Chapter 3 19 страница

"But you will, right? You won't be Aunt Kylie's roommate forever, will you?"

"I … I guess not," Blair said. She looked at Kylie who wasn't giving anything away with her expression. "I guess that your aunt will find a girlfriend, and they'll live together."

"Cool! I want Aunt Kylie to have a girlfriend. I want her to have babies, too," Jessica said

"She's gonna help me raise my baby," Blair informed them.

All three girls looked at Blair, but only Willow had the nerve to say, "That's not the same. That's kinda like helping. It's not really hers."

"No," Blair said, feeling surprisingly sad. "It's not the same. But it's as close as we can get."

That answer satisfied the trio, and they moved on to a more pressing topic. "Can we come visit, Aunt Kylie?" Jessica asked. "We can fly without our parents next year, ya know."

"Wow, that's … that's something to think about, isn't it?" Kylie asked brightly.

"Yeah, we can all go and see movie stars!" Carrie said.

"And the dogs!" Jessica added. "Can we see pictures, Aunt Kylie?"

"I've got a bunch in my suitcase," Kylie said, "but I'll save them for tomorrow. I've got one in my wallet, though." She got out of bed and grabbed her wallet, taking out the picture that she carried.

"They're so cute!" all three squealed. But Willow wasn't through with her interrogation yet. She looked at the picture, observing Blair grinning widely, one dog held up to either side of her face. "Are they your dogs, too?" she asked.

"No …" she began, but changed course when she saw the hurt look on Kylie's face. "Well, kinda. I bought them for Kylie when she bought her house, but now they think I'm their mama, too."

"Is the baby gonna call Aunt Kylie mama?" Willow asked.

"Uhm … we haven't discussed that," Blair replied, "but maybe the baby will call her Aunt Kylie. How would that be?"

"But she's not really the baby's aunt," Willow said. "You'd be making that up."

"Well, we've got time to work that out," Blair said, giving Kylie another quick look. "Right now, I've got to get to sleep. We can continue this discussion in the morning, girls."

"All right," they grumbled, heading for the door slowly. "Wake us up if you have another pillow fight, okay?" Carrie asked.

"You'll be the first to know," Kylie promised. "Night, girls."

"Night, Aunt Kylie. Night, Blair."

They closed the door, and Blair collapsed against the mattress. "My Lord, that group keeps you on your toes!"

"They sure do. They're old enough to hear their parents talking about me, but not old enough to get the nuances of my life. Well, Willow does," she corrected, "but her moms treat her like she's twenty, and they always have. That kid is way too mature for eleven."

"Uhm … did any of the things they said bother you?"

"Bother me? No. Why?"

"I don't know," Blair said. "When they started asking if we'd always be roommates, it made me kinda sad to think that we wouldn't …"

Kylie sighed and lay down, remaining quiet for a few moments. "I've decided that I'm not very good at predicting the future," she said. "A year ago, I met you at the Getty, and if someone had told me that you and I would be living together a year later, I would have told him he was nuts. All I know is that I'm happy with the way things are. Remember, we have a deal. If either of us isn't happy, we reassess."

Blair nodded and tried to smile. But inside she was thinking, What if only one of us wants to move on? How does the other one not get hurt?

Kylie shifted around until she was comfortable, then said, "Hey, before, when I said you could take all my birthdays and multiply them by ten?"

"Yes," Blair drawled.

"What I was going to say was that all of those birthdays couldn't come close to topping this one. The symphony rehearsal, going out to dinner, learning you were going to name the baby after me …" her voice trailed off and grew quiet. "But as wonderful as that all was, you know what the best thing … the very best thing of the whole day was?"

"No, tell me," Blair whispered.

"Seeing your face when you felt the baby kick for the first time," Kylie said quietly. "I'll always remember that."

Blair blinked away tears as she moved her pillow to her left side and snuggled up against it. Reaching behind her, she took Kylie's hand and tucked it around her waist, placing it against her belly. "He likes it when you touch him," she murmured. "He told me to tell you so."

"A perfect end to a perfect day," Kylie mumbled sleepily, patting the baby goodnight before she turned over onto her other side, her breathing evening out immediately.

"Happy birthday, Kylie," Blair whispered to her friend's back, "from Mackenzie and me."

