Chapter 3 21 страница

Julie lifted her head and asked, "Are you okay? You seem … distracted."

"I'm sorry," Kylie said. "Blair came home a couple of minutes ago and saw us. It … I guess it freaked me out a little. Kinda like having your parents catch you necking."

Julie pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at Kylie for a few moments. "Seems like you're not in the mood any more."

Kylie gave her an apologetic smile and said, "I guess I'm not. Maybe it's not a good idea to be here when Blair's home. I mean, it's her house, too."

"Yeah," Julie said, giving the doctor a curious look. "I guess it is."

"Why don't we spend the day at your place tomorrow?" Kylie suggested. "Then we won't have any interruptions."

"All right," Julie said, but Kylie could see that she was uncomfortable. She crawled over Kylie and got to her feet. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Kylie got up and put her arms around the redhead. "Hey, I'm sorry for the way this turned out. Tomorrow will be better."

Julie gave her a half-smile and said, "I hope so, Kylie. I really hope so."

„G

After driving Julie home, Kylie went to her room and closed the door — a rarity for her. The dogs liked to go from room to room during the night, spending a little time with each woman, but Kylie knew she needed a good release, and she didn't want to be disturbed. She got into bed, incredibly turned on and frustrated. She started to satisfy her need with the help of electricity. The vibrator thrummed against her vulva while her mind replayed scenes from the evening’s activities. Oh, that was good when she pushed me down and climbed on top of me, she remembered. When she grabbed my breast, I almost went off like a rocket! I guess that’s what two years of abstinence can do to a woman.

Spreading her legs wider, she eased off on the pressure, trying to make it last. Boy, I would’ve loved to have sex tonight, but I can't let my clit make my decisions. She started to fantasize, picturing the type of body that most appealed to her, imagining her mouth latched onto a ripe, full, breast, her cheeks straining to suck all of the tender flesh in.

She dropped the vibrator to the bed and started to touch herself with her hand, easing her fingers into her wetness. “Nice,” she purred.

Moving down the fantasy body, she kissed the round, womanly hips, continuing to explore as she reached the generous cheeks of her ass. Kissing up and down the shapely legs, she turned the woman over and noticed a patch of blonde hair. Looking up, she saw Blair’s desire-infused face and almost cried out. “No, not Blair! Not Blair.” But her body was determined to fantasize about Blair, and it flew into orgasm, stunning her with the intensity of the feelings. “Oh, my God,” she moaned, “not Blair.”

„G

After composing herself, Kylie disgustedly tossed the vibrator to the floor, where it made a surprisingly loud thump.

The noise startled the dogs, and they both woke, running to Kylie's room to investigate. When they saw the closed door, they ran back to Blair and leapt into bed with her, staring at her to tell her about the strange noise. Blair had been sound asleep, but their restlessness woke her. “Oh, no,” she groaned. “I was having the nicest dream.” Swinging her legs off the bed, she decided she might as well get up and pee, since there was no sense in wasting a wake-up call. Getting back into bed, she sighed, Okay, where was I? I was moments from orgasm, that’s where I was, she chuckled to herself. Let’s see, someone was just about to go down on me. Yeah, that’s it. Kylie had just settled down between my legs, and … KYLIE!

Shooting into a sitting position so quickly that her head spun, Blair’s hand flew to her chest, trying to stop her pounding heart from breaking through her chest wall. Kylie? Oh, fuck! Now I’m fantasizing about her? I have never fantasized about a woman!

She got to her feet and started to pace, with Nicky and Nora watching her for a moment before tiring of the view and letting their heads drop to the mattress. Okay, you need to analyze this. She’s a very beautiful woman, and she's sexy as hell when she wants to be, but she’s been that way since the day you met her. What’s different?

Continuing to pace, she tried to think the issue through. The first thing you should do is put this into perspective. Just because you fantasize about her, doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do anything about it. You had that racy dream about the kid who used to cut your grass, and you’d stick your arm under the mower before you’d touch a sixteen-year-old boy! Fantasy does not equal reality.

Her heart started to calm down, and she continued to go over the dilemma in her mind. She’s sexy, you’re horny, and you saw her practically having sex on the couch. How could you avoid having sexual thoughts! You’re only human. It was a very sexually charged situation, and you'd have to be the straightest woman in the world to ignore her allure. This is no big deal.

Deciding that she’d given the matter as much thought as it deserved, she climbed back into bed and snuggled into her pillow. Hey! she sat up and ran her hands through her hair. This isn’t like fantasizing about a kid. That’s morally wrong! But there’s nothing wrong with thinking about Kylie like that. You're a very open-minded woman and just because you haven't slept with another woman, doesn't mean that you won't.

