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Self-portrait

 

To be honest, I don’t consider myself as the most ordinary person, quite the contrary. Sometimes it’s hard for me to follow traditional patterns of life that most people accept. One can find evidence in almost every aspect of my life, including daily routine, socializing with people, some habits, attitude to life and so forth. But, from the other hand, nobody has cancelled the cultural belonging. And in this relation I’m still Russian, and have to say that I’ve never done anything that could run counter to the cultural identity of our country. But still, what is something about me that is cultural?

First of all, it should be noted, that I’m a student and I’m in my final year of studying at the university. So this is quite typical for the 21-year-old girl. But that’s all typical about me. I live with my brother and his wife. My parents moved to another place a year ago, but the circumstances made me stay. This situation apparently changed my life remarkably. In the past, I missed my brother and was fed up with living with my parents. Now I would pay the highest price to put things back in their right places. Anyway, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Now this is all about my self-dependence. (cooking myself, cleaning myself, planning the budget myself).

Speaking about all these responsibilities, I have to say that sometimes it’s impossible to implement all in a proper way. This is the question, which concerns another valuable aspect of my life – the time. Being the student, working almost every day and trying to do anything else (like studying in the driving school, going to the gym, reading) there’s no time for even eating, never mind the cooking. But again, this is the way I build my life plan, not every ordinary student. The thing is that I appreciate the time and try not to leave any minute for doing nothing.
But there’s one thing, I can always find the time for, no matter where, no matter how. This is about the way I present myself in public. For me there are two main aspects: neatness and suitability. Now it goes without saying, that the way you look like makes your day, makes your life. It develops your individual image in people’s mind; it contributes to the formation of the opinion about you. But beside this I’m for the variety in clothing and self –decoration. I like clothes and I have a lot. If there’s last 200 rubles left in my pocket, I can buy earrings instead of bread, milk and eggs. This is definitely about me.

There’s another aspect of my many-sided personality. Today I feel myself strong, responsible, self-confident, and purposive. But tomorrow I will have to decide: to move to my parents, or stay here and continue my «adult life». Such questions baffle and puzzle me. The method of pros and cons never helped, because in my case usually there’s the equality of the arguments. So the answer is simple – I’m not adult enough to make the decisions myself, that’s why have to move. But, joking apart, I still use consulting as the best problem-solving method. And very often, I change my mind, after discussing the issue with somebody else. I don’t think this way of decision-making is bad, incorrect or inefficient but I try to change it. Nobody is concerned about your problem stronger than you do, and it is insensible to trust everybody with your thoughts.

So, at the present point in time, it’s very important for me to learn to make decisions myself, to trust myself and to believe that my choice is correct and the best one.

Speaking about cultural features of Russians concerning socializing with people, it’s difficult to choose the main one. Russians are considered to be not so emotional and friendly as Americans can seem at first sight. But sincerity is more commonly encountered quality of Russian people. This can be the characteristic of my communicational habits, too. Most people say that I seem to be unfriendly, mean and even angry at first sight. That’s true, I’m not used to smile and be friendly with strangers. It’s rather one of my drawbacks, but I never tried to get rid of it. It never prevents me from having a lot of friends. But once they were strangers too, weren’t they? So this is not only my temperament that depends on the way I socialize with people. Their inside “filling” is also very important.

But why I became who I am now? Is it the timeless question of upbringing or the problem of cultural education? Both things work, I’m sure. I am very much obliged to my parents for the life I have now. I don’t mean material aspect now, just the moral base. I’m not the person who is obsessed with studying and career, I’m not the person who forgot the sense of life and spends time clubbing, shopping, and spending money – doing nothing in a word. I can’t call it “a golden mean”, but it’s something close to this definition.

But my parents are also the followers of Russian culture, and I was brought up in accordance to at least minimal manifestations of this culture, including celebrations of main national holidays, behavior in the society, the culture of respecting of the older generation and the patriotism after all. And I think that my words about devotion to my country are not empty, because I had some opportunities to live in another one.

My personality is not so easy to understand and be on good terms with. But it’s convertible, I’m still too young. But the one thing I can say exactly – I do have cultural pivot and it’s going to be even stronger and harder with age.

 

Жихарева – А-51


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