. Bantam had forgotten about it.

I had to tell her no, but strangely, I did tell her that I had just met a girl while waiting for my appointment in her waiting room. Her name was Lizette, I think, and she was just leaving, but said hi and we talked for a bit. She seemed really nice, and she told me that she loved hats, was into birds, and that she was new to San Francisco. Dr. Bantam thought that was a lovely idea and said Lizette and I would get along great. Well, I promised Lizette I'd meet her for coffee in the coming weeks. I don't do well with new people - but like Dr. Bantam said - a promise made should be a promise kept...

Love, Ellowyne

My therapist told me I suffer from chronic ennui - but I guess I'm just too tired to figure it all out. I'm supposed to write down my thoughts and feelings - you know, to help me get over my 'condition'. So, here goes - my attempt at helping myself (sigh...). I just hope it's not too, well, boring.
Love, Ellowyne

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Therapy Session - November 2012

"It started with a kiss. Well, kind of. Not really. I don't know..." I was struggling on how to tell Dr. Bantam exactly what had happened the other day with my school friend and Grandmother's handyman, Rufus Rutter. But for some reason it wasn't coming out exactly as I had planned.

It had been quite a while since I had been to a therapy session. I really didn't have a good excuse, except that every time I planned on going, well, something always came up and I never quite made it. I was pretty sure that Dr. B wasn't happy about it, but the way I felt, if I didn't want to go, it probably wouldn't be a good session anyway. But today it felt right, so when Dr. B's office manager called to see if I would be attending my weekly scheduled session, I said yes. Plus I thought the whole Rufus thing might be worth talking about.

"Ellowyne, it's okay. Just tell me. I've always thought Rufus had a soft spot for you," said Dr. B as she took a sip of her 'tea' and settled into her comfy chair. I wasn't sure what she meant, but I gathered my thoughts and decided to just tell her what happened. I'm sure Dr. Bantam felt it was quite a breakthrough that I would even discuss Rufus. She's always asking me about him, but I just kind of shrug it off - he's my friend. What's left to talk about? But this time I did have something to say about Rufus.

"Okay. We were all going to the coffee shop at the Embarcadero, just to hang out. It was Pru's idea, of course. It was me, Lizette, Pru, Rufus, and of course Pru invited Amber. We met around 9:00 p.m. and we each sat down, and as it turns out, Rufus ended up sitting on the couch next to me. So it was all good." I guess I hesitated and Dr. B told me to go on.

"Well, we were all having fun - Lizette was telling us about her new exotic bird and how she was teaching it to say some really funny, but awkward things, like, 'There's an app for that too, buddy!" And Pru was showing us the newest moves she learned in that Zumba class she keeps trying to get me to go to. It actually did seem kind of fun - at least the way Pru did it."

A quick glance at Dr. B and I could tell she was getting anxious. I think she'd been waiting years for me to finally acknowledge what she always told me - how Rufus and I were perfect for each other, but I don't see it that way. She probably thought this was the breakthrough she had been hoping for - something that may even help my chronic ennui. So when she sat up straight in her chair and said, "Yes, it all sounds quite fun, but what about Rufus," I wasn't surprised.

I took a deep breath and kept going. "So, then Amber says something like, 'what about you, Ellowyne - what have you been doing for fun - sleeping??' Of course Pru immediately shot Amber a nasty look, and I don't think Lizette knew what to think. But before I could even say anything, Rufus pipes up and says: 'Seriously Amber - can you be any more annoying?"

Dr. B could hardly stand it - I could tell. This kind of made me smile. So she took a big gulp of her 'tea' and said, 'Yes, go on, dear.'

"Okay, so I'm thinking how great it is that Rufus is sticking up for me because usually he's kind of quiet and doesn't like to draw attention to himself. But before I could even thank him or say anything, Amber gets up from her chair and comes over to the couch and with a big smile she gives Rufus a kiss - full on the mouth! None of us could believe it. I mean, Amber - and Rufus? I don't even know what to say to him the next time we see each other." After saying it out loud, I realized how upset I really was - I looked at Dr. B for support.

And the funny thing was, I don't think Dr. B could believe what I just told her either. I swear she looked at me for support. It seemed to take forever for her to say something, but she finally said, 'You mean Amber and Rufus are an item? Oh dear - I didn't see that one coming.'