„G

Birthday parties at the Mackenzie house were very casual affairs. To Blair, the party seemed more like an open house than a traditional party with people dropping in throughout the day. Actually, it seemed like Kylie's siblings used the party as an excuse to get a day of free babysitting. Her brother Alan dropped his kids off at 10:00, and he and his wife didn't return until evening, and Claire wasn't far behind Alan in the drop-off line. But no one seemed to mind, and the unstructured atmosphere was actually rather refreshing.

The Schneidhorsts showed up at noon, and they tried their best to learn everyone's name, but it was a struggle. Young Kevin had taken a shine to Blair, and it was clear that he'd been away from his parents a little too long. He climbed onto her lap not long after Blair's parents arrived, and refused to relinquish it, cuddling against her with his small hand on her abdomen. "I heard the baby," he informed Eleanor.

"Oh, did you?" she asked.

"Kylie let him listen to the heartbeat with the stethoscope," Blair said. "It was cool, wasn't it, Kevin?"

"Uh-huh. Like this." He patted Blair's knee rapidly with the flat of his hand, watching Eleanor carefully to make sure she understood.

"Maybe we can do that again later," Eleanor said. "I'd love to hear the baby, too."

"Okay. I'll show you how," he offered.

Kylie approached and asked if anyone was ready for some lunch. "Yeah, I'd like something," Blair said. "Wanna get up and get some lunch, Kevin?"

"No, let me," Kylie said. "I just wanted to make sure you were hungry."

"Ha!" Blair snorted.

"Oh, yeah, look who I'm asking," the doctor said, giving Blair's shoulder a squeeze.

Werner got up and offered to help Kylie, and Kevin decided he'd assist, too. The threesome went over to the buffet table that had been set up in the hallway, and soon Kevin shouted, "Hey, Aunt Blair, you want turkey or ham?"

"Turkey's good, Kevin," she called back.

Eleanor leaned over and teased, "I think someone has a crush on you, Aunt Blair."

"Seems that way," Blair said. "He latched onto me at breakfast and hasn't been far since. Mostly, I think he misses his mom. He's been here since Thursday."

"I think he's picking up on the maternal vibes. You positively radiate `mom,'" Eleanor said. She looked at her daughter then with a sudden disappointment showing, and she took her hands in her own. "I wish we had had more time alone, Blair. I have so many things I wanted to talk to you about, and now the weekend's gone."

Kevin returned, walking carefully as he held the paper plate in both hands. "Here's your sandwich, Aunt Blair." She accepted the plate with one hand and pulled him back onto her lap with the other. He nestled there contentedly while she ate, occasionally swiping a potato chip.

Chris came by at one point, stopping to tease, "Get used to it, Blair. You'll forget what it's like to eat without someone on your lap."

"I'm looking forward to it," Blair said. "Besides, it's a good way to lose weight. Kevin here is eating at least half of my food."

As the party continued, more and more people arrived, and Blair finally gave up trying to associate kids with parents. She was able to identify each of the Mackenzie siblings, figuring that gave her a good basis on which to build in the future. She decided that her accomplishments were rather impressive when Kylie leaned over at one point and said, "Ask that little blonde girl what her name is, will you? I get Taylor and Darien mixed up, and I don't want them to know it."

"So that's why you wanted me to come," Blair said.

"Nope. I wanted you to come because I love to be with you, and I'd be worried about you the whole time if you were back in L.A."

Blair pinched her pink cheek and asked, "Are you always this disarmingly honest?"

"Uhm … apparently not," she said thoughtfully. "Stacey used to say that she could never really tell how I was feeling."

"She must not have been trying very hard, `cause you're an open book, Doctor Mackenzie."

"Don't say that too loudly around here," Kylie joked. "Four people will think you're talking to them."

„G

The Schneidhorsts had to leave at 5:00, and Blair walked them to their car. She kissed and hugged her father and watched him open the car door for his wife before continuing around to the driver's side. Eleanor took her daughter's hands in her own, a sudden look of disappointment on her face. "I wish we'd had more time alone, Blair. I have so many things I wanted to talk to you about, but this weekend got away from me."

"Me, too, Mom," Blair said, hugging her mother. "We'll probably see each other in October. We can catch up," she said smiling. She kissed her mother and closed her door for her, waving as her parents drove off.

„G

Dorothy came up behind Kylie and asked, "Hey, birthday girl, how about sneaking outside with me for a while? I haven't had one minute alone with you."

