Yet Another Crazy English Pronunciation Poem

Another Crazy Poem of English Pronunciation

I take it you already know

Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble but not you

On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Well done! And now you wish perhaps,

To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word

That looks like beard and sounds like bird.

And dead, it's said like bed, not bead-

for goodness' sake don't call it 'deed'!

Watch out for meat and great and threat

(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

A moth is not a moth in mother,

Nor both in bother, broth, or brother,

And here is not a match for there,

Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there's doze and rose and lose-

Just look them up- and goose and choose,

And cork and work and card and ward

And font and front and word and sword,

And do and go and thwart and cart-

Come, I've hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Man alive!

I learned to speak it when I was five!

And yet to write it, the more I sigh,

I'll not learn how 'til the day I die.

Yet Another Crazy English Pronunciation Poem

Here is more pronunciation.

Ration never rhymes with nation,

Say prefer, but preferable,

Comfortable and vegetable.

B must not be heard in doubt,

Debt and dumb both leave it out.

In the words psychology,

Psychic, and psychiatry,

You must never sound the p.

Psychiatrist you call the man

Who cures the complex, if he can.

In architect chi is k

In arch it is the other way.

Please remember to say iron

So that it'll rhyme with lion.

Advertisers advertise,

Advertisements will put you wise.

Time when work is done is leisure,

Fill it up with useful pleasure.

Accidental, accident,

Sound the g in ignorant.

Relative, but relation,

Then say creature, but creation.

Say the a in gas quite short,

Bought remember rhymes with thwart,

Drought must always rhyme with bout,

In daughter leave the gh out.

Wear a boot upon your foot.

Root can never rhyme with soot.

In muscle, sc is s,

In muscular, it's sk, yes!

Choir must always rhyme with wire,

That again will rhyme with liar.

Then remember it's address.

With an accent like possess.

G in sign must silent be,

In signature, pronounce the g.

Please remember, say towards

Just as if it rhymed with boards.

Weight's like wait, but not like height.

Which should always rhyme with might.

Sew is just the same as so,

Tie a ribbon in a bow.

When You meet the queen you bow,

Which again must rhyme with how.

In perfect English make a start.

Learn this little rhyme by heart.

j

TONGUE TWISTERS

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster

Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not.
So it is better to be Shott than Nott.
Some say Nott was not shot.
But Shott says he shot Nott.
Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot.
If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot.
But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, then Shott was shot, not Nott.
However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott.

Thieves seize skis.

A bloke's back bike brake-block broke.

Once upon a barren moor
There dwelt a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not bear the boar.
The boar thought the bear a bore.
At last the bear could bear no more
Of that boar that bored him on the moor,
And so one morn he bored the boar -
That boar will bore the bear no more.

Betty Botter had some butter,
"But", she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter -
that would make my batter better".
So she bought a bit of butter
(better than her bitter butter),
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better butter.

She sells sea shells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

By Anonymous

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of mouse should never be meese,
You may find a lone mouse or a whole nest of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But a bow if repeated is never called bine,
And the plural of vow is vows, never vine.

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular’s this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss ever be nicknamed keese?
Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren,
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,

So the English, I think, you all will agree,
Is the queerest language you ever did see.

Hints on Pronunciation for Foreigners
By TSW

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through?
Well done! And now you wish perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird;
And dead: it’s said like bed, not bead -
For goodness sake don’t call it ‘deed’.
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother,
nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there’s dose and rose and lose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose.

And cord and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart -
Come come, I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive,
I’d mastered it when I was five!

Another variant of ending:
A dreadful language? Why, man alive!
I’d learned to talk it when I was five.
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five.

This version is essentially the author's own final text, as also published by New River Project in 1993. A few minor corrections have however been made, and occasional words from earlier editions have been preferred. Following earlier practice, words with clashing spellings or pronunciations are here printed in italics.

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,

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