Hmm … could I have sex with Kylie? She scooted around until she was resting against the headboard. Well, I don't know why I couldn't. I mean, I love her deeply, I'm planning on living with her for the indefinite future, I like her better than anyone I know, my parents like her and her family likes me. Why wouldn't I want to sleep with her?

I can't think of a better person to be in love with. She's the kindest, sweetest, funniest, most clever person I've ever met, and she's so moral and kind. Yes, ideally, she’d be a man, but that can’t mean all that much in the scheme of things, can it? All the experts say that sexual orientation is on a continuum. I know I'm not gay, but I'm not straight as an arrow, either. If I were, I wouldn't always have gotten hot when David and I watched movies with two women having sex. And I wouldn't have gotten aroused when she rubbed my chest, either, she forced herself to admit. I've had plenty of massages, and I've never gotten aroused during them. There's definitely something about Kylie. Some … magnetism that's pulling me toward her.

She got up and started to walk around the room again, letting her hand gently trail over familiar objects as she moved. But why now? That's the question. She thought as she paced, and finally, it became clear. It's the damned slippery slope that the televangelists are always yapping about! I hate to admit it, but they're right!

She paced around the room, letting herself think about the slow progression of their relationship. Neither of us was very physical when we met, but after I got pregnant, Kylie started to touch me more. I liked it, and it made me feel like she was excited about the baby, so I didn't give it a second thought. But when we moved in together — things started to progress. She touched me a lot more often, and pretty soon we were kissing each other on the head or cheek when we'd come home or leave. And not long after that, we started kissing each other on the lips. Not big, wet smooches, but they were definitely loving, caring kisses.

Walking slowly, she recalled when the next barrier was broken. Having her go with me to doctor's appointments and for my ultrasound was a big jump. A very big jump. That's when I started to think of her as my partner. And that's continued until now. I treat her, and she treats me, just like those women at the park — but we don't have sex! That seems like a raw deal — for both of us.

Blair lay down again, rested her head against the headboard and let her imagination go. Thinking of how Kylie’s eyes gleamed when she talked about sex and her mouth quirked into that adorable grin. Considering how attractive her body was and how nice it felt when Kylie held her close. She let her mind wander to her breasts and tried to imagine what they’d feel like when she held them in her hands or put one of the nipples into her mouth. I’ve never even seen her breasts! she recalled. She’s practically seen my cervix, and I’ve never seen her undressed! Well, there’s one way to remedy that, she decided. Ooo … but would she be interested in me … like that? Now her inner voice answered unequivocally. Yes, Blair, she would. You know it, and you’ve known it ever since your mother put the idea into your head. She loves you, and she’d love to be your lover.

Look, she reasoned, you love her, and that's just a stone's throw from being in love with her. Yes, you've never made love to anyone who didn’t have a penis, but that shouldn't automatically stop you from thinking about being her lover.Damn! It'd be worth being her lover if all you ever did was kiss each other. Ooo … I bet she’s a fantastic kisser. No news flash there, she reminded herself, she was kissing Julie's lips off!

For the third time, she got to her feet and started to pace. She was kissing Julie like mad, and knowing Kylie, she wouldn't do that if she didn't have feelings for her. Damn! If she can make a life with Julie or another women, I have to let her … no, I have to encourage her! If she can find love with a woman who knows she’s a lesbian, that would be so much safer for her. I'd be like a science experiment for her, but Julie’s a sure thing. It’s completely unfair to expect her to turn down a chance to be with Julie on nothing more solid than the fact that I've started to have sexual feelings for her. It sounds incredibly lame now that I think about it. She'd probably laugh at me if I even suggested it. It’s ridiculous to even consider.

She got back into bed and punched her pillow a few times, making Nora grumble a protest. You can’t have everything, Blair. Having her as a friend is all you’re going to get, so get over yourself!

„G

Waking up in an incredibly bad mood, Blair stumbled into the shower, lambasting herself for agreeing to meet Walter at the ridiculous hour of 8:00 on a Sunday morning. They were trying to get a house dressed for a broker’s open house on Tuesday and had very limited time since the homeowner couldn’t get his things into storage before Saturday.

She put on her chinos, one of the stretchy, horizontal stripe, knit T-shirts that Kylie had bought for her, then pulled her hair back into a haphazard, short ponytail which stuck out through the opening at the back of her baseball cap. Wearing no makeup, she looked like a pregnant teenager. Her belly was very prominent in the tight T-shirt, a look she was still trying to grow comfortable with. Oh, well, Kylie assures me that I look cute like this, and she swore she’d never lie to me.