"Sure, Mom," she said and started to follow her through the house. They managed to get to the backyard without picking up any wayward children, which was quite an accomplishment. Settling into a chair, Kylie asked, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Dorothy said. "I wanted a chance to relax with you for a few minutes. It's so rare that we have time alone when you're at home — I really think we have to consciously carve some time out. After you leave, I always regret that we didn't get to sit and chat."

"Quiet talks are at a premium, aren't they?" Kylie asked.

"They always have been," Dorothy said. "You know I love you all, Kylie, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have more than four children. I often think how little of our time each of you got."

"Well, I guess you have a point, but if you'd stopped at four, you and I wouldn't be having this discussion, would we?"

Laughing softly, Dorothy shook her head, "No, I suppose we wouldn't, and I wouldn't have missed being your mother for the world. I'm very proud of you, Kylie, and I fervently hope that you know that."

"I do," she said. "I know how proud you and Dad are of what I've accomplished. It feels really good to know that, Mom."

"Of course I'm proud of what you do, honey, but that's not what I meant. I'm proud of who you are. When I see how you are around Blair, it makes my heart swell with pride. You're such a generous woman — that's so rewarding to see."

"Thanks, Mom," she said, touched by her mother's words. "That means a lot."

"Are you happy, Kylie? I know it's been hard for you to find the right woman to love. Are you … getting what you need from Blair?"

"We're not lovers, Mom," she said quietly. "I didn't want to announce that, but we're just friends."

"I know that, sweetheart. What I mean is, will you be happy with this relationship, given that it's platonic? It's obvious that you're entirely devoted to Blair, but what's your future?"

Kylie looked at her mother for a few seconds, feeling her hackles start to rise. "You've never asked me where my friendship with Nick is going. Why is this so different?"

Dorothy reached for her daughter's hand and looked at it for a moment. She rarely touched Kylie in this way, and the doctor felt a little uncomfortable. Dorothy touched the visible veins on the back of the hand, then turned it over and brushed her fingers down the palm. "You have such beautiful hands. So soft and gentle." She looked into Kylie's eyes and said, "Like your heart."

Kylie was mystified by her mother's behavior, and she didn't respond to her observations. She cocked her head and met her gaze.

"What do you see happening with Blair, honey?"

"Uhm … I see us remaining close friends, Mom. She's gonna stay at my house for the indefinite future, and I'm gonna help her with the baby in any way I can."

"And that's what she wants?"

"Well, yeah! I'm not forcing myself on her."

Dorothy squeezed her hand and soothed, "I'm sorry, honey. I'm not trying to upset you. I don't know much about your life right now. I'm interested, Kylie."

Giving her mother a long look, Kylie said, "Tell me what you're really worried about, Mom. You're not saying something."

"I'm worried about you, Kylie. I'm worried that you'll invest a few years in helping to raise this child and then have your heart broken if Blair falls in love again. I know sex isn't the most important thing in your life, but it's a very strong drive, honey, and two young women like you and Blair both have that drive. I worry that it isn't wise to get so entwined with her when she can't give you the kind of love that you need."

"But she does," Kylie said. "I've never felt closer to a woman than I do to Blair. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, honey. Nothing at all. But you need to be honest with yourself."

"I am, Mom. At least, I think I am. Blair's straight, and she's probably going to meet someone at some point."

Dorothy gave her a penetrating look and asked the question that had been on her mind for weeks. "If you could have anything you wanted, would Blair be more than your friend?"

Frustrated, Kylie raised her voice unthinkingly. "Yes, of course! I wish she were a lesbian, and that we could —" She stopped abruptly and shook her head to clear it. "Damn, I've never had that conscious thought."

"That's what I'm worried about," Dorothy said, placing her hand on Kylie's arm. "It seems as though you're blithely moving along like you're committed to one another — but you're not, Kylie. I'm sure Blair will always be your friend, but I can tell that's not what you want. If she started dating a man, you know as well as I that she'd have much less time for you. And you should know that very few men would want their wife's lesbian friend to be an integral part of their family. I'm so worried that you're setting this up in a way that will only cause you heartache."

Leaning her head back, Kylie gazed up at the darkening afternoon sky. "What can I do, Mom? I care for her so much, and I'm so excited about the baby that I could burst." She blinked slowly and said, "She's naming the baby after me. I can feel that she cares for me as much as I do her. Do I give up something that means so much because we can't have sex?"

