Letter LXXII

To Mr. Charles Deighton

Hartford.

Confusion, horror and despair are the portion of your wretched, unhappy friend! Deighton, I am undone! Misery irremediable is my future lot! She is gone; yes, ¹ is gone for ever! The darling of my soul, the centre of all my wishes and enjoys is no more! Cruel fate has snatched her from me; and she is irretrievably I rave, and then reflect: I reflect, and then rave! I have not patience to bear calamity, nor power to remedy it! Where shall I fly from the upbraidings of my

-:nd, which accuses me as the murderer of my Eliza? I would fly to death, and ek a refuge in the grave; but the forebodings of a retribution to come, I cannot ay with! Oh, that I had seen her; that I had once more asked her forgiveness!:: even that privilege, that consolation was denied me! The day on which I meant visit her, most of my property was attached, and to secure the rest, I was obliged shut my doors, and become a prisoner in my own house! High living, and old •-bts, incurred by extravagance, had reduced the fortune of my wife to very little, " d I could not satisfy the clamorous demands of my creditors.

I would have given millions, had I possessed them, to have been at liberty to see.and to have had power to preserve Eliza from death! But in vain was my anxiety; it could not relieve; it could not liberate me! When I first heard the dreadful:: dings of her exit, I believe I acted like a madman! Indeed, I am little else now!

I have compounded with my creditors, and resigned the whole of my property.

Thus, that splendor and equipage, to secure which, I have sacrificed a virtuous woman, is taken from me; that poverty, the dread of which prevented my forming.in honorable connection with an amiable and accomplished girl, the only one I ever loved, has fallen, with redoubled vengeance, upon my guilty head; and I must become a vagabond in the earth!

I shall fly my country as soon as possible; I shall go from every object which re­minds me of my departed Eliza! But never, never shall I eradicate from my bosom the idea of her excellence; or the painful remembrance of the injuries I have done her! Her shade will perpetually haunt me! The image of her, as she appeared when mounting the carriage which conveyed her for ever from my sight, she waved her hand in token of a last adieu, will always be present to my imagination! The solemn counsel she gave me before we parted, never more to meet, will not cease to re­sound in my ears!

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19