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In Cade’s car
I flip through
his CD case
filled with
life and love
and everything in between,
looking for something
to listen to on the ride
to the lighthouse.
Plans, by Death Cab for Cutie,
catches my eye, since it’s sticking out
a little farther than the others.
Cade glances at the CD.
“Oh, no,” he says.
“Not that one.
Not right now.”
“Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
I Will Follow You into the Dark is amazing. Brilliant.
I want to hear it.”
When he stops
at a red light,
he turns and looks at me.
“Do you know what it’s about?
The CD? Do you know what every
single song on there is about?”
I admit, I don’t.
I’ve never listened
to the whole thing,
just the few tracks
I’ve downloaded.
“It’s about death.
Death and dying.
Mortality and how to cope with loss.”
“Really?” I ask.
“All of it?”
“All of it.”
I put it in.
Because now
I’m curious.
don’t think the worst
I ask if Cade’s
ever written a song
about death.
“A few,” he replies.
“Okay, more than a few.”
“So you get it,” I say.
“It’s mysterious.
We have lots of questions, and we
want to understand.
Music helps with that.”
“Music helps with everything,” he says.
“True.”
And as Ben Gibbard’s
vocals reach
into our souls,
grabbing and
shaking the
shit out of them,
Cade says,
“It’s sad.
And for one day,
one damn day,
I don’t want to feel that.”
His jaw is tight.
He grips the steering wheel
as he stares at the road ahead.
I study him.
Something about what
I see in his eyes,
his face,
his body language,
scares me.
It makes me wonder
if death or the thought of death
or even the wish of death
has been chasing him.
Is he running
from something?
I remember what he said.
I love the ocean so much,
I would live and die at sea if I could.
Or
running to
something?
No.
I have to believe
this day is about living,
not dying.
For both of us.
I tuck the scary
thoughts away,
just like the CD—
back where they belong.
Relax
I peel
his tense fingers
on his right hand
away from
the steering wheel,
one
two
three
four
five.
With each finger,
the scowl
disappears
a little more.
When I place
his hand on
my leg
and gently
caress it,
he smiles.
That’s better.
I heart ghosts
A hundred years ago
a teenager named Muriel explored
the abandoned lighthouse
with her friends.
As they were leaving,
she ran back inside
to retrieve her scarf.
And never came out.
When her friends searched
the lighthouse,
all they found was
a pool of blood
at the bottom of the stairs
leading up to the tower.
Some say
they’ve seen
and heard
strange things inside
the Yaquina Bay Lighthouse.
They think it’s haunted.
I hope we see Muriel.
Or hear her.
There’s nothing like a ghost
to help you forget
your own problems
for a while.
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