"I can't answer that, Kylie. I only want you to promise that you'll go into this with your eyes open. As much as you care for her, there will always be the threat hanging over you that one of you could fall in love and have to pull back."

"It makes me sick to think about it," the doctor grumbled. She shook her head and added, "I think she's more realistic about this than I am." Pulling out the heart that Blair gave her, she said, "Blair gave me this when she told me she was going to name the baby Mackenzie."

Dorothy took the heart in her fingers and turned it over, reading the inscription. "That's very touching, Kylie."

"Yeah. It blew me away," she said. "But when she gave it to me, she said something like, no matter what happens between us, she wanted me to know how much it's meant to her to have me help her through her divorce and pregnancy." Looking up and staring blankly, she said, "In retrospect, it feels like she was saying, I know this might end at any time — but it means a lot while it lasts."

"It does sound like that," Dorothy said, wincing at the pained look on her daughter's face. The older woman took Kylie's hand again and chafed it gently. "What do you want, sweetheart?"

"Damn, Mom," she said, looking terribly confused. "I don't think I can have what I want."

"You want Blair, don't you, honey?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do," Kylie said. She couldn't stop a few tears from rolling down her cheeks. "But I've been able to keep this in perspective. I've had a couple of dates with a woman I used to work with, and she's perfect for me — on paper. She's cultured and literate and funny, and she's fantastic looking."

"She sounds promising, honey."

"I know, Mom. I know. She's the woman I've been looking for. I'm very attracted to her, and I think we could be great together. She's independent, but in a good way — you know what I mean?"

Dorothy shook her head. "No, I don't, Kylie. Tell me more."

"Well, she isn't clingy or anything, but she wants to spend her time with the woman she loves. She has her own interests and her own friends, but she'll make time for me if I want to see her. She told me that she's looking for a best friend and a lover, and that's what I want, too. That was the problem that Stacey and I had. Stacey wanted a lover — the best friend part was optional. But Julie's not like that. I swear that if I were to write down all of the attributes I wanted in a partner, Julie would come the closest of anyone I know."

"But …" Dorothy said, leading.

"But when I'm with her, I keep thinking of Blair. There's a part of me that would give up sex to keep Blair in my life, and I know that's not smart — for either of us."

Patting her gently, Dorothy said, "No, I don't think it is, honey. I know I don't think exactly like Blair does, but I would've loved to have had a woman friend help me raise my child — if that was my only option. But I wanted a husband, Kylie — I wanted a man, not only to help raise children, but to fulfill me in ways that my women friends could never do."

"But I make her happy, Mom. I know I do," she said earnestly.

"That might be enough for her, Kylie. I want you to see how she feels about this before you jump in with both feet. If you know she's planning on dating, you might be able to hold back enough to protect yourself."

Her head shook slowly. "It's too late, Mom. I'm already in over my head." She gave her mother a wry look and said, "Let's skip the sensitive chat next time, okay? I can only handle one of these a year."

Chapter 8

“Glad to be going home?” Kylie asked once they were airborne on Sunday afternoon.

“Yeah. I had a great time, but it’ll be nice to have a little time to relax and reconnect with the doggies before we have to go to work tomorrow.”

"Yeah, I need some time to unwind. Being with my family is always emotionally draining. And I never get enough sleep when I'm there. There's always someone coming in to wake me up early or cuddle with me."

"That's because everyone loves Aunt Kylie." Blair tucked her hand under Kylie's arm and gave her a rough squeeze. "You're too cute for your own good."

"That's always been a cross I've had to bear," the doctor said, looking stoic.

“You bear it well," Blair teased. "So, how would you rate our trip? I got the impression that some of your siblings thought our living arrangement was a little odd. Is it a little too California for them?"

"Maybe a little," Kylie admitted, "but they didn't pry or anything. They tend to keep their comments to themselves, which suits me just fine."

"I got the feeling that your brothers were the most puzzled ones. I don't think most men can understand why you'd share a house with someone you weren't sleeping with — unless you needed the rent money, that is."

“Yeah,” Kylie nodded, shifting uncomfortably when she thought of her mother’s comments.

“Well, it doesn’t matter to me what people think. You don’t care, either, do you?”

“No, of course not. I’ve been a little concerned about that for you, though. I know people at your office will gossip about you when they find out you’ve left your husband and moved in with a woman.”

