Chapter Twenty-Three. “You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out,” Cain told Muriel

“You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out,” Cain told Muriel. They were headed home since Cain knew Emma would be a wreck until she arrived.

“Hicks was serious, wasn’t she?” Muriel’s voice was low and tight, both signs that she was angry. “They were going to let that asshole go.”

“From what I understand, yes. Kyle was Giovanni’s flunky but he was smart enough to figure out his operation. He definitely had a unique insight into Giovanni’s dealings, since he was carrying out some of them himself. If Kyle ever got caught, he’d turn on him.” Unlike her cousin, Cain felt as relaxed as if they were talking about the weather.

“You knew, didn’t you? That’s why you went to visit him. You knew.”

“You’re upset right now, Muriel, and because you are I’ll try to explain something so we never need to have this conversation again. Somewhere in the building we just left, I’m positive, is a thick file containing a psychological workup labeling me a psychopath. A textbook example of a murderer so thirsty for blood I’ll prey on the innocent just to get my fix.”

When Muriel shook her head as if to disagree, Cain put her hand behind Muriel’s neck and squeezed. “Sometimes when I decide on a course of action, you don’t agree with it, but you never say anything.”

“That’s not my job,” Muriel said.

“I always make those questionable decisions alone, because if I don’t, the results will harm my family. My decisions,” she said, speaking in broad terms, “are necessary. I’m no butcher, but I am a realist. Our world is full of bad people, but as long as I’m here I’ll make as many hard choices as necessary so that you, Emma, and the kids are safe.” She pulled Muriel forward and kissed her forehead. “That answer your question?”

Muriel nodded, then described her earlier visit with Shelby and explained she didn’t believe Shelby’s story of Anthony not being undercover. “She thought I’d just start talking, I guess.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Cain said, exhaling loudly, “but you need to withhold judgment on Shelby. She’s working against us, but she can listen to reason when necessary. Don’t completely alienate her yet.”

“I don’t want a relationship with a liar, Cain.”

“I don’t want that for you either. Just be cordial. I think she’s partly right. Anthony isn’t working for Annabel. He’s working to see all of us go down. If that’s true, he’s twice as dangerous.”

“Then let me help you,” Muriel said. She turned in her seat and stared at Cain so intently Cain could tell her emotions were still fueled by the day’s events. “I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines while you take all the chances. This is my family too and I want in.”

“We put you on the sidelines for a reason, Muriel, so I want you to really think about what you’re asking.”

“You’re willing to start teaching Hayden to take chances and give Katlin a chance, but not me?”

“We’re all born into our roles for a reason, but no one forces you to follow the path we think is right for you. You already take plenty of chances, so why the sudden change?” Cain put her hand on Muriel’s knee and did nothing when she slapped it away.

“I’m not a child you have to protect.”

“How about a deal?” The offer made Muriel’s head come up again. “Take a few days off, I mean really take off somewhere, and forget about the office. Then if you still feel the same way, I’ll consider broadening the scope of your job.”

“No more arguments to get me to change my mind?”

“I’ll not force your path, Muriel, but I do want you to consider it before we veer in that direction.” Cain would honor Muriel’s decision, but it was like a cold wind slicing through her soul. She couldn’t restore Muriel’s innocence once she lost it, no matter how much power she wielded.

Emma didn’t say anything when Cain walked through the door. She’d been standing in the foyer since Cain had called that she was on the way home, and she didn’t smile until she actually saw her. “Welcome home, baby,” she said when Cain put her arms around her and lifted her off the ground.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, and I missed you, but you do have some damage control waiting for you upstairs.”

“Hannah?” Cain put Emma down.

“Hannah’s young so she was easy. No, it’s Hayden. And it’s not me he wants to talk to about what happened.” She ran her thumb along the crease in Cain’s forehead. “He wasn’t rude, and it’s not because he doesn’t trust me with his feelings. He said it was man stuff between the two of you.”

Cain laughed a little. “That might be problematic since we’re a man short, but I’ll go up and talk to him.”

“He’s serious,” Emma said, but smiled anyway.

“I’m not laughing at him, lass, but after dealing with Muriel we might get a group rate on anger-management classes before this is over.”

“Come on, then, let’s go upstairs. I have a date to dress dolls with Hannah.” Emma led her up the stairs and kissed her in front of Hayden’s room.