I slumped down in my chair. "No one saw that coming. Right after that Rufus turned bright red. He was always a little shy around me, and I always thought we were just friends and all. I don't know. Then Amber just said, 'Hey Rufus, let's go down to Fisherman's Wharf for some ice cream,' and they left! He didn't even say anything to me, or Lizette, or Pru."

Dr. B, clearly lacking in anything comforting to say to me, just finished her 'tea' and told me our time was up, and quickly showed me out the door. I did think it was a little strange. I mean, I haven't been to a session in forever and she seemed like she was the one needing therapy right about now.

And so I got up and left, and walked home alone, wondering whether I should have even told Dr. B about Rufus and Amber - she seemed almost more upset about it than I did - and honestly, I wondered why I was so upset about the whole thing anyway. Maybe Dr. B is right and I really do have feelings for Rufus after all? Or maybe it's just something a fun Zumba class with Pru wouldn't cure.

Love, Ellowyne

Therapy Session - My Birthday, October 31st, 2013

October 31, 2013

I can’t take much time to record my last session—it is Halloween, which means it’s my birthday and if it’s my birthday, it’s also Pru’s and Lizette’s. Well, I guess it’s also Amber’s. And I have the party to go to (although I really don’t feel like going — not really in the party mood — I guess I’m never in the party mood), so I have to get ready. It’s just so weird that we are all exactly the same age and have the same birthday. Pru’s mom says that is why we have a special bond. I guess that’s true — seems like we’re always being thrown together.

We do have some great costumes. Lizette’s is awesome — she’s a glamorous version of Medusa. She found a wonderful old gown that she kind of remade and then put rubber snakes in her hair. I love the outfit that Pru came up with. She’s like some kind of Vampire — and she has the coolest wig. We did see Amber picking out hers, and I have to say it was a great idea; she’s going as a Zombie Prom Queen. She has a black sparkly dress and a tiara. Both Lizette and Pru helped me with mine. It’s a short, white chiffon dress with high boots and a chiffon cape. I love it and I really love the wig — it’s long, white and wavy, and it has black streaks on each side. I’m kind of a funky bride of Frankenstein. But the best is how Pru helped Rufus dress up as Frankenstein—he looks really scary and….well, maybe a little cute. He’s such a nice friend.

I walked to therapy today after class. It’s a couple of miles, but I don’t mind. I love the city and the walking gives me time to think. The session was good — I didn’t have a lot new to talk about. Of course Amber came up — I’m trying not to let her bother me, but it seems like she goes out of her way to upset me. This morning, she made some snarky comments about my costume for tonight — she said if I wanted to go as Frankenstein, I should just go as is. I try not to let it bother me…. So, we talked about her and a little more about school, but I think I was mostly just filling time. Dr. B even let me go a little early.

Funny thing, though, when I got home, Grandmother wasn’t here and the front door was unlocked — which isn’t like her. I can’t even find Sybil (not that she ever is easy to find if she’s hiding). It’s kind of unnerving. I came right up to my room, and funny, it doesn’t seem quite right either. I don’t remember leaving my window open…..

Wow, that was weird. I went over to close the window and I was sure I saw someone standing outside — that’s impossible — I’m on the second floor, but it sure looked like a man was staring at me. I just about screamed, but I looked again, and no one was there. This is silly — I’m just freaking myself out. I better just get changed, Rufus is going to pick me up in an hour.

What was that? There’s a screeching sound coming from the attic. It’s got to be Sybil — she’s always making sounds like that…. OMG! Sybil is here in my room so it can’t be her! What’s that noise? I have to check…..

November 3th, 2013

Wow. Just re-read my last entry. I sounded like the people in those horror movies who go down in the basement when everyone in the audience knows they shouldn’t. I have to say, my first reaction was to leave the house—and I did go downstairs—but the front door was locked—from the outside! That freaked me out. I really felt that I had no choice but to see just what was going on upstairs in the attic.

I was on edge—I mean, we live in an old Victorian house so there are always a lot of creeks and groans, but it really sounded like there was a person, and maybe more than one, up there. So, I very slowly climbed the stairs, trying not to make any sounds. I even held my breath until I thought I’d pass out. I passed my room and then Freddy’s. The door to Freddy’s room stood open; the room was always messy but the shadows made it seem as if there was some sort of animal in there, waiting to pounce. I froze until I realized that it was nothing more than a coat hanging on a bedpost. It was the glowing eyes that really scared me—but that just turned out to be the red lights on his clock radio. Anyway, I kept going, listening for any sound coming from the attic. I could swear I heard scurrying—like some kind of large animal trying to hide—but those noises—if it was an animal, it was a big one. I crept further along the hallway past Grandmother’s room. Her door was closed. By this time, I was very near the door to the attic. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get up there because Grandmother always kept the door locked. But when I reached the door, it was slightly open! Someone was in the house! Since I couldn’t get out of the house, I turned and went back to Freddy’s room. He kept a baseball bat behind his door, and yes! It was still there. I grabbed it, turned and again headed to the attic door.