“I don’t give a damn about what people say, Kylie. All that matters is that this is the right situation for me. I love living with you, and I know you’ll be a wonderful person to help me raise Mackenzie.”

With a furrow settling between her eyebrows, Kylie asked, “Will that be enough, Blair? Will you be happy living with me long term?”

“Yes, I will,” she said emphatically. “I mean, when I look at the big picture, I have to admit that I hope my sex life isn’t over at age thirty-five. But if it is, I think I’ll be able to live with that. What about you?”

“I hope mine’s not over at forty,” Kylie said, smiling gently.

“No, I want to know if my being at your home is gonna make you hold back. Remember, you promised me that you’d try to find a partner. That's still something that you have to do, Kylie. You can't let Mackenzie and me take away your possibilities.”

Kylie forced herself to smile, but she was only able to manage a weak one. “I promise I’ll try to assure that the best years of my sex life are ahead of me.”

„G

When they got home, Nick was lying out in the sun, both dogs sharing his chaise. “Mommies are home!” Kylie called out. Eight little feet came running, and Kylie and Blair spent a long time petting the dogs while Nick regaled the humans with tales of the dogs exploits over the past few days.

“Stay for dinner, Nick?" Kylie asked. "I’ll make your favorite.”

“If you really want me to,” he said, "but if you're both tired, I can just take off."

Blair said, “We’d love you to stay, but I desperately need a nap. You don't mind, do you?”

“Go right ahead,” Kylie urged. “I’ll tell Nick all about the symphony.”

“See you in a little while. Who wants to go with?” Blair asked.

Both dogs followed her down the hall, with Kylie shaking her head as she watched them go. “She’s stolen my dogs from me, you know. I’m gonna have to steal her baby’s affections just to pay her back.”

“Tell me about the trip," Nick said. "I wanna hear everything.”

They were outside for nearly an hour, chatting companionably. Nick was so attuned to her, though, that he finally asked, “What’s troubling you, Kylie? I know something is.”

She was poised to sidestep his question, but she decided that she needed to vent a little. “I had a talk with my mom yesterday, and it's really been on my mind. She asked me if I was prepared for how I’d feel if Blair remarried.”

“Remarried? She’s not even divorced! Is she seeing someone seriously?”

“God, no!” Kylie said. “But my mom sees how close we’ve become, and she’s worried about me. I never thought I’d get the ‘straight girls will break your heart’ lecture from my mom, but that’s essentially what she said.”

“Oh. Well, how would you feel?” he asked, having wondered the same thing.

“Shitty,” she admitted. “Damn, Nick, I don’t know what I want. I think I can be happy with just Blair and the baby in my life, but we clearly don’t have any long-term commitment to each other. I’d feel like hell if I spent the next five years raising the baby with her, only to have her leave me for some guy. Even though we’re not lovers, it'd feel like being dumped.”

“I can see that,” he said. “But what are your options?”

She looked contemplative and said, "Damned if I know."

„G

On Tuesday, Kylie and Julie had dinner together, spending most of the time talking about Julie's sister who had unsuccessfully been trying to get pregnant. Julie picked Kylie's brain, trying to come up with enough information to direct her sister to the proper care. Kylie had a nice enough time, but it was a little like being at the office. She had surgery scheduled for early the next morning, so they had to part by 10:00, leaving both of them feeling like they hadn't had much time together. "You know, I'd really like to have a full day with you," Julie said. "Are you busy on Saturday?"

"No, I don't think I have anything planned," Kylie said. "What would you like to do?"

"Nothing," Julie said. "I want to know more about you, Kylie. Right now I know that I like you, but that's about it."

"You're right," Kylie said. "As a matter of fact, you read my mind. I think we need some quantity time. Saturday it is. Let's have breakfast together and hang out until we're sick of each other."

Julie grasped the fabric of Kylie's light jacket and pulled the doctor close. She kissed her hungrily, not letting go until Kylie's knees were weak. "That might be a while. Pack a bag," she whispered.

„G

Blair came home from work on Friday evening, feeling like she'd been up for twenty-four hours. She'd had a morning meeting, then shown a couple around the Westside, taking them to see seven houses. After spending a little time at her office catching up on paperwork, she met with a new client for dinner, nearly nodding off during dessert. Kylie was at home, and she walked into the living room with the dogs to greet her friend. "Tough day?" she asked, when Blair dropped her briefcase from a height of two feet.

Дата добавления: 2015-09-04