Walking down the hall, she saw that Kylie’s door was closed. Oh, goody! Julie's here! Forcing herself to refrain from kicking the door, she quickly fed the dogs and kissed them goodbye, instructing, “Be nice to the other lady in there. She might be your new step-mother. We have to like her as much as Mama Kylie likes her, get it?"

„G

Walter saw to it that Blair didn’t have to do any lifting or carrying, but that necessitated her staying at his warehouse storage space for most of the day, instructing the crew he’d hired on which pieces went and which stayed. The space was hot and dusty, and she had little to do between pick-ups other than walk to the mini-mart for water, which she drank by the quart, and to use their bathroom. By the end of the day, she was tired and grimy and felt like she weighed a ton. All of the water she’d taken in made her feel bloated and heavy, and for the first time, she felt like she was waddling more than walking. She’d spent most of her free time kicking herself for her dreadful timing in just now realizing that she was sexually interested to Kylie. If I had done this a few weeks ago, she wouldn't be interested in Julie!

„G

Blair pulled into the driveway at 4:00 and spent a few moments trying to appear like she was in a good mood. She had a smile pasted on her face when she walked into the house, but her smile fell when she got to the den. Kylie was lying on the sofa, her arm draped over her face, and Blair was certain that she was crying.

"Kylie?" she asked, walking over to stand by her side. "Are you okay?"

"No," the doctor mumbled. "I had a really bad day. Can I have some time alone?"

Stung, Blair tried to keep the hurt from her voice. "Sure, honey. I'll go outside and play with the dogs for a while. Come on, guys, let's give Mama Kylie some time to herself."

She made it outdoors without crying, but as soon as she was away from the door she felt the tears start to flow. Damn, I hate this constant crying! It's the worst part of pregnancy so far. I've cried more in the last few months than I have in my entire life!

The dogs were used to her rather frequent bouts of crying, but they'd never seen Kylie cry. Neither of them wanted to be outside without her, and Blair didn't either. She was about to suggest that they sit on their haunches and scratch on the door and look pathetic, but Kylie saved her the humiliation by coming outside a few minutes later.

"Hi," she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry for being so antisocial."

Blair walked over to her and put her hand on Kylie's side. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Yeah." She nodded, looking glum. "I went over to Julie's and told her that I didn't think we should go out anymore."

"What? Kylie, why?" Her heart started to beat, hoping with all of her might that Kylie would say it was because she was falling for Blair.

The doctor shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "I don't know. Lots of reasons." She scratched her head and looked everywhere but into Blair's eyes. "I need something to eat. How about you? You probably haven't had a good meal today."

Blair gripped Kylie's arm and held on. "Hey, you're clearly upset. You don't need to tell me what's bothering you, but don't just blow it off. You're entitled to be upset once in a while, too."

"I …uhm … I really don't wanna talk about it. I think I'll make dinner."

"Let me." Blair put her arm around Kylie's waist and walked into the house with her. "I'd love to make dinner for you for a change. You go sit down and put your feet up. No matter what happened, you're obviously upset. So let me take care of you this time, okay?"

Kylie gave her a hesitant smile, then nodded and spent a moment looking at her. "You look like you've been playing in a dirt pile. What've you been doing?"

"Oh, I had to help Walter get a house ready for Tuesday."

Kylie grasped her shoulders. "Were you lifting anything?"

"No, no, I was the one who sat at the storage room and told the movers what to do. It was hot and dirty, but I didn't do any work."

"You must be exhausted," Kylie said. "Let me take care of you."

Blair was exhausted, and she craved a shower, but she held firm. "I'm fine. And I'm going to cook dinner for you. So go relax before I have to wrestle you onto that couch."

A smile settled on Kylie's face and stayed there. "All right. I'll put some music on and relax a little."

"It's a deal. Would you like me to make you a drink? A little Scotch on the rocks?"

Now Kylie nodded more decisively. "That'd be nice. Just a little, though."

"You've got it. One mini Scotch coming up."

Blair made dinner and insisted on cleaning up afterwards. By the time she went back into the den, Kylie had finished reading the Sunday paper and was once again lying on the couch. She started to get up, but Blair touched her shoulder. "Stay there." Kylie was halfway up, and Blair sat down next to her, then urged her to put her head in her lap. "You know," she said, looking down into Kylie's bright blue eyes, "you pamper the hell out of me, Doctor Mackenzie, but I never return the favor. Tonight you look like you need a nice head rub. Any objection?"

