The Pregnant Pause

One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support. Allow your partner to work through their resistance. Be careful not to disapprove of his grumbles. As long as you pause and remain silent, you have the possibility of getting his support. If you break the silence you lose your power. Women unknowingly break the silence and lose their power by making comments like:

* "Oh, forget it."

* "I can't believe you are saying no. I do so much for you."

This is how things should go:

"I don't have time. Can't you do it?" "I'm also rushed. Would you please do it?" Then remain silent again. "No, I don't want to do that." "I would really appreciate it. Will you please do it for me?" Then remain silent again. "I'm busy, what are you doing?" "I'm busy too. Will you please do it?" Then remain silent again. "No, I don't feel like It." "I don't feel like it either. Would you please do it?" Then remain silent again.

Notice that she is not trying to convince him but is simply, matching his resistance. If he is tired, don't try to prove that you are more tired and therefore he should help you. Or if he thinks he is too busy don't try to convince him that you are more busy. Avoid giving him reasons why he should do it. Remember, you are just asking and not demanding. If he continues to resist then. practice step two and graciously accept his rejection. This is not the time to share how disappointed you are. Be assured that if you can let go at this time, he will remember how loving you were and be more willing to support you next time.

As you progress you will experience greater success in asking for and getting his support. Even if you are practicing the pregnant pause of step three, it is still necessary to continue practicing steps one and two. It is always important that you continue to ask correctly for the little things as well as graciously accept his rejections.

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19