I grabbed the door knob—it was one of those cut glass, old fashioned ones—and opened the door slightly. There was a soft light coming from upstairs. I called out, “Grandmother? Freddy? Are you up there?” No answer. Gathering all my wits, I opened the door and very slowly and carefully, started to climb the stairs.

By the time I got two thirds of the way up the stairs, I was able to peer over the floorboards. I still heard noises—was it someone or something breathing? The light came from the bare light bulb in the middle of the attic.

Freddy and I had only been up there a couple of times. Of course, he loved being up there but I always thought it was scary. It was full of old stuff, and the scariest was a half dozen store mannequins—some missing limbs - that always freaked me out. They were still there but they looked as if they had been moved--and my heart ran cold. I gripped the bat with all my strength and headed further up the stairs.

When I reached the attic, I still heard a little rustling but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. So slowly, I turned in a full circle. I saw nothing. But as I finished my turn, someone or something leapt out at me screaming, “Ellowyne!” I swung my bat and everything went black.

When I opened my eyes, everyone was standing around me! Pru, Grandmother, Rufus, Freddy, Jace, Lizette, the new girl at school, Jenny C—a lot of people were there. Amber was there too, holding her arm and not looking very happy.

As it turned out, I kind of ruined the surprise Halloween birthday party that Pru and Rufus had planned for me. I guess I got home before they were ready and they were trying to keep quiet. Amber jumped out before she was supposed to and she’s who I hit with the bat. She will have a bruise but I really didn’t hurt her that badly. I had just fainted so I’m okay. I guess that will probably be the last surprise birthday I get. Anyway, it didn’t turn out that badly. Amber left-saying she was going to sue, and we all had a bit of cake and then sat on the front porch and watched the trick or treaters. Actually, it was one of my most eventful birthdays!

Дневник Лизетт.

Entry 1

I had a nice life in New Orleans and I really didn't want to go anywhere. Julian (my dad) got a job in San Francisco so we had to move. Thinking back, I guess I didn't respond well and I made the whole change more difficult for my parents—but I was comfortable in New Orleans. I knew the city. I mean, I had lived there my whole life. I had friends. Well, maybe more acquaintances than friends. But I got along. Plus, I like hot weather and it seems like it's always raining in SF. But I guess all this makes me sound like I'm whining.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is because of the therapist that Sasha (mom) and Julian sent me to. The therapist thinks that writing down thoughts and feelings would be good for me. Maybe I should have just told S and J how disappointed I was to have to move. I guess I was kind of acting all depressed and everything rather than just telling them how I felt (or at least that's what Dr. Bantam said). By the way, Dr. Bantam is the shrink they found for me. She's nice—maybe she thinks I'm a little spoiled but it wasn't bad talking to her. I don't think I'm really depressed—she questioned that too--I think I'm just a little angry about the move. I think that the fact that I'm an only child makes Sasha and Julian over protective. But as Dr. Bantam says, I should focus on me and not try to diagnose them.....

Anyway, a cool thing did happen. I was in the waiting room (it looks like an old fashioned living room)—Doc was finishing up some paper work and I met this girl who's about my age. She's really pretty, but I don't think she knows it.... You can just tell sometimes. She's been seeing Dr. Bantam for a few years and really likes her. We got to talking and she's nice, but I just get the feeling that she's not very open—kind of mysterious--but then we only talked for a few minutes. She did ask me a lot of questions. Told her we just moved and that I'm an only child. (I think she said she has a younger brother). Turns out that I'll be going to the same school. She complimented me on my hat—the vintage straw with the velvet flowers—and I told her I collect hats. I think she thought that was pretty cool. Also, I told her about my birds. I guess I'm kind of obsessed with them—never seemed strange to me but she seemed to think that twenty two birds (six different species) is a lot but she didn't seem to be judging—just saying. When Dr. Bantam finished my paperwork, she gave me a time for next week and Ellowyne (that's her name...strange) and I might meet afterwards and get some coffee. I think I'm going to do it. Might be fun.

