Improving Later Paragraphs

Each paragraph, regardless of its placement in a story, should present only one idea or unit of thought. When reporters shift to a new topic or a new phase of the same topic, they should start a new paragraph. Because the quotation in the following example introduces a new idea – a fact unrelated to the topic of American norms – it should be placed in a new paragraph. At the same time, the topic of American norms might be expanded to explain or illustrate it more clearly:

Living with his cousin has helped Faisal adjust to American norms. He added, “We often cook Middle Eastern dishes and invite our American friends over to our apartment.”

REVISED: Faisal said living with his cousin has helped him adjust to American norms. He explained: “Life is so much freer here than in the Middle East. My cousin explains your ways to me and shows me what to do.”

They often cook Middle Eastern dishes and invite American friends to their apartment.

Avoid generalities that have to be explained in a later paragraph. If you focus on a story's specific details, the generalities often become unnecessary. The following para­graphs illustrate that principle. Until they were revised, they emphasized general topics rather than any specific information that sources provided about those topics:

She described the life she observed in New Zealand.

REVISED: She said life in New Zealand is relaxed and carefree.

He also talked about the economic hardships faced by unwed mothers.

REVISED: He said 80 percent of unwed mothers under the age of 18 drop out of high school, and 84 percent become dependent on welfare.

Also avoid reporting details within each paragraph in chronological order, especially about reporting the overall story in chronological order. Instead, emphasize the news. Many paragraphs report that a topic was discussed, and then slowly proceed to the results. Consequently, the most important details are buried in the final line:

Next on its agenda, the City Council opened bids to determine who would receive a contract to construct the recreation center. The lowest bid was $1.5 million. The budget for the center was only $1,240,000. “It was very disappointing,” the mayor said. “Now we'll have to go back over the plans with our architects and eliminate some of the options to lower its cost. It'll delay construction six to nine months.”

REVISED: The construction of a recreation center will be delayed six to nine months because the bids were $260,000 more than budgeted for the work.

The city had allocated $1,240,000 for the work, but the lowest bid was $1.5 million. The mayor said that city officials will “have to go back over the plans with our architects and nominate some of the options to lower its cost.”

Дата добавления: 2015-11-16