Kylie gave her a warm smile, her eyes lingering on Blair's for a moment. "Do I look stupid?"

"Nope. You look bright and quick and a little sad tonight. So just relax and let me try to make you feel better."

"Okay." She gave Blair a bigger smile and said, "I haven't had a head rub in years. Have at it."

Blair started to gently and lightly slip her fingers through Kylie's curls, being careful not to make any tangles. Occasionally the doctor made a small sound expressing her pleasure, but other than that, she was completely silent. Her eyes were closed, letting Blair observe her in a way she'd never been able to do.

Her skin was almost completely unlined, a fact that didn't surprise Blair now that she'd met Kylie's parents. Even though they were in their 70's, they looked a decade or more younger. Her parents also had a good bit of dark hair left, giving Kylie a good prognosis for retaining her black hair for some time to come. Very good genes these Mackenzies have, Blair mused.

Her dark brows were a little irregular, with a hint of a scar in the middle of the left one. I guess you can't grow up with that many brothers and sisters and not have a few battle scars. Long, dark eyelashes were sinfully thick, a trait that Blair had always envied. Her lovely eyes were hidden, but Blair knew them well, and gladly sacrificed looking into them for this chance to study the doctor.

Kylie's lips were among her best features, Blair decided. They were well-formed, and each lip was nearly the same fullness. Kylie wore lipstick, but the color she chose was so close to her natural shade that all it served to do was highlight her mouth's natural beauty and give it a very attractive sheen.

The doctor's jaw was square, squarer than one would think would suit a woman. But it worked perfectly for her, giving her face a substantial strength that was quite impressive.

Kylie's lips parted, and Blair thought she was going to say something, but a quiet snore came out instead, making the smaller woman smile. Poor thing had a very tough day, she thought. I'm glad I was able to comfort her a little bit. But it was so strange to have her refuse to talk about what was bothering her. I hope that Julie didn't hurt her … but it sounded like Kylie told Julie she didn't want to see her any more. Obviously, it wasn't about me, or she would have said something. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if she wants to talk about it later. All I know is that Julie must have been devastated. No sane woman would let Kylie get away.

She gazed down at the sleeping woman, and a jolt of panic hit her. My God, what if Kylie doesn't really want a partner! She might think she does and say she does, but if she really did, she'd have one by now! Hell, she'd have women lined up taking numbers if she made herself available. Maybe it is her. Damn! She's only been out with Julie four or five times, and she's already broken up with her. She barely gave Amanda a chance. Maybe her words and her actions just don't match. She put her hand on Kylie's forehead and lightly rubbed the soft skin. What's going on inside that head, Doctor Mackenzie? Do you want to be loved or not?

„G

Kylie got home late on Monday, and she'd barely made it into the kitchen before Blair could tell she was in a bad mood. "Hi," the doctor said, her usual joie de vivre completely missing. "Did you eat yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you. I thought I'd make some penne with fresh tomatoes and sautéed vegetables. There was a farmer's market in Brentwood today, and I was lured in by the smell of the popcorn someone was cooking in a big kettle. While I was there I decided to atone for having popcorn for lunch by having veggies for dinner."

"All right," Kylie said, not commenting on the rest of Blair's story. "Need help?"

"No. Why don't you go change and then sit in the yard with the dogs? You look like you could use a little time to relax."

Kylie nodded, then walked away, going to her room.

Boy, she's grouchy tonight! That's so unlike her. This thing with Julie must really be bugging her. She walked over to the doorway and watched Kylie enter her room. God knows it's bugging me!

They ate in front of the television, which was a little odd for them. But Kylie suggested it, and Blair was determined to pamper the doctor, so she readily agreed. They had the usual weeknight game shows on, and for a change, Kylie didn't shout out ridiculous answers to the questions. She stared at the screen, very little emotion registering.

Blair got up to collect their dishes, and Kylie didn't even offer to help clean up. She picked up the paper and started to read it, seemingly engrossed in current events.

When Blair walked back into the den, she turned on the stereo and looked through the CD's. She chose Bach's "Goldberg Variations" — Glen Gould's later recording — and one of Kylie's favorites. When the music began, Blair picked up a magazine and sat down on the end of the sofa. The doctor had her back against the arm of the couch, and her feet rested on the middle cushion. After a while, Blair reached over and tugged on a foot, pulling it until it was resting in her lap. Kylie lowered the paper and arched an eyebrow. Blair smiled at her and said, "I have an overwhelming desire to give you a foot rub. Can I?"

