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After a while
Cade tells me
he’ll be right back.
I’m now
officially freezing,
so I wrap the blanket
around me.
He returns,
carrying twigs
and branches.
Bending down,
he blows on
the embers,
making them glow
brighter until
eventually
tiny flames dance.
I watch, amazed,
as he uses small twigs
at first, causing the flames
to reach higher and higher.
As the fire grows,
so does the size
of the firewood he uses.
I think back
to Passages of the Deep,
how we envied
the confidence
we saw there.
I feel it here.
Have we really changed
that much in twelve hours?
Cade sits down.
Kisses me again.
And I know we have.
don’t you know?
“What’d you wish for, angel?” he asks.
Angel?
Is that my heart
f l u t t e r i n g
inside my chest?
“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”
“If you tell me, maybe I can make sure it does.”
I look at him.
He makes me so
happy.
Like playing my
favorite songs
in front of a
million people
happy.
So I tell him.
“I wished I could stay here with you.”
Smoke and mirrors
He doesn’t answer.
The fire crackles and pops,
filling in the silence.
Smoke blows toward us.
“Smoke follows beauty,” he says.
“Well, that wouldn’t be me.
You and your song, though.
That’s beautiful.”
“You liked it?”
I kiss him.
“Yeah. I liked it.”
“Amber?”
Oh, God.
The way he says it.
It’s like bad news is coming.
Don’t say it.
Don’t tell me I can’t stay.
Don’t be like them,
thinking you know
what’s best for me.
Please.
Don’t be like them.
“What?”
“You are beautiful.”
Let chance decide
The fire
and Cade’s arms
keep me warm.
I love the warmth.
“Think your family is worried?” he asks.
“It’s getting late.”
“I was supposed to stay at a hotel.”
“Change of plans?” he asks,
trying to sound casual when
we both know it’s not
a casual question at all.
“You could say that.”
“Good. I want you here.”
Silence settles around us.
But then I push it away,
wanting him to know
there’s more to my wish
than what I told him.
“Cade, I don’t want to go.
I mean, at all.
Heads, I stay.
Tails, I go?”
I surrender
It’s true.
My wish for
one day
has turned into
a wish
for many days
like this one.
For months
my life has been
one giant game
of tug-of-war.
I’m tired of the
pulling.
I need to let go,
to breathe, to remember
what life is about.
And it’s about days
like this one.
Is it really so wrong
to want to start over,
to build a life
where every day
I wake up
and have a beautiful day
like this one?
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