Chapter 3 34 страница

Smiling, Kylie said, “I didn’t get the impression that we were taking about affection. I thought we were talking about lust.”

Returning the smile, Blair said, “I guess that'd be closer to the truth. You look hot. What can I say?”

“You can say a lot more than that! I want some details!”

Her brow knitting, Blair looked at her partner and asked, “Is this really important to you?”

Giving her an adorably shy look, Kylie nodded, her curls bouncing around her head. “It’s important to know what turns you on, babe. If there’s a certain way that I look that works for you, I’ll go out of my way to look like that. If you want me to wear my lab coat to bed, I’ll gladly do it.” She said this with a teasing tone of voice, but Blair didn’t doubt her sincerity for a moment.

“No, it’s not really the lab coat,” Blair said. “It’s just that when you’re in your doctor clothes you exude this sexiness that I find absolutely compelling.”

“But what specifically appeals to you?” Kylie persisted.

“Mmm … I’d have to say that it’s your demeanor. You seem forceful and kinda powerful. You honestly look bigger and more authoritative when you have on that white lab coat. It makes your shoulders look really broad, and makes you look even taller than you are.” She shrugged and said, “You just look impressive. Powerful and impressive. You’re in full-tilt surgeon mode when you’re at work.” Smiling in remembrance, Blair said, “The first time I met you I was taken by how you seemed like the powerful one in a room full of doctors. I thought that was really cool.”

Blinking, Kylie asked, “Were you attracted to me?”

“Yes, but not sexually. There was something about you that was very compelling — kinda like Bill Clinton.”

Her brow knit and Kylie looked confused. “Bill Clinton?”

“Yeah. Everyone who meets him — whether they like him or not — agrees that he fills up a room with his charisma. You do that when you’re at work.”

“But not when I’m at home.”

“Mmm … not as much. Oh, you’re still charming, but you don’t have the aura. At home you’re a little quiet, and kinda self-effacing. You’re really gentle and sweet and thoughtful at home. But at work you’re completely self-possessed. That’s a turn-on,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Okay,” Kylie said. “I think I know what you mean.” She lay on her back and waited for Blair to curl up against her. She was almost asleep when she jerked sharply and said, “Would you like me to be more like that at home?”

“At home?”

“Well — at home — in bed,” Kylie clarified.

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to put on an act for me. I love you just like you are.”

Raising up onto one elbow, Kylie quirked a grin and said, “I can be a lot of ways. I’m a very flexible woman, and I have a lot of facets to my personality.”

“Really?” Blair asked tentatively. “You’ve never been very uhm … forceful when we’re in bed.”

“No, I haven’t been,” Kylie agreed. “But that’s only because I’ve never gotten a signal that you want me to be.”

Now Blair lifted up, and matched Kylie’s posture as much as she could, given her center of gravity. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean,” Kylie said, “that all I want is to please you. I read your signals, baby, and I try to give you what you need.”

Blair lifted her hand and scratched her head, her face in a confused scowl. “I don’t get it,” she admitted.

“Maybe this is a cultural difference,” Kylie said. “Maybe it’s the difference between men and women.”

“I don’t know,” Blair said. “All I know is that I wasn’t called on to set the tone before I met you. The guy did that.”

“Okay,” Kylie said, warming to the topic. “Tell me how it felt to have sex with a man.”

“Really? You want to know that?”

“Sure I do, if it’ll help us have better sex. My ego’s not very fragile. I’m open to suggestions.”

“All right,” Blair agreed. She lay back down and thought for a moment. “When I had sex with a man it was mostly about power and a little bit of force. Not coercion — just a forcefulness to his need that I found really appealing. I liked having someone take charge and show me what he needed,” she said. “I found it hot to have a man reveal how much he needed me, and then be able to satisfy him. In a way, it was a reversal of power. He was stronger, and he was kinda dominating me — but I had to cooperate and work with him to allow him to be satisfied. I guess what I liked was the way the power shifted between us. That was hot.”

“I can understand that,” Kylie said. “Now tell me how you feel when we have sex.”

“That’s easy,” Blair said, smiling warmly. “I feel loved and cared for. I feel like you’re focusing on me to the exclusion of everything else in the world. I feel really precious, Kylie, like you practically worship me. You’re gentle, and sweet and so concerned with my pleasure and helping me reach orgasm.” She shook her head and revealed, “David was pretty concerned with my response, but my previous boyfriends weren’t. If I had an orgasm that was nice, but they certainly didn’t lose sleep over it if I didn’t.”