“They just let you go?” Hayden asked before Cain could even offer a greeting. She sat next to him on the bed and waited to see if he had anything else to start off with.

“They couldn’t prove I did anything so they had no choice.” She sat with her hands on her knees. For once she felt as if she’d let Hayden down. Hannah, Emma was right, was too young to know what had happened, but not him. She never wanted him to see her being taken away by the police. “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

“That didn’t matter to me. I’m just mad.” He smashed his fist into the palm of his other hand.

Cain took his wrist before he could repeat the action. “I’m still sorry you had to see that, but it happened. And if you want to talk about it, I want you to.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, but hadn’t made eye contact with her yet.

“Are you sure about that?” She moved her hand to his knee and waited. “You don’t sound like you’re okay.”

She could hear Hannah talking to Emma. Hayden stayed quiet, but he turned his head slightly and looked at her hand. “Why?” he finally said.

“Why what?”

“Why did you go if you didn’t have to?” As he asked he brought his eyes up.

“My father once caught me fighting with this neighborhood kid. I was beating on him because he called my father a useless killer.”

Hayden blinked a few times then shook his head. “Did he get mad at you? You had a good reason to whale on the kid.”

“He didn’t stop me, but he didn’t talk to me about it until the next day. Before he left for work he asked me to think about why he was disappointed.”

Hayden stared at her like he couldn’t believe what she’d said. “You defended him and he was disappointed in you? Why?”

“When that kid said that, I got mad and reacted—that was my only defense to my father. Because I was mad, I didn’t notice he was smaller than me and said it because his friends goaded him into it.”

“Why tell me that?”

She smiled and moved her hand to his cheek. The older Hayden got the more he resembled her father. “I want to explain why I did what I did today. But before I do tell you, why do you think I gave in?”

“I thought—” he stopped and cut his eyes down again.

“Say it,” she said. “When it’s you and me by ourselves, don’t be afraid to say what you’re thinking.”

“You gave right in. That didn’t make you look very strong. It’s almost like you were afraid of those guys, and you were innocent. You’re supposed to stand up for yourself no matter what.”

“Son, being strong is knowing when to give in. I didn’t go because I was weak and scared.” She ran her fingers through his hair and sighed. “I was trying to be strong and show no fear. I unclenched my fists and used my head, like I should’ve done with that kid a long time ago. It’s like I always tell you.”

“I know, don’t let anger rule your brain.”

“Maybe I should have you talk to Muriel,” she said, laughing, and shook her head when he looked at her like he didn’t understand. “And remember, it’s all right to be afraid. Don’t try to live thinking nothing will ever scare you, because that’ll only make you more reckless than some hothead.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

Cain stood up and hugged him, liking how solid he felt in her arms. “Thank you for taking care of your mother and Hannah until I got back.”

“You said it was my job, but I like having them here to take care of.”

She smiled and left him to his video games to join Emma and Hannah next door. Emma was sitting on the floor surrounded by the doll clothes Cain had bought for Hannah’s new favorite companion. At the moment the doll Hannah had named Becky was naked and hanging upside down in Hannah’s arms as the little stylist struggled to get her shoes off.

Cain stood right outside the door and watched Emma. Her blond hair was a little longer than usual, so as she studied the outfits she had to brush it back more often. During their talk Hayden hadn’t asked what did scare her, but here in this house was her greatest fear—that someone or something would take away these moments by either locking her up or harming Emma and the kids.

That fear made her wish she’d had that talk with Dalton. How did he balance his business obligations with keeping his family whole?

“You okay?” Emma asked from right in front of her.

The question brought Cain back from where her mind had flown to. “I hate to break up this play date, but how’d you like to have dinner with me? It’s a double date with Remi.”

“What’s the special occasion?”

“I was planning to bait Juan, but any more of that and I might land in central lockup.”

“Forget about him.” Emma lifted her hand and kissed her fingertips. “He’s not important enough to worry over.”

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Casey.”

“Worry about finding something for Miss Becky to wear, or you might have to go shopping again.” Cain laughed and followed Emma into the room.

Juan, no matter what Emma thought, did warrant worry, but that was Cain’s job. The role she played and accepted with all her heart was to worry, fix, and eliminate concerns and threats so her family could have these carefree moments. Perhaps that’s what Dalton’s answer would’ve been.

Дата добавления: 2015-10-31