Expressing Pain

Just how successfully an older man adjusts to his wife's pursuit of a career depends on such variables as the underlying strength of the marriage, each spouse's personality and the nature of the two careers. Yet the metamorphosis of homemaker into breadwinner sends tremors through every relationship.

"The marriage for the man provided his one big outlet for expressing dependency, emotion and vulnerability," says Elizabeth Douvan, the director of the University of Michigan's Family and Sex Roles Program. "The wife, however, isn't as available for him." Mrs Douvan, who has conducted national surveys on Americans' attitudes and concerns, adds: "What we're seeing is men expressing a lot more unhappiness and pain."

138 AMERICA IN CLOSE-UP

5. continued

While men may vent their feelings to a pollster, they are far more reticent when pressed to explain the sources of their discontent. Most agree it has little to do with sharing house­hold chores. Tentatively, they speak instead of a newfound sense of isolation: of an emotional separation from a pre­occupied wife who now seems to be more involved with the world than with husband, home and children.

... Many men are ill-equipped to grapple with the emotional ambiguities of an evolving relationship.

"Men find it incredibly difficult to talk about feelings," says Marjorie Shaevitz, the co-director of the Institute for Family and Work Relationships in La Jolla, Calif. "They live lives of quiet desperation and isolation."

Indeed, their silence on the subject is sometimes heart-breakingly eloquent. Asked about the adjustment he under­went when his wife returned to work, a New York oil executive begs off with the excuse of a heavy workload. Finally, after a long, still moment, he says quietly: "Look, I'll be honest with you. It's just too painful for me to talk about it."

"Honey, Pm home!"

"Honey, Pm home!"

part C Exercises

1. Scanning

Second Thoughts on Having It All

Other people's assessments of Rebecca Murray's life are obviously not identical with her own.

Find arguments in the text which support the notion of "Having it all," on the one hand, and "What is missing," on the other.

Дата добавления: 2015-10-26