Kylie nodded, taking in every word. “Are there things from your experiences with men that you’d like to incorporate into our sex life?” she asked, her expression one of deep interest.

“No, honey,” Blair insisted. “I love feeling so connected to you, and having you focus on me like you do. I don’t want to give that up.”

Drawing closer, Kylie looked into Blair’s eyes and asked, “I love that too, but it sounds to me like you might like a little change of pace.” She tucked an arm around Blair and pulled her as close as she could. “How would you like it if every once in a while I didn't spend any time at all worshiping you and a whole lot of time …” she placed her lips next to Blair’s ear and whispered a few incendiary words.

Blair pulled away and blinked slowly. “You could do that?” she asked, eyes wide.

“Sure could. Have. Many times.”

Starting to giggle, Blair wrinkled up her nose and said, “That could be fun.”

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Kylie growled playfully, “it’ll be fun.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before we have to leave for your parent’s house?” Blair asked. “I can just see those little nieces and nephews of yours running into the room, trying to get in on the game.”

“We can wait until we get home,” Kylie said. “But don't worry. I won't forget.”

Blair cuddled up to her partner and joked, “I know what I’m gonna dream of tonight, and it isn’t visions of sugarplums dancing in my head."

Chapter 12

Somewhere over the Great Plains, Kylie nudged Blair and said, “How about a little stroll through the cabin?”

“Ugh. I hate walking around. I mean, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go.”

“Come on, sweetie. I’ll go with you. We’ll walk up and down the aisles for a minute, and then you can make a pit stop.”

“Who says I have to go?” she asked, a tiny scowl on her face.

Kylie leaned over and kissed her nose. “You always have to go. Now come on, let’s stretch a little.”

Grumbling, Blair got out of her seat and started to make her way down the aisle. She followed Kylie’s admonition to keep her hands at waist level so she could grab onto a headrest if the plane hit any turbulence. One of the doctor’s hands was resting on her shoulder, and even though she felt silly, Blair had to admit that it was very reassuring to have her partner's caring presence beside her. As was so often the case, she drew more than her share of attention, the most vocal of her admirers women in the grandmother age bracket. On their first lap, a few people smiled and nodded, but on the second, a couple of the women engaged her in conversation. One woman, probably in her sixties, stopped her and asked, “When are you due, honey?”

“December,” Blair said. “I hope he’s on time. I need that extra tax deduction.”

The woman wasn’t quite sure how to take the comment, but she laughed. “Is this your first?”

“Yeah. My last, too,” she said without hesitation.

“Oh,” the woman said, “are you having a difficult time, dear?”

“No, not particularly,” Blair said. “I don’t see the point in stretching my body to ridiculous proportions when there are thousands of kids available for adoption.”

“Oh, I’ll bet your husband won’t want to stop if you don’t have a little boy in there,” she said, patting Blair’s belly without permission.

“My husband’s the one who coerced me into this,” Blair grumbled. “He’s the last guy who gets a vote. Besides, we're getting divorced.”

The woman’s eyes widened so dramatically that Kylie was afraid they were going to pop out. Feeling sorry for her, the doctor urged her lover forward, then leaned over to whisper, “She’s a little grouchy today. You know how it is.”

Happy to be talking to a sane person, the woman nodded gratefully. “Oh, my, yes. I have six of my own. I never had to fly while I was pregnant, though. It’s a good thing to keep her moving.”

“Doing my best,” Kylie said, dashing through the plane to catch her partner as she reached their row.

“I’m finished. I refuse to have strangers pawing me today.”

“They’re trying to bond with you, honey. They’re welcoming you into the mom club.”

“I don’t wanna be in the fucking mom club,” she groused, loud enough for their seatmate to hear and give Blair a startled look.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Kylie asked softly. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing,” she snapped. Turning her head away, she pushed her seat as far back as she could get it and closed her eyes.

Kylie waited a moment to let her calm down, then she reached over and took her hand. Bringing it to her lips, she kissed it, then laced their fingers together. “Do you mind?” she asked.

“No.”

Well, at least she didn’t punch me when her fist was close to my mouth, the doctor mused. I hope this mood lifts soon, or it’s gonna be a long weekend.

„G

The Schneidhorsts were at the gate to meet them, and Kylie wished she had a sign that read “Danger! Tread carefully!” Blair’s mood had not only not improved, it had gotten worse, and Kylie fervently hoped that Blair's seeing her parents would serve to improve it.