Okay, so SF might not end up being so bad. However, I may keep the "depressed" act going a while longer. Keeps Sasha and Julian on their toes. - L

Entry 2

Second meeting with Dr. B. This one was more about my background, growing up and all that stuff, so it was kind of boring - well, to me anyway.

The girl I met last week had her session right before mine and she said she'd wait for me (she had some homework to work on) and we could go for coffee afterwards. That was nice of her - I mean, she said something about that last week but I didn't know if she would remember. Anyway, after my session, we went to this really funky coffee place. It was all miss-matched furniture, really comfy and they served coffee and tea in beat up china. Really good cookies, too.

We started talking. Ellowyne didn't tell me too much - I think whenever she doesn't want to answer a question, she asks me one (I'll have to remember that trick). But I did find out that she lives in her grandmother's house with her brother (I think his name was Freddy). The house is one of those beautiful painted Victorians. I guess Freddy has some developmental problems that get him into trouble, but she didn't go into that very much. Her mother passed away a while ago and she didn't want to talk about her father.

About a half hour later two of her friends came into the shop. I think the girl's name was Pru (?) and the guy's name was Rufus. They were both really nice. I got this feeling that Rufus has a thing for Ellowyne, but I don't think she knows it. Rufus is a little funny looking but has really nice eyes and a good smile. He got very uncomfortable when Pru brought up this guy named Jace - she teased Ellowyne about him. Rufus didn't seem too happy about the other guy but didn't say anything.

They told me a lot about school and it sounds like I may like it - they do have a good science department (yeah!). I've seen pictures of the campus and it's beautiful. So, I'm kind of looking forward to starting in a week or two. Plus, these guys are all so nice. They did mention a girl - I think her name is Amber - who they didn't seem to like. I'll be my own judge about that but I'm happy to get a heads up about her.

One more really strange thing - both Ellowyne and Pru were born on the same exact day I was! How freaky is that? Sometime I'll tell them the weird story of where I was born...

Anyway, we traded cell numbers and I walked home. The coolest thing is I found the cutest hat in a little shop a couple of blocks from the house.

Yeah, I may like this place. ~L

Entry 3

I don't know how many more sessions I'll have with Dr. Bantam. I don't like to think I faked my depression, but maybe I did - a little. Anyway, she seems to think I could have a little more patience with S and J. I guess she's right. I don't know if they wanted to move either. J's job transferred him here and S had a great thing going in New Orleans (her political stuff) and I guess it wouldn't have been her first choice to move either. Okay, so maybe I've been a little selfish...

So, anyway, looks like I'll see her a couple of more times just to make sure, but she says she thinks I'm fine. I hate to admit it, but she's pretty smart. Whatever.

But the best part is after the sessions - Ello and I have started meeting her friends at that coffee shop (I keep forgetting the name of that place). In like two weeks, they really just made me their friend - no drama or anything. I thought my social life was over when I moved, but it may turn out that I like it here better. Oh, and I thought the cookies were good at that place - the pie was unbelievable! Brought a piece home for S and J. Guess it's the least I could do.

Okay, I love school. The science lab is as great as they said it was, and I won't have any problems with the honors classes and the professor is awesome. Oh, and I met that Amber girl they were talking about. She's in that class. I'm starting to see why they warned me about her. First day in class she made some snarky comment about the hat I was wearing (it was the velvet slouch hat with the felt flowers and leaves-love that one). No one disses my hats. I responded-I won't put down on paper what I said, but unless she's really stupid, I don't think she'll be bothering me again. I know the trick-she's trying to put me on the defensive. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, but it doesn't look good. Trying to start trouble with the new kid is not nice, and not smart either. She doesn't know who she's dealing with. But again, whatever.

Neighborhood is kind of great. I'm loving the antique clothing shop I found on the way home - Ellowyne says it's one of her favorite places and they really do have the coolest stuff. I found another hat (this shop is really blowing my allowance) and I put it on lay-away. Nice woman runs it. But I also found a rare bird shop - I almost fell into it (literally!). It's in the lower level of a brownstone. I won't have to send away for my supplies anymore - I can get them there and they have some really rare birds. I could spend hours. Ello was with me when I found it - we were there for a couple of hours and she really didn't seem to mind and even listened to me go on and on about the birds. She is pretty nice.

There's S yelling for me to turn off the computer again, so I guess that's it for now. I do like this journal thing. And, I think I really like San Francisco - it's cool. Later ~ L

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Дата добавления: 2015-10-28