Английские семьи

Английская семья – это группа близких родственников, которым приятно оправдывать свое стремление к индивидуализму и уединению тем, что иногда они собираются все вместе.

Семья предоставляет англичанину роскошную возможность вести себя так, как ему хочется, а не так, как полагается. Однако, если не считать ежегодных отпусков и праздничных дней, члены семьи отнюдь не горят желанием проводить много времени вместе. Как только заканчивается утомительный период детства, англичане отправляются в плавание по жизни, не особенно стесняя себя размышлениями о своих детях или родителях.

“Традиционная английская семья” примерно такова: работающий отец, находящаяся дома мама и 2-4 ребенка. Однако это, к сожалению, далеко не норма: 30 % родителей не заключают брак, 10% детей воспитываются только одним родителем (из которых 10% отцы), и два брака из каждых пяти заканчиваются разводом. Две трети разведенных вступают в новый брак, а две трети тех, кто развелся и со своим вторым супругом, женятся (выходят замуж) в третий раз. После чего большая их часть успокаивается – возможно, в связи с полным брачным изнеможением.

Дети

Родители воспринимают своих детей исключительно как неприятную проблему или просто обузу. На рождество и в день рождения они заваливают своего ребенка подарками, а в остальное время стараются сдерживаться и предпочитают предоставить воспитание детей кому-то другому или просто бросить их на произвол судьбы: пусть воспитываются сами.

Для английских детей детство – это период, который нужно миновать как можно скорее (чтобы стать взрослым и оглядываясь назад, смахнуть с ресниц непрошеную сентиментальную слезу). Для маленького англичанина стать взрослым значит достигнуть великих вершин: у взрослых ведь куда меньше обязанностей и ответственности, чем у детей.

Stage C

Humour

Read, learn by heart and dramatize in class the following jokes:

1.

Jane: Is the man your sister’s going to marry rich?

Dick: I guess not. Every time mother talks about the wedding father says “poor man”

2.

A fellow dialled his home telephone number.

“Hello,” he said. “Is that Mrs Brown?

“Yes.”

“This is Jack speaking. I say, dear, will it be all right if I bring home a couple of fellows to dinner?”

“Certainly, darling.”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes, you asked if you could bring home a couple of fellows to dinner. Of course you can, dear.”

“Sorry, madam,” said the fellow as he hung up. “I have got the wrong Mrs Brown.”

3.

A husband was going about his usual daily routine on the morning of their 25^th anniversary, and his wife was rather annoyed.

“Don’t you know what day this is?” she asked.

“Of course I do,” he answered.

“Well, then, let’s go to some place and celebrate. Let’s do something unusual.”

“All right,” said her husband. “How about two minutes of silence?”

4.

Ann: Why don’t you marry, Jane?

Jane: I will only marry a man who knows life and has learned its sorrows.

Ann: I see, a widower.

5.

- So my daughter has consented to become your wife. Have you fixed the day of the wedding?

- I will leave that to my fiancée.

- Will you have a church or a private wedding?

- Her mother will decide that, sir.

- What have you to live on?

- I will leave that entirely to you, sir.

6.

Two friends met for the first time in several years.

“Well, old man,” one of them said, “I hear you finally got married. Congratulations, for I also hear you have an excellent and a most accomplished wife.”

“Yes, indeed,” was the reply. “My wife is accomplished. She is perfectly at home in literature, at home in art, at home in music, at home in science, in short – at home everywhere, except…”

“Except what?”

“Except at home.”

7.

The tired-looking man sat facing the lawyer. “So you want a divorce from your wife?” said the latter. “Aren’t your relations pleasant?” “Mine are,” came the answer, “but hers are simply terrible.”

8.

Woman: Have you any brothers or sisters?

Little girl: Yes, I have a brother. He is two months old.

W: You certainly love him. He is a good boy, isn’t he?

L: Yes, he is, but he cries all the night.

W: Why is that do you think?

L: He probably thinks he is missing something on television.

9.

Tommy was not attentive. He looked round, turned from one side to the other and sometimes did not listen at all to his father’s words. In the end his angry father cried out:

“I think that everything I say to you goes in at one ear and out at the other.”

Tommy thought a little and said:

“Well, I think that’s what I have got two ears for.”

10.

“Betty, I’ve told you again and again not to speak when grown-up people are talking but wait until they stop.”

“I’ve tried, Mummy, but they never stop.”

11.

Tommy and Pete were twins. It was bathing time and from the twins’ bedroom came sounds of laughter and loud crying. Their father went up to find out the cause.

“What’s the matter up here?” he asked.

The laughing twin pointed to his crying brother.

“Nothing”, he said, “only Mother has given him two baths and hasn’t given me any at all.”

12.

“Daddy, do you think Mummy knows how to raise children?”

“What makes you ask that?”

“Well, she makes me go to bed when I’m wide awake – and she makes me get up when I’m awfully sleepy.”

13.

Papa: (severely) Did you ask Mummy if you could have that pear?

Bob: (eating the pear) Yes, I did.

Papa: Be careful. I’ll ask Mum and if she says you didn’t ask her, I’ll punish you.

Bob: Truly, Papa, I asked her. She said I couldn’t have it.

14.

Jane: Is my birthday soon, Mummy?

Mother: Yes, very soon. But why do you ask?

Jane: I want to know if it’s time to become a good little girl.

15.

Amy: Why is it cold today?

Father: It is winter now. It’s always cold in winter.

Amy: But why?

Father: Oh, Amy, Amy. I didn’t ask my father so many questions when I was a boy.

Amy: That’s why you can’t answer my questions.

16.

Two little girls met in the yard and began to talk about the new baby in Kitty’s family.

Jane: What makes the new baby at your house cry so much, Kitty?

Kitty: It doesn’t cry so very much – and anyway, if all your teeth were out, your hair off and your legs so weak that you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you’d feel like crying yourself.

17.

A boy came home with torn clothes, his hair full of dust and his face bearing marks of a severe conflict.

“Oh, Willie,” said his mother. “You disobeyed me again. You mustn’t play with that Smith boy. He is a bad boy.”

“Ma,” said Willie washing the blood from his nose, “do I look as if I had been playing with anybody?”

18.

Little Bobby had got hold of the newspaper and was reading the headlines aloud: “Man Imprisoned for Deserting His Wife”, he read at last.

Then after a short pause he added: “Oh, Mum – now I know why Dad doesn’t leave you.”

19.

Father: What a naughty boy you are today, Bobby! Didn’t I give you a shilling yesterday for being good? Why can’t you always be good like your cousin Jack?

Bobby: Well, Daddy, it doesn’t pay. If I were good every day, who would think of giving me money for it?

Дата добавления: 2015-11-14