“My God! You’ve gotten so big!” Werner said, and Kylie cringed, waiting for the explosion.

But it didn’t come. Instead, Blair launched herself into her father’s arms and cried piteously. Both Werner and Eleanor stared at Kylie, looking for an explanation, but she didn’t have a clue as to why Blair was upset, so she made the "I have no idea " gesture.

Eleanor put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders while Werner continued to hold her. It took a long time, but Blair finally stopped sobbing long enough to choke out a greeting.

“Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart.” Werner said.

“I’m sick of people and I’m sick of airplanes and I’m sick of being pregnant,” she sniffed. “I wanna go back to normal!”

“My poor baby,” Werner soothed. “I know how hard this is for you. But it will all be over soon, and you’ll be so happy with your baby that you won’t remember one bit of the struggle.”

“Is that true, Dad?” she asked, her tear-streaked face looking to him for reassurance.

“Yes, baby, it’s true. I promise you.”

“The day we brought you home was the happiest day of our lives,” Eleanor said. “All of the struggles we’d gone through to have a baby faded away. All that mattered was that we had you. I guarantee you’ll feel that way, too.”

“I hope so,” Blair sighed. “’Cause right now that seems like a long, long way off.”

„G

When they reached the Schneidhorsts', Kylie changed into a pair of jeans and a pastel flannel shirt and announced that she was going out for the evening.

“You’ll have dinner with us, won’t you?” Eleanor asked. “We’re planning on eating in an hour or so.”

“No, but thanks. I have a friend from college who lives at the north end of the park. I thought I’d wander around the neighborhood a little, then head up there to meet her for dinner. I want the three of you to have some time alone.”

“That’s not necessary, Kylie,” Werner insisted. “We’d like you to stay.”

“She’s antsy, Dad,” Blair said. “She’ll feel better if she’s outside for a while. Now that she walks the dogs every day, she’s finding that she actually likes to walk around and get some exercise.”

“That’s true,” Kylie said. “I don’t enjoy being a couch potato anymore.”

“Well, I hope you know that we’re happy to have you, Kylie. You really don’t need to leave,” Werner said.

“I know that,” she said. “I’d like to be outdoors for a while. I haven’t been able to snoop around the neighborhood since I was in college.”

“Have fun,” Eleanor said. “You have our number if you need it, don’t you?”

“Yes. I have it programmed into my cell phone.” Turning to Blair, she said, “Call me if you need me. I’ll have my pager on.”

“Don’t get lost,” Blair said. “It’s been a long time since you’ve been in the city.”

Kylie chuckled, saying, “If I do get lost, I’ll never admit it.”

Blair walked her to the door and stepped out into the hallway with her. “Are you sure you don't want to be here for this?"

“I don’t mind. I think you’re right, and that this’ll be easier if it’s just the three of you. Besides, in case they’re unhappy with me, I want to give them time to curse my name for a bit.”

“They won’t be unhappy with you,” Blair said.

“I hope it goes well,” Kylie said, bending to kiss Blair gently.

“Sorry I’m so grouchy. You probably don’t even want to come back.”

“Yes, I do,” Kylie said. “And you’re not grouchy — you’re pregnant. Your mood is all part of the pregnancy syndrome.” She kissed her again and added, “I love you, Blair. I’ll be thinking of you all evening.”

“I’ll page you with the all clear when we’re done talking,” Blair said. “I’ll key in your birthday so you’ll know everything's okay.”

“Deal. Hope it goes well.”

Blair watched her partner walk down the hall, wishing she could go with her and put off her talk for another year or two. Taking in a breath, she went back into the apartment. Her parents were sitting in the living room, both of them giving her a slightly puzzled look. “Is everything okay, honey?” her mother asked. “Are you and Kylie getting along all right?”

“Oh, sure,” she said, sitting down. “We’re fine.”

“You looked so bereft when you got off the plane,” Werner said. “We’re worried about you, honey.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t like being on the plane. Normally, I don’t mind flying, but I feel defenseless these days. When the steward was talking about how to evacuate in case of emergency, I had an image of people running over me to get to the exits. I’m not used to feeling vulnerable like this.”

“That must be hard,” Eleanor said. “I know how independent you are.”

“But you had Kylie with you,” Werner said her. “She’d make sure you were safe.”