The first hint of a smile lifted the corner of Kylie's mouth. "You know I can't say no to you. Go ahead if you must."

"I must," the determined blonde said. The omnipresent bottle of moisture lotion was on the side table next to her, and Blair started to rub the aloe-scented cream into Kylie's foot. She wasn't sure if her efforts were appreciated until she noticed that a page hadn't been turned for quite some time. Finally, Kylie dropped the paper to the floor and stretched out, putting both of her feet onto Blair's lap. She sighed heavily and said, "I had one of the shittiest days I can remember. This is just what I needed."

"Tell me what happened?"

"No, I'd rather not go through it again. Suffice it to say that it sucked on every level. I wish I hadn't gotten out of bed."

"Okay, you don't have to talk. Relax and put your head back. Foot rubs can relieve every kind of stress." Kylie did as she was told, and after a few minutes she closed her eyes. Not long after that, she was asleep, not even waking when both dogs climbed onto her stomach and thighs. Damn, I hate it when she won't tell me what's bothering her! Now I'm worried that something horrible happened in surgery. Why can't she give me a little synopsis so I don't have to think about it?

Even though Kylie was asleep, Blair continued to rub her feet and legs, thinking about how helpless she felt. Dear God, it must have been horrible for Kylie when I first moved in. I was so shut down! I wouldn't tell her anything that was going on in my head, even though she was clearly worried about me. What an asshole I was!

She looked at the peaceful face, so lovely in slumber. I don't know if I'll be able to change, Kylie, but I swear I'll try to be more communicative when things are bothering me. Feeling like this really sucks!

„G

On Tuesday Blair had a dinner meeting and she didn't get home until a little after ten o'clock, Kylie's bedtime. The doctor was in good spirits, and seemed like her old self when she said hello. "Have a good night?"

"Yeah. How about you?"

"Nothing special. We missed you, though. The dogs have been asking after you for an hour."

Blair picked up both dogs and cuddled them for a few minutes. "I missed you, too," she cooed. Looking at Kylie she asked, "You seem like you're in a much better space today. Feeling better?"

"Yeah. I feel fine. Sorry I've been cranky."

"Hey, no problem. I'm still the cranky queen. You've got a long, long way to go to wrest my crown from me."

"I have my moments, too."

"Yeah, I guess you do," Blair agreed. "So …" She put the dogs down and walked over to the sofa. "Feel like talking about what's been bothering you?"

Smiling, Kylie shook her head. "Not really."

"I thought it might be what happened with Julie," Blair said, unwilling to give up without a fight.

Kylie stood and stretched. "Yeah, sure, that's part of it." She bent over and kissed Blair on the head. "I'm feeling like myself again. Don't worry about me."

"Well, I'm not exactly worried. I just thought you liked to talk about things that were troubling you."

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. This time I don't." She rubbed each dog's head and said, "I've gotta go to bed, guys. Mama Blair will take over now." She gave Blair the same head rub and said, "I'm glad you're home. See you tomorrow."

"G'night, Kylie," the blonde said, turning to watch her soft-spoken roommate walk away.

Blair sat in the quiet room, trying to figure out what was going on. She desperately wanted to tell Kylie that she'd discovered she had sexual feelings for her, but she didn't want to do it if the doctor was still smarting over her break-up with Julie. Not knowing what was going on in Kylie's mind was driving her nuts, but she knew she had to bide her time until the opportunity presented itself.

„G

Even though Kylie acted largely like her old self the rest of the week, Blair could detect a distance that she was sure had not been there before. Kylie was being a little glib, acting more like she had when they'd first met. It wasn't a dramatic enough change for Blair to comment on it, but she was sure that something was different, and she didn't know how to figure out what had caused the change or how to reestablish the easy familiarity that they had managed to build.

„G

On Thursday afternoon, Blair showed a house to a couple in Malibu. She didn't normally go that far north, but the people she was working with were only interested in having a house on the water, and there were very few properties in Santa Monica and the Palisades that met their criteria.

The couple drove their own car to the house, since they were heading up to Santa Barbara after they met. Luckily, they loved the house she showed them, and she thought the odds were good that they'd make an offer after they'd had some time to think about it.

Because of their immediate response to the place, they hadn't spent nearly as much time at the house as she'd budgeted. So, finding herself near the ocean with an hour to spare, she decided to go to one of her favorite quiet places. L.A. wasn't a haven for quiet unless one went up into the mountains, but her little sanctuary was only a couple of miles from Santa Monica and was nearly at the ocean.

Дата добавления: 2015-09-04