II. Stages of Listening

1. Receiving is a combination of seeing and hearing. Receiving is often hampered by noise pollution, which we need to learn to adjust to by specifically structuring our listening sessions.
   
   
2. Attending involves devoting attention to the information you received. Attending is influenced by salience of the information. Information is made salient mostly by the speaker.
   
   We can work on attending by: (a) developing awareness of our attention level and factors affecting it, such as fatigue, stress or hunger; (b) examining encounters where you needed to listen by didn’t; (c) considering the optimal level of attention needed for these encounters; (d) identifying the attention gap.
   
   Boosting salience is accomplished by: (a) reminding yourself of the importance of your relationship; (b) take active control over the circumstances that limit your attention span; (c) avoid encounters when you are stressed, hungry, ill, fatigued or under influence; (d) schedule your meetings according to your biorhythms; (e) try mental bracketing (putting away thoughts unrelated to the topic).

DISCUSSION STARTER 1: Think about people to whom it’s easy to pay attention and listen. What makes these individuals salient? How do they differ from people to whom you find it difficult to pay attention?

What does this suggest about the factors that drive your attention?

1. Understanding involves interpreting the meaning by comparing new information with past knowledge. We understand by recording information in our short-term memory and call back information from our long-term memory; comparing the two you create understanding.
   
   
2. Responding is communicating your attention and understanding. You do so, while providing feedback – communicating attention and understanding while others are talking.
   
   

- Positive feedback means supportive communication, with back-channel cues (supporting noises and gestures).

- Negative feedback means providing communication that the message is not interesting or not approved: avoiding eye contact, turning away, looking bored or distracted, not using back-channeling.

- Rules of feedback include: (a) being obvious; (b) being appropriate to the situation; (c) being clear about your feedback; (d) responding quickly.

DISCUSSION STARTER 2: Recall an encounter in which you were saying something important but the other person gave you negative feedback. How did the feedback affect your communication? Your relationship? Is negative feedback ever appropriate? If so, under which circumstances?

- Paraphrasing (Andrew Wolvin, Carolyn Gwynn Coakley): is summarizing other people’s comments after they are finished; excessive paraphrasing is irritating, use it in appropriate pauses when your interlocutor seeks to check whether you understand him or her;

- Clarifying is asking additional questions about the meaning of what the person is talking about;

- Paraphrasing Plus and Mirroring (John Stewart, Carole Logan) (Michael’s Sound Bite 5-2): “paraphrasing plus” (paraphrasing plus offering an idea of your own in development) and “mirroring” (repeating the words of your speaker).

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1. Recalling is remembering information after you received it, attended to it, understood it, and responded to it. Recalling indicates the effectiveness of listening. Recalling depends on (a) the salience of the situation for you; (b) the context in which something occurred; (c) your use of remembering techniques, such as mnemonics; (d) the occurrence of the bizarreness effect (connecting unusual images to your current impressions); (e) linking the information with visual images, sounds, tastes or objects (L. Todd Thomas, Timothy Levine)

III. Functions of Listening

1. Listening to comprehend: when you listen to gain understanding;
2. Listening for support: when you listen to provide support to your friend, suspending judgment and showing concern and empathy;
3. Listening to analyze: when you listen to evaluate the message you receive;
4. Listening to appreciate: when you listen to enjoy the sounds of something;
5. Listening to discern: when you listen to separate some information from among other information.

DISCUSSION STARTER 4: Recall a situation in which you listened the wrong way.

For instance, a friend needed you to listen supportively, but you listened to analyze.

What led you to make this error? What consequences ensued from your mistake? What can you do in the future to avoid such listening mishaps?

IV. Listening Styles

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