Read the jokes and comment on the functions of the Gerunds. Act them out in pairs.

v ‘So she turned you down, eh?’

‘Yes, I made the mistake of confessing that my heart was in my mouth when I proposed’.

‘What had that to do with it?’

‘Oh, she said she couldn’t think of marrying a man whose heart wasn’t in the right place.’

v On being asked to write down a definition of ‘capital punishment’, a Glasgow schoolboy submitted this: ‘Being locked in an ice-cream or chocolate factory for a week-end would, in my opinion, be capital punishment.’

v One of Kembles made his first appearance on the stage as an opera singer. His voice was, however, so bad that at a rehearsal the conductor of the orchestra called out: ‘Mr. Kemble! Mr. Kemble! You are murdering the music!’

‘My dear sir,’ was the quiet rejoinder, ‘it is far better to murder it outright, than to keep on beating it as you do.’

v A composer once brought a manuscript to Rossini, who, on listening, every minute took off his hat and put it on again. The composer asked whether he was so warm.

‘No,’ said Rossini, ‘but I am in the habit of taking off my hat whenever I meet an old acquaintance, and there are so many I remember in your composition, that I have continually to bow.’

v ‘Doctor, how is a man to tell a mushroom from a toadstool?’

‘By eating it. If you live, it’s a mushroom; if you die, it’s a toadstool.’

31. Listen to the song; fill in the gaps with the Gerunds. Define their functions.

This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there’s just one left

‘Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep _________ you’ll be with me

And you’ll never go

Stop ___________

If I don’t see you anymore.

On my knees, I’ll ask

Last chance for one last dance

‘Cause with you I’d withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

I’d give it all

I’d give for us

Give anything but I won’t give up

‘Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep _________ you’ll be with me

And you’ll never go

Stop ___________

If I don’t see you anymore.

So far away,

Been far away for far too long,

So far away,

Been far away for far too long,

But you know, you know, you know

I wanted,

I wanted you to stay

‘Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For _________ away for far too long,

So keep ____________

‘Cause I’m not leaving

Hold on to me and

never let me go.

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