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Dear Amber,I want to share something a reporter asked me recently, and my answer, because it occurred to me that you may be wondering the same thing.He asked, “Are you trying to replace one daughter with another?”I told the reporter, absolutely not. No one can take Charlotte’s place. She was our daughter, the girl we loved and raised. The girl with the beautiful smile and the sparkly aqua eyes. The girl who loved the stage and dreamed of being an actress. The girl who loved animals and decided to become a vegetarian when she was eight. She was the light of our life. When we learned we weren’t her biological parents, it didn’t change how much we loved her.But ever since we discovered you’re out there, we’ve felt like something is missing. Like a piece of ourselves is missing. I’m sure your parents feel the same way, but unfortunately, they don’t have the chance to get to know their other daughter like we do.We weren’t able to have any more children after Charlotte was born, although we wanted to. But now, we have the opportunity to get to know you. The opportunity to love you!We know you can’t take Charlotte’s place. No one can. Still, Amber, we are family. For better, for worse, you are connected to us.We want you in our life, because family is everything.Love,Jeanie and Allen no choice
My parents
didn’t fight it.
The financial
and emotional
stress
that an appeal
would bring—
they couldn’t
fight it.
“It’s not that long
until you’re eighteen,”
Dad told me.
“Hang in there
until then.
You can choose then.”
Not now.
Then.
My friends
always want to know
what I think about it.
Reporters have asked me
how I feel about it.
Like it matters.
It doesn’t matter.
The decision’s been made.
I’m going.
End of case.
End of story.
Except it’s not.
Not for me anyway.
For me, it’s just the beginning.
where’d that come from?
Cade doesn’t say any more.
He doesn’t ask any more.
We made a deal, after all.
It’s a funny thing, though.
Part of me wishes he would.
Lucky me
My bag
is still open.
I reach for my camera.
“Can I take your picture?” I ask him.
“Next to the castle?”
He gets up,
offers me his hand,
and I take it.
I stand.
I start to pull my hand away,
but he
doesn’t
let
go.
Oh my God,
is this really happening?
It feels like a stingray
is swimming around
in my stomach.
With his other hand
he reaches into his pocket
and takes out the
lucky penny.
“Heads, you can take it.
Tails, you can’t.”
He flips it
high in the air
and lets it land
on the sand.
We bend down
to see what Chance
has to say.
Heads.
Hallelujah, it’s heads.
Except,
he has to let go
of my hand
so I can take the picture.
Still, I want it.
I want to remember
the amazing castle
I made with the boy
who seems to get
more amazing
by the minute.
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