“I know,” Blair said wearily, “but sometimes I get tired of having to rely on her — not just her,” she emphasized, “on anyone.” She patted the part of her rib cage she could still find. “The baby’s so big now that he’s pressing against my diaphragm. It’s hard for me to breath when I exert myself the slightest bit, and that makes me feel so weak.” A frown settled onto her face, and she said, “I hate to feel weak, and sometimes when I do, I take it out on Kylie. I know that’s unfair of me, but it pisses me off that she’s healthy and hearty, and I get winded tying my shoes.”

“Sweetheart,” Werner said, “I know that you know this, but Kylie’s gone so far out of her way for you that you have to try to be civil to her. Remember, she’s only your roommate.”

She hadn't planned on starting the discussion so early, but she saw the opportunity and took it. “This is gonna come as a surprise, but things have changed between us, Dad. She’s not only my roommate. I've fallen in love with her.”

“P … Pardon?” he asked.

“We’ve fallen in love, and we’re going to raise the baby together.”

“You’re joking!” Eleanor gasped. “You’re not gay!”

“I'm probably not," she admitted., "but it doesn’t matter. I love Kylie, and I want to partner with her.”

“And this is what Kylie wants, too?” Werner asked, still confused.

“Of course she does, Dad. This isn’t something I decided on my own! We've talked about it, and it's the right thing — for both of us. I’ve loved her for a while now, and adding a sexual component seemed like the next logical step.”

“Decision? Logic?” Werner stood up and started to pace around the living room. “What kind of words are those to talk about love?” He stopped and stared at his daughter. “You sound like you're talking about a real estate deal.”

Offended, she scowled at him for a moment. "I wasn't lucky enough to get the artistic gene from either of you, but I do feel love, you know. Maybe I don't express it poetically, but it's still real."

"Blair, your father didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Eleanor said, "but you do sound very dispassionate about this."

"Look, I'm not the most passionate person around. I never have been, and I never will be. But I love Kylie and she loves me. Isn't that what matters?"

"But what does this mean?" Werner asked. "Are you making a lifelong commitment to each other?"

Blair sighed dramatically. "I made a lifetime commitment to David, and look where that got me. Kylie and I have an understanding. We're going to stay together until we stop loving each other. It’s impossible to predict how either of us will feel in five or ten years. I certainly hope we're together a very long time, but I can't predict the future."

"So you're living together until you don't want to be together any longer," Eleanor said. "Is that right?"

"How's that different from my marriage?" Blair asked. "We made a vow and then we broke it. I don't see why the semantics change a thing."

"Is that what you'll tell your child?" Werner asked. "A child needs stability. He or she needs to know that both parents will be there."

"Dad, at the rate I'm going, this child is gonna be in therapy while he's still in diapers. I never should have agreed to have a baby with David, and I never should have had artificial insemination. Now David doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby. So before he's even born, he's lost his father. His crazy grandmother thinks I'm a pervert, and she'd sue for custody if she thought she could win. Wondering about the terms I use for my relationship with Kylie is gonna be way down on the list. He'll be in high school before he and his shrink get to that."

Both of the Schneidhorsts stared at their daughter as if she were speaking in tongues. "I don't think this is going very well," Blair announced. "I hate to be such a baby, but I've gotta have some dinner. All I had on the plane was a pack of almonds. Can we eat soon?"

Eleanor nodded, not saying a word. She walked into the kitchen, and Werner said, "Why don't you take a shower and change clothes, honey. You've had a tough day."

"Okay. I'll be back soon."

She walked into her former room, and Werner ducked into the kitchen. He looked at his wife, and she returned his worried gaze. “I thought being a parent would get easier by the time she was nearly middle-aged,” Eleanor sighed.

"What in the world is going on here?" he whispered. "Which grandmother is crazy?"

"God only knows," Eleanor said. "All I know is that I'd love some wine with dinner, and I'd like to start right now."

„G

For the first half-hour at the table, Blair’s conversation was limited to, "Thanks for making dinner so quickly, Mom."

Eleanor finally steeled her nerves and brought up the loaded topic again. "I know you're feeling very emotional, Blair, and I don't want to upset you, but I'm trying to understand everything that's happened."

"I know that," she said, "and I am emotional, but I wanted to talk to you both in person. I'm sorry it's going so poorly."

"That's all right, honey. Let's start over again, okay?"

"Okay."

"Can you tell us how this started?" Werner asked.

"A couple of weeks ago," Blair said, "Kylie had started to date a woman, and I realized I was jealous of her. I started thinking about it, and I discovered that I was sexually attracted to Kylie. I knew that she was attracted to me, too. I mean … I knew."

Eleanor nodded. "I saw that when we visited."

"I didn't see a thing!" Werner said.

Blair and her mother exchanged subtle, knowing looks. Eleanor asked, "Then what happened?"

"Kylie broke up with the woman, and a few days later I told her that I thought I was falling in love with her."

"Was she surprised?" Werner asked.

"Yeah." Blair laughed a little. "I told her after I'd kissed her. She was very surprised by the kiss and by what I said."

Werner's brows rose, but he didn't say anything.

"So, this dawned on you when you realized you were jealous," Eleanor said. "You weren't attracted to her before."

"I don't think I've ever been attracted to a woman before, Mom, but Kylie's special."

“This seems so … convenient,” Eleanor said, wincing as she spoke. "I know that sounds harsh, but you have to see how this looks from our point of view. You've always been heterosexual, but you move in with a lesbian who's a wonderful, generous person, and all of a sudden, you're in love with her, and she's going to help you raise your child."

Blair stood up and stared at each of her parents. “What’s going on here? Are you accusing me of using her?”

“I'm not accusing you of anything, Blair, but you’ve never shown an interest in being with women,” Eleanor said. “This seems like you’re choosing Kylie simply because you need a partner.”

“How dare you question my motives! I would never use Kylie, or anyone else, like that!”

“This is so sudden, Blair," Werner said. "We know you and Kylie are close, but this is a very big decision.”

“Why is it such a big deal? We care for each other, she’s always wanted to have a child, we both want to have a partner. Can you think of anyone better for me to be with?”

“She’s a lovely woman, Blair,” Werner said, “and if this is really right for you, we have no objection at all, do we, Eleanor?”

“No, of course not. Kylie’s a darling woman, but I’m not convinced she’s the person for you, honey.”

“And how do I convince you of that?" Blair asked, the tone of her voice unmistakable. "Shouldn't I be the one to judge who the right person for me is?"

“Blair," Eleanor said, "I assume you had a reason for telling us this in person. I can only guess that it was so we could discuss it. Shutting me off with a sarcastic reply isn’t very helpful.”

“I apologize,” she said stiffly.

"Please sit down," Werner said. "We have to be able to discuss this calmly."

Blair complied, staring at her folded hands. "Now, Blair, neither your mother nor I think you're consciously using Kylie, you're not that type of woman. I think we're both worried, though, that you're falling into this relationship because it's the solution to a lot of your problems. It also sounds like it's giving Kylie a lot of things she wants, too."

"So we're using each other, rather than only my using her?"

"Please stop being sarcastic," Werner said, raising his voice. "It's not helpful!"

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I thought you'd both be happy about this."

"Blair," Werner said, "we can only understand what you tell us. We weren't around to see how this relationship developed. We don't see how you and Kylie act around each other. This is a very big surprise for us, honey."

"I know that," she said, "and I wish you were around us more. Then you'd see how much we love each other." She pursed her lips together and said, "Maybe we need to let this settle a little bit. I've got a throbbing headache, and I'd love to lie down with an ice bag for my head."

"Go lie down in the living room, honey," Eleanor said. "I'll bring you some ice in a minute."

"Okay." She stood up and held onto the table for a moment to adjust her balance. She walked over to her mother and kissed her head, then did the same to her father. "I'm sorry for being so bitchy. I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it." She laughed softly and walked out of the room, saying, "I don't know why I can't have normal parents who throw the Bible at me for having a woman lover."

„G

Blair made a stop in her room before she went to the living room. She called Kylie’s cell phone and said hi when the doctor answered.

“Hi — are you okay?”

“Yeah. You can come home whenever you want.”

“Tell me what happened. You sound upset.”

“No, I’m not, really. They were fine about the gay thing — like I thought they would be. They’re not sure it’s the right choice for me or you, for that matter. But they’re not angry with either of us, honey. They like you.”

“Sure you don’t want me to come home now? I can see Janice some other time.”

“No, you go on and see your friend. Stay as late as you want. Dad's always up until midnight or one o’clock. I’ll tell the doorman to buzz you right up.”

“Okay,” Kylie said warily. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Kylie,” she said, thinking, No matter what my parents say.

„G

Kylie arrived at the apartment at ten o’clock, and Werner let her in. She stood in the entryway, noting Blair’s absence. “Hi,” she said, a bit of her nervousness showing.

Werner put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Come sit with us for a while, Kylie. Can I get you a drink?”

Дата добавления